Rated: M for sexual content! And Language!
Let Love In
Part One
Olivia walked into the Policemen's Ball. Half of the NYPD was there, the others all working. She knew she was late, but she was debating on weather or not to even come at all. Not knowing why she even came, she walked through the crowd.
Elliot looked up from his drink, and saw Olivia coming his way. Her hair was curled, and fell around her face gently. Her lips, red. Her eyes, a smoky black. Her dress though, was the most stunning of it all. It was a sleeveless black floor length dress. There was a small train at the bottom, and fit her figure to a T.
Elliot moved past Kathy, and over to Olivia. "Hey," he said with a small smile.
"Hi," she replied with the same amount of enthusiasm.
"You look nice." Her smile grew wider.
"Thanks."
Kathy walked up between them. "Uh, Lizzie called. She's having some troubles with her boyfriend. I'm gonna head out."
"Do you want me to come with you?" Elliot asked her in concern of his daughter.
"No, tonights your night. I wont wait up," she said smiling lightly. "Have fun," she directed at the whole squad and exited the building. Elliot looked back to Olivia.
"Care to dance?" He asked her, and she froze for a second.
"What?" She asked slightly stunned.
"Do you want to dance?"
"With you?" She now asked.
He laughed slightly. "Yea. I'm not that bad of a dancer." She chuckled at his remark.
"Sure," she answered. They smiled to each other, and he took her hand, leading her to the dance floor. He lead them to the other side, away from looking eyes of their co-workers. He placed his left hand on her lower back, and took her left hand into his right. The next song started, and she gazed into his eyes. As the music began he started to dance with her. Inside they both held in that it felt right.
You wait, wanting this world to let you in
And you stand there a frozen light
In dark and empty streets
You smile hiding behind a god-given face
But I know you're so much more
Everything they ignore is all I need to see
You're the only one I ever believed in
The answer that could never be found
The moment you decided to let love in
Now I'm banging on the door of an angel
The end of fear is where we begin
The moment we decided to let love in
Elliot pulled Olivia in, and rested his other hand on her lower back. She rested her head on his chest. Both heeding the words of the songs, and both trying to make it seem they weren't thinking about it.
I wish wishing for you to find your way
And I'll hold on for all you need
That's all we need to say
I'll take my chances while
You take your time with this game you play
But I can't control your soul
You need to let me know
You leaving or you gonna stay
You're the only one I ever believed in
The answer that could never be found
The moment you decided to let love in
Now I'm banging on the door of an angel
The end of fear is where we begin
The moment we decided to let love in
There's nothing we can do about the thing we have to do without
The only way to feel again is to let love in
There's nothing we can do about the thing we have to do without
The only way to feel again is to let love in
Elliot couldn't take it anymore. He pulled back, and gently slide his large hand around the back of her neck.
Hear me
wanting this world to let you in
She locked eyes with him once more as his thumb brushed lightly against her cheek. Their breathing becoming heavy. He pushed his lips onto hers with passionate force.
You're the only one I ever believed in
The answer that could never be found
The moment you decided to let love in
Now I'm banging on the door of an angel
The end of fear is where we begin
The moment we decided to let love in
The moment we decided to let love in
The moment we decided to let love in
They pulled away, and Elliot looked into her eyes. She began breathing heavily, and eyes watered up. She push out of his grasp, then rushed out side on the small deck hanging over the city. She folded over the railing as she collided with it, letting the air rush out of her lungs. Her tears fell ten stories to the ground.
"Liv," Elliot said walking up to her.
"I shouldn't have come. I knew something was going to happen." She didn't even look at him. Her fingers stayed gripped tightly to the rail, and her head looking at the long distant between where she was and the street.
"Don't say that, Liv. I shouldn't have kissed you."
She finally turned his way. "Damn it, I wanted you to. It's not just your fucking fault... I didn't pull away."
"We just got caught up in the moment is all."
"But that can't happen, you're married-"
"Unhappily," he finished.
"What do you mean?"
He laughed slightly. "Are you kidding me? I was lonely, and it happened. I only went back with her because she was pregnant. And honestly between you and me sometimes I wonder if Eli's even mine." She leaned against the railing.
"Really?" He nodded. "Well, don't you think you should find out?"
He shrugged. "Because I don't care if he is or not my biological son, he's still my son. I know that thinking he's not means I don't trust her, and I don't. I found out she's cheated on me before."
"What?"
"Yea, since Eli was born she has and it makes me wonder if not before... We are getting divorced again."
She paused for a moment before replying. "Then why did she come tonight."
"Well first, she'd already bought her dress. Second, I didn't have anyone else to go with." She paused again.
"We're still partners though."
He opened his mouth to reply, but the doors opened and Fin was standing in front of them.
"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know you guys were out here. Am I interrupting?" He asked them.
Olivia pushed off the railing. "Uh no." She looked to Elliot. "I should go home."
"Why?" Fin, and Elliot asked at the same time.
"I'm not feeling to good," she admitted. She pushed past them. "You guys have fun."
Olivia picked up her cell phone, and texted Elliot.
'We need to finish talking'
She figured it was long enough, and that the ball had probably just finished. She held the phone impatiently in her hand waiting the reply. After what seemed like an eternity he replied back.
'On the way over'
She smiled slightly, and looked into the mirror. Her make-up and hair was still the same, but was wearing a black tank top and jeans. A few minutes later she heard a knock on the door, and opened it. Elliot was standing in front of her, still in his tux. She didn't anything as she lead them to the couch. They sat on opposite ends.
"I love you," he said straight out. Her jaw dropped slightly. She struggled to say anything. "You don't have to say anything. I understand if you don't feel the same way."
"But I do," she got out. "But I had no idea you did."
"I have for 10 years. It just seemed I was always taken or you were gone or had something going on in your life."
"So you were being considerate?" He smiled, and nodded slightly.
"I guess." She smiled and leaned closer to him, and he leaned in the rest of the way. Their lips touched once more, this time hungrily. His hands rubbed over her stomach, to her hips. He lifted her up on his waist, straddling him. Her hands found their way around his neck. Their lips never separating. His lips moved along her neck down to her collar bone. She pulled back for a second, pulling off her shirt not wearing a bra. He took the time to take off his as well. She crashed her lips back onto his, and his hand smoothed over her breast. His other got lost in her hair.
She pushed her body closer to his, and moved her lips to his ear. "I love you," she whispered in his ear. She bite his ear lightly. He rolled them over, to take their pants off, then rolled her back her on top of him. She looked into his eyes.
"Do you want to do this?" He asked her.
She pushed her lips back onto his, and lowered herself on him. He moan in her mouth, and she in his. She began rocking him, and their bodies colliding with rhythm. Their voice became one as the movements between them went quicker. She gripped the back of her couch for support, and he held tightly to her hips. He flipped them over, and her fingers ran down his back.
"I love you so much," he moaned to her. She took in a deep breath as he moved in her.
"Don't stop," she whimpered back. He gripped the couch, and thrust deeper into her. She groaned, and rolled her body on his. He pushed further and further, going faster and faster. Deeper and deeper. She gripped harder to any surface she could trying to contain herself. They could feel the end coming as everything got more intense by the second. She bite down on his shoulder, trying to hold out as long as she could. He grabbed her waist, incidentally digging his nails into her hips. She called out in pain and ecstasy. His tongue ran across her neck.
"Oh god," she muttered and dug her fingers into his short hair. He pounded into her once more sending both of them over the edge. He looked into her eyes, seeing love and desire. Her chest was still pushing against his as she took deep breaths. He placed his palm on her cheek lightly. Her hair was spread across the pillow, and her mouth hung slightly open trying to catch her breath.
"You are so beautiful," he told her sweetly. She smiled back.
"Thank you..." She reached up and touched his cheek on the opposite side. "You're all I could ever ask for." He smiled back, and leaned down. He kissed her once more. Then collapsed beside her, tired.
"That was amazing, by the way," he complimented. She chuckled, and blushed to herself.
"Not so bad yourself," she joked back. He grinned, and rubbed over her stomach.
"I'm tired now," he said still panting.
"Old man," she pokes fun at him.
"You're older than I am."
"Show it?" She looked at him with a devilish smile on her face.
"What do you mean?" He asked confused, and looked back to her.
"Wear me out... See who falls asleep first. Then see whose older." He smiled.
"You're on," he agreed, and got off of the couch. "Only if it's any way."
"You're on," she challenged."If I win you take me on an actual date."
"And if I win?"
"You get in any time, any where." In a quick movement he scoped her up into his arms, and her legs clutched around his waist. "Any way, as long as you want" she whispered, reminding him. He grinned, and pushed her into the wall. A breath escaped her lungs as her back slammed with the wall, and a picture fell off the wall smashing on the ground. Neither of them seemed to notice. The moment once again wrapping them like water.
Olivia eyes opened her eyes, and looked up to Elliot sleeping beside her. She looked directly above her, and saw the top of her cabinets above her. She laughed to herself, and got off of her counter. Quietly she walked to her bedroom, finding a bit ironic that throughout the whole night they had never made near it. Avoiding the broken picture that'd fallen she walked into her room. Quickly she put on a pair of jeans and plain white-t shirt. She grabbed a permeate marker, and walked back into her kitchen where Elliot was still fast asleep.
She smiled, opened the marker, and began to write on his stomach. She grinned, and closed the marker back up. Silently she grabbed her purse, and walked out the door, leaving for food. When she got back, Elliot was still fast asleep. Though now he was laying on his back facing up, his self completely exposed. She set the food and coffee's down on the counter by her fridge, and grabbed her coffee. She leaned against the fridge, sipping her coffee, awaiting the moment the scent would wake him.
After a few seconds Elliot's head twitched, and eyes opened. He looked over to Olivia. She had her hand tightened around her cup. He sat up, and crossed his legs.
"Hey," she said simply.
"Hi," he said smiling. "Did last night really happen?" A single laughed passed her lips.
"No, I just like people sleeping naked on my counter top," she joked taking a drink from her cup. She grabbed his, and handed it to him. He took it, and it felt warm in his palm. "I have some breakfast burritos too."
"Can I jump in the shower before I eat?"
She grinned slightly. "Sure."
He got off the counter, and walked over to her. He kissed her delicately. "I love you," he told her.
"I love you too," she replied. He pulled back, and began making his way to her bathroom. She leaned sideways, walking him walk away without shame.
When he walked into the bathroom he began to walk to the shower, but paused looking into the mirror. Written in large letters stretching from his chest all the way down to his lowest ab.
El,
I win
Love, Liv
Laughing he walked into her shower. When he finished he walked back to her living room where she was cleaning up the broken glass.
"What picture broke?" He asked throwing on his pants.
"Uh, the one of my mother and I." She picked up it.
"I'm sorry," he apologized. He sat on her couch. "That was my fault." She threw the shattered glass into the garbage, and walked back over to him. She handed him the picture.
"I needed a new frame for it anyway. It was already cracked." He nodded, and looked down at the picture.
"I see," he said. He set down her photo, and looked back to her. "So, I see I lost." She smiled.
"Yea, I guess you owe me a date."
"I guess I do." She leaned over to him, and kissed him.
"Hope you plan something good," she whispered to him, and stood. She walked into her kitchen. "Hungry?" She said walking back in with his burrito in one hand, and hers in the other. He reached out to grab it.
"Thanks," he replied. He took the now cool food into his hand. He didn't even turn all the way around when he heard his phone going off. He sighed, and grabbed his phone. "Hello."
Olivia moved back to the couch, and turned on her television. She kept the volume on low so Elliot could hear the other voice on his phone. When he hung up he looked over to her.
"I have to go, Lizzie is stuck at her friends." Olivia nodded, understanding it. He leaned over, and kissed her gently. "I'll see you later."
"You will," she agreed. He turned around, and walked away.
Olivia sighed, and made her way into the locker room. She opened her locker, and sat on the bench. She rolled her neck, trying to get all kinks out. It'd been a long week, and her and Elliot had only seen each other in passing. She heard the door shut, and she jumped. She'd thought she was the only still there. She let a deep breath out when she saw it was Elliot.
"Shit Elliot, you scared me." He smiled, and locked the door. She looked down, and rested her hand on the bench.
"Sorry." He looked in between each row of lockers. "Anyone here?"
"Uh, no. Why?" She asked standing up. Elliot walked over to her, and pressed his lips to hers passionately.
She pulled back gently. "Here?"
"Do you really want to drive all the way home?" He asked her, lifting her off of the bench. She smiled.
"Just this once."
He grinned back.
Olivia touched Elliot's bare chest. She realized the scratch marks she'd placed on it. She looked up to his eyes, which were following his dancing fingers on her back. They were laying down on the cold floor.
"Is this all it's going to be?" she asked with a hurt voice.
"What do you mean?"
She sat up, using her arm to prop her. Her hair fell lightly on the sides of her face, and a single tear rolled down her cheek. "This? Having sex when its good for you? Using me when it's good for you?"
"Is that what you think I'm doing?"
"I don't know what you're doing... You tell me you love me, and have sex with me... Then you barely speak to me all week, take a case with Fin, and then just come in here and sleep with me again..." She took a shaky breath. "I can't help but let it seem that way."
He took a moment to thin about what she said. He finally said, "I understand why you think that, but trust me it's not true... This case that I am working with Fin has just taken a lot of my time and energy. You know how that is."She nodded slightly. "I've tried planning our date, but it's been hard... And with what I want to do, we would both need time off work for..."
"Elliot, I don't need anything big or fancy. Just being with you is enough for me." She grabbed his hand, and looked at his watch. "It's only 10... why don't we have our date now?"
"Are you serious?" He asked.
"Yea... I mean, when else can we do it?"
He grinned, and sat up. "Alright then..."
Elliot and Olivia walked along the bridge in Central Park. Her head was rest on his shoulder, and both their arms wrapped around the others waist. Their breath, making crystals in the air, then evaporated as they walked into them. Neither would say it out loud, but they felt they were seventeen again.
"It's cold," she pointed out.
"I don't mind," he replied. He stopped them, and turned to the pond. The moon showed it's reflection in it, getting blurred from the ripples the ducks left in it. The snow had just melted, and ducks returned. She took a deep breath, and hopped onto the edge. She looked over to him.
"Tell me something I don't know about you," she challenged. He looked over to her.
"What do you mean?"
"Something you've never told anybody?"
He didn't reply right away. "I love you more than I've ever loved any other woman." She smiled lightly.
"Really?" He nodded.
"Tell me something."
"I'm terrified of escalators," she admitted.
"Seriously?"He questioned laughing at her.
"Yes."
"How come?"
"My shoe lace got caught in one, and broke my ankle," she explained. "Ever since then I avoid them like the plague."
He shook his head. "I never knew that..."
"There is still a lot you don't know about me," she reminded him. "Like how much I love you, and how much you mean to me."
He leaned close to her, and kissed her lightly. "I guess that's about even then." She walked into the woods in the park.
"Like you don't know I love the smell of wood, and atmosphere of the woods." She looked over to him. His hands were lost deep in his pockets, and shoulders close to his head. The cold air rolling out of his mouth. He met eyes with hers. "That I love the way the moons reflecting off your skin." He smiled lightly. She stopped walking. "And that someone its making yours eyes bluer."
"And how it's hitting lightly on your hair."
She blushed, and tucked her hair behind her ear. "Really?" He nodded.
"I don't know how I got so lucky... I can't ever imagine my life without you," he admitted.
"Me either," she agreed.
Another week flew by, this time was much smoother. Any time they would see each other, they'd smile or wink. No one caught on that every time they both found the free time, they were doing it where ever they could find, or going on a date. Elliot would mostly go to her house, considering his things were still at Kathy's. He was trying to find a place, but it was taking a while given his small amount of time he had to do it.
Olivia walked up to her door, and almost jumped out of her skin when she saw Kathy standing in front of it.
She took a deep breath, and as she exhaled she said, "Kathy, what are you doing here?"
"Do you care to go for a walk?" Kathy asked.
"Uh, I guess," she agreed. Without saying a word to each other they walked back outside. Once they reached her street corner Kathy turned to her.
"What are you doing?"
Olivia turned to her. "What are you talking about?"
"I know what your doing with Elliot, and I want it to stop," she warned.
"I don't know what your talking about," Olivia insisted.
"Oh please, you know damn well what I'm talking about. And if you don't stop I will report you."
"You don't even know what your talking about, and even if you did you couldn't prove it."
"This is his family, my family you are destroying."
"Oh please, everyone knows you were the one to destroy your family when you cheated on him."
Kathy's face fell. "Who told you that?"
"Elliot did, we are partners... He tells me everything."
She shook her head. "How did he find out?"
"I don't know, but he did... So anything you say is canceled because you cheated on him... It's your fault your getting a divorce."
Kathy took a deep breath. "It was once, and it was a mistake... I'm sorry, I shouldn't have accused Elliot of cheating on me with you... I just assumed because the night after the ball he asked me for a divorce, and he never came home that night."
Olivia froze for a second, and quickly regained composure. "He asked for a divorce after that night... He told me it was before then."
"He was probably thinking of it before then... God knows he tells you things before he tells me."
Olivia nodded, understanding. It still hurt though, because he lied to her. "Yea," she barely got out. "Are we done?"
"Uh, yea... I'm sorry," she apologized. "I'll, uh, see you later." Kathy awkwardly walked back to her car. Olivia watched as she drove off, and sat down on a set of stairs near her. She took a deep breath, trying to keep herself from crying. Elliot had made her the mistress, let alone it was only for one night, but he still did it. It hurt her to her core, making her whole body ache. She made her way back to her apartment. Knowing she would have difficulty sleeping she grabbed a large glass of vodka, letting her fall sleep sooner.
Four weeks of avoiding Elliot, and four weeks of being heart broken. Four weeks of being tempted to drink, but not. He call her, and she'd ignore. The only time they spoke was for the case, and lucky for her he'd been called off to help with another part of his and Fin's case they'd worked not that long ago.
For the past week she'd been feeling under the weather, and even had to call in sick to work this week (which hardly ever does). She'd even gotten to the point to were she went to the doctors. He told her it was probably just the flu, but took some test just in case.
She got off the elevator on her floor, and Elliot was outside her door. He was sitting with one leg bent upward, and the other extended out in front of him. His gaze was on the wall in front of him, and he leaned against the opposite wall near her door.
Her heart fell into her stomach. She turned back around, to get back into the elevator. Instead she saw the doors shutting in her face. She sighed, and heard Elliot scrabbling to his feet.
"Liv," she heard Elliot say behind her. She didn't know how but it now felt that her stomach fell into her knees. Slowly she turned around to face Elliot.
"What do you want?" She replied with a sour tone. She could hardly look at him.
"What do I want?" He repeated. "I wanted to know what the hell is going on with you. One day your practically throwing yourself at me, and the next month you barely speak to me."
"Throwing myself at you! Is that what you think I was doing? Because if it is-" She stopped herself mid sentence. "At least I'm not the one who lied," she finished.
His eyebrows drew together. "What are you talking about?"
"Are you kidding me! You didn't ask Kathy for a divorce till after we slept together!" He froze, his mouth fell slightly open. "Yeah, didn't expect Kathy to tell me..."
"I didn't think it mattered, because I was already set in my way. I knew I was going to." He grabbed her upper arms, near her shoulders. She used her forearms to knock his grip down.
"You lied to me though, Elliot, and it hurts... Please, I just need a little time. Thats all. To think."
"What do you need to think about Liv?" He asked with sad eyes.
"Elliot, please... Just go," she replied walking to her door. "I'll call you when I'm ready."
"Just don't let it be to late," he said walking up to her. He kissed her forehead, and slowly began to walk to the elevator. She opened her door, and slammed it shut. Her back hit her door, rattling it. Her hand flew over her mouth, and tears rolled down her cheeks. She heard a loud bang, and knew it had to be Elliot hitting something. A sure sign of what he was actually feeling. She knew she didn't want to break up with him, she just need a little time to think of how much it hurt her... Or if she was just over reacting. She couldn't tell anymore because it had been so long since she'd been in another committed relationship.
It surprised her when she heard her phone going off. She scrambled to her home phone, and answered it.
"Hello?" She said, covering up her tears with a shaky voice.
"Good evening Mame, may I speak to Miss Olivia Benson?" The unknown woman said.
"Uh, yes you are speaking to her. Who is this?" She asked because she didn't think to look at her caller ID.
"This is Mary from Dr. Addison office. I apologize for calling so late."
"It's fine."
"Well, we have your test results."
"You can just tell me them over the phone," she said not feeling like waiting.
"Okay. Miss. Benson, you are 6 weeks pregnant," Mary said. Olivia felt her knees collapse, and she fell into the couch. Mary continued to speak in her, but all Olivia heard was mumbles. Her eyes were stuck on the building she could see could see through her window. Her hand ran across her stomach, and the other barely held the phone to her ear. In the middle of Mary's sentence she hung up, and let the phone drop. She ran to her window to see if Elliot's car was still parked outside. Of course it wasn't, but she could hope. Her hand touched the cold pane, and her breath left frost on it.
She pushed off the window, and walked into her bathroom. Forcing on the hot water she bent down, and splashed her face. She looked up into the mirror, and watched the beaded water roll down her face. Her arm rested on both sides of the sink. Huffing, she pulled herself upright, lifted her shirt, and turned to her side. Her eyes were glued to her stomach. A little nub peeked though, the the kind that she go when she was bloated. This time it wasn't that though, it was her child growing inside of her. Elliot's child growing inside of her. Her damp hand ran over her abdomen leaving a trail of moisture.
"How?" The words barely escaped her lips,but she couldn't help but wonder. All of these years she had been wanting to have a child, but she never imagined it like this. She didn't even think she could still have kids. She didn't know why she didn't think she could. Her period was on time though. But having your period doesn't always mean your not pregnant, and she knew that.
The timing though., that was the kicker. Right after all of EVERYTHING that just happened with Elliot. It seemed like some horrible trick of fate, and irony.
She sighed, and dropped her shirt. Quickly making her way to her kitchen with a goal. She opened her liquor cabinet, and pulled out all of it out. She dumped the three bottles of wine in the sink, then into the garbage. She got the vodka out of her freezer, emptying it as well. She dumped her all her coffee (except the de-caf) as well. She walked to her closet in her bed room, and grabbed the one thing she knew could help her at the moment. The one thing that would let her mind wonder, will keeping it on track.
A large piece of rice paper ripped off of the wheel she had of it. She grabbed the colored pastels and charcoal from her dresser. Knowing it seemed silly for her to draw, but also knowing it would help. Her little secret she never told anyone. She could always draw when she was feeling very deep and sad, and sometime with extreme happiness. She only did art at these moments because; one) it was the only time she could draw well and two) it help get out what she was feeling. She would keep it till the feeling passed, and then usually threw it away. It seemed pointless to keep. And though she'd never say it out loud she was always embarrassed by it, and didn't want anyone to see it. Honestly telling you why it embarrassed her she could never tell you, but it did. She also thought they weren't the best. It started the first night her mother had hit her, and continued ever since. She wouldn't even let anyone come into her apartment until it was done so she could hide it.
She walked back to her living room, pushed her coffee table out of the way, and laid the paper across her floor. She sat down with crossed legs, and threw her hair into a sloppy pony tail. Quickly she began working on the drawing. The charcoal ran gently over the paper, printing the lines firmly.
Olivia heard her alarm clock going off in the distance. She lifted her heavy head off of the ground, followed by the rest of her body. It occurred to her that she'd fallen asleep on the hard wood floor, but she had finished her drawing. She looked at her watch, and read that she had ten minutes to get to work. She hastily got ready for work, leaving the drawing dead center in the middle of the living room.
She ran into the precinct only twelve minutes late, and could feel her pulse through her whole body. Noticing Elliot nor Fin were there she walked over to Munch.
"Where's El and Fin?" She asked, still trying to catch her breath. Her damp hair still hitting her face. She took a deep inhale, and put her hair into a pony tail.
"Haven't showed up yet," he told her not looking up from his crème folder. She sat herself down, and began working on unfinished case files she knew Cragen would be asking for soon. Time seemed to fly by, and when she look at the clock she was surprised to see it was already close to noon. Confused on why neither Elliot, nor Fin had shown up or at least even called in concerned her. As if he knew what she was thinking about Cragen walked between her and Munch's desk.
"I need to talk to you two," he said with a flat voice. They looked over to him, both assuming it was about their partners disappearance for the day. "It's about Elliot, and Fin." He sighed, and continued, "they've both gone undercover." Olivia's heart sank once more.
"They chose to go undercover?" She asked.
"I'm not sure if they had a choice in it or not," he told her honestly. Olivia looked the other way.
"Um, I'm gonna get food. Do you guys want anything?" Her forced her voice to sound normal. Without waiting for a reply she began getting her things ready.
"Uh, no," they answered silently, watching her hurry out of the precinct. Olivia walked all the way down to a little cafe four blocks away. She sat in a booth without saying a word. The only thing she said the whole time she was there was her order.
Her mind raced:
"No, he wouldn't willing go undercover. Would he?"
"He couldn't leave me like this. Could he?"
"How is he going to react when he finds out I'm pregnant?"
"I should have told him last night... Told him to come back over... Apologized, and told him."
Where the questions running through her mind, the solutions all seemed to run together. Unable to control her mind. Her fingers danced around the rim of her hot coffee mug. She'd taken three sips the whole time she was there. After close to an hour she'd finally calmed down enough to go back to work.
The rest of the day seemed endless. When she'd gotten home she literally collapsed into bed, unable to move anything on her body from lack of energy. Her bed engulfed her body with comforting arms.
It startled her when her phone went off. She groaned, and rolled over to her phone on her nightstand. With squinted eyes she grabbed her phone from the receiver. She tried focusing on the caller ID, but it was blurred to her at the moment. Giving up she answered.
"Hello," she cracked.
"Olivia, its Cragen... Elliot's been shot."
Olivia quickly sat up in her bed. "What? Is- Is he alright?"
"I don't know the details, but he's at Mercy General."
Without saying anything else Olivia hung up, and threw on a jacket and shoes. She hopped into her black Mustang, and drove to the hospital she so often was. She rushed in, and demanded she see Elliot. The woman behind the counter got rude, and made her wait in the waiting room. Fin was sitting in the chair with his hands folded in each other, and in a daze.
"Fin, what the hell happened?" She asked snapping him from his daze.
"Our cover was blown because of an old informant I had when I was in narcotics..." He said with a flat voice.
"Where was he shot?" She asked with worry. Fin looked up to her, and had sad eyes.
"His spine," he barely got out.
A doctor with blond hair, and warm face walked in. "Mrs. Stabler?" He asked to the whole room. Olivia turned to him.
"She's not here, they're separated," she told him.
"Is he okay?" Fin asked, getting closer to him. The doctor sighed.
"I'm sorry to inform you, but he's in a coma." Olivia froze, unable to even move from shock. It seemed that she even stopped breathing. Her eyes locked on the doctor.
"How server is it?" Fin continued asking.
"Well, we aren't sure. Could be a couple weeks, could be a couple years. When he collapsed from being shot he cause grave damage to his brain?"
"But he will wake up?"
"No doubt in my mind he wont. It's just a matter of when."
"Is there any other damage from the actual gun shot wound?"
"We wont know until he wakes up, but he might be paralyzed. We can't be sure until he wakes up."
Olivia finally said something. "So, what you're telling me is you don't know anything but what could be... You don't know how long he's going to be gone, and he may or may not be able to walk ever again?" She snapped. Fin reached, and touched her arm. She quickly pulled back. "Don't touch me," she bluntly stated, and walked out of the waiting room. She pushed her way all the way back outside.
The rain was hitting the pavement harshly, but she didn't care. She stepped out from the protection from water and into the downstream. Her looked up to the smog filled sky's reflecting the orange from the city lights. She felt a loud sob rip from her chest. Her hands lifted up, only bending at the elbows, to her sides.
"Why?" the words barely escaped her lips. Her hands rose further up to her mouth, and she covered her cries.
It seemed that everything she said the other night was pointless. That she didn't mean it. She didn't mean to hurt him. Didn't mean for it to happen like that. That she should have called him, and told him to come back. Told him she was pregnant. Told him how much she loved him, and wanted to be with him. That she didn't want a break.
"Are you okay?" She heard a voice ask. She wiped her head to the voice. It was Elliot's doctor. She tried containing more of her tears.
"I'm scared," she admitted. "...I'm terrified."
"I know, but you can't run away. He needs you. You're partner needs you," he said softly. She didn't know why but she pulled him into a hug, and began crying harder. After a minute or so she pulled back. "I'm not suppose to, but would you like to see him?"
Her eyes lite up slightly. "Please."
Silently she followed him into the ICU. It was hard for her, but she walked into Elliot's room. His head was bandaged, and also his lower back and abdomen. She turned to the doctor.
"Can he hear me?" She asked quietly.
"He hasn't responded to anything we've said... I doubt he can." Olivia looked back to Elliot, and nodded barely. "Just tell me when you leave." He said with a weak smile.
"Thank you," she whispered. He nodded, and left the room.
With a shaky body Olivia walked over to Elliot. It was hard not to start balling, but she held it in. She reached out and touched his face. His skin felt warm on hers. A single tear rolled down her cheek, and feel onto his hospital gown. She reached for his hand, and brought it to her face. Gently she kissed his knuckles. She opened his palm, and placed it on her face. She silently cried like this for a few minutes.
His body was so motionless, and pale. His eyes were sunk in, and lips chapped. She leaned over and pressed her lips to his. Without saying anything she laid on her side next to him. He didn't even flinch. Her fingers traced the outline of his muscles through the hospital gown. They moved up his face. Her fingers wrapped to the other side of his face, and palm was under his chin.
"Don't leave me. You can't leave me," she whispered to him. "I can't raise this baby without you." She grabbed his hand, and rested it on her abdomen. "I can't raise our baby without... I can't live without you." She began to cry again. She gripped his hand, entwining their fingers, and set them between him and her. She didn't realize it, but she'd fallen asleep. When she woke it was the same scene. He was still lost in his own mind, stuck in his own mind.
The months dragged on, and nothing changed. She went to the hospital every chance she got. Spoke to his doctor, whom she learned his name was Cory Baker. She rarely spoke to Elliot, but she always let him know when she was there and when she left. It was hard for her to go every night, keeping it was a secret she was going every night. She still hadn't told them Elliot and her and been in a short term relationship before it happened. They only knew she was pregnant because she began showing.
It was another night at the hospital, and she was sitting in the chair she so often did. She looked out the window, and saw Cory standing outside with a cup of tea for her like he had for the past two weeks. She smiled, and walked out to greet him. She took the warm cup in her hand.
"You're a very devoted partner," he told her.
"Well, we've been partners for 12 years," she explained. She took a sip from her cup.
"Wow, really?"
Olivia nodded. "Almost 13," she barely got out.
"I'm sorry." His tone was soft, and sincere.
"Thank you," she told him. "For helping me through all of this. I know you probably think I'm just some annoying woman who comes here everyday-"
"I don't think that at all," he cut her off. "When I see you as a devoted partner. A kind soul." She locked eyes with him. He leaned in quick, and kissed her. She pushed back.
"I'm sorry," she apologized. "You're a nice man, and I can't tell you how much I'm thankful for all you've down for Elliot and I, but-"
"Elliot and I?" He questioned with a tone insinuating they were a couple.
"Yea... Elliot and I." He sighed heavily.
"I should have assumed."
"Well, you know what they say about assuming," she said with a small grin.
"What's that?"
Her grin grew slightly bigger. "Assuming makes an ass out of you and me."
He chuckled lightly. "I meant I should have assumed because your pregnant, and very close to him."
Her hand ran down her enlarged stomach. "I've been trying to keep it a secret it's his."
"I wont say anything," he swore. She smile graciously.
"Thanks."
He stuck out his hand. "Friends?" She grinned, nodded, and shook his hand. She looked back to Elliot.
"I come here every night in hopes of some form of improvement. A twitch, something."
"We've been trying some knew therapy to see if it can enhance brain activity, and movement. Hopefully it will."
"Hopefully."
A total of 7 months had gone by, and Olivia was almost 8 ½ months pregnant. She'd been put on desk duty, and working 5-9 shifts 5 days a week. It sounded odd, but it felt nice to get hours knocked off. And though people kept asking she refused to give the name of her unborn child's father. She felt she looked like a blow fish. She couldn't even fit in Elliot's bed with him anymore.
She sat in the chair starring at him. After of starring at him for 7 months, and walked close to him.
"Elliot," she said out loud. She grabbed his hand, and rest it on her stomach. She could feel the baby kicking inside of her, and against Elliot's hand. A smile appeared on her face. "God I love you so much," she said trying to contain her tears. She felt his hand flinch lightly in hers. She looked down at her hand, and mouth fell slightly agape. "Elliot, can you hear me? Squeeze my hand if you can hear me." Once more, this time while she watched, his hand gripped slightly once more. She felt a relieved laugh escape her, and she tighten her hands on his. "Oh god," she cried, and got closer to him. She sat on the bed beside his leg, and looked at his face.
"I shouldn't have let you leave that night. I should have not even said any of those things, because I didn't mean any of them. It's just didn't give me much time to realize that. Do you understand what I'm saying El?" He squeezed her hand lightly again, and a small smile appeared. "I love you Elliot... Please wake up. Please." She looked at him, and he didn't move an inch. She turned away, facing away from him completely. She looked to his eyes, and saw them fluttering lightly. She paused not knowing if this was a dream or he was awake.
"Olivia," he barely got out. His heart rate began to spike, and nurses rushed in. They pulled her off the bed, and he saw it. Her protruding stomach. He didn't even have time to react, because his head tilted back into his pillow. The nurses were shouting, and running around. Olivia felt a sharp pain rush through her body, and she bent over from the pain. Knowing the nurses were to distracted with Elliot she slowly made her way into the hallway. She saw Cory running down the hall, probably responding to his page of Elliot being awake. She toppled over in pain once more, and then she felt it. A large bust all the way down her leg onto the hospital floor.
"Olivia!" He called out. "You're water just broke."
"I'm aware!" she called out in pain.
"We need a nurse!" He yelled in a demanding manner. She would never admit it but Cory and herself had become rather close during this experience.
A nurse rushed to his side. As soon as he saw the pool of clear fluid he knew what needed to be done. He called for a hospital bed, and transported her to the labor area. She looked over to Cory.
"Please tell me how Elliot's doing... Go, and see! Please!" She barely got out through her pain. Her teeth clenched tightly. She called out once more from a contraction. He nodded, and ran off to Elliot's room. She gripped the metal bars on the side of the hospital bed, and lifted her self up trying to push out the child inside her.
"Don't push yet," the female doctor told her.
"Are you kidding me!" She exclaimed with rage. "You don't want me to push?"
They pulled her legs onto stirrups, and measured how far along she was dilated. The unknown woman doctor that told her not to push looked to Olivia.
"If you want an epidural we have to do it now," she said in a soft voice.
"That'd be nice," she said trying her hardest not to sound sarcastic.
Elliot's head looked over to his doctor, and took a deep breath.
"I can't move my legs?" He asked with a shaky voice.
"You are getting some movement, it is just limited... But no, you can't." Elliot let out a hard breath.
"What happened with Olivia? Where'd she go?" Cory sighed and looked to Elliot.
"Her water broke. She's in labor as we speak... She made me come in here to make sure your okay."
"... How long was I in the coma?" He asked after a moment.
"Close to 7 months."
"So... The babies mine?"
"Yea," Cory said exhaling. "She's probably freaking out in there right now all by herself."
"Take me to her," he said trying to sit up.
"Stay down... I can't take you right now."
"Why not?"
"Starting with the fact that as soon as you woke up you almost went into a stroke," he began. "Look, I want to take you down but I can't. I have to take you to for a MRI and CT scan before I do anything. Sorry."
"I-I understand. Don't want me to slip back into a coma," he said with a sad voice.
"I promise I will get you down there as soon as I can."
"Thank you."
"No problem."
Olivia's felt her daughters tiny fingers wrap around her hair strands. She smiled and ran her hand down her back, soothing her. She heard the door open, and saw Elliot being wheeled in.
"Hey," she barely got out. She suppressed tears of joy. The nurse rolled him up to her bedside, and left them alone.
"Why didn't you tell me you were pregnant?" He asked her.
"I found out after you had gone home. I was going to tell you the next day as soon as I saw you. That everything I'd just said I didn't mean. That I was pregnant. That I couldn't live without you," she began tearing up again. "Then I found out you went undercover... I couldn't get a hold of you. For some god awful reason I felt that you abandoned me, and her. Then that night I got the call you were in a coma, and I didn't care about anything I thought or felt you'd done... Because I just wanted you to wake up, and not leave me." He reached out to her cheek, sending shivers down her spine. It'd been so long she felt his touch. She nudged her head further into his hand.
"I would never leave you," he reminded her. A reminder she desperately needed.
"I know," she replied, nodding. The baby wiggled slightly, and Olivia sat up. One hand placed on her neck propping it up, and the other on her bottom. "I think she wants to see her father." He half grinned. She leaned over close so he wouldn't have to use much energy. He took her in his hands with loving warmth spreading across his face.
"Have you chose a name?" He asked her.
"I didn't know the sex until a half hour ago." He looked up to her. "I didn't want to find out without you. I also didn't want to pick a name without you."
"I've named 5 kids... I think you've got this one." She chuckled lightly. Her fingers ran over the dark full head of jet black hair placed on top of their babies head.
"Iris Jane," she said out loud. He smiled up to her.
"I like it." He looked down to her. "Welcome to the world, Iris Jane." Olivia smiled, and saw a small mocking bird perched outside on a tree branch. It's hum was sweet, and low. She didn't want to, but had to ask.
"Elliot?" She finally said after a few minutes. "Can you walk?" He looked up at her, although she was still looking out the window.
"No," he told her honestly. She nodded, and looked down.
"I was scared of that... We'll push through though," she struggled getting out. Sadness, and worry rang through her voice.
"I'm still kicking." She laughed slightly at his pun, and whipped her tears off her cheek. He took a large gulp, and asked what he'd been wondering for a couple hours. "Did anything happen between you and Dr. Baker? I know it's stupid to ask, but it's just the way he talks about you. The look he gets in his eye when he hears your name..."
"We didn't sleep together," she clarified. "But he did just think you were my partner, and he kissed me... I told him we were in a relationship after I pulled away. He understood. We're just friends. I know he likes me, but like I've said I couldn't live without you." She looked down to Iris. "I couldn't live without my family," she said with a smile.
"She's so beautiful," he said rocking her slightly. Her fathers bright blue eyes where behind her eyelids. Her skin was slightly lighter than Olivia's. It was clear this was their child. "She looks so much like you."
"She looks like you too," she pointed out. Elliot reached up, and handed Iris back to Olivia. With gentle arms she took her 7 lb baby. She looked down at her, and stuck her finger in Iris's small hand.
"Olivia?" He said with a small voice. "Marry me?"
With a quick movement she looked up. "What'd you say?" She asked with astonishment.
He grinned. "I know it's crazy, and I know we have to wait till my divorce finalize... But marry me?"
Uh-oh, it's the end of part one! And I left you with a cliff hanger! Will she say yes! Will she say no! What happens with their partnership! What happens with their daughter! Find out in PART TWO! Coming soonish! (Don't worry I'm not gonna leave you high and dry! Or at least try my hardest not to!)
