Corporal Heart (who dies in Timesplitters 2) activated the time machine with the time chrystal and said, "Cortez, now!"
Cortez jumped through the portal and screamed "AAAAUGHGHGAUGHAUGHAHAUAHG!"
The time traveling seemed to last forevers but finally he hit the ground with a THUD! Cortez surveyed his surroundings.
He was in a small room with a door behind him. "It is awefully dark in here." He murmered, while making sure that at least most of his limbs were still attached. Finding everything in working order,he decided that to open the door would be the most logical decision that he could make to discover more of where (and when) he was. Before he could open the door it was thrown open by a person that was at that moment unknown to Cortez. But, us, the readers, knew that it could only be...
***SUSPENSE MOMENT***
... Lord Karnage. Before Cortez could utter an uttering Lord Karnage said,"Here, have an sandvich." and thrusted the delicious snack into Cortez's face. Then, Lord Karnage left without another word, leaving everybody in shock. After quickly scarfing down the sandvich, Cortez realized he was in a very old house. The wood was rotting, all the windows were broken, and books were thrown from their shelves onto the floor. Cortez picked up one of the books and read the title. It said "The Legend of Mata Snarlednation the Rare Poetry of Fists." Looking around, Cortez noticed that all the books were "The legend of Mata Snarlednation the Rare Poetry of Fists." Wondering about the importance of "The Legend of Mata Snarlednation the Rare Poetry of Fists," Cortez instantly realized that he was not alone. A xenomorph, perched on the top of a bookshelf, was stalking him. Cortez knew he had no weapon, so he raised his hand with the shape of a gun. Cortez shouted "BLAM BLA BLAM BLAM BLAM!", but the xenomorph skillfully dodged his imaginary bullets. Slithering like a snake, it quickly closed the distance to Cortez and pounced.
"Get of me, n'wa!" To nobody's surprise, the xenomorph obeyed. Now that Cortez could get a better look at his advisary, he suddenly noticed the creature had a handlebar mustache, a monocle, and a top hat. "I'm sorry my good chap, i didn't see you," the xenomorph talked with an obviously faked and poorly executed British accent. "My name is Irvintonson FurTunnel the Hazy Buster of Citidels. Would you like a cup of tea?" He offered a small tea glass with his large clawed hand. However,the tea glass did not in fact contain the tea it would be assumed it would contain, but actually contained a healthy portion of honey mustard. This is actually the well-knowned favorite beverabe of our hero, Cortez, so he drank the entire glass with out a second though, licked his lips in satisfaction, and promptly passed out. This is because, as we probably all knew, the xenomorph even with it's charming accent is and will always be a bad guy, and he poisoned the honey mustard.
WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO OUR HERO, CORTEZ? WILL HE EVER BE ABLE TO FIND A WEAPON? WILL HE EVER BE ABLE TO RETURN TO HIS OWN TIME? AND IS THE XENOMORPH REALLY CORTEZ'S FATHER BUT WE WON'T KNOW THAT UNTIL THE NEXT CHAPTER? THE ANSWER TO THOSE QUESTIONS ARE "DEPENDS WHO'S ASKING!" BUT YOU SHOULD STILL READ THE NEXT CHAPTER TO FIND OUT IF I'M LYING TO YOU OR NOT!
