I fucking ruined everything.

Naomi Campbell repeated the phrase over and over again as her blue eyes, rimmed with red, stared blankly out at the slowly darkening Bristol cityscape. Naomi sat atop a grassy knoll with her legs stretched out in front and her back pressed up against the large tree across the street from her home. She flicked ash from the burning cigarette in her right hand before bringing it to her lips and inhaling deeply, willing the nicotine to dull the ever present ache in her chest. The sun had already set, taking with it its warm, orange glow, and dusk's deepening blue sky crept across the horizon. Some small bits of light began to shine from the homes in the distance. At any other time, Naomi might have described the view as pretty. But she took no notice of it now. All she could see in her mind's eye was the horrible scene that had played out earlier in the day at the disastrous barbecue.

Breathing out the smoke, Naomi closed her eyes and rested the back of her head against the tree's trunk, reveling in how the hard, rough bark dug into her scalp. A sudden breeze tussled her still damp hair. The air currents swayed the wavy blonde tendrils that had managed to escape from her hastily tied ponytail and now framed the sides of her face. The wind felt cool on her cheeks, the skin of which was beginning to feel taut and dry from the tears that had long since disappeared.

Even now, hours afterward, Naomi could still feel the pain that seized her entire being during the event. She had already felt nauseated for weeks from the constant guilt about what happened to Sophia and to Cook. The girl had died, ostensibly, because of Naomi, and the other, one of her best mates, took the fall in her stead. If she had thought shit couldn't get any worse after all of that, she was horribly mistaken. It could. It did. Naomi had hit rock bottom, or so she assumed, until she willingly picked up a shovel and gleefully started digging an even deeper hole by allowing her girlfriend's estranged mother and family to stay in their home. Naomi had thought she was doing the right thing, but all it did was set the woman she loved off like a Christmas cracker.

Try as she might, Naomi couldn't stop the memory of her beautiful, red-haired Emily pressing her body against another woman and capturing her lips again and again. It was like an old video reel stuck in a perpetual loop. My Emily. Naomi winced. She's not mine anymore. She hasn't been ever since I...

At the time, it felt like a spike, searing and cold, pierced through her heart and lungs, shredded them, and tore them from her body. She hadn't been able to breath, hadn't been able to move as she watched Emily, as if in slow motion, pull away from the nameless whore only to bum rush Naomi into the cold water of an inflatable pool, cackling with drug-induced, humorless laughter. And then the argument between Emily and her family erupted, and Emily's mother, Jenna, had shouted an angry, "I knew you'd screw her up!" in Naomi's direction.

And I did. Naomi took another drag, trying and failing to stop another wave of despair from welling up inside of her as the memories continued to cycle through her hated that Jenna had been right about her. It made her shame burn that much more intensely.

Naomi eyes snapped open as she felt, rather than heard, footsteps approaching. It was a skill she had picked up spending years in a house crowded with random strangers taken in by her do-gooder mother. If she ever wanted any peace, she had to develop a sort of sixth sense whenever others were nearby. She stiffened as the steps got closer and closer. Someone was bound to come after me eventually.

"So this is where you've been hiding," came the lisped voice of Emily's twin sister, Katie.

The blonde rolled her eyes. Of course it'd be fucking Katie. Naomi tried to ignore the disappointment sinking in her stomach. She had secretly wished it would be Emily coming to find her. The universe had it out for her, Naomi was sure of it. It couldn't have been someone who might be even a tad bit sympathetic to her. Effy. Freddie. Thomas. Even J.J. for chrissake. No, it just had to be the raging bitch who spent the better part of middle school and nearly all of their first year of college tormenting Naomi with homophobic digs, and then did everything in her power to keep Naomi and Emily apart.

"Come to have a go at me, Katie?" Naomi asked, crossing her arms, not bothering to look at her nemesis. The blonde meant to put a challenge in her voice, shields always at the ready for the wrath of Katie Fitch. But she just couldn't muster the strength, not after everything that happened. Whatever form of bitchiness Katie was getting ready to dish out, she would gladly accept any and all punishment. I deserve it.

"Not today, lezzer," Katie said as she plopped down next to Naomi and hugged her knees to her chest. "Though you'd deserve it, stupid cow."

Normally, a quick "fuck off" would have been Naomi's reply without a second thought. But the absence of malice in Katie's voice took Naomi by surprise. It stunned the normally sharp-tongued Campbell into a rare moment of silence.

The blonde glanced over at Katie, and nearly did a double take at the sight that greeted her. Gone was the perfectly coiffed, heavily made up, elaborately dressed Katie Fitch. Instead, her face was scrubbed free of makeup, her long reddish-brown hair pinned up almost carelessly. No jewelry. No black lingerie masquerading as a dress. She wore gray sweatpants and two tank tops, a pink one layered on top of red. She looked… vulnerable. Innocent, almost. The exact opposite of what Naomi had come to expect from the elder Fitch twin.

Katie reached behind her and pulled a bottle of vodka from the waistband of her sweats. She offered it to Naomi, but the blonde looked at the bottle warily, as if Katie had presented her with piss and vinegar... or even worse, that frightening potato moonshine J.J. had once brought to a party. Naomi made no move to take it from the intruder.

"Oh for fuck's sake, be that way." Katie unscrewed the top quickly, taking a swig from the bottle. She winced slightly as she swallowed the liquor. She said nothing else as she too gazed out at the outlines of the distant rooftops.

And continued to say nothing.

Every so often, Naomi could feel Katie's eyes on her. It made her increasingly uncomfortable. It was weird for Katie not to open that incessant flap of hers. And even weirder for her not to be attacking Naomi like a crazed Tazmanian devil now that she knew Naomi had hurt Emily - just like the twin had done last year at the Love Ball.

The silence stretched on and on and on, until Naomi couldn't take it anymore. "What do you want, Katie?"

The brunette's eyes flicked toward her as she took another drink and shrugged. She began spinning the cap on the bottle, tightening and loosening it with absent-minded flicks of her thumb.

"Just wanted to see how you're doing," Katie said softly, sounding almost sheepish in expressing concern for Naomi, a most foreign emotion surely. "Ungrateful bitch." She abruptly added, almost as an afterthought.

A sad, defeated chuckle escaped Naomi. "You're really having a laugh today, aren't you?" She shook her head. Katie Fitch. Concerned about me. This day just gets better and better.

"Yeah, well," Katie paused, taking another drink. "Figured I'd make sure you were all right before I popped you one, good and proper. Even I couldn't kick someone when they're down."

Naomi merely raised an eyebrow in disbelief at Katie, not even bothering to keep an unbelieving scoff at bay.

"Okay, maybe I would," Katie conceded, with a small smile. "Doesn't mean I'd do it... all the time at least."

It had been nothing more than a subtle upturn of Katie's lips, the most miniscule of movements, and yet that simple action caused Naomi's breath to catch. Because in that tiniest motion, Katie looked just like her... just like Emily. Naomi had years of studying the twins, secretly of course. And she had become adept at distinguishing the two. At first glance, they looked identical. But upon closer inspection, their subtle differences became more pronounced - the curve of their jaws, for instance, the fullness of their cheeks, the pitch of their husky voices. But when they smiled, the way the corners of their eyes crinkled in amusement, they channeled each other in those moments, however brief. Naomi felt her chest tighten at the sight, and she quickly turned her head away from the all too familiar dark brown eyes, bringing the fag to her lips once again and sucking the smoke into her lungs to lessen the pain.

"Why are you being so nice?" Naomi asked. When, for once, you have every right to be horrible. I cheated on your sister, fucking broke her heart. A girl is dead and Cook's in jail... all because of me. "You should be ripping my fucking head off." Naomi felt proud that she managed to keep her voice from trembling.

"Yeah," Katie nodded in agreement, "I should."

"What's stopping you?" Naomi turned toward Katie full on, silently willing the brunette to hit her, wanting to feel something other than the constant internal gnawing. "Bloody get on with it."

Katie narrowed her eyes, as if seriously considering it, but did nothing as she let out a deep sigh. "Emily." Naomi's heart stopped at the simple sound of her name. "She loves you."

"Emily hates me," Naomi whispered. As she should.

Katie leaned toward the blonde, and to Naomi's surprise, plucked the fag from her hand and took a drag. "Yeah, she does." Katie nodded, blowing out a puff of white smoke.

The added confirmation from Katie sent a sharp pain through Naomi.

"Can't really blame her, though, can you? But," Katie paused to suck on the cigarette once again, "she's a stupid fucking cow and loves you all the same." She looked Naomi right in the eye. "So why'd you fuck that girl Sophia?"

Why indeed? How could Naomi explain it to Katie when she couldn't even explain it to Emily, let alone herself? Somehow, I was scared, didn't seem adequate enough, not that it ever did. All she knew was that she had known it was a mistake before it happened, as it happened, and afterward. And yet she hadn't stopped, all because... because...

"Fuck it." Katie shook her head. "I don't think I even wanna know." She got to her feet quickly then, stretching in the process. She walked in front of Naomi and looked down. "Come on then, you two-timing lezzer." She turned and proceeded down the hill. "That's not a request," she threw over her shoulder.

Naomi stared after the twin, indignant from the order, but still couldn't stop herself from standing and following Katie, despite her better judgment. Her long legs allowed her to catch up with the much shorter girl in just a few strides.

"Finding some place private to kill me then?" Naomi pulled the sleeves of her gray hoodie over her hands and hugged her body as they walked. She hadn't forgotten what Katie had once told her at Keith's pub. Summer was ending, and their group of friends had gathered for Keith's quiz night. After giving Naomi and Emily her "blessing," Katie had nudged the blonde's shoulder and added, good-naturedly but with a hint of a threat, "If you hurt Emily, you're fucking dead."

Katie smirked at the blonde, clearly remembering their past conversation. "If I wanted you dead, Naomi, it would have happened long before now." She flicked the butt of the spent cigarette into the grass. "Besides... my family wouldn't have any place to go without you, would they? I'm not living in a fucking camper."

Naomi couldn't help but smile slightly, glad that her act of charity in allowing the now homeless Fitches to live with her until they got back on their feet was staving off Katie's fury. The blonde knew if her mum had been home now instead of traveling with Kieran, she would have been proud of her.

"Also, I wouldn't let you off the hook that easy," Katie said as they approached an empty playground. It was much darker now, but the emerging moon and nearby streetlamps provided just enough illumination to make out the equipment - a slide, carousel, jungle gym, swing sets, seesaw.

Katie made her way over to the carousel and gave it a push. The old metal squeaked and groaned as it spun in place. Naomi watched as Katie grabbed the handlebars, and gave another push, this time running with it and then hopping on. She heard Katie laugh, and despite all the shit she'd been through that day, Naomi smiled.

"It's been an age since I've been on one of these," Katie said, excited. "When we were little, Emsy and I would trap James on them and spin the little worm round 'til he puked."

Naomi's smile faltered, and not because of the delight Katie seemed to take in reminiscing about torturing her little brother.

"Sorry," Katie said. Inertia slowed the carousel and brought it to a stop.

"Don't be." Naomi gripped the cold handlebars, coarse beneath her hands from chipping paint and rust. "We can talk about her." She pushed the carousel and ran several revolutions before lifting herself onto the spinning metal platform to join Katie. The brunette sat in the middle of the carousel and Naomi mirrored her, neither of them speaking.

When the equipment began to slow, they took turns keeping the momentum going, until finally they found themselves lying on their backs on opposite ends of the now motionless carousel, too dizzy to continue. With their feet dangling off the side of the platform and their heads pointed to the middle, their bodies formed a near straight line. They stared up at the starless sky and shared a spliff, passing it between themselves every so often.

It was strange. Perhaps it was only the drugs, but Naomi almost started to feel better, and with the company of Katie Fitch no less. That is, until Katie spoke up again.

"You love her, don't you?" The brunette's husky voice was soft, low, almost hesitant. With her lisp less pronounced, she sounded just like Emily.

Naomi bit her bottom lip. "I don't deserve to love her."

"Ain't that the truth, but that's not what I asked." Katie lifted herself up onto her left elbow and leaned on her side to look over at Naomi. "Do you love my sister?"

Naomi lifted herself up as well, turning her body so she could look straight into Katie's deep brown, Emily-esque eyes. They bored into her, searching for truth, willing her to try and lie to her. Perhaps it was a skill unique to all three Fitch women, but Naomi always felt exposed under the intensity of their dark gazes.

"I couldn't stop loving Emily if my life depended on it."

"Then," Katie sat up completely and faced Naomi, crossing her legs underneath her, "what the fuck are you doing?" Although her voice remained calm, there was an edge in the twin's voice that hadn't been there earlier. "Why aren't you fucking telling her that?"

"Don't you think I've tried?" Naomi asked incredulously , shaking her head. "She doesn't want to hear it."

"Or you're not trying hard enough." Katie's dark eyes flashed with irritation. "Or maybe you're just a cunting coward who's too pussy to sort things."

"Oh go fuck yourself, Katie." Naomi pulled herself up and began to walk away. She knew their little cease fire wouldn't last forever, but Katie's seemingly abrupt about face surprised her. Naomi hadn't taken more than a few steps away from the carousel before she felt Katie grab her by the shoulder and spin her around.

"No, you don't get to walk away." The shorter woman poked a finger, hard, at the blonde's chest, and Naomi barely resisted the urge to slap Katie's hand away. "You fucked up. Big time. But so what? We all do." Katie stood toe to toe with Naomi now, brown eyes glaring up into blue. "What I wanna know is - what're you gonna do about it?"

"What can I do?" Naomi spat out, knowing she had no right to take her anger out on Katie. But doing it nonetheless. "She barely even looks at me." She pointed in the general direction of her house. "In fact, today was the first time she's said more than five sentences to me in practically a month!"

"Then fucking get her attention! Jesus, she spent months chasing after your sorry arse. If you really love her, the least you can do is fight for her."

Naomi tore her gaze away from Katie's unflinching one. "I... I can't."

"Why the fuck not?"

"I don't think she wants me to," Naomi whispered, heat stinging her eyes. Shit. Not in front of Katie. She quickly wiped her eyes with the ends of her sleeves, silently cursing herself for showing weakness in front of Katie.

The twin sighed. "The hell are you on about?" Perhaps it was the sight of Naomi's tears. Perhaps Katie really wasn't in the mood to fight. Yeah right. Whatever it was, the ire was already starting to seep out of her voice. "Emily wants you to fight for her. Otherwise, why else would she have pulled all that shit today? Kissing that whore, trying to get a rise out of you."

"Why do you even care, Katie?" Naomi shook her head. She turned and began walking again. "You never even wanted us together in the first place."

"Okay, that's true." Katie walked in double time to keep up with the blonde. "And I'd be lying if I said a part of me wouldn't be thrilled to get rid of you once and for all." She ignored Naomi's glare and continued, "But Em... she's just so... so lost." Katie's voice cracked helplessly on the last word and she stopped moving, allowing Naomi to continue on ahead. "You're her fucking... lobster or whatever, aren't you? Help me find her."

That stopped Naomi in her tracks, a maelstrom of emotions whirling within her. Emily had always had a soft spot for the American sitcom, Friends. And Naomi could remember every single detail of the day the red-haired twin had scrawled, "You are my lobster," in white chalk on the blackboard in the hallway leading to her bedroom. Emily had been stark naked, her entire body deliciously flushed from their lovemaking. As she finished writing, Naomi had pressed herself into Emily, holding her from behind as her lips trailed down the side of her lover's neck. With her left arm wrapped around Emily's waist, Naomi had used her right hand to take the small piece of chalk from Emily and scribble her own response to the love of her life, "I love you more than cheese." Naomi had felt Emily vibrate with laughter before she turned in her arms and captured her lips.

Naomi closed her eyes from the memory. Instead of fighting it, she let the overwhelming feeling of loss flow through her. The force of it made her feel weak in the knees and she wobbled slightly until she felt a steadying hand on her shoulder.

"Listen, Naomi." Katie's voice was barely above a whisper. "You're not the only who's hurt Emily. Believe me, some of us have spent a lifetime doing it." The regret radiating from Katie was powerful, almost palpable. "If you... if we... don't fight for her, we'll lose her forever."

Naomi's eyes locked with Katie's, and she could see her own fear mirrored in the brunette's. "Be brave." Katie squeezed her shoulder gently. "I'll back you up."

Naomi remained rooted to the spot, as Katie moved away and resumed walking back to the house. Be brave. It was what Emily had told her to do when Naomi had been too scared last year to want a girl back. And so it was fitting that it'd be Emily's twin to unknowingly haunt her with those same words. Katie was right. She was a fucking coward who always ran from emotions, from attachment. She had failed to be brave when Emily encouraged her to do so. She wasn't sure if she would be successful now.

Maybe she'd fail again. Maybe she wouldn't. All she knew at that point was that she had to go back home, back to Emily. Retracing her steps, Naomi knew that, for now, that's all that mattered.


A/N: Hello everyone! It's been a while since I've journeyed into the fanfic world, and I must say I'm a bit nervous jumping back in with a brand new fandom. My good friend and beta reader, The Last Moccasin, introduced me to Skins and Naomily a few months ago, and I've been obsessed ever since. Hence, this story - which is basically what I would have liked to see in S4 between Emily and Naomi. I've been reading a lot of Naomily fanfic and I am just blown away by everyone's talent and creativity, especially with the AU stories. I actually have an AU fic planned as well, but I'm a bit more anxious about that one, so I thought maybe a more canon story could help me work out my nerves and shake off some rust. Anyhow, I'm rambling. Sorry 'bout that. Hope you enjoy the story and if you do (or if you don't), please drop me a line! :)