Welcome to "Misunderstanding"!
I thought "Red Light, Green Light" and my 5.11 based one-shot (still to be posted) were going to be my only one-shots, but the lovely AllMcSwarek asked me to write one based on the anthrax scene from 4.05. So, here it is, 4.05 with a spin on it for all of you awesome McSwarek-loving fans. And a huge thank you to AllMcSwarek for bringing this idea to my attention and asking me to write it. I hope everyone enjoys it and lets me know what they think!
Oh, and I'm about 99.9% sure that when AllMcSwarek requested this one-shot, having Marlo in it (in any form) wasn't exactly desired, but the story pretty much wrote itself and before I knew it she just barged right in. Plus, I wanted some tension in there too so that it wasn't just pure fluff, but even with her in the story, things are quite different from how season 4 played out. So, just remember, even though I didn't write Marlo out of the story completely, this is a pro-McSwarek one-shot. You'll see what I mean soon enough.
You'll also see that I used some dialogue from the episode, and used one scene in particular as a general guideline but took some liberties with it as well... I switched some things up (including what happened in 4.05 and prior to it). I don't want to give too much away though, so I'll let you get to it. Enjoy!
"You're not getting in on it," Frank said sharply, his eyes flicking up to Sam's face. As he folded his arms across his chest, he spoke again, his tone riddled with a warning that he knew would probably go unheeded. "I need you here."
Needed here? For what? There's nothing I can do sitting behind a desk. Nothing. With some effort, Sam stopped the slow grinding of his teeth and unclenched his jaws, relieving some of the tension that was causing a sharp pain to shoot through his temples. This is ridiculous. Idiotic. Unnecessary. He shook his head. "I've got informants, Frank. Just put me out there and I can help catch whoever's behind this..."
"No," Frank said. "Absolutely not. We've already got enough officers out there." And they did. Most of the officers from 15 Division were out scouring the streets. Those who weren't responding to regular calls were putting every second of their time into hunting down possible leads. The problem was, the heroin situation was escalating. It started with one woman in the hospital – potentially an isolated case – but then it grew, until multiple people were admitted with similar symptoms. And if they didn't find out where the heroin was coming from soon, then there was no telling how many more people would wind up not only in the hospital but also dead, civilians and possibly officers alike.
Scrubbing a hand across his forehead, Sam let out a frustrated sigh. "Then what the hell do you want me to do from in here? I've got guys out there who might know something, and in here, we've got what, dead ends?" He paused. "The trail's run cold, Frank. Let me hit the streets and see what I can find out. Let me do something. Anything but this." He gave his boss a hard look. "Pushing papers isn't going to help us find the source. Me being out there might. But, no matter how you look at it, it's gotta be better than this."
The staff sergeant stared at his friend for a long moment before leaning forward in his chair, his eyes scanning the bullpen. "Sending you out on the streets means putting another one of my coppers at risk."
"We're always at risk, Frank. The second we put on the badge—"
"But that doesn't mean I'm willing to take unnecessary risks. And we've already got the manpower out there."
"And how many of them have cultivated the same degree of informants as me?" Sam argued. "I spent years building them up while wearing the badge, but have just as many from when I was undercover. And one of them is bound to know something, so just give me a chance. Let me do my job."
Frank leaned back in his chair, running a weary hand over his face. "Fine, but you're not going alone. Take…" His gaze settled on Andy. "Take McNally with you."
Sam glanced over his shoulder, eyes widening as they landed on his former girlfriend. "Uh, I don't think that's a good idea."
"I didn't ask for your opinion," Frank said sharply. "If you want to hit the streets, you take a partner... Take her."
"Fine," Sam said, a bit of a bite in his voice as he left the staff sergeant's office and headed down to the bullpen. "McNally," he called out. "You're coming with me."
Andy's head snapped up and her mouth fell open a little. "Umm, what?" Did he just...? Yeah, uh, not happening. Not going. Nope.
"Frank's orders," Sam said, leaving it at that. The sudden shift in her expression – the defiance – told him that she was on the verge of refusing. And while she might question an order from him, she was bound to take one from Frank, no matter how unfavourable it seemed.
"If McNally's busy, I'll go," Marlo offered, rising from her desk.
Sam's gaze flicked from Andy to Marlo and back again. The taut jaw in conjunction with the angry spark in Andy's eyes had a series of curses running through his head. He'd made it through the entire morning without that. And with a headache creeping up on him, the last thing he wanted was another showdown, a confrontation... the added stress and tension.
"Always willing to help, aren't you Cruz?" Andy said, her eyes narrowing just a fraction as she stared at the other woman.
"Let's go," Sam said sharply, a slight bark in his tone. Without waiting, he turned abruptly and headed for the exit, hoping that only one of them would follow. Sure enough, Andy appeared outside just moments later and walked toward one of the squad cars with him. The way her shoulders were squared told him that she was about as thrilled with the situation as he was, but they had a job to do. Regardless of their past or how tense things between them had become, they had to put that aside and figure out a way to work together. Lives depended on it.
"So what, I'm on babysitting duty?" Andy asked.
He withheld a sigh. So maybe she isn't quite ready to just focus on the job. He mentally shook himself. Of course she isn't... It's Andy McNally, the woman with an allergy to silence. The one with a never-ending stream of questions, of 'what ifs' and 'whys'. The emotional sponge. Always wanting to talk about feelings. He was only trying to fool himself if he said he expected her to just put it aside, and yet, to some degree they'd always managed to do just that in the past. Except, this isn't the past, he reminded himself. She's different. I'm different. We aren't together, not at work or outside of it. He cast a hesitant glance in her direction, but her eyes were trained straight ahead. Not that he expected otherwise. She hardly looked at him anymore, and they barely spoke. It was downright awkward to say the least, ever since she'd gotten back from Project Dakota. But it hadn't started off that way. The day her op had wrapped up, he'd opened the back of the truck's trailer and relief had flooded through him as a stupid grin plastered itself on his face and hers. They'd even exchanged a few small words. Things seemed... okay. She was back. But within a matter of hours, the smiles vanished, and although in the days to follow there were moments when she broke out in a nervous ramble until one of her friends rescued her, that was all behind them now. Day by day, a wedge seemed to have grown between them, pushing them further and further apart. Conversations were limited. They only spoke about things that were case-related. Nothing else. And her nervousness took an obvious shift toward anger. An air of hostility surrounded them, suffocating them. And the more stifling things became, the clearer it was that she was avoiding him. It was like she couldn't stand being around him anymore. She grew quieter, even among her friends. Became a little more distant from everyone. Lost a little more of her light. And it caused him to stop and think. Made him wonder what it all meant. Was she going back under? Would she reach the point where she just couldn't do it anymore and transfer? He withheld another sigh. He knew he wasn't helping matters, but quite frankly, he was confused and after all this time, there was a lot to consider. More than that though, he needed to make sure his head was screwed on straight before even considering having a serious conversation with her. But with each passing day, bringing up their past and what happened with them became harder. And with the way she was avoiding him, he was starting to think that she didn't care anymore. That things were just... done.
"So uh, are we actually going to do something today or are you just going to stay in La La Land?" Andy said, snapping him out of his thoughts.
"Get in," he growled, gesturing to the passenger side of the detectives' car.
She reluctantly obeyed, her fingers drumming against her thigh as they drove in silence. No talking, no singing to random songs on the radio, nothing. The only relief they had from it all – from each other – were the stops they made to question informants and gather intel, but three informants later, they still didn't have any new leads and things were just as tense between them as before. And, to make matters worse, Sam's headache was steadily growing alongside his frustration. But, just as they were pulling back onto the street to head to a fourth guy, the radio crackled.
"1574, re-routing you to the art gallery on Strickland. Requesting that you check it out."
Andy hesitated before reaching for the radio. "This is 1574, what are we looking for?"
The radio crackled again. "The victim's husband is now reporting that the wife had an ex-boyfriend, Nathan Burnes, who has a history of dealing drugs out of the gallery. He allegedly supplied heroin that led to an O.D."
"Copy, 1574, we're on it."
Sam turned the car around and headed for the art gallery, neither one wasting any time in getting out, though they cautiously entered the building.
"Mr. Burnes?" Andy called out.
Silence.
"Nathan Burnes?" Sam tried, his voice a little louder.
They rounded the corner and found a man sitting behind a desk, his face flat on the surface with a container of white powder beside his head. His arms were stretched out across the wood, his hands dangling over the edge.
"Hey, bud," Andy said, kicking his left hand gently.
The guy's eyes flicked open and he slowly raised his head.
"Hi," Andy said, just barely resisting the urge to wave at him.
The man stared at them for a moment, eyes widening just a fraction as their uniforms slowly registered in his mind. Cops. Fear flashed across his face as he hastily flipped the desk over, causing the heroin to go airborne. And then he tried to bolt.
"Oh my god," Andy said, eyes wide as she looked down at her uniform. Powder clung to their clothing and almost every inch of visible skin and hair.
"McNally," Sam called out as the perp rounded the desk and tried to make a run for it.
Snapping out of it, she reached forward, and in two short strides was able to shove Nathan to the ground, watching as Sam dropped down and cuffed him. "Oh my god," Andy repeated, her heart rate picking up as the severity of the situation sunk in.
Sam looked up at her as he slapped the cold metal around the man's wrists.
"This is the first time I've used," Andy said, more to herself than anyone else.
"Whoa, whoa, you're hurting me," Nathan cried out, struggling to free himself, but Sam had him pinned firmly to the ground.
That's when she saw it. "What's on your arms?" she asked the perp, spotting the circular red marks on his wrists. It looked like someone had taken a blowtorch to his skin. "What is that?" she demanded.
"Yeah, those, I'm not sure," Nathan replied, still struggling.
In that moment, it took a lot of effort not to look to Sam for reassurance. Her gaze had automatically started shifting in his direction, but at the last second, she managed to regain control and focused her attention back on Nathan instead. They pulled the perp to his feet, but the man's weight and inability to stand on his own sent him falling forward again. Additional attempts to get him to rise were deemed fruitless and abandoned. "1574, we need EMS to 1802 Strickland," Andy said into her radio. That done, she started to brush the powder off of her uniform, her eyes still wide and her hands trembling as they rapidly made their way up and down her vest and pants. Breathe, Andy, she silently told herself. Just get it off. Maybe you didn't inhale any of it. Maybe you'll be okay... maybe.
Her radio crackled. "EMS is en-route, less than a minute out."
She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Just breathe... Keep breathing. In and out... In... Out...
"McNally," Sam said, but the second her named tumbled from his lips, her eyes flicked open and she walked away. With a sigh, he awkwardly moved the perp, then sought her out, but before he could get a word in, the paramedics were entering the gallery. Still, he stood by her side as EMS tended to Burnes, neither of them saying a word the entire time. He could tell she was scared though. No matter how hard she tried to hide it now, he could tell that she was still panicking on the inside and sooner or later, it would become too much again. And he really wasn't sure what would happen then. Sure, she was strong, but she was also scared and probably feeling alone. The thought made him want to reach out for her, but the prospect of facing her rejection had him holding back. And when he opened his mouth to try to offer some verbal reassurance, she cast a glance toward the paramedics as they wheeled the gurney outside, turned away, and mindlessly waved her hand in the air as she said, "I'm just going to—"
And then her radio crackled, cutting off whatever lame excuse she'd been about to give. "1574, this is Staff Sergeant Best. What's your status?"
"Just handed off our guy and we're about to bag the drugs," Andy replied into the radio, redirecting her body to face the fallen desk.
"Negative, 1574, stand down. Repeat, stand down," Frank said. "The drugs may have been contaminated."
Andy's eyebrows furrowed. Uh...? "Contaminated? With what?"
"Anthrax," Frank replied.
Heroin laced with anthrax. A curse ran through her head. No longer able to stop herself, she exchanged a look with Sam, her heart pounding heavily in her chest as their eyes flicked up and down each other's bodies, taking in all of the powder that still covered them. As the call was disconnected, Andy let out a loud, shaky breath and began to pace. "Okay," she muttered to herself. "Okay."
Sam pinched the bridge of his nose. In a matter of minutes, his day had gone from bad to worse... to absolute hell. And Andy was in the middle of it because of him; because he'd pushed Frank into letting him hit up the streets. He ground his teeth together. She'd been at the station too, away from the threat. But he'd brought her here, and now she could die. "McNally, it's…" He fell silent. It's what? Going to be okay? I don't know that. She doesn't. He scratched the back of his head as she looked at him expectantly – with her big brown eyes that were so full of fear – but was saved from having to answer when his phone started ringing. "Swarek," he said as he connected the call, another pang of guilt hitting him as he moved toward the door and left her standing in the middle of the room.
Andy drew in a deep breath and lowered her gaze, holding her arms out to the side as if it would somehow help.
"Alright... Okay, I've got it," Sam said into his phone before disconnecting the call and walking back toward Andy.
"What?" she asked, without looking up.
"We have to wait in here for the Haz-Mat Team," Sam said slowly, suspecting she was on the verge of completely freaking out and that his words were bound to elicit a strong reaction from her.
"That's it?" she asked, exasperated, her arms still way out to the side. "What about all of this?" she demanded, frantically gesturing to her heroin-covered uniform.
"I don't know," Sam admitted. "Specialists are coming… And you know about as much as I do."
"Oh, that's just awesome," she said sarcastically, her hands frantically running over her body again in a desperate attempt to get the rest of the drugs off.
"McNally, just calm down," Sam said, moving forward to pull her hands away.
"Don't," she snapped, jumping away from him. "Don't touch me." Her hands continued to swipe at the powder, focusing all of her attention on getting the drugs off of her so that she wouldn't have to think about how close he'd come to touching her... or about how much she wanted him to, but how hard it would be to deal with if he did, especially knowing that he wasn't hers. That he was someone else's. The thought made her heart ache and tears prick her eyes, but she quickly blinked them back.
"McNally," Sam said, a grim expression on his face. He'd refrained from touching her before so that he wouldn't have to deal with her rejection, yet, here he was facing it again.
"Oh my god, you are not just going to play it cool right now," Andy snapped, causing him to back away a little more and hold his hands up in defeat.
"Look, the more you freak out, the worse it's going to be," Sam said, struggling to keep an even tone. "You're just going to spread it around."
Andy let out a dry laugh. "You're unbelievable, you know that?" she said, each word laced with anger. Ignoring his questioning look, she walked by him. "You ever let it go?"
Sam folded his arms across his chest and turned to face her. "Let what go?"
"You know, the tough guy act," Andy said, swinging around to face him again. She let out another laugh and shook her head, staring at his chest, but refusing to look him in the eye. "You know what, you and Marlo are just really perfect for each other, aren't you?"
"And here we go again with Marlo," Sam said, letting out a loud breath.
"Yeah, Sam, here we go again," Andy replied, grinding her teeth together.
When her hands moved to brush away the remaining powder, Sam growled out, "Stop."
"Why?" she demanded, hands moving to her hips. She met his eyes for a brief moment before looking away. "Because you're an expert on this kind of thing? Or did your girlfriend tell you that?"
Sam's eyes widened. "I—"
"Save it," Andy said bitterly, looking out the large windows as yellow fabric slowly came to block their view of the outside world, leaving her feeling more trapped than ever. "I really don't want to know what she tells you... How long it took her to replace me... How long it took you to move on." Ignoring his numerous warnings, her hands went back to dusting off her clothes, each movement forceful. "I. Don't. Want. To. Know."
Before he could respond, his cell phone rang again. "Hey Mar…" he began, but trailed off at the look on Andy's face. There was a slight pause. "We're uh… we're okay." Another stretch of silence as he listened. "Yeah… I'm just going to put you on speakerphone."
Andy bit down on her tongue and withheld a frustrated sigh. If she was going to die in here, Marlo's voice was among the last she wanted to hear, but right now she didn't have a choice.
"Listen, we've gotta track this thing up the supply line," Marlo said. "So anything you can tell us about the drug would be helpful, but don't get any of it on you."
Sam glanced at Andy before heading over to the fallen desk. Yeah, okay, sure, don't get any of it on us. Too late. Reaching down, he picked up a small piece of plastic. "It's stamped Midnight," he said, flipping the package over. "And the powder has a slight yellow tint."
They could hear Traci giving orders in the background.
Catching a glimpse of yellow movement out of the corner of his eye, Sam rushed out, "Uh, Marlo, we've gotta go."
"Alright, listen, you guys are going to be just fine," Marlo replied. "I'll see you when you get out."
With a roll of her eyes, Andy started walking toward the guy from Haz-Mat, the sight of his yellow suit causing her nerves to skyrocket again. Not even Sam's presence by her side just seconds later could calm her, at least not as much as she'd hoped, and that was unnerving. His presence had always made her feel safe. But not now, not when he was with Marlo.
"Hi, I'm Howard," said the man in the Haz-Mat suit, his eyes flicking from Andy to Sam and back again. "Are you two a couple?"
Her eyebrows furrowed for a second as she ground her teeth together. Was this guy serious? "He has a girlfriend," she spat out. "And it's not me."
Sam's eyes snapped in her direction. What?
"Well, I'm Howard," the guy repeated, shaking Sam's hand first before accepting Andy's, his gaze lingering and his hand clutching hers a little longer than was necessary or considered even remotely normal. "I'm just going to grab some supplies and I'll be back in five or ten minutes."
The second the man was gone, Andy moved away again, consciously putting space between her and Sam in an attempt to keep her composure. "I'm not going to die here, not like this," she muttered to herself. Not today.
"McNally," Sam said gently, overhearing what he suspected wasn't meant for his ears. She moved even further away, but he followed. "Andy, we need to talk."
She shook her head, but couldn't bring herself to face him. It was all becoming too much. And confronting him like this would break her, more than she already was.
"We do," he said quietly. He reached out and gently turned her toward him, surprised to find glossy eyes staring back at him. Before she could protest, he pulled her into his arms, tugging her tight to his chest.
She struggled for a moment before stilling, her arms flying out around him and squeezing tight. "Why?" she asked, her voice cracking as tears spilled down her cheeks. "Why her?" It had been a question she'd asked him in his truck a couple of weeks before, but she still didn't get it. Even now, as her mind went back, she couldn't make sense of it...
"Why her?"
Sam frowned as he cast a glance in her direction.
"What is it about Marlo…?" She couldn't finish the sentence.
He shrugged. "She's… we get along. She's smart and fun. She's not complicated." There was a brief pause. "She's not you."
"McNally—"
Her mind was slammed back to the present. "She said it's because you keep an emotional distance," Andy said, pulling away from him. She hastily wiped the tears away.
"What?" he asked, eyes wide. What the hell is she talking about?
"But she's so cold, so distant," Andy said quietly. "And I wanted to get along with her for your sake because I didn't want to lose you completely. So I tried, but she told me she doesn't need the drama, that she'd rather just do her job... and that she feels like getting to know one another is harmful to a good police partnership." She wiped away more tears. "And I know you don't like talking about things or sharing how you feel, but I just don't get it. How can you be with someone like her?"
"I'm not," Sam said before she could barrel on.
Andy stiffened, her eyes shooting up to him before darting back down. Had they broken up already? Or, what did he mean? She bit down on her lower lip, completely lost for words.
"Look at me."
She shook her head. The quick glances in his direction since arriving at the gallery had already been hard enough; she couldn't bring herself to really look at him. She was barely holding on as it was... if this could even be considered holding on.
"McNally," he said softly. "Look at me."
"I can't," she whispered, pressing her lips together as her gaze settled on the floor.
"Why not?"
"Because every time I look at you, I can't breathe," she said, her voice barely audible. "I can't look at you without being reminded of how badly I screwed up... Of what I lost."
His eyes widened. He knew he should say something, respond to what she'd said, but he was blanking. She couldn't look at him, but he couldn't seem to look away. He wanted to see her, to know that she was still there, and to know that she was safe, even if they weren't together. But she couldn't look at him because... because she lost him? He frowned. No. Because not only does she think she lost me, but she thinks she lost me to Marlo?... Lost me in a more permanent way?... Thinks she can't get me back? But, how the hell...? His mind raced, and then it hit him. Oh. A series of curses ran through his head as she started to turn, and he found himself blurting out, "She's not my girlfriend. Never has been, and never will be."
Andy's eyes slowly made their way up to his face as she shook her head. It didn't make sense. "But she…" Her mind was reeling. "But you…" She'd seen them. She'd seen...
"Marlo and I, we're just friends." He held her gaze, hoping she'd understand, but her confusion was still obvious.
"No," Andy said, shaking her head a little more forcefully. "I saw you kissing in the kitchen, and at The Penny."
Sam let out a loud breath and ran a hand over his face. "She kissed me."
Andy let out a dry laugh. "Yeah, okay." She rolled her eyes. He'd had some lame excuses in the past, but this topped all of them. "Which is why you were holding her."
"Back," Sam corrected. "She kissed me, and I tried to hold her back."
She folded her arms across her chest and stared at him with an eyebrow quirked.
"And that day in the kitchen – the day you got back – I saw you walking away. I know what you think you saw, but that's not what it was. If you'd stayed for just another moment—"
"Then what, Sam? Things would magically be better?" she demanded, taking another step back. "We'd be living some kind of fairytale?"
"We wouldn't be here, like this," he replied.
She made a noise in disbelief as she walked toward the window and peered out at the yellow fabric. "But you like her."
Sam ground his teeth together. "Because I had a drink with her?"
"Because you bought her a drink – you went for drinks with her – and you kissed at least twice, and who knows how many other times that happened that I'm not aware of... and you had your arm around her and hugged her outside the station," Andy said, her hands waving around angrily. "And you… You aren't friends with women, Sam. The only female friend you've ever had is Noelle... and me, I guess."
"Just stop for a second, okay?" he said, his voice a mixture of desperation and anger. He rubbed his throbbing temples and inhaled deeply before continuing. "She was helping the D's one day, picked up lunch for us, so I owed her. I hadn't gotten around to paying her back, so I bought her a drink," Sam said. "And I didn't kiss her." Seeing the disbelief on her face, he added, "I tried to tell you before, but the second you saw that, you shut me out."
"You're blaming this on me?" Andy asked, eyes wide. "I'm not the one going around kissing my friends on the lips."
Sam groaned. "McNally, I didn't kiss her." He shook his head, his mind racing in an attempt to find an answer. But, he was drawing blanks and the only thing that came out of his mouth sounded weak, even to his own ears. "And have you ever stopped to think about what her background is?... Maybe she comes from a culture where kissing friends like that is normal."
Andy couldn't stop the laugh from escaping. "Yeah, Sam, kissing on the cheek, not like what I saw."
"I didn't kiss her," he repeated, his tone a little angrier. Does she always have to be so stubborn?
"Yeah, okay," Andy said sarcastically. "Whatever gets you through the night." She paused. "And if you want to call your girlfriend a friend, then by all means, but I don't think she's going to appreciate that too much."
"She is a friend," Sam said, his voice rising again. Why couldn't she understand that?
"Yeah, well, you seem to enjoy letting your friend kiss you... Would you let Oliver lay a big, juicy one on you too?"
He let out a loud curse. "Dammit, McNally. I pushed her away. I didn't want her. I don't—"
"Well, the thing is, Sam, most people would actually talk to the person about it, tell them that they're not interested. Or, you know, that the kissing needs to stop. And if all else fails, you back off and ignore them. But, I guess talking has never really been your strong suit, has it?"
"Yeah, well, not all of us are as talented at running away as you are," Sam retorted. "So forgive me if I didn't just bolt the second things got complicated."
"Excuse me?" Andy said, her voice rising. "Then what the hell did you do after Jerry died? I may have physically left to go undercover, but after Jerry died, you left too. You broke up with me, and you became unavailable in almost every possible way. So don't you dare put what happened to us on me."
He ground his teeth together, but bit his tongue to stop himself from retorting. When he felt like he'd regained some control, he said in a much quieter tone, "I know I screwed up, McNally. We both did, but I promise you, I didn't kiss her." He ran a hand over his face. Tell her. Just say it. "And you want to know why I didn't completely back off?"
Her eyes slowly made their way back up to his face.
"Because I needed somebody, and in some ways, she reminds me of you. But she was never going to be anything other than a friend to me."
She swallowed hard, more tears welling up in her eyes as the ache in her chest grew. "Okay," she said quietly with a small nod. "I guess a lot of things really did change while I was gone." As the tears spilled over once more, she turned away.
"Yeah, they did," he replied just as quietly, though his eyes were boring a hole in the back of her head. He watched her make her way toward one of the walls and slump down. "You're different."
They fell into an uncomfortable silence for a minute before she finally looked back up at him, a small laugh escaping her, this time much lighter sounding than before. Seeing his questioning look, she gestured to his hair. "Sometimes it seems like yesterday that we were in my kitchen, baking cupcakes and getting ready for my housewarming party." He could see the distant look in her eyes. "You looked like an old man with all of that flour and cake mix in your hair, and I remember wondering if that's what you'd look like when you were old and grey. If we'd still be like that, and be happy." She sighed and looked away. "But here we are. And it's like the universe is laughing at me. Reminding me that I screwed up. That I never should have listened to my mom and gone; that I shouldn't have listened to myself. Because I had a future… could have had one that…" She fell silent, until another sigh escaped her. "I just… I don't know what to do with my life anymore…" Her voice cracked. "I come back and so much has changed, and I don't know how to deal with any of it... I thought I could, but I can't... It's too much." More tears trickled down her cheeks.
"Things do change," Sam repeated, sitting down beside her. Hearing her let out a frustrated sigh, his lips twitched. Keeping his eyes focused on the opposite wall, he added in a much softer tone, "But some things will always remain the same."
"Yeah, like what?" she asked quietly, sniffing a little as she tried to blink back more tears.
Taking a deep breath, he glanced in her direction. "It doesn't matter how she feels about me, McNally." He paused and turned his head to look at her. "Because she's not you. Nobody is – or has ever been – like you. I told you that before."
"I don't even know what that…" She fell silent, sending a tentative look in his direction, a frown on her face. The second she met his eyes, her heart beat a little faster. The first time he'd said it, she thought he meant that no matter what was happening with Marlo, that it would never be as special as what they had. That the level of chemistry they had with one another was unique, and that nobody else could come between that, not even Marlo. The way he'd said it made it sound like the thing with Marlo was temporary. But then she'd seen the kiss at The Penny. Not to mention Marlo's frequent jabs – the woman's attempts at throwing her relationship with Sam in Andy's face. So, she'd dismissed everything Sam had said – figured it was a mistake or misunderstanding – yet, as she looked at him now, she wasn't so sure anymore.
Sam gave her a small smile as he held his hand out, palm facing up.
Andy's gaze flicked from his eyes to his hand and back up again. "She's not…" Andy breathed, but fell silent again as his lips curled upward just the slightest bit. As the meaning became clearer, a smile started to grace her lips. "You…?" She drew in a deep breath. Had all of this just been one big misunderstanding? A case of jealousy and hurt that sent her packing? An instance of silence becoming their worst enemy, leading them down this path of heartache? Had they both royally screwed up again?
"I meant what I said." He waited a moment to make sure she was following every word he uttered. "Everything I said before you left, I meant all of it."
"I…" Her heart rate skyrocketed. "I don't have a dog," she said rather lamely, still trying to process everything. It had been a mistake. A big one, but perhaps things weren't irreparable.
"Then we'll get one," Sam said with a small laugh. Of all the things she could have said, he hadn't expected that.
She swallowed hard. "A labradoodle mutt?"
His smile widened. "Whatever you want."
"But I… I left."
Sam nodded. He'd been angry at first, then hurt, and then he'd sort of just become numb. But, now she was back. She was here with him, and he had no intent of letting her go.
"And we could die today," Andy continued, tears welling up in her eyes again.
"McNally, you're a danger magnet; you could die almost any day." He'd intended for it to be funny, but when he realized the seriousness of what he'd said, his face became grim.
"I'd be happy," she said quietly, almost shyly, finally placing her hand in his. "Now…" She nodded. "Now, I'd be happy, even if we died." It was true. In that moment, that second, Andy was finally content. She shook her head and laughed at herself. "I mean, I don't want to die, but—"
Sam tugged her forward and silenced her with a kiss, almost immediately feeling her hand slide up behind his neck and grab a fistful of hair. "I would be too," he replied with a smirk when their lips finally broke apart.
She let out a satisfied sigh and lay her head down on his shoulder. "I missed you."
He pressed a kiss to her forehead, not really caring that there could still be traces of heroin on her skin, and held her tighter to him in response.
"And I'm sorry I left… and for how I've been lately. I know it wasn't fair, and I was a jerk... I just didn't know how to deal with things anymore."
"Going on the op... it was a good career move," Sam said, and he knew it was true. As angry and hurt as he'd been, it had been a smart move professionally. And he couldn't entirely blame her for her behaviour since she'd returned. Things had been complicated, and he hadn't exactly clarified things. He'd still been trying to process what her return meant or could mean.
"I never stopped loving you," she added, her voice taking on an even softer tone.
"Neither did I," he replied, pressing another kiss to her forehead before tilting her head up and meeting her lips.
"You never stopped loving yourself?" Andy asked, an eyebrow quirked.
"No, dork," Sam said, causing her eyes to widen. "I never stopped loving you."
Her face split into a wide smile as she leaned back in to kiss him, but as she did so, he yanked her forward and caused her to topple into his lap. She scrambled to re-adjust herself, straddling him instead.
Sam's hands immediately shifted to her hips, holding her firmly in place as her lips lowered to his and they fused together in a tender kiss. "So… What's going on with you and Collins?"
Andy frowned. "What do you mean?"
"You seem closer," Sam said a little hesitantly. "But he's been tiptoeing around you."
Her eyes widened, surprised that he'd even noticed. She shrugged. "Minor complication during the op." His eyes narrowed, and she let out a laugh. "So I wasn't the only jealous one?" she said.
"Cruz may have kissed me twice, but Collins had his paws on my girlfriend for six months."
"Girlfriend, huh?"
"Mmmm hmmm," he replied, shooting her a look that dared her to argue. But she didn't.
"He's like a brother to me," Andy said with a small laugh, but her face soon wrinkled up in disgust. "That sounds really wrong."
"Kissing a brother like that, yeah," Sam agreed. "Ever heard of incest? It's frowned upon these days."
She swatted his arm, but it did little to deter him from pursuing his original course.
"So then what was the complication?"
Andy hesitated, trying to determine how much to reveal.
"McNally?" he said, his tone a little sharp and demanding.
"Things umm, well, you know that things kind of went south," Andy said, biting down on her lower lip. "But, they may have been… a little more south before you arrived."
His heart beat a little faster and he could feel his blood already starting to boil, knowing that whatever was about to come out of her mouth, he wouldn't like. "How south?"
"It's nothing really," Andy said a little nervously, trying to just shrug it off, but one look from him had her continuing. "It's umm… well, as you know, Nick went away with the guys and fell off the grid. And umm, I started to get worried, so I tried to find him. But he didn't have his phone on him, and I didn't know where they went, so I went to the perp's house to try to find something... some kind of clue that might tell me where he was... But, uh..." She grimaced. "I may have been caught snooping."
Sam frowned. That wasn't enough to warrant her behaviour toward Nick. "And?"
"And they tied me up, threw me in the back of a truck and took me to that warehouse where the other guys were." She hesitated. "Nick was there, and uh, well, Blackstone's plan to bump things up made the guys suspicious and because they found me snooping around, they thought I was the snitch, so they may have told Nick to kill me, and he may have held a gun to my head. And pulled the trigger. But he said he knew it wasn't loaded. There was the nub thing on the side of the barrel, the extractor. He said he could feel it, so he knew it wasn't loaded... so it was fine, totally fine. No harm done. No harm, no foul, you know? And you found us after, and look, now we're here," Andy rushed out, forcing a smile, but it quickly fell upon seeing his facial expression. "That Haz-Mat guy is taking a really long time to return. Like really long. Do you think he's okay?"
It took Sam a moment to catch up, but when he did, he was furious. "He did what?" he growled out.
"Do you think we'll ever get out? Like, alive," Andy blurted out. "Or umm..."
"I'm going to kill him."
Andy put her hands on his chest and shook her head. "It's fine, really. Nick has already suffered—"
"Not enough."
Taking his face in both hands, she kissed him softly until she felt some of the anger fade. "He also helped keep me alive for six months; helped me get back here… to you." Resting her forehead on his, she whispered, "Please. Just let it go, Sam. Just forget about Nick, and everyone else." She coaxed his lips back up to hers. "Let's just focus on us, on now, okay?" she whispered before their lips met.
His hands slid up her back, and he growled as they got caught on her radio and belt.
She couldn't help but giggle. "Sam, we're in the middle of an art gallery, covered in anthrax-laced heroin."
"Six months, McNally. Eight and a bit if you count everything else." Sam growled, his hands sliding up her back and behind her neck, pulling her back in for another kiss. It quickly deepened, and things rapidly became more intense. She moaned, causing his heart to beat a little faster, but just seconds later, he had to gently force her back. "Not like this," he said, seeing her confusion. Taking a steadying breath, he continued, "This time we do things right."
A wide smile spread across her face before she dropped a quick kiss on his lips and climbed over to sit on the floor beside him, tucking herself into his side and cuddling up to him. She could hear his heart beating heavily in his chest. "No more running," she said. "No more lies."
Hearing someone clear their throat, they both looked up to find Howard back in his bright yellow contamination suit.
"So uh, are we all ready?" Howard asked as he set up a large case on the table.
They got to their feet and approached him.
"Good, so this is a lateral flow screening assay," Howard said as he took a sample of the drugs from Andy's uniform. "And it's going to confirm if anthracis bacillus is present." He dabbed the powder onto the special strip of paper. "And it would concentr… oh, wow."
"Is it positive?" Sam asked.
"Yeah, off the charts," Howard replied.
"What does that mean?" Andy pressed.
"Well, you're going to need antibiotics, that's for sure," Howard explained. "You know, to ward off the disease, and some follow-up shots down the road."
"Whoa, hold on a second," Andy said. "Ward off? Like prevent?"
"Yeah, it's early, it's entirely treatable," Howard said.
They stared at him, eyes wide and mouths open.
"Wait, you didn't know that?" Howard asked with a frown.
"Uh, no," Andy replied.
"Oh," Howard said, guilt washing over him. "Sorry, yeah, you guys are going to be fine... Wow, you must be hugely relieved...?"
Andy nodded, her teeth grinding together.
"Yeah," Sam growled out. "You don't get out of the lab much, do you Howard?"
"Okay, so that's it?" Andy asked, reaching out to squeeze Sam's hand. Feeling him relax a little, she turned back to the Haz-Mat guy and said, "We're okay?"
"Totally, I just need to decontaminate you," Howard said.
"How does that work?" Sam asked.
"Well, you have to empty your pockets and take off all of your clothes," Howard replied, his eyes returning to Andy as he spoke.
"Got it," Sam said sharply, stepping a little closer to her.
The man nodded quickly and waved around two folded gowns before handing one to each of them. "Alright, so everything comes off," he said, his eyes on Andy again. "All of it. That includes your uh… I mean, right down to the uh… under panties."
Sam's free hand curled up into a fist as he stared at the guy, eyes narrowed.
Andy, meanwhile, could barely stop the laughter from erupting. "What would you like us to do with our… under panties?"
"Set them aside and they'll be incinerated," Howard explained. "I mean, all of your clothes will be, not just your uh… well, that's obvious."
"And our belongings?" Sam pressed.
"Take everything out and we'll de-con what we can," Howard replied. "So belongings out on the table and clothes off." He smiled at Andy. "And I'll be back." He lingered a moment longer until he saw the look Sam was giving him, then hurried out of the gallery.
"Is it just me, or is that guy really creepy?" Andy asked, turning to look at Sam.
He let out a small growl as he tugged her to him and pressed his lips to hers.
She allowed herself to melt into his body for a moment before quickly pushing away. "The faster we do this, the less chance Mr. Pervert out there will walk in on me half naked," she said with a pointed look. "And since I'm already wondering if my under panties, as he calls them, are going to be incinerated, I'd rather not give him an entire visual."
Sam nodded and released her before glancing at the gown she'd dropped onto the bench. He dropped his own beside hers, then reached up and gently began to undo her Kevlar vest.
Andy glanced over her shoulder and quirked an eyebrow at him. "So about ten minutes ago we kissed for the first time in over eight months and you're already trying to take my clothes off?"
"Not trying," Sam said, brushing off her neck and pressing his lips to her skin as he let her vest fall to the floor. "Just thought you could use some help."
"Charming," Andy replied, turning to face him, her hands finding their way up his chest and around his neck. "So uh, doing things right doesn't mean slow?"
His fingers faltered for a moment before continuing. "You're still almost fully clothed, McNally, I'd say I'm moving pretty slowly," he teased. When she swatted his arm, he lowered his head and kissed her before tossing her belt onto the bench. "Just making sure that if he walks back in here, he knows not to mess with you."
"Wouldn't want that," she said, shivering as her shirt fell to the floor and his fingers trailed lightly over her bare skin. Her eyes fluttered shut and her breathing got a little heavier. Over eight months and every bit of common sense she had was being thrown out the window. She mentally shook herself. Not here. "Sam?" she said quietly.
Silence.
Feeling something tug at her hair before sliding over her head, her eyes shot open. "What…?" she began, until she realized he was tugging her arms through the armholes of the gown.
"Told you we were going to do things right this time," Sam said, unable to keep the smirk off his face at the flustered look on hers. He knew what she wanted; he wanted it too. But, this wasn't the time or place, and they both knew it. They needed to take it slow. Talk. Figure things out. Get it right this time. But that didn't mean he could resist teasing her, or vice versa. So, he dropped a quick kiss on her lips. "Dinner tonight?"
Her eyes widened before she nodded her head, watching as he shed his jacket and pulled off his own shirt. Andy's face immediately began to warm. Focus, she silently scolded herself. On… on… Damn, he looks good. Her eyes traveled from his chest to his abs. Slow. We've gotta take it slow. "Umm, where?" she choked out, turning to face the wall in an attempt to resist reaching out and touching him. If he could control himself, she sure as hell was going to as well.
Silence, then, "I'm not wearing this," Sam grumbled, unfolding the second pile of material, which also happened to be a gown.
Andy glanced over her shoulder and giggled. "It's only until we shower, Sam. So like, five minutes, tops." After sneaking another peak, she turned back toward the wall. Hearing him grunt a minute later though, she turned back to look at him, a laugh escaping her before she could stop it. Clapping a hand over her mouth, she quickly looked away, letting her eyes wander around the room.
"What size is yours?" he said, glaring at her.
Dropping her hand, she pressed her lips together and shrugged, struggling not to laugh again.
"Same," he muttered after checking the tag on the back of hers.
Andy's eyes flicked up and down. Knowing how uncomfortable he felt in his very tight gown, she put one hand on either side of him. "You know, I think it's kind of hot."
He quirked an eyebrow.
"Sexy," she whispered, kissing his jaw.
"Something nobody else needs to know about," Sam added, his voice still grumpy.
"Mmmm hmmm," she said, kissing his cheek. "Just me." She pushed up on her toes and kissed a little higher. "And you." Her lips moved to the right of his and she pressed her mouth to his skin. "And Howard."
"McNally," he growled.
She jumped back, but he caught her around the middle and pulled her close, tickling her until her knees gave out. "Sam," she gasped.
"Are you decent?" Howard called out as he stepped back into the gallery, one hand covering his mask, though the cracks between his fingers were wide enough that he could still see.
"Yup," she replied.
"Ah, good," Howard said. "Okay, uh…" He shifted uncomfortably upon seeing Sam with his arm still around Andy. "So we've got showers outside. It's a... a water-soap solution so nothing too harsh, but uh, obviously you've gotta wash thoroughly, between the toes, under the arms, all of the… uh, folds."
"Got it, Howard," Sam said sharply, watching as Andy rolled her eyes.
"Right. Then you'll be taken to the hospital for antibiotics, okay?" Howard said, gesturing to the door before quickly stepping outside.
"I think he got the point," Sam said when they were both standing out on the street, completely scrubbed clean and sporting 15 Division sweat pants and t-shirts.
"Yeah," Andy replied with a small laugh. Spotting a familiar face by a cruiser, she turned back to Sam. "But do you think Marlo will get it too?"
Wrapping an arm around her waist, he tugged her to him. "Want me to tell her?"
Andy shook her head. "She'll figure it out. But I swear if she kisses you one more time—"
Tilting her head upward, Sam lowered his own and met her lips in a gentle kiss, his hands sliding to her face and keeping her there.
"Show's over people," a voice rang out.
They pulled apart and Andy's head fell against Sam's chest as a blush crept into her cheeks.
"She knows," Sam said, his eyes lingering on Marlo for a moment to make sure she saw, before they flicked over to Oliver who had a massive grin on his face as he tried to keep the crowd back.
"Your girlfriend?" Andy teased.
Sam jabbed her in the side and when she tried to jump away, he yanked her back into his chest and tightened his grip on her as he slowly walked them toward the ambulance. "She better," he replied. "Because if not, that could really make things complicated and awkward… perhaps illegal… could be charged with assault… For doing this..." He kissed her deeply. "Or—"
"Does that mean I can cuff you?" Andy asked.
"You can do whatever you want, McNally," Sam said, chuckling. "As long as from here on out, you're mine."
"Anything?" she said, looking up at him with a mischievous look on her face.
His tongue went to the inside of his cheek and he bit back a smirk. "Might cost you a little," he replied, his mind wandering to the future. To a day when she might sport a ring on her finger, to a time when they might go to the park on Sundays as a family. But really, any future with her was better than none. After a long pause, he pressed a kiss to her forehead and said, "Yeah, anything."
"Like karaoke?" she asked, her expression seemingly innocent.
His face fell. "I tell you I'll do anything, and that's what you want me to do... sing karaoke?"
She withheld a smile and nodded. She wasn't actually going to make him do it, but she wanted to know if he'd really do anything.
"Fine."
"Really?" Andy asked, eyes wide.
"Anything," he repeated.
"Good," she said, a widespread grin on her face. "But no karaoke."
A frown creased Sam's forehead. His hands slid up and down her sides before settling back on her hips, holding her flush up against his body. "No?"
She shook her head, her lips twitching.
"Something funny?"
"Mmmm hmmmm," she said, pushing herself up on her toes to press her lips to his.
His arms slid behind her back, holding her tight to him. "Which is?" he prodded, his lips brushing up against hers. When she leaned forward to claim his lips again, he pulled back, smirking. As much as he wanted to comply, he wanted an answer.
"You said you'd do anything as long as I'm yours, even karaoke," Andy explained, giving him a small pout when he didn't kiss her.
"And that's funny, how?" Sam pressed.
"I could have had you doing karaoke."
"Ha ha," Sam said. "So funny, McNally. You're a real comedian."
"It is," she said with a pointed look.
"Yeah, well, I happen think your sense of humour is a little off... Did you, by any chance, hit your head when you were under?"
Andy glared at him, but her expression softened when he dipped his head down. But, instead of kissing her, his lips brushed up against hers for a second time. "Tease," she muttered. She wasn't having it though. Reaching up, she put a hand on either side of his face and pulled his head down to hers, kissing him softly at first until things started to heat up. When they finally pulled away, panting, she said, "No. It's funny because I could have had you singing... doing something ridiculous for no reason."
His eyebrows furrowed. For no reason?
She couldn't help but giggle at his confused expression. "You're such an idiot sometimes, Sam." Her lips curled upward. "I don't need you to do anything except be open and honest with me, because..." She paused as the smile slowly spread across her face. Looking him directly in the eyes, she continued, "I was already yours." She stuck her tongue out at him and broke out of his arms, running toward the ambulance and jumping in the back. The sooner they got checked out and treated, the sooner they could figure everything else out... and that meant that they could really start over.
A loud laugh escaped him, followed by a face-splitting grin. Yeah, he could definitely see a future with her. A brown haired, brown-eyed boy or girl with the same playful side that she had, driving him crazy but making him fall head over heels in love. Shaking his head, Sam walked to the ambulance and clambered in, his hand immediately seeking hers out. Fingers linked together, he looked over at her, a massive weight now lifted off his shoulders and heart. For the first time in a long time, he was happy and no matter how long it took them to deal with their past, present, and future issues, he knew that as long as he had Andy, he would always be just that: happy.
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Twitter - RB_ADI2DE
