Tokyo Ew Ew

No, the title is not a typo. Someone said I should branch out and parody things other than Harry Potter, so I decided to unleash my distaste of certain types of fanfiction (Doesn't that sound menacing? ) upon the TMM community. Mwa-ha-ha. I don't know exactly where on the time line of all Mew Mew-ness this starts, so just assume it's within the series somewhere.

Anyway, here goes. Enjoy. And remember, if it sounds like I'm making fun of you, I probably am.

This fic was remastered on May 25, 2009. The spelling and grammar should now be less... horrific. No big changes were made, though. Han shot first.


"Strawberry Ribbon Check!" Ichigo's attack flew at the chimera anima, but it only appeared bothered.

"It's not working; there's nothing we can do!" Minto cried as she dodged the monster's claws. If you took an elephant, made it about three times as large, stood it upright on its hind legs, gave it wicked-looking claws, and rolled the whole thing in purple bread crumbs, you'd have something that wouldn't look exactly like this particular chimera anima, but which people who had seen the real thing would find oddly familiar.

Suddenly dramatic music began to play. The moon magically became full, and five figures stood silhouetted against it.

"Who-who are you?" Retasu asked, her voice shaking. The middle figure laughed.

"We're Tokyo Ew Ew, and we know you suck. We're here to save your sorry butts." The other four Ew Ews, as well as the chimera, nodded in agreement.

"Um, well, I don't really think we suck, but you're welcome to help out...." Ichigo started.

"No! Don't let them! Dirty, rotten name-stealers. We're protected by copyright laws, you know! That's plagiarism!" Minto glared at the newcomers.

"Well, why can't they? We do need the help." Retasu cast a hopeful smile at the Ew Ews.

"No, I agree with Minto. They need to come up with their own, original identities, them they can try to convince us we suck again," Zakuro said with a slight smirk.

"Hey, look what I can do!" Purin proceeded to juggle ferrets, even though no one was actually looking."

Everyone argued for quite a while before Ichigo looked up.

"Where'd the Ew Ews go? And why is that elephant lying in the middle of the road?" the rest of the Mew Mews blinked confusedly at her, then Retastu shrugged.

"I guess it was actually an elephant."

Zakuro rolled her eyes. "Well, duh, it was an elephant. Barring the fact that there's no zoo for miles, and therefore no way for the aliens to get their hands on an elephant, it makes perfect sense."

"How?" Ichigo was confused.

"I don't know. But it has to make sense somehow, right?"

"Mm-hm!" Purin said enthusiastically, although she didn't really seem to be paying attention. "Hey, where'd my ferrets go?"

The Mew Mews looked around in panic, before Retasu pointed to the unconscious elephant, which the ferrets were slowly dragging away. Minto abruptly changed back to her regular self and started to walk away.

"We were not here tonight. We had nothing to do with these ferrets or this elephant. One of us fell asleep and this is her dream," she called over her shoulder. "Okay?"

Zakuro shrugged. "Makes perfect sense."


Yeah, I know, too short and dialogue-y. And the Ew Ews weren't in it enough. Oh, well, stay tuned for the next chapter, where the identities of the Ew Ews (Who are obviously OCs, but still) will be revealed.