Note: I started this oneshot before Ric came back (when my Corena love was at its real peak) and originally it was just an angry Serena/Ric story without Colette... oh, how that changed. Could have made this more than a one chapter fic but I won't.
"What did I do that was despicable enough to warrant the silence? You tell Guy Self where you are but refuse to let him pass it on!"
The message continued for half a page, following the same line of thought throughout. She did not bother with greetings or names any more; simply jumped straight in to the heart of it, the flow of the message was not a challenge to her now. Serena hit the send button and as had become a ritual it was followed by wishing she hadn't. Ric clearly did not want to stay in contact with her regardless of what he had said that evening when she had found him packing up things in AAU's consultant's office. She had screamed at him for what had felt like hours because he had aimed to vanish without informing anyone. Without informing her.
There had never been anything more to their relationship but she still felt betrayed by him - she understood he wanted to protect and support his daughter more than anything but he must have found two minutes spare in which he could have even just said to leave him alone. She could deal with rejection but the complete silence was making her believe all sorts.
Even when she had not seemed to want or need him nearby, he had always been there. Now, when she wanted a friend as much as - if not more than - when Edward had broke her heart the year before, he was god knows where. She scrolled back through her sent items and groaned at the number of times she caught sight of his name. They had started simple, asking after him and Jess but in recent weeks - since around Adrienne's diagnosis of vascular dementia - she had altered and the messages had become angry and more frequent. The first couple of times that she had let her fury other via email had caused her to cry frustrated tears but that had subsided, until now. Her life was becoming a vicious cycle of problems that she had to contend with, and she was not strong enough alone.
Logging out of the system - in the desperate hope that it would let her have some quiet time to bask in her sadness - she stared into the empty space of the office. It did not even last five minutes.
"Serena?" Colette knocked and popped her head around the door, not waiting for a response. One day Serena would teach her to stay on the other side for longer than the time it took for her to turn the door handle. Not that she had thought of different ways to waste time doing with the woman in question. It was a totally on-the-spot idea.
"Oh, erm, what can I do for you?" She muttered, hastily wiping away the tears that had fell down her cheeks.
"What's happened?" Colette closed the door behind her, making sure the blinds over the windows were all pulled shut as she moved over to the computer desk. The idea of her being caught crying by anybody else would enrage her.
"Nothing." No matter who it had been that had asked, her response would have been the same. She thought that would be enough to cause the other to feel awkward and leave.
The majority of the other staff members would back away at that time from her but she was concerned about the woman who was quickly becoming a friend. "Serena...?"
She took a pause to decide her next sentence, "My mother apparently had no idea who Ellie was this morning when she visited." She refrained from mentioning the e-mails as they were not really the issue.
Before replying she turnes the lock on the door so that there was not a chance of anyone disturbing them, "I'm so sorry."
"Colette, it's hardly your fault." Serena always forgot about Colette when she needed to somebody to talk to which was unbelievable. Each time her mum had been on the wards this woman in particular had done everything to help. Even when she had lost her temper, the nurse had made the effort with the family.
"But it has caused you to become upset, therefore something needs to change, of which first things first, you aren't going to be left alone until you get sick of me." She ended her plan with a bright smile.
Serena looked at her in confusion, very few people cared enough to ask how she was never mind noticing how near to breaking done she was. Colette was crouching down in front of the chair so they were at a more level height and Serena noticed how the hazel eyes had small flecks of darker brown in them.
Pulling her mind back to the topic at hand instead of it getting sidetracked thinking about how naturally pretty the other woman was compared to herself, she muttered, "I knew this would eventually happen but it was just a surprise. It is going downhill so rapidly."
"You don't need to explain anything, I understand."
At this point Serena had one hand on her own thigh, just above the knee, while the other was supporting her head as her jaw rested on the palm.
Colette was so close that Serena could still see the blue scrubs when she looked straight down to the floor. The former knew that words would not help but she had little else to give, especially not to somebody as guarded as this. She placed a hand over the Deputy CEO's and squeezed gently, causing a very slight upturned corner of Serena's mouth.
A couple of unexpected tears dropped from her eyes again and she removed her own hand from her leg to brush them away, neither caring that Colette was yet to move away. Without it being her intention Colette began to rub her thumb in small circles as she would to comfort somebody if touching their back.
The slight hint of intimacy which this caused led to them catching the other's eye, unsure what they expected to occur next.
Their lips met briefly as Serena's fingers trailed round and rested on the back of Colette's neck. Capturing the top lip between her own again, Serena pulled her closer to prevent the instant doubt from flooding both their minds.
Their kiss did not break as both stood up before Colette pressed Serena backwards, forcing her to sit in an empty space upon the desk. Colette's hand were on the other female's hips which allowed the tips of her fingers to graze the skin between shirt and trousers that was revealed when Serena straightened her back to have a better angle for the kiss.
Colette brushed her tongue along Serena's lips to deepen the contact, to which the latter accepted more than readily. Her hands trailed down between their bodies, eventually landing on her colleague's thighs and squeezing gently. When she felt that contact Serena could not stop herself from wrapping her legs around the person she was kissing, moving her as close as physically possible.
The female standing began to unbutton the other's leopard print blouse all the way down, not able to look down as their mouths stayed connected. As opposed to getting used to the body with her eyes she hesitantly felt across it with her fingers. She could feel a shiver run through Serena as cool hands touched the bare skin, running along the edge of the underwired satin bra. In the back of her mind that morning she had regarded it an impractical thing to wear to work but some unknown force had persuaded her to put it on, to which she was now hugely grateful.
She had become more health-conscious since the new year but she was still not entirely comfortable with her body, although those worries were cast aside at the tender touch.
Breaking apart momentarily they rested their heads together, heavy breaths mingling together as they finally looked the other in the eye.
Serena's arms were at the female's shoulders, tentatively making memories of how it was to have her this near. "Thank you."
Colette understood her gratitude was for more than just the kiss - she was not to blame for that in any case, they had both leaned in at the same second.
"Not a problem. This though..." She questioned, finally allowing herself to pull back slightly to admire the half-dressed figure. She could not remember the exact moment she had noticed her habit of staring and thinking in depth about Serena but nothing had been as good as the real thing.
"You either aren't interested or don't want to think you are taking advantage?"
"I can promise you one of those is completely incorrect," Colette mumbled, softly kissing her again.
Knowing she could not string her along, Serena admitted what she felt, "I would like this to continue but I can't promise anything more. My head is all over the place that I don't know what I'll feel tomorrow; whatever you choose though I will not hold it against you."
She bit her lip, having immensly enjoyed what they had shared, "I don't think we should, Serena. I would in a heartbeat but our friendship is important and I couldn't bear to spoil it."
Serena nodded with a tight smile, "Fine. I understand. Still, I appreciate your methods." Her legs loosened their grip on the lower half of the body, she tried not to look disappointed with a flirtatious wink but her speech gave her away.
She began to redo the buttons on her shirt, avoiding eye contact which was near impossible considering their proximity. She wanted one period of time where she was allowed to forget about her mother's condition and take pleasure from it. This had been the closest she had got and she could not deny something had been drawing her and her desires to this woman for a long while.
Colette took her hair out of the ponytail and pulled it back up, making it a little tidier after Serena had playful messed with it during the kiss. After that she placed her palm on Serena's cheek, her thumb stroking the smudged lipstick, before turning towards the door. She had already unlocked and opened the door when she said her parting words.
"Serena, you should give yourself a break once in a while; enjoy your life out of office hours. My house is always open - I have wine, at the very least."
Still sitting on top of her desk, Serena let out a small laugh. After what they had just experienced she could safely assume wine would not be the main attraction of any such meeting.
Her mind flicked to what she had been doing prior to the interruption and raised her laptop on to her legs, once again going to her sent emails. She highlighted every one of them that had been sent to Ric and hit the delete shortcut. She could not quite bring herself to remove him from her contact list - she knew his address off by heart anyway so it would have only taken a few seconds longer any time in the future - but she felt content with the small step she had completed. If he was not going to bother with her then she had support much closer; she did not know where she and Colette would go from this moment but she was sure the other was not planning to run away.
Lowering the lid of the laptop she left it on her desk as she moved across the room, replaying the past half hour in her mind. She was so taken in by the thoughts and recalled sensations that she did not hear the computer beeping to alert her to a new email.
"Serena,
I cannot apologise enough for not replying sooner. Things were bad enough between us that I thought it best to give us a cooling period.
I got in touch with Mr Self twice at the beginning of my leave as he had to know, that is all, do not believe it if he says there has been more. I did not say he could not disclose where I was.
Recently we have been staying in a place without an internet connection so missed the tone of your messages change. Something has happened to you, what is it? I promise I will be back soon but do not know exactly when. Afterall, I could not bear to let you get too comfortable as AAU Lead; surpise appearances can be good once in a while!
Deepest regards, and once again I am truly sorry,
Ric"
