Nick: My first Stargate SG-1 fanfic. I'm so happy I finally got this done. It is based off of the episode, Momento Mori, in which Vala loses her memory and in turn gets lost from the SGC with some very bad people after her. Poor Vala. I loved that ep so much because of the touching moment between her and Daniel when Daniel convinces her that she doesn't need to run away and I almost melted at their hug! ^_^ I wanted to explore that dynamic a little more, so I did. With fudge...and cuddling! And Snow Patrol lyrics. lol
Disclaimer: I'm not that crazy. I'm only this crazy. That? That's all them.
Rating: K...maybe plus, kinda sorta a little bit...I can't really justify it being K plus, except for maybe angst and that I'm paranoid.
If I lay here, if I just lay here
Will you lay with me and
Just forget the world?
Snow Patrol "Chasing Cars"
He felt trapped, stuck in the doorway like there was a force shield keeping him back. Looking in through the partly open door, he could just see the outline of her shoulders shaking in the dark. The only other time he had seen her honestly cry had been when she wasn't able to save all of the natives from the Prior epidemic on P3X something, something, something. That had just been little tears, not these full-blown sobs. He didn't really know what to do; what could he do? How could he make up for losing her and not being able to find her for three weeks? She must have been so scared…
"How ya holding up?" he asked. He could have smacked himself. Great opening line, not cliché at all.
She jumped with a very audible, shaky gasp and glanced furtively over her shoulder at him. "Oh! I thought I locked the…sorry, can you just…?" Scrambling awkwardly, she did her best to keep her back to him while she snatched a handful of tissues from the nightstand and buried her face in them.
"Didn't mean to sneak up on you." Quietly, he stepped inside and closed the door behind him. "Just wanted to make sure that you aren't freaking out too much. Guess you are."
Wiping her face, she may have laughed…or sobbed more. He went with laughed because then she said, "freaking out doesn't cover it."
"Well, then it's a good thing I'm here," he stated, stepping slowly over to her and sitting down at a safe distance beside her on the bed. He reached into his pocket and brought out a crinkling brown paper bag. "I've been told that the safe bet with women is chocolate."
With a look of utter shock flickering in her eyes, she absently accepted the package. She didn't take her eyes away from his face for a good few moments. Finally, she looked at the bag in her hands skeptically before tugging it open. A faint line creased her brow, but it was more honest confusion than disdain. "What is it?"
"It's fudge."
Vala gave him an odd look, then looked into the bag again. "You've never given me…fudge before," she stated, a strange quality to her voice that was both certain and terrified at the same time. "Have you?"
He tried to pretend that the honesty behind that inquiry wasn't making him all kinds of uncomfortable. It was so raw and open that it just didn't sound like Vala. That fact that he was hearing her voice almost sounded wrong. He squashed all of that down. "You've never needed it before," he said, going for nonchalant. "See, I've been reliably informed that fudge is the sure-fire cure for any sort of bad time a woman can experience. Usually it's mean to treat break-ups and broken hearts, but I figured that virtually losing all of your memories warranted a tasty, chocolate snack."
"I remember you, Daniel."
As she said it, she raised her hand, as if she meant to reach out and touch him, make sure that he was real, that he was there and not just some confusing memory in her head, without substance or context. She hesitated, and he could have sworn he saw another tear slide down her face. Making a quick decision, he took her hand and pulled it gently toward him. Her eyes slowly returned to his face and she blinked rapidly to clear the moisture. Suddenly, just by the slightest twitch of her fingers encased in his grasp, he knew exactly what she wanted. He leaned forward a little and touched her fingertips to his cheek, guiding gently until she was cupping his face.
"What do you remember?" he asked quietly.
"Hitting you." With this admission, she huffed a laugh that was mostly a sob and he found his smile came a lot easier. "…Kissing you…" Heat flicked over his cheeks, but he sensed that she wasn't finished so he said nothing, kept her hand pressed against him. "I remember…so many things. I can't tell what actually happened and what was just some fantasy I conjured up some time or another. There are so many gaps that—that I don't know how to fill them or if what I'm filling them with is just wishful thinking or…"
"Tell me," he urged when she'd trailed off. The part of him that was the logical and reserved archaeologist, Dr. Jackson, was trying to shy away and brush this whole encounter off as one of Vala's tricks. But what he saw in her eyes…it brought out the man that was Daniel who cared deeply for her.
Blinking, she looked down at the bag in her lap and took a deep breath. "I…can't." She started to take her hand back, but he held tight. "You said that as soon as Sa…Samantha gets that weird memory thing up and running, I'll get all of my memories back and sorted out instantly. So there really is no point in—"
"There's this whole night that you're going to spend, confused and afraid and feeling like you're so alone," he stated, firmly but he ran a soothing touch of his thumb over the palm of her hand. "Believe me, Vala. I know."
"You lost your memory when you descended."
He probably should have been more surprised that she knew that than he was. "Yes, and it was scary and frustrating as hell. And for months, I didn't have anyone to help me. Now, I don't want you to go through one night of that, of feeling like that."
When she didn't respond, didn't even look at him, he reached for her, hooked a finger under her chin and raised her head. Her eyes were closed and she was shaking ever so slightly. Daniel thought that if it would make it so that he never had to see Vala like this again—ripped open and raw and bleeding emotion that she couldn't control—he would hold her tightly in his arms and never let go. There was a crinkle of paper as her fist clenched in the bag and she shivered under the force of a heavy sob.
"I can't…I can't tell you," she insisted, pulling away more forcefully this time. "Not like this. I don't know what I'll regret later, when I'm back to normal."
Daniel nodded, even though she wasn't looking at him anymore. "Okay…I still want to help you. What can I do?"
Stiffly, she stretched to place the bag of fudge on the nightstand, and she stood. She started to tug the covers of her bed out from where they were tucked and fold them back. Something in Daniel that was used to Vala's shameless flirtations and jokes screamed that it was time to get out, but then she glanced at him again. The pain in her eyes was real, the uncertainty that he knew all too well. After turning out her bed, she just stood before him, arms wrapped around her petite frame like she thought she'd break if she didn't hold herself together as hard as she could.
When she said "Lay with me tonight…please?" Daniel couldn't bring himself to deny her.
She took off her jacket and—with fleeting glances at Daniel—her pants as well. Thus clad in her T-shirt and panties, she snaked her way under the covers and shivered. Daniel barely spared it a thought as he unlaced his shoes and undid his fly. The awkwardness that he'd expected to feel when he slid into bed behind her wasn't there. When he pulled her against him, back flush against his chest, the soft fabric of the military-issue T's rasping, it almost felt natural.
Brushing her hair away from her ear, he whispered, "All night?"
She responded with a nod and laced her thin fingers into his where his hand settled pressed against her belly. "And in the morning," she mumbled, "we'll eat fudge."
"Yes," he agreed, a quiet chuckle rumbling in his chest and vibrating through her body, "we will eat fudge."
