Just a short oneshot I came up with, based loosely on something that happened to me, but without the happy ending. I'm not too sure about the ending here, but I don't think it's too terrible. Please review, and check out my other Lily/ James oneshots :) I'm also working on an L/J multichapter fic, but I'm not posting it until I have a good chunk of it done, because I'm awful at updating. Subscribe if you want to read it when it's ready. Yes, that was a shameless plug. But I'm hoping you'll deal with it.
.o.O.o.
They say that you learn something new everyday. And today I learnt that crying yourself hoarse then grovelling at someone's feet until they snog you may not be a good idea unless you know all of the facts. But then again, they snog you. So maybe it could be after all. You be the judge.
It was a cool, grey Friday. OK, let's be honest. It was a total washout.
It was the end of the first week back at school, and it appeared that the clouds had stored around seven weeks worth of rain and decided to let it all go at once. The morning was cold and grey. I think I already said something about that. Anyway. I said it again.
I got up early. That was new. For all of my life, I'd been known for getting up late, or just plain not getting up at all. I don't get why everyone was so annoyed by it, really. Who doesn't love sleep, in all honesty? Not many people. But this year I'd turned over a new leaf. Well, OK, I hadn't but I had a new reason to get up early in the morning. He got up early in the morning. Him. You know. Potter.
James.
He's Head Boy this year. No, I couldn't believe it either.
I'm Head Girl this year. Yes, I could believe that. Easily.
We have to share a common room. Our dormitories are separate from the rest of the Gryffindors. My own personal paradise. Well. It should be.
I threw on my clothes before my alarm even went, and skipped down the stairs. Yes, I did skip, I'm not being metaphoric.
In the common room – which was already full of our possessions and had bits of rubbish strewn all over the floor – a red couch faced the fire. The crimson sofa was gilded with gold. James loved that. Nothing meant more to him than his Gryffindor pride. Not anymore, anyway. I could see the back of his messy head over the back of the sofa. I can't believe I used to pretend to hate that hair.
I'd do anything to tell him what I really think of it.
Quickly dropping my skip (with some effort, I'll admit) I wandered over to the armchair. It was angled diagonally, so I had a perfect view of James, and the warmth from the fire touched my legs. Not literally, of course. That might be quite painful.
I put my bag down on the coffee table noisily – he never seemed to notice me anymore.
He looked up, and I couldn't quite read his expression. I was always good at deciphering people's emotions, but James is just an enigma to me now. I'd like to think that's why I'm drawn to him. But it's not. His eyebrows were ever so slightly raised, giving the impression of confusion, and his lips were fixed in a pout. You know its bad when fall for a man who pouts.
I looked back and smiled vaguely. I couldn't bring myself to be too open with him. Not yet. I looked away quickly before he had a chance to respond, and delved back into my bag, looking for an essay that I could pretend to check over. I finally found something – potions, if it's really relevant – and started reading over it.
"You're up early again," James said quietly. He didn't sound particularly interested. He was just stating a simple fact.
"Mmm," was the only response I could come up with. It was the only time he'd spoken to me this week without it being entirely related to working.
"Trying to turn over a new leaf? The Lily I know would never wake up early by chance," he responded. He smiled this time. Cheeky. Like he used to be.
"Yeah, I had to do it at some point."
He smiled.
After ten minutes of sitting in silence and working on our respective assignments, James must have decided he was hungry. That's no surprise. He's always hungry.
He put a book back into his bag – I caught the green lettering briefly and made a note to remember that he was interested in going into the Ministry – and stood up. He walked over to the entrance of our Common Room, and turned to leave. I wondered if he knew that I was watching his every move. He kind of hung back for a minute, and I quickly averted my eyes back to the parchment. Letting him know that I was secretly stalking him was not a good idea.
He turned and met my eyes for a moment, and I got a sudden pang of stomach ache. I wasn't fazed. That's been happening a lot lately. He took his hand off the strap of his bag in a half-hearted wave.
It took a minute to understand what the heck was happening. We had barely communicated this year. Things were…awkward, to say the least.
By the time my embarrassingly slow brain had kicked into action and screamed at me to wave back, he'd turned away. Crap. He was trying to reach out to me, and I'd probably gone and hurt his feelings. Fantastic. Now I know why…but we're not up to that bit yet. All in good time.
He sloped slowly out through the lighter patch of wall, back into the usual common room. I stared the gently shimmering wall for a moment, then stuffed the essay back into my bag and followed him.
In the Common Room, I was greeted enthusiastically by Alice. She never seems to get tired; I have no idea how she does it.
"Hey Lily!" she said perkily.
"'Mornin' Al," I muttered back.
"What's up?"
I suppose she had a good reason to ask. I'd woken up positively buoyant for the last week, and now I was acting like I hadn't slept in three days, my family had been brutally murdered and I had automatically failed all of my N.E. for being a bad person.
"Nothing, just...are the others awake?"
Alice caught on instantly. This is why she's my best friend.
"The dorms empty, if that's what you mean."
"Good."
We made our way up to my old dormitory and I told her about what had just happened. Her expert advice? "He'll probably just think you're having a bad day. You need to get over him, Lily."
So encouraging.
"I can't, in case you never noticed."
"Hmm. I have nothing more to say on the subject. This constant moping, discussing, whining and generally thinking about Potter is not good for you. Come on, let's go and get some breakfast."
This is why I wish she wasn't my best friend.
The morning passed in a dull blur of classes. I barely registered a single thing the teachers were saying; I'm going to get unHead Girlified if I carry on like this.
At lunch, I ate quickly and mooched back to the usual Common Room with Alice. She didn't say anything to me. She knows when I don't want to talk. And why.
As we sloped down the corridor, I spotted James and Sirius up ahead, talking animatedly. I gave Alice a nudge and nodded towards them. She nodded back, and we sped up ever so slightly, so that we were in perfect range for eavesdropping whilst appearing to be entirely innocent.
"You really did well for yourself there, mate," I heard Sirius say proudly.
"Mmm. I suppose. I can't…talk to her though. I mean, I want to BE with her, but I can't actually TALK with her," James sighed.
My heart leapt.
It sounded as if they were talking about me.
How arrogant of me.
But it still sounded as if they were discussing me. Somehow.
"Well, that's stupid."
At that moment, a group of third years walked past, laughing loudly, and drowning out part of the conversation.
As soon as they had gone, I heard Sirius talk again, "…been going out for two months, and most of that was the holidays, and not even had a proper conversation! It's ridiculous!"
I froze. Alice turned to look at me worriedly.
"Lily it might not-"
But I simply grabbed her wrist and yanked her into a nearby secret passage, tears already beginning to fall.
"I can't believe it Alice," I blubbed, sitting down on the floor near the wall. "I just can't believe it."
That was the moment that I snapped. I wasn't me anymore. That little shred of hope that he might still want me was the only thing that was keeping me going. Apparently, the whole week, plus the holidays, had consisted of my clinging to this last chance of a life.
Call me dramatic.
OK. I am dramatic.
But hey, my life was over.
I think you'd be feeling a little dramatic, too.
Too bad I missed the part where they were talking about Peter and his new girlfriend.
Oh, and it WAS me they were talking about in the beginning.
A rather lengthy kissing session that evening was the perfect way of clearing things up.
Believe me.
It was the best day of my life.
And no, I am NOT being dramatic.
It was very nice kissing those pouty lips of his.
I've decided that pouting is a good thing.
And very, very sexy.
