It was desperation, the loneliness proving to be too much for her. She needed him back in her life, or at least she thought she had needed him in her life.

Promises were constantly broken, her heart smashed to pieces over and over again. It was the torture that had become 'Finchel,' as the glee club had so beautifully named them. The memories still plagued her, the smiles and the laughter.

She wouldn't lie and say that it was all a joke, a childish relationship that she never truly took seriously. She had loved him, and while it lasted, it had been one of the most life changing few months.

So then why, now that he had taken her one bit of innocence, the one thing that she held dear, would she think of him?

The curls invaded her mind, the tears falling freely as she pictured his one dimple smiling down upon her. Blue-green eyes analyzing her every move.

Jesse St. James would always take over her when she wanted to escape. Jesse St. James could never leave her be.

She didn't know why it was so different, why she only thought about him when she could barely wake up in the morning but she did. It was as if her mind was telling her that only one other person would understand her in that moment, only one other person would be able to understand her.

Her hands shook as she reached forward, her eyes closing as she tried to convince herself it was a horrible decision but her fingers were already forcing her to scroll through her contacts. Why she hadn't deleted is as everyone had told her, she'd never know but she couldn't take that moment to be anger with herself because she needed him.

"Hey," she whispered when his voice flooded her ear piece, a smile breaking through her tears. She could tell from his silence that he was shocked, or at least she hoped that was the reason for the sound of nothing coming from him. "Jesse, I'm sorry I called you, I shouldn't have-"

"Don't hang up, Rach." There was a small sense of desperation in his voice, one that forced her to frown slightly before sighing. "I just...I know that you're back in Ohio, and I was...I was hoping that maybe you could come and- it's just that I've had a really rough time recently and I need someone who gets me, someone I don't have to lie to." But she didn't finish for she could hear him mutter "I'll be right there."

She didn't hear the doorbell ring or hear the angry muttering of her fathers. She didn't hear the swift explanation or the final relenting 'She's in her room'. She didn't hear her bedroom door open, she didn't even see him looking at her. All she felt was the moment the bed shifted under his weight and how his arms gently wrapped around her. "What happened," he whispered into her hair and she could feel a new onslaught of tears forming.

"I shouldn't have asked you to come back here." But she had and she knew why. It was some sickening feeling inside her that made her feeling uncleanly, that made her want to continually watch herself until that feeling that she had always held dear returned to her. She wanted to move away from him, release herself from his hold for it only made the feeling that much worse, but she couldn't force herself away from his warmth. "I let Finn have sex with me." The words were so cold, so dead upon her lips that she felt his grip tighten around her.

Through his mind, countless retorts bubbled. Ones that were hurtful, ones that would bring a smile to her face. Ones that should his own pain at knowing that they'd never have that special moment with each other, as he had wanted all those months ago. But the one he chose, the one he knew she'd most likely disagree on, was the one he didn't believe in. "He didn't deserve you." But he knew that if anyone didn't deserve her, it was him.

"That still doesn't change anything." She refused to look at him, her eyes focusing on the wall in front of her and it wasn't until she felt him shift that she looked over to him. "Where are you going?"

Her eyes were wide with fear and he fought an eternal battle with himself to extract his arms from around her or pull her closer to his chest. In the end, his need to have her warmth near him, the need to feel her in his arms won out. "Nowhere," he whispered, replacing himself beside her.

She sat looking into his eyes, blue-green mixing with brown as the two tried to read into the other's mind. What did he think of the Finn situation? Did she regret sleeping with him? All of it was driving them insane yet neither made the move to speak first.

"I could only think of you," she muttered so softly that Jesse had thought that it had been uttered in his mind. She couldn't have possibly still wished for him, after everything he had done. She couldn't possibly had longed for it to be him who took her cardinal treasure, not after the trials and tribulations of their past. It had to be a figment of his imagination, it was the only explanation. So then why was he so sure he had seen her lips move.

"There's no need to lie to me, Rachel." He whispered just as softly as she, but her answer was something he did not expect, something he had longed for ever since the day "Nothing really matters to me," left his lips as he sang to Rachel in the crowd. Swiftly she reached up, hands laid upon either cheek as she gently brought her lips up to meet his own.

Hours later as Rachel's hand laid gently across his bare chest, she smiled. This was how it was meant to be, this was what should have been her 'first time'. It shouldn't have been rushed and in desperation. It shouldn't have been a moment of weakness. It should have been with someone who understood her, someone she could relate to. It should have been with someone she truly loved. "It wasn't a lie," she whispered, her head leaning up with her chin rested lightly on his chest.

"Well, I mean, I knew I was unforgettable," and with a light swat to his chest and one final kiss, Rachel fell asleep in the one place she was destined to be, in the arms of Jesse St. James.

So I'm sorry if that was a fail. I just thought of it with a rumor that was going around and I thought it'd be cute if this was how my boy was brought back in. :)

Feedback is appreciated.