Closing the Door

(Disclaimer: I do not own Glee or any of the characters.)

Chapter 1 – A Voice from the Past

What a disappointment this Christmas has been. Finn was stretched out on his back on his tiny twin bed. He was studying the cowboys that had raced across his wall paper ever since he'd been a pre-schooler. As he lay there, he wondered about cowboys. Did cowboys suffer from broken hearts? Was that why they were out there on the range with all of those cows? Sure there were cowgirls, but it was only cowboys that chased cows across his wallpaper. Didn't the good guy always get the girl in those cheesy western films?

He snorted and rolled over. It was nearly noon. He'd followed Carole over to their old house from the Hummel/Hudson house in his truck. At her insistence he had helped take down their little tree. Why did they put one up in the first place? They had a big one over at the Hummel/Hudson house, but his mom wanted the two of them to have one last Christmas tree in the house that Finn had grown up in. Really he thought that his mom had wanted a tree to try and cheer him up. Rachel was gone and Finn was a mixture of anger and sadness all rolled into one.

Finn had been in foul mood since winter break had begun, but he tired to put on a happy face for his mom. It was her first Christmas as Mrs. Burt Hummel and she was so happy that she glowed. Then thoughts of the Hummel/Hudson house entered his mind. He was the only Hudson over there now, and it sure felt like odd man out to him even though Kurt and Burt had tried to make him feel welcome. Burt had even gone out and bought a new larger bed for him since he was hanging off both ends of his old twin bed.

Burt had put his old house on the market right after the wedding, and it had sold surprisingly fast in the down economy. The Hummel house was a larger, newer house than theirs and in a better part of town. Kurt had staged it to sell.

The Hudson house was also on the market, but without even a nibble. Carole had allowed Finn to hang out in their old house, he seemed to need the solitude and comfort that the old house brought him. Since Burt's house had sold, the four of them had been looking for a larger home with at least three bedrooms, and three bathrooms but Finn's heart was not in it. He felt his father's presence in his old house.

Carole's realtor had advised her to clean the twenty years worth of clutter out of the house, remove all of the old wallpaper and paint. Spring was the season to sell, and winter was the time to get ready.

"Finn, lunch is ready," Carole called up to her son's room.

"I'm not hungry," Finn yelled back to his mom.

Carole knew that Finn was in a funk, but Finn Hudson, not hungry? She climbed the stairs to investigate. There she found her son fully dressed and curled up on his old bed.

"Honey, what's got you so down?" she said to him. "Is it selling this house and moving into a new house with Burt and Kurt, or is it the fight that you had with Rachel?"

"It wasn't just a fight Mom, you know the whole story. I told her that I was officially breaking up with her. I had big plans to spend Christmas and Hanukkah with her and they never happened."

Finn continued, "And no, I don't want to sell this house. I know that you and Burt are trying to find one that has three bedrooms and three bathrooms, but this house is home to me. It's the only house that I've ever lived in, and Dad lived here once upon a time. I kind of imagined buying it from you one day and living in it with Rachel."

"I'm really sorry about the house, but Burt and I can't afford to keep up two houses for long. The new one will probably have a mortgage if we can't sell this one. We're hoping to clear enough money to pay off a new house and have enough left over to get you and Kurt started in college."

Carole patted Finn's shoulder before she continued, "As far as Rachel, you're at a fork in the road, and you only have three choices. One, you can mope around and keep making yourself miserable. Two, you can pick yourself up and move on. Or three, you can forgive her."

"It's not that easy Mom," Finn glared at her.

"I know love never is. But in the mean time, I need you to help me get this house cleaned out and repainted. I think that a little work will help get your mind off of your troubles and will do us both some good. My shift at the hospital is starting soon, and I want you to clean out the basement, the attic, and your room before school restarts. Will you do that for me?"

"Mom, I'm supposed to be on winter break," Finn glared at her again.

"Yes, I know son, but do you have any better plans?"

Finn thought, no he really didn't have any plans at all. All of his plans had included Rachel and now she was gone.

"Okay Mom, I'll get started," he said begrudgingly. "What do you want me to do with all of our stuff?"

"I've already started cleaning out my room," Carole said. "I have two piles in the living room. One is for Goodwill, the other one is for things that we want to keep, and the trash bins out back are for what we're going to throw away. Anything that you're not sure of just put to the side."

Finn got up and followed his mom downstairs where she reheated their canned soup.

After lunch he prodded himself down to the basement with some boxes. His old ten speed bike sat in the corner with two flat tires; he hadn't touched it since he bought his old truck. After about an hour of cleaning, greasing, and pumping the tires back up, Finn had the bike ready for Goodwill. To that pile he added an old Play Station, speakers, and a cassette player. The football pads and cleats that he had worn in middle school were added to the heap. He tried to fit his old football helmet over his head but it got stuck on his ears.

In his trash pile was his first drum kit. The heads were smashed and pieces were missing. Next he tossed in his old skate board which was badly cracked. He and Puck had once had big plans for the wheels, but he guessed that would not happen now.

Over in the corner sat US Army trunks that he and Kurt had plunder through last fall when he needed a suit to wear over to the Fabray's house. What a disaster that night had been. Singing to them about a baby that was not even his.

He thought about leaving the trunks for his mom to go thought, but she hadn't touched them in so many years. He would start on them and maybe save her some painful memories.

Digging through chocolate chipped colored military camos, Finn found a large stack of letters with a ribbon tied to them. They were letters from Kuwait from his dad addressed to his mom. He desperately wanted to read what his dad had said, but they were his parent's love letters.

Tying the ribbon back neatly, he put the stack back where he had found it. Continuing to dig through out dated clothes, Finn found a shoe box containing a dozen cassette tapes. These too were addressed to Carole, but the last one was addressed to him. Reading the date, he realized that the tape was made a week before Christopher Hudson was killed. Finn was less than a year old when this cassette tape was made.

Remembering the cassette player that he'd placed in the Goodwill pile, Finn raced to get it. There was no cord and no batteries in it. It took eight D cell batteries. "Where was he going to find eight batteries?" he thought to himself. Running upstairs, he opened up every flashlight that he could find before he found enough.

Cleaning the player as he went, he placed the batteries into the back, praying that the player still worked. The player hissed and popped and then came to life. Finn placed the tape in the player and found that it had to be rewound. Apparently someone had listened to it.

The tape began, "Son this is your old man, recording this for you in a placed called Kuwait. It's nothing like Ohio.

Ohio is green with farm land; this place is sand, sand, and more sand. Kuwait does have a lot of oil, and their neighbor Iraq thought that they'd just come over and take it."

"You'd be proud of our unit son. The US forces have the Iraqi army on the run with next to no resistance. We're chasing them back into Iraq, but they are burning the oil wells as they retreat. Our causalities have been very light, but you never know when some hot shot might decide to pop off a round and nail one of us. My unit is entering Iraq tomorrow, and just in case I don't make it back to you and your mom, I wanted you to remember the sound of my voice. Anyway, I'll probably be home before Christmas, but I wanted to pass on some fatherly advice to you just in case I get my ticket punched."

"Son, I love you more than I thought that I could, you have grown so much since the first time that I was home on leave for your birth. If I don't ever see you again, you'll be the man of the house. Take care of your mom, she loves you so much. Respect her, and love her. Take care of her, protect her, and help her in everyway that you can. I don't want her to spend the best years of her life mourning for me if I don't make it out of this place alive. If she should find someone that is good to her, encourage her to move on. She'll have my blessing."

"And as for fatherly advice to you, you're not even a year old, but I want to tell you to be the best person that you can be and that'll be enough. Be kind and honest, be fair, and treat others the way that you want to be treated. Don't hold a grudge. The only person that you're hurting is yourself. Learn to forgive, and to forgive yourself. Live is short, make as much of it as you can. Don't be afraid to live life to the fullest, and when you do, think of me."

"Now, for my advice on girls. There are millions of them out there, but when you find that special someone, you'll know it. My dad always told me to not go to bed angry, and that is very good advice. Hurt pride can't keep you warm at night. Be man enough to admit it when you are wrong, be patient, and try to leave this world with no regrets. I found my special someone in Carole. I only hope that you can be half as lucky."

"Son, I have to go, our unit is packing up for tomorrow's push into Iraq. I hope that you never have to hear this tape, and that I'll be home in time for Christmas. I love you so much, Dad"

Finn hit the rewind button and listened to the tape over and over again before he was able to shut it off. His heart was breaking, but he also found comfort in his dad's words to him.

He wondered why his mom hadn't given the tape to him before now. He decided to ask her if she remember the tape later. Carole had found happiness with Burt and she had his father's blessing. That was enough.

Placing the tape in his shirt pocket, and the player near the stairs, he finished what he could in the basement. The things for Goodwill were in the back of his truck, and the mountain of trash was at the curb.

Once upstairs, Finn found an empty cardboard box and headed up to his old room. On the outside flap of the box he wrote, "Finn's Box – Do Not Throw Out." It was a rather large box, but his father's tape and the cassette player were placed in the box first.

It was already getting late and he was hungry. He still had a few days left on his winter break, so the attic could wait until tomorrow. It was going to be freezing cold up there, but he thought that he could take the winter's cold over the summer's heat in the attic.

He locked up and went by the Goodwill drop off on his way back to Chez Hummel/Hudson for the night. Carole had let him hang out at the old house during the day, but not at night alone. She wanted her new family under one roof at night.

When he got home Kurt already had dinner well underway. Kurt may or may not be a lot of things, but he was an excellent cook. Burt soon appeared after a long day at the tire store. It would be closer to midnight when Carole finished her shift at the hospital.

"Hey, how are my boys?" Burt said as he finished washing his hands. "I think that I may have found a house for us two blocks over from this one. It has two bedrooms and two baths on opposite ends of the house and a master bedroom and master bath upstairs over the living room. I want Carole to see it before she has to go to work tomorrow afternoon. I don't want to rush anybody, but we close on this house in two weeks. If we don't find what we want before then, I guess we can all move over to Finn's old house."

"I don't think so," said Kurt. "Finn lives in a closet over there."

"We have a basement," Finn chimed in while setting the table.

"Okay enough of that, I think that Carole's going to love this house that I've found. It belongs to one of my long time tire customers and he has to sell it on a short sale. It's really a good deal money wise, and you two will be on opposite ends of the house. Finn would get to stay in the same school and play sports for McKinley," Burt concluded.

Dinner was eaten, a plate was fixed for Carole for later, and the two boys washed the dishes.

"What's bothering you?" Kurt said as he washed and Finn dried the dishes.

"I hadn't thought about it, but moving to a different school district would mean no Rachel, no Quinn, no Puck," Finn said.

"And no quarterback position and no Glee Club," Kurt said giving Finn a sideways glance. "And what about Rachel, she wants to patch things up with you so badly, are you going to forgive her or not?"

"Have you been talking to Rachel about us?" Finn asked a little annoyed.

"I've been listening to Rachel," Kurt said in his own defense. "She's really devastated by her own stupidity."

"Devastated by what she did or that she fessed up to it?" Finn asked.

"Rachel's kicking herself for making out with Puck to hurt you. I do have to give her credit. She did confess the deed instead of sitting on it for six months and having someone else rub her face in it," Kurt concluded before he wiped off the table and left the kitchen.

Kurt's remark stung Finn. He'd sat on the news about his one night stand with Santana to protect himself for six months. How Rachel hadn't found out before now was anybody's guess, but hearing it from Santana was the worst.

Finn busied himself with his video games and football on TV until his mom made it home a little before midnight.

Carole was warming up her plate when Finn came in and sat down with her at the kitchen table.

"Hi Sweetie," Carole said to her son brightly. "Did Burt tell you about the house that he found?"

"Yeah Mom, he told Kurt and I all about it. We're going to go and look at it tomorrow morning."

"Did you get much done over at our old house?" Carole asked.

"For the most part the basement's done. I hauled a load to Goodwill and the trash is at the curb. I started on Dad's old trunks from the Army, but you will have to go through most of that. Mom, did you know that there was a cassette tape in one of those trunks that dad had made for me?" Finn asked.

Carole's eyes lit up in surprise, "Finn I forgot, there's one tape in there for you that has been in there for fifteen years. I'm so sorry. I couldn't bear to listen to the other tapes after your dad died, and I honestly forgot about yours. Your dad made it right before he was killed and you were less than a year old!"

"Have you listened to it?" Finn asked.

"Finn, it arrived two days after the army chaplain had been by to tell me that your dad had been killed in action. I was in shock. My parents came and managed to get me and you through it. Yes, I think that I did listen to it, but I really can't remember."

"Well Mom, he gives you his blessing to move on and find happiness. I also think that getting the tape now has been the best for me. I wouldn't have appreciated it so much when I was ten. I have the tape over at the old house if you ever want to hear it."

"I'd like that very much," Carole said to her son. "I appreciate your going through those trunks for me, but I think that I now can deal with them myself. Burt has given me what I need to let go. Your dad is gone, but I'll never forget him. Every time I look into your eyes, I still see him."

Carole hugged Finn before he asked, "I'm going to tackle the attic tomorrow, will there be any more surprises up there?"

"I really don't remember," Carole said. "Maybe a mouse or two."

"I can handle mice, but any mouse up there now is probably a mouse popsicle. Now let's get you to bed, you have a new house to look at tomorrow," Finn said giving his mother a good night hug.

-/-

Until next time, please keep reading and reviewing. Finn's trip to the attic is next. Thank you!