Suspicions

Catherine suspects that Sara's illness is more than the flu. This story is the final in the series begun with Not A Working Relationship. Many thanks to my betas Joan and Sheeny. Ladies, you make me sound good.

Chapter One

The Las Vegas CSI night shift was gathered in their usual positions around the table, anticipating assignments, when Gil Grissom ambled into the break room.

"I've got an armed robbery downtown. The bank manager was held at gunpoint after everyone had left for the day. Called it in when he was released about an hour ago. Catherine, you and Warrick get started on that. Nick, you and Greg follow up on the witness interviews in the Kelly murder. Sara, you process the evidence from the B & E. Do you think you're up to it?"

"You're not restricting me to the lab again. The Kelly case is mine. I'll do the interviews," stated Sara defiantly.

"The case is yours. But since you've been ill, we've all been working this one. And since you're looking pretty green at the moment, I'd rather you not get sick on any witnesses. Nick and Greg can handle this." Grissom was also defiant.

"NO! You've been treating me like a child, just because I have the flu." Sara's voice was elevating, as was her color. "I'm perfectly capable of conducting an interview without throwing up."

Sara had jumped up from her seat and was glaring at Grissom. The team all looked at each other apprehensively. Sara's ill temper and insubordination were obviously a result of her prolonged physical illness. Everyone had been concerned about this lingering flu. No one, including Grissom, was willing to challenge her over the interviews when she was so agitated.

Grissom looked at Sara closely, trying to determine if she was indeed capable of an interview at this moment.

But as quick as her temper had flared, the heightened color just as suddenly drained from her face. Sara's hand went to her mouth as she ran from the room toward the bathroom.

"What just happened?" asked Nick, mouth agape. Everyone just stared after Sara's fleeing form.

"I'll go check on her," volunteered Catherine.

Although they hadn't seen eye to eye on many occasions, Catherine was most concerned about Sara's health. She had been sick for over a week, even prompting two days off. Catherine didn't remembered Sara ever taking time off for illness before. She couldn't keep food down. Her moods were erratic and she was losing weight. And then yesterday at a crime scene, in spite of the lost weight, Sara was complaining that her vest was too tight and uncomfortable.

It was time for an intervention.

Before going to the restroom, Catherine stopped in the morgue. Doc Robbins was nowhere to be found. But Catherine knew where to find what she wanted. She would replace it later.

When Catherine pushed opened the door of the restroom, Sara was splashing water on her face. She was pale and shaking. Catherine pulled a paper towel from the dispenser and handed it to Sara to wipe her face. After Sara had disposed of the towel, Catherine held out her hand.

Sara looked at the box being displayed. "What's this?" she asked impatiently.

"It's a pregnancy test."

"I can see that. Where did you get it?" Sara was disconcerted.

"Al keeps them in the morgue. I borrowed this one." Catherine pushed the box toward Sara.

"Why would you think I need that?" asked Sara as she turned back to the sink. She wet the paper towel Catherine had handed her.

"You keep throwing up. You're moody and losing weight. And the complaints that your vest is uncomfortable lead me to the conclusion that your breasts are tender. When was the last time you had a period?"

Sara looked at Catherine in askance as she wiped her face with the wet paper towel. "I've never been regular, Catherine. With my low weight, it has been a problem for years. My being late is not unusual."

"So you're telling me there is no way you can be pregnant." Catherine was skeptical.

Sara turned to Catherine with an expression of defiance, which faded into a nervous exasperation. She grabbed the box, went into the stall, and closed the door behind her.

Wanting to give Sara some privacy, Catherine went to the break room to send Warrick on to the crime scene. Warrick was still there with his kit in hand, awaiting Catherine's return before heading out.

"By the look on your face, I'd guess you're sending me on alone. Sara's not doing any better?" Warrick was concerned.

Catherine shook her head. "I'm going to try to get her to go to the doctor, or at least home. You go ahead and I'll meet you at the scene as soon as I can."

When Warrick left, Catherine calculated that enough time had elapsed. She could return to the rest room to help Sara deal with the results of the test. She returned to the rest room and found Sara still sitting in the stall.

"Are you okay, Sara?" Catherine inquired gently.

Sara pushed open the door, but continued to sit, clothes intact, on the toilet seat.

Sara consulted her watch. "We'll know in two minutes."

Catherine stood uncomfortably, uncertain what to say. "I should have known you were seeing someone. The last few months, you've been content, playful, sometimes downright giddy. Until this."

Sara stared straight ahead. She opened her mouth to speak.

"You know, I've never wanted kids. My childhood was…well, it never inspired me to be a parent. People learn how to be parents from their own parents. What I learned from mine is not something I would want to pass on to anyone. So children were simply not on my life's agenda."

Catherine was stunned. She and Sara rarely talked. Their relationship could never be called anything but casual professional. So it was no surprise that Catherine knew nothing of Sara's life prior to their working together. But she would never have guessed that Sara had experienced a difficult childhood. One that apparently was bad enough to squelch the maternal instinct. In spite of her own complex childhood, Catherine had never doubted that she wanted kids.

"They tell you in high school, it only takes one time to get pregnant. We were always careful to use protection. Our first time, we both had condoms with us in eager, but safe, anticipation. But it only takes once. It had been almost two months, we were working so much overtime on the Beckstrom case. You know how disturbing that case was." Catherine nodded in agreement. "It created a lot of tension. Physical as well as emotional. We needed the release. Protection was the last thing on our minds."

The use of the word 'we' was not lost on Catherine. She was pretty sure a light bulb was flashing over her head. Grissom's pleasant demeanor of the past few months suddenly made perfect sense.

Sara looked at her watch and, taking a deep breath, looked at the stick. Catherine didn't need to see the stick. The look on Sara's face told her the result.

"Sara, don't let your bad experiences as a child dictate your reaction to this. You would not be the only one raising this child. Grissom has a lot of faults, but he'd make a great father." The look of panic on Sara's face prompted Catherine to quickly add, "Who else could it be, Sara? Your devotion to him has been evident for years. You have both been glowing lately. I should have made the connection sooner." With a small smile, she added, "You two are good for each other. I'm glad you finally got together."

Sara stood up and started pacing. "Catherine, raising a child is a huge responsibility. One that many people, people like my parents, don't take seriously. They get all excited and figure they can easily handle a cute little baby that they can cuddle. They forget about the eighteen years that follow. I won't be like that. I'm not ready to be a mother."

"Sara, I'm here to tell you, no one is really ready to be a parent. It's on-the-job training. Lindsay is fourteen and I'm still learning. I doubt anyone would call me a good parent, least of all my mother. But I try, and much of the time, I succeed.

"I appreciate that some people shouldn't have kids. We have seen way too many of those kinds of people on this job. It all hinges on the motivation. You do need to have the right motives to do it well. But parenting can be learned as you go. You don't have to depend on what you learned, or didn't learn, from your own parents. Again, I'm a prime example. It's the desire to be a good parent that makes a good parent. And I think that desire is in you, or you wouldn't be so conflicted over this." Catherine put her arm around Sara's shoulders. "Talk to Grissom. Let him help you with this decision. After all, it's his baby, too."

Sara looked into Catherine's eyes and saw sincerity. She nodded her head with a sigh. Catherine took her arm from Sara's shoulders and gave her a little push.

"Now go home. You need rest. And some time to think this through. I'll tell Grissom you went home."

Sara turned to Catherine in a panic.

"Catherine, don't tell him anything. I need to do this on my own." Sara knew Catherine would want to make this easier for her. Her heart was in the right place. But Sara was too unsure of her path to let Catherine put up any obstacles or to push her along a path she didn't want.

Catherine put her hand to her mouth and moved it from left to right, fingers imitating zipping a zipper. "Go home, Sara. I need to get to my crime scene."