Chapter 1
There were three things in my life that I was sure of. One- I wasn't the sharpest tool in the shed, but that didn't mean I was completely oblivious to some of the most obvious things. Like this one time Santana and I were at a party. This was before we were dating. It was the middle of sophomore year and Puck had his eye on Santana. I remember dancing with one Mike Chang when I saw Puck walk over to Santana who was talking to some fellow Cheerios. He smirked out her and she gave her legendary bitch smirk right back. I remember the feeling I got in my stomach. It was like someone punched me in the gut. Or like I was being dropped from a 10-story building. My stomach completely dropped and I felt absolutely sick. They both walked away towards the stairs and I remember I had to look away because I knew what they were going to do and I didn't like it one bit. Luckily that stage of her life was over and we were finally together.
Two- Disney movies are the best kind of movies. Especially Ariel. Even the sequel to that is good. Santana and I would always watch Disney movies when she came over for sleepovers. She acted like she didn't like them, but I always liked to watch her whenever we would watch one. She always had a smile on her face and she would silently laugh at some of the parts that were funny, she just didn't want to give me the satisfaction of knowing that she liked Disney. I didn't see anything wrong with liking Disney. I loved it and everyone knew that. Now that we were dating, Santana didn't seem to mind as much that I knew she liked kids movies. Sometimes she would even suggest we watch one, mostly Aladdin because that one is her favorite. Santana always has reminded me of Jasmine.
And three- I was in love with Santana Lopez. Utterly and undeniably in love with her. Sometimes I think about her when I'm in class or trying to fall asleep, but the sand man hasn't come yet so my brain keeps switching from thought to thought like a crazy train wreck. I like to think about her eyes, her smile, her laugh, everything about her I love, even her quirks. Like she has the weirdest sneeze, but I find it cute. Everyone else laughs when she sneezes, well mostly her family because she tries her hardest not to sneeze while were in school because she doesn't want to have anybody have something to make fun of her for.
Lately things between Santana and me have been great. We've been officially dating for 4 months and nothing bad has happened to us like Santana said they would once we came out as a couple. Santana said we would be the main targets of slushies' and we'd receive all kinds of insults, but people still smile at me in the hallway and no one is ever mean to me. I think it's mostly because Santana is my girlfriend and she'd tear them down with her viscous words or kick their ass if they even looked at me the wrong way. So I'd say that Santana and I were really great right now, no problems at all.
But lately something has been going on in my mind. I haven't felt so good, not physically. I'm not sick or anything, well maybe I am I don't know I just know I haven't been feeling very happy. I feel like I'm not good enough anymore. Not good enough for my friends, not good enough for my family, and not good enough for Santana. There's been a little voice telling me I'm a failure and I can never do anything right. That I'm stupid and useless and Santana deserves much better then me, which I'm starting to believe, is true.
Hey everyone! I hope you like my new and first story. It just pooped up in my mind so I thought I'd share it with you guys! So just let me know if I should continue and review! Thank you!
