Reunion

chapter 1

Tamwar hesitated. He knocked. He stepped back from the door and looked up at the window, willing there to be some sign of activity inside. Looking shiftily around, he raised his hand to knock again, and was taken aback when the door suddenly opened.

Christian looked wary, and slightly unkempt. 'Look, if you need help at the unit...' he began, but Tamwar cut him off. 'Can I come in?' he asked nervously, again glancing over his shoulder. 'Its not about the unit. Its about Syed'.

Christian sighed as Tam followed him up the stairs. There was very little, he felt, that Tamwar could possibly say to him that he didn't already know. That would change the way things were. Yet, as he always did, he found himself unable not to listen.

With a mug of tea in his hand, Tamwar looked curiously around the flat, wondering if there was any insight here into his brother's other life. The pictures, the sofa... the bed, which dominated the room, with its red silk sheets. He blushed, and caught Christian watching him, slightly amused. He coughed.

'I need to talk to you about Syed', Tamwar began. 'Please. I've tried to support him, tried to be there for him, but I don't actually know how to help him anymore. The last few months, he's been so manically happy, pretending everything's alright...'

Christian's smile faded. 'I head about the 'therapist', he said. His face was blank.

'I know, I know'... Tam struggled to find the right words. 'I know its ridiculous. But he asked for my support, told me I was the only one who was on his side. What could I say to him?'

'That it was wrong? That it wouldn't work? That he can't change who he really is, inside? That this man is clearly sick, deluded, taking advantage of him and profiting from his desperation?' Christian's voice broke, and he turned away, walked into the kitchen. He had been so angry with Syed when he'd heard. He was still angry. Angry with himself for caring. Angry that he couldn't change things, make them better, for Sy.

'I know. I do know', Tamwar said. 'And I think Syed does too, deep down. He's not stupid. But he's always been so serious, so devout. He can see how much he's hurt mum and dad, and he wants to fix it. But he can't fix this. And he won't listen to me...' Tam shook his head, increasingly aware that he was wasting his time. But who else could he go to? He shook his head in frustration.

'He won't listen to me either Tam', Christian insisted. 'I can't help him with this, If I've learned anything, I've learned that, finally. If he could have both, he would. But he can't. Its a choice. And he can't choose me. He won't choose me'.

'But he loves you Christian. He told me that he loves you. He told me that he can't not love you. And I know that you still love him. Don't you?'

Christian sighed, and didn't reply. But he knew the answer, and glancing at his face, he knew that Tamwar knew the answer. He poured himself a cup of tea, walked over to the sofa, and with a heavy heart, he sat down.