Queer eye for the Straight Guy
okay this has been beta, so there are some small changes but please still review!
Disclaimer: Just Standard, I don't own the Characters or the places, I just use them.
Characters Albus Ron Harry Draco Snape (actually straight with Hermione)
Warning: is mention of Slash but not graphical or anything of it just mentioned.
Humour and Romance
For Hagrid and his Dragon.
"Right guys we have a mission for one of our staff" Albus say during a briefing whilst steering at Snape's bare feet.
Snape shifting uncomfortably under Albus's stare, wondering why the fuck did I agree to this, I'm happily married and I swear this will make me queer, by being surround by three of the most famous queer males and one very grotesque she-male. 1
Getting sick of Harry, Draco and Ron eyeing each other with lust, he stood suddenly and started saying "you sick grotesque people, you disgust me, you just make me want you" full of heavy sarcasm, and stormed out.
Walking down the corridors he realised he never found out the mission. Quickly turning his direction back to the headmaster's office, he walked into Hagrid.
"What do you want?" Snarled Severus
"Why, I just wanted to thank-you for agreeing to be the fifth man in this Queer eye business, but truly thought that you were happy with Hermione" A more than slightly confused Care of Magical Creatures teacher. 2
"What are you on about, and of course I'm happy with my wife and I am most certainly not the fifth queer guy, I'm merrily part of a group with three queers and a strangely grotesque she-male, and I am the only straight man there." Snape stated to a really confused Hagrid.
"And now if you excuse I must return to the headmaster…" dodging the half giant "…to find out my most wonderful mission of turning a straight guy to a slightly queer guy in order to impression his partner." The Potion Master reply full of sarcasm.
Upon, reaching the gargoyle he muttered the password "Fab Five" and entered to find the she male Harry enjoying the three queers doing what they do best. "I'd just be going again but if you can um, tell what staff um, member our mission is for that would be great," Severus was just about to shocked for words, and realised that they hadn't seem to hear him. "HELLO, I AM HERE YOU KNOW," Shouted a suddenly angry Potion Master. "No need to shout we hear you the first time, but it is always fun to see you uncomfortable…" laughed Albus "… and of course you can know its Hagrid for this Dragon, she isn't very impressed with his style and all so she nominated him."
Shaking his head, he walked into his chambers and meet with the sight of his wife on the couch reading. "Hermione dear, I don't think I'd be in bed to night." Hermione looking up in concern and seeing the distressed look on he husbands face, closed her book and got up and kissed her husband passionately, "Now Sev, are you sure you don't want to come to bed tonight…" questioned a very seductive looking Hermione. "… Now what ever happened cant be that bad that you don't want to join my and baby," she said as she ran a protective hand across her pregnant belly. "Oh, but there is, have you ever seen Albus, Ron and Draco play chess and Harry enjoying the view of them playing." Asked a nearly on tears Severus. "Okay, now I'm just lost, wants wrong with chess everyone plays it dear," but a quickly has she it, it dawned on her that Severus has never played. "You know an overly intelligent person as yourself, you have never played it and thought it was a queers game, you silly man." "You insufferable know it all," he retorted as he tried to stop the blush to come up.
N.B. okay I know a weird place to leave it but my bubby and I who are working together thought just leave it her and continue our next chapter, When we start our mission, and what Hagrid does to upset Severus.
1 Okay it was explained a little later on but for you who didn't catch it; Harry she male, and Albus, Ron and Draco are Queer.
2 Now I can't write as Hagrid speaks so just pretend that he now speak in a normal human voice.
N.B.2 You will never see me refer homosexuals or Queers as gay (no offence if it created any) because I have an aunty who's name is Gaye and a mate who's name is Gay.
