The decisions you make, make you who you are in life. It doesn't matter if it was right or wrong because once it's made, there is no going back. I mean sure, you could buy a shirt and not like it so you take it back, but real life decisions...those decisions that actually mean something and make a difference in your life...those are the decisions that make a person. In my brief nineteen years of life, I believe I've made some some decisions that have molded me into the person I am today...or maybe I should say the fuck up I am today.

You all know of the random things I create, write, then share but you don't know anything about the true lady snix, So today I have decided to share a little part of me, with you. As an author I get messages from various readers, some criticizing me, asking questions or just telling me hi and that I enjoy your stories. Those are oddly my favorites. I love when people actually let me know they like my stories and what they actually like about them since I enjoy write solely to entertain. One day, after school I went to my room and came to this site as I normally do, only to notice I had a new message from another person with a question about a story.

You did not kill Marshal?! The message read. I couldn't help but chuckle to myself knowing that I he's still alive.

You think so? I respond. I never actually give away anything about my stories.

Yes! :( I smirk to myself at...Fabfabray. Is that a word? What the hell does that even mean. Whatever.

You'll find out in the next chapter I tell her...him? No, it's probably a she.

Knowing you, he probably is. You can be a bitch in your writing...I would say sometimes but it's TOO often lol

I'm a bitch, it's what I do. Don't read it. I respond.

It's too good for that but that isn't a compliment so don't get cocky. The story's okay. This girl is pretty funny.

Just okay? I ask.

Yeah, there are waaaaaaaayyyyyyy better authors out there. I just took pity on you because you didn't have many reviews, or followers for that matter.

Then why continue reading if it sucks so much?

I need something to do while I wait for the good stories to be updated. I have a feeling this girl won't give up.

And I was right. We went back and forth a little more before went back to a normal conversation where I found out her name. Quinn. I didn't know that this would be one of those life decisions I told you guys about. Now pay attention. Quinn disappeared for a while before finally reappearing suddenly.

I've noticed your story has improved from horrible to just sucking.

And I see you still haven't found anything better to do with your life. I respond. For some reason.. I actually enjoy talking to this girl. Which is weird because I don't like people. Our conversation kind of never came to an end after that. We messaged back and forth for days, talking about random things and actually getting to know each other and then an exchange of numbers progressed the situation. It was only text messages for the next month and in that month of meeting Quinn..I hadn't known that I'd just royally fucked myself.

I developed feelings for a person I'd never met nor seen for that matter. We hadn't even talked on the phone at this point but I knew I liked Quinn as more than a friend. What the fuck was wrong with me? That's what you're thinking right? That's what I was thinking too and...I still don't have an answer but back to the story.

Do you like me? I re-read this text over and over and think how to respond. Why would she ask me that? I'm not going to say yes and have her laugh at me. I mean it seems like she likes me but I can never really be sure.

Why? I respond.

Just answer the question Santana. I read two minutes later. Ugh...I don't know what to say. I don't want to deal with rejection...I've never been good with that but then again it hasn't really happened with women. I don't really have a problem with the ladies. Anyway, I take a deep breath and type the three letters that have sealed my fate then hit send. After a while I get a response and it's just...

Oh. Oh? All I get is a fucking oh?! Do you know what it took for me to even admit that shit to myself?! I lie back on my bed and stare at my ceiling as I try to deal with the rejection but then my phone buzzes again.

I like you too. It says. Now, that's fucking better. But...what do I do now?

I wasn't sure I was ready to start a long distance relationship but I took that chance anyway and when Quinn asked me out, I jumped at the chance. Diving head first.

"Why are you so happy?" Brittany asks from my side as we stand by our lockers. Quinn just text me and I couldn't help the smile that broke free across my face.

"I have a girlfriend." I tell her and I just tune out the squeal of happiness and embrace the bone crushing hug I'm pulled into.

"Who is? Where is? Do you have a picture?" Brittany asks as she reaches for my phone but I pull it away before she reaches it.

"No I don't have a picture...her name is Quinn." I tell her.

"Where did you meet her?" Brittany asks. Shit. Ladies and gentlemen did I forget to mention that lady snix is only known by me? I don't tell people I do this and the situation with Quinn and I...well it's complicated and Brittany wouldn't understand. No one I know would really understand...so I lied.

"Grocery store." Grocery store? What? Well I guess it's better than gas station.

"Did you guys grab the same milk carton?" Britt says with a chuckle and I roll my eyes.

"We need to get to class." I tell her with a roll of my eyes and she nods as her laughter dies. As we begin to walk, I spot Rachel. My fucking crazy ex. We were together three months and I dumped her because she was annoying and clingy but she claims she's in love with me but I think it's just because I was her first girlfriend. Rachel use to date Finnept but things went south because he's a dumbass and I stepped in. It wasn't working out and Rachel just can't process that. We also broke up a year ago so tell me that's not crazy. She still sends me random texts about missing me and loving me and I just feel bad. When she see's me she just stares and it's fucking creepy. Now, Rachel isn't a major part of the story but I felt she should be mentioned.

Brittany asking for a picture just reminded me that I still haven't even seen my girlfriend if that makes sense. I wasn't really happy about that idea so I asked for one.

"So when am I going to get a picture of you?" I ask Quinn as I lie in bed and watch TV.

"You never asked for a picture." She responds.

"It doesn't matter. Don't you want to see me?" I ask.

"I do. I'll send one so you'll shut up."

"Thank you."

When I saw Quinn I thought she was beautiful. Hazel eyes, blonde hair and a smile that stopped and started my heart at the same time but then again...that could have been because I was in love. Yeah I said it, love. It didn't take long but I fell and I fell hard over the next few months of our relationship.

Our relationship was great other than not being able to physically see each other until one day I got a text that changed everything. I found out something about Quinn that she'd been lying to me about and it made me look at her and myself differently. Though it was something I thought I could get over with time and as time passed, it became more distant in my memory but it was always in the back of my mind. I needed advice about it and one day I turned to my older cousin Emily.

"I went through the same thing and the best thing I can tell you is to end it." Emily says to me as we sit outside our grandmothers house.

"Why?"

"Because it more than likely won't work out. You're here, she's there and you guys have no way to get to each other. Plus things change once you meet. She may not be what she seems."

"I'm going to get a car soon and you don't know that. This could work out." I say.

"You can do what you want but you asked me what I thought and I think it would be easier for you to end it now so you both can move on. It's not going to end well San." She says and I shake my head.

Something told me she was right. Something told me I should end it but my heart said fuck that. I love this girl and what's worth having is worth fighting for but that seed of doubt...that seed grew over time and before I knew it...I asked for a break, which of course inevitably lead to a break up...or something like it. It officially ended but we didn't really change anything. We had a little break but then fell back into our familiar ways of talking all day and I even felt connected to her as if we we're still dating even though I was branching out and started "dating" other girls. It was nothing serious though, they were...distractions I guess. Someone to give my affection to but Quinn was always in the back of my mind. It really ended...and actually felt over...when Quinn got a girlfriend. Now I had a girlfriend at that time as well but I still had feelings for Quinn. During our time apart, I almost asked her back out so many times but I was afraid that what broke us up in the first place would be the end of us again and I couldn't hurt either of us that way again.

To this day I still love her but Quinn and I don't talk...and it breaks my heart because I not only lost her as a partner but I truly lost my best friend. It's hard to say goodbye to someone you really saw a future with as a wife and mother of your kids, a true life partner and even though it's hard to say goodbye...I just want her to be happy, even if it's without me. A part of me hopes we meet somewhere down the line in life and it works out but that's just a pathetic dream. That has been the hardest decision in my life so far but it was necessary for her to be able to be happy. If you're wondering why I decided to share this part of my life, well it's therapeutic in a sense. It's something that's been...on my mind for a while and I like expressing myself through writing so it just made sense. Well that's the end of this so go away.

And Quinn, if you happen to read this...my heart is still only for you and I'm sorry for the pain I've caused you but it's like you said, it was just the wrong time and place.


A/N: This is something a little different. I don't have much to say about it so leave me your thoughts.