TITLE: Raw Hide
SPOILERS: Slight references to the Season 3 episode with Detective White whose title has totally slipped my mind.
SUMMARY: Mulder and Scully go back to nature!
DISCLAIMER: I don't own FM or DS, nor do I claim to. CC and 1013 Productions do (and Rupert Murdoch too when I think about it)!
"Mulder?"
"Yeah."
"What're you doing?"
"Driving."
The car bounced wildly along the dusty trail.
"Uh, excuse me. You call this driving?"
"We're on the road, aren't we?"
"Barely."
"You're still alive, aren't you?"
"Barely."
"Then what're you complaining 'bout? Get some sleep or, or whatever you usually do on car trips."
Silence.
"Mulder, let me drive."
"No way."
"Way. You afraid of a woman being a better driver than you are?"
"No. As I said before, I was afraid your little feet couldn't reach the pedals."
Thump.
"Ow!"
"Watch your mouth, Spooky. Or I'll hit you again."
"Give me a break, Scully."
"Certainly. Get off the wheel."
"C'mon, Scully. It's gonna take an extra couple of hours if you drive. Who taught you to drive anyway? A tortoise?"
Thump. Thump.
"Hey! Stop trying to run us off the road. I'm having enough trouble as it is."
"Now that you've admitted as much, let me drive. You're in no condition to drive, anyway."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"I know you didn't get even three hours' sleep last night after you stayed up watching the porn channel."
"I wasn't watching the porn channel, I was doing the report. I left the TV on for background noise."
"Sure."
"Positive. And what were you doing awake at four in the morning?"
"Couldn't sleep. Don't know how anyone could with all that pumping and grinding coming through the walls."
"You jealous, Scully?"
Sigh.
"Only you would stoop so low as to ask that question, Mulder. No, I am not jealous 'coz I didn't watch that fantastic piece of celloid."
"I didn't mean that..."
Smack!
"God, Scully. That really hurt!"
"You're suggesting that I don't have a sex life?"
"No, I..."
"That I'm frigid? Was that it?"
"No! I was joking, that's all."
"Bullshit, Mulder. Stop the car."
"What?"
"Stop the car or I swear to God I'll slam it into that tree over there."
Screech!
"Apologise."
"Hey, I didn't do..."
Silence. Sounds of serious lip sucking. Heavy breathing.
"Now, apologise."
"I don't have anything to apologise for..."
More serious lip sucking. Zipper being undone.
"Er, Scully. What the hell are you doing?"
Rustle of hands sliding into cotton.
"Just getting you into line, Mulder. Now, apologise or you'll be extremely sorry when I'm through with you."
"No -- aah!"
Hand sliding over hot, hard skin.
"Now, repeat after me. I, Fox Mulder."
Hand sliding faster over hot, hard skin.
"I, Ffox... Mul--der."
"Apologise." Hand pulling down cotton. "Say it!"
"Apologise -- God!"
Tongue sliding over hot, hard skin.
"To... Dana Scully."
Lips sucking hot, hard skin.
"To.. oh... Dana... Scully."
"For being..."
Lips and hands over hot, hard skin.
"For... ah... being."
"A... total."
"A total.. God, Scully what the --"
"Jerk..."
"Jerk -- aah!"
Sounds of bodies thrashing, lips sucking, hands sliding.
Then silence. Lots and lots of heavy breathing.
Sound of zipper being pulled up.
"God, Scully. You're one wicked woman."
"Thank you, Mulder. Now get out of the car. Change seats."
"Yeah, sure."
Doors open. Feet shuffling on gravel.
"You know, if you're gonna do that everytime you wanna drive, I'll gladly let you drive anytime."
Doors slam.
"Any time, Mulder?"
"Oh, yeah..."
Engine starting.
"Deal. As long as I'm always in the driver's seat."
Oh, oh... evil grin.
THE END.
