Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
A/N: The prompt for this story was "a book that's been read over and over and over."
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When I heard Edward's footsteps (heavier than Alice's or Rosalie's, but quicker than Emmett's or Jasper's) pause outside my office, I closed the worn cover of Milton's works that I'd been revisiting.
Come in, son, I thought. I wondered why he'd even paused—he could hear that I expected him.
He took his seat in the leather armchair across from me, the one that our many hours of conversation had brought me to consider as Edward's chair. He grinned wanly as he heard this thought, but the smile didn't reach his eyes. He smelled strongly of Bella, having just left her at home, but I sensed that more than the temporary separation stood responsible for his serious mood.
"So," I said aloud, "what can I do for you this evening?"
"I… need to speak with you about… something." He looked uncomfortable.
It's unlike you to hesitate so. I hope all is well. He looked down but nodded.
"You can always talk to me, Edward. About anything. You know that." Take your time, I added, watching his silent struggle.
A quick nod.
A deep breath.
Another.
"Bella has agreed to marry me." His golden eyes shone with a light I'd only seen there since Bella had come into his life.
Complete at last, I thought. I am truly happy for you, son. "It happened a bit sooner than you'd expected, I see. Congratulations."
"Thank you, Carlisle." He inclined his head. "I am…elated." He was truly smiling now. "But you are correct. It has happened sooner than I expected, considering Bella's aversion to the idea of marriage." He sighed. "We have reached a… compromise." The worry was back in his expression.
Is that what you needed to see me about? I'll help in any way I can, Edward.
"I know. Thank you. It's just a very… personal matter." He looked down at his hands and spoke very quietly. "Bella asked me to make love to her."
So, are you concerned about your inexperience? That's nothing to be nervous about…
His eyes found mine again. "While she's still human."
Oh.
That's unexpected.
"I see."
"Do you, Carlisle? Because I don't. I don't see how… I know I promised her, but I can't do this. I'll kill her." He hung his head in his hands then, and he looked absolutely miserable. I wanted to go to him, to try to give him some comfort.
"Don't," he said, not looking up. "Just… tell me what I can do. I don't know what to do."
Poor boy. You weren't expecting this at all, were you? I couldn't imagine how hard this must be for him.
"Of course, it is possible, you know. Our Denali cousins have no problems maintaining control of their thirst during intercourse with humans." Perhaps a conversation with one of them, some reassurance…
His head snapped up. "No. This is different. In many ways. If only… If I just knew what to expect," he said as he stood up and began pacing, "then perhaps I could prepare myself somehow, make myself safe for her. I am just so afraid, Carlisle. If I lose control, even for a second, I could crush her."
His anguish was plain, but Edward underestimated himself in a way that I did not. "Yes, you could kill her, but you won't," I said.
He scoffed.
"You won't. You have more strength than any of us."
"Other than you," he said as he reclaimed his chair.
"Including me. I encounter human blood continually, yes. But I've never felt anything similar to Bella's appeal to you. I can't even imagine it. And to endure it, over and over, son, that takes incredible strength of will."
"I love her," he said simply, as if his sacrifice were perfectly ordinary.
I nodded. "And even before you loved her, you resisted her. And it's been a very long time since the scent of her blood has seemed to distress you, even slightly." I wonder why that is.
"It's because of Italy," he said quietly, answering my unspoken curiosity. "I'd thought she was gone, and suddenly I smelled her—and there was no venom at all. I was so relieved to have her near me again, I didn't even think about feeding."
He'd never shared this with me before. Fascinating.
"But not helpful. The call of her blood worries me far less than the fragility of her body. How can I be sure I won't break her pelvis or fracture her skull?"
What do you know about sex, Edward?
My question seemed to surprise him. "Well, I've been to medical school, so I know the physiological processes. And of course," he motioned toward his head, "I hear things."
Have you ever experienced an orgasm?
His eyes darted down in embarrassment.
I'm sorry to make you feel awkward, son, but I'm trying to help.
He composed himself, but his eyes flitted around the room as he answered, "Well. Yes. A few." He laughed uncomfortably. "Teenage boy, you know."
That's perfectly natural and nothing to be ashamed about. How about since your change?
A nod.
Good. Then you know the basics. "Sex is a very great pleasure. Beyond any other physical act, in my experience. But it is not maddening. It does not make you become something you are not."
He took a deep breath, and I thought his shoulders relaxed slightly.
Without getting too personal, may I assume you have done more to Bella than kiss her goodnight?
Edward had taken the Milton volume from my desk and sat running his fingers lightly along the spine. He kept his gaze on the book but nodded in affirmation.
And yet she is unharmed, I pointed out.
He looked up at me, frustration plain on his face. "But only because I constantly hold back. When I kiss her, when I touch her skin, when she touches me—" his eyes bored into mine, "—I want her. I want to take her, Carlisle, and not gently. I want to… claim her. How do I control that?"
"The day you met her, you had an overwhelming desire to kill her. You mastered that urge, just as you must master this one." Until later, of course, I added with a cheeky grin.
He was horrified. "Carlisle!"
I merely wanted to remind you that, for all your current angst, sex is a joyful experience, and you'll not always be required to hold yourself back in this way.
He looked as if he were about to argue, so I held up a hand. "This is just for a season, Edward."
He shook his head. "But won't it be…different? I have experienced… release, but I'm afraid it will be different—will be too much—when I'm…" He trailed off, unable to say the words.
"You mean the experience of reaching your climax inside her?" I inclined my head, doing my best to remain clinical and objective.
"Carlisle, please!" He began pacing again.
Edward, your embarrassment is understandable, but unnecessary. To accomplish this deed, you need to be as informed as possible. To help you, I need to be as frank as I can.
I sighed. "Yes, it will undoubtedly be more intense. But you can handle it, as you have handled other challenges—by preparing yourself as best you can."
He looked over at me from his place in front of the windows. "Prepare?" he asked. He looked so young at that moment—unsure and afraid. Very much out of his depth.
Yes.
"How?"
"Well, nothing can completely prepare you for the… moment," I said, as gently as I was able. "But I suggest a few more solo experiences as the time approaches. Beyond that, I'd recommend pushing your limits with Bella a little further."
He opened his mouth to argue, but I shook my head. "Nothing extreme, son. Nothing you feel is inappropriate. But the experience may be less… shocking if you and she could practice a little."
Edward looked skeptical. Think it over, I added.
He stood with his hands behind his head, looking out the windows. After several minutes, he came back to his chair. "So, your suggestion is that I spend more time paying physical attention to my fiancée?" His words were sarcastic, but his eyes were softer now. He cocked an eyebrow at me, and the ghost of a grin touched his lips.
I smiled. "Doctor's orders."
"Thank you, Carlisle. So much." He smiled, too, genuinely this time.
"I'm glad we talked. My door is always open to you."
I listened to his footsteps carry him down to his piano. When I heard the stormy strains of his thoughts float up through the house, I sighed in relief. For so many reasons.
Bella had agreed to marry Edward. Our family would soon be complete. Edward would be at peace. He would find a way through this challenge—I had faith in him. I had faith in love, and Edward deserved to have his.
