Cartman plodded along the hallway, leading up to Kyle's room. Smirking, he continued his slow plod, that only a severely overweight boy could master. He had snuck into Kyle's house before, but this time was way too easy. The front door was fucking open!
Suddenly, the fat boy stopped in recognition. The front door had been open, with no one in sight! Clearly, the sneaky Jew rat was planning something! Or at least that's what he believed. He continued to ponder for a moment, considering what to do, when an ingenious idea hit him.
An idea so psychotically twisted, only his mind could possibly think of it. If the Jew rat and his family weren't home, he could fuck the place up, by covering it in totally-non-kosher food and bacon! Then he could place the blame on Kyle, and watch as he totally got his ass kicked by his bitch-of-a-mom!
He hated the idea of wasting precious bacon, but at the expense of Kyle's suffering, the bacon surely would not be wasted.
He rubbed his hands together evilly, yes, evilly. Microsoft Word says it's a real word. Then, in the evillest of fashions, yes, evillest is also approved by Word, he continued to Kyle's room, just to check if the sneaky Jew rat was there.
Standing just outside the door, he leant in, unbelievably not falling from his great weight. What he heard was not what he was expecting.
"I don't give a fuck, Stan, put it in!"
That voice belonged to only one person. The sneaky Jew rat, also known as Kyle! Cartman paused. Despite the fact that he would never admit it, he heard similar words come from his mom when she was down in the basement.
In a mixture of curiosity and disgust, he continued to listen.
"Ah! Jesus Christ Stan!"
"Jeez, I'm sorry!"
"It's ok, just be a little more gentle"
Cartman paused again. What the fuck was going on in there? The very idea sickened him. He'd always known the two were fags…but this? This was something I wasn't expecting. Of course, for some unexplainable reason, he had a tape recorder hidden in his pockets.
Pulling it out, he started to record. Screw the bacon-coated-house! Embarrassing both Stan and the Jew at the same time was a golden opportunity! And then, their parents would hate them, and banish them from South Park! He had to stop himself from gleefully dancing in delight. He knew Hitler would answer his calls someday!
"OH FUCK! STAN! STOP! IT'S GOING TO BREAK!" Kyle screeched.
"Sorry! But it's hard!"
"Jesus Christ, just give it to me!"
"Okay, take it!"
"Uh…it's sticky.."
"Well no shit, Sherlock"
At this point, the great weight of the chubby boy could no longer support him, and he came crashing through the door.
"JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, CARTMAN!"
The Fat boy looked at the two in complete and utter shock. They were sitting….fully clothed…with a broken vase?
"What the fuck do you want, Fatass?" Kyle glared, clearly pissed at the Fatass breaking into his home for the fourth time this month, "We're kinda busy fixing Mom's goddamn vase here, so no, we're not helping you raid the goddamn Cheesy Poof factory again!"
Cartman remained there, sprawled on the floor like a large gummy bear, staring at the two. Stan was holding a piece of the broken vase, staring at him with a 'What the fuck, dude?' look.
Meanwhile, underneath the window, on a ladder propped outside against the wall, Kenny smirked as he replayed the snippet.
"Okay, take it!"
"Uh…it's sticky.."
"Well no shit, Sherlock"
"JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, CARTMAN!"
He continued to smirk, as he descended the ladder, threw it into the neighbour's garden, and walked home with the 'This is so going in my collection' face.
A/N: April Fools!
