The shrill sound of her alarm blared through her thoughts, alarming her briefly before she let out a soft sigh and reached over to turn it off stretching her worn muscles.

It's not like she'd actually been asleep though, she hasn't slept properly for weeks. Is it weeks? It could be months, she doesn't remember, time blurs away from her these days. It's hard enough to manage getting through one day and she prefers not to thinking about the past.

Thinking hurts.

Her alarm must have gone off for a total of around 5 seconds but it was enough to wake him, to wake Jake laid beside her. He groaned and turned over and she found herself praying to God he would fall back to sleep. Did she even believe in God? She didn't know, probably not, if there was a God then why she would be living like this is beyond her. Or maybe there was a God but he just didn't care, she didn't blame him, she wasn't sure she cared either.

"Jenna turn that fucking thing off" His voice is angry, bitter, he mustn't have had a good night.

She doesn't tell him that she turned it off before he even had said anything, she doesn't tell him that she has to have this alarm because of work which is technically a lie because she was awake anyway like always.

Instead she tells him she loves him, which is a lie too.

Of course, silence is her reply. She can't say she cares she just wants to leave.

She uses the downstairs bathroom to apply her make-up for feel of bothering him once more. It strikes her this house has too many bathrooms and then it strikes her she hates this house. Then she remembers it's not even hers, it's Jake's and she's lucky to live here, lucky to have him. Somehow it slips her mind that she has a flat that she loves and that she has enough money to live where she chooses anyway.

It's nearly 7am when she finally leaves the house not before swallowing two paracetamol which she washes down with a coffee. She's going to be late. She closes her eyes briefly and breathes in deeply, bringing two thumbs to rub at her temples attempting weakly to soften the headache throbbing there. They are in the last part of filming the Doctor Who Christmas Special and it would be no exaggeration to say this is what she lives for, it's all that's keeping her going. She loves acting, she loves pretending not to be herself for once, for a minute she's not Jenna-Louise Coleman, the mess, for a minute she can just be Clara. She knows that's not all it is though, she's had many amazing roles before where she could be anything. She loved playing Jasmine on Emmerdale; she loved playing the dark side Jasmine let her explore, a voice in her head tells her it wasn't that hard to explore her own dark side and she shakes her head once, trying to concentrate on the road. She's had many amazing roles but this role is different because Clara has the Doctor and Jenna, well Jenna has Matt.

She warned herself not to get too attached, she knows he could never feel this way and she tells herself it time and time again because there is no way she can let herself admit to her feelings for him. It would be embarrassing to say the least and it was not like she had to worry for much longer was it. He was leaving, he was leaving her and leaving the show and she honestly can't bear to think about it because she knows that he's is the only thing that has kept her from a melt-down this past months, the only think keeping her together.

She'd never tell him that though.

The second she walks through the doors of the studio her envelopes her in a hug wrapping his arms around her tiny frame as closes her eyes and lays her head on his chest, taking comfort in the steady beat of his heart. He smells like he always does, of coffee, of vanilla, of soap. Of Matt. It hurts to think she'll forget this smell, it will fade away and she will forget it. He has promised they'll stay in touch of course and they have photo-shoots to do for the special but there will be no more filming, no more endless days spent chatting mindlessly playing stupid games to pass the time and drawing silly pictures of their co-stars and production team. No more time spent giggling over nothing, no more in-jokes, no more Starbucks rushes when their energy depletes them, pouring syrup into their coffees and thinking of the most inventive names to tell the Starbucks staff to put on their cups whilst trying to avoid the media.

No more Matt.

Not that he'll remember, he'll move on, he'll be a superstar in Hollywood and she knows it's selfish to even want to keep him here. Doctor Who is popular, Jenna knows that, but Matt is destined for more, she knows he needs to move on but she resents the fact he is leaving her. He probably doesn't even realise she cares that much. She's glad.

Matt notices immediately she isn't looking herself, if he's honest she hasn't looked herself for a while and straight away he just wants to hold her. When her arms are wrapped around her he feels a little guilty though, she doesn't need his hugs, she has a boyfriend. He is about to pull away but she rests her head on his chest and he sees a soft smile begin to form at the corners of her lips and he leans down to kiss the top of her head. They remain like that for a while, both seeking comfort in the other's embrace until someone from the production team coughs gently to remind them they have work to do and they both pull away embarrassed, a soft blush rises to Jenna's cheeks and she suddenly feels ashamed for holding onto Matt for so long, he probably felt so uncomfortable a voice is ringing in her head.

Matt looks down at the floor, he shouldn't have held her like that, she has a boyfriend and she's not his to hold – the press would have a field day. Even in the haste of which they're rushed to set to film he can't help but wish for the day she is his to hold forever and he never has to let go, if that day would ever come, regrettably he realises it can't. Jenna is everything but he'd never put her through him dumping his feelings on her, especially not now while she's with Jake. He stills plans to talk to her though he needs to know why she's looking so down, he needs to know if he can help.

He is watching her, quite intently and he is glad he is in character because it draws less attention to what he believes to be his clearly obvious feelings. He admires the way that in a second she is in character, one moment she is Jenna and is she is looking down and a little dejected then she is Clara and she is pulling him along, her quiet stature suddenly become bright and breezy.

He can still see it in her eyes though, there is a pain in her eyes and it hurts him, though it shouldn't.

When they have finished he grabs her arm.

"Jenna, come to mine? Come for a drink?"

She is ready to reject him, like she has done the last two times he invited her over and the last time he asked her to come out.

There is nothing she wants more than to go to Matt's but she can't she knows she can't and that hurts more than it should.

She opens her mouth, an excuse ready on her lips but she falls short.

He is still in costume and still wearing his wig.

It's slipped though and she can see his real hair, short and soft at the side of his head.

She wants nothing more than to just run her hands over his hair and she doesn't know why but she is nodding and his face splits into a grin, a smile so genuine it takes her breath away.

It goes against her common sense, screaming at her that Jake is expecting her and he will be angry and although she buries it away she knows what happens when Jake gets angry. It goes against everything her head is saying but for some reason she just can't say no to Matt, not this time.

It might be something to do with the fact their days are numbered.