Author's Note: Forgive the immature title... Yes, I have pretty good shticks and gags for this thing, but bear with me: I stink at commitment and I have school. Now, without further ado, I present...
THE DISCLAIMER!: Obviously, the Legend of Zelda series belongs to Nintendo and not a fickle young lad, such as I. In addition, the random, silly references which will be brought up (which I will reveal as they come to pass) are not in my possession.
And now that is done, without any further ado...
The Legend of Zelda
THE WIND BREAKER
Prologue:
The Admiral Speaks...
Perhaps to better understand the events surrounding the journeys of Link, it is best to get an idea of the Legend of Hyrule and other events leading up to our main story. During the amateur, inexperienced author's desperate search for amateur, inexperienced ideas on how to entertain like-minded inexperienced amateurs, I - erm, he - has, by chance, met up with a clerk who operates the battleship game at Windfall Island. After speaking with him and his various alter-egos, the amateur realized that this fellow had a good understanding of Hyrulean history, and invited him to read the prologue.
So if you please, sir, would you like to begin?
A bored voice, "I am getting paid for this, right?"
Yes, yes sir. Of course you are, now please go ahead.
The funny old man cleared his throat and held up a cardboard cutout of a Napoleon-esque captain. "Oh-ho-ho! I zee you 'ave an een-terest een zee Legends, am I not correct?"
Er, yes. I believe we have established that.
"Ah, yes! Good, good! I am zee Admiral Dovalski, and I shall tell everything about them! Ahem. A long, long time ago, before your parents vere born, and before your parents' parents vere born, and before your parents' parents' parents vere born, and before..."
Ahem!
"Whoops! Sorry. Zee great Admiral got... how do you say? Carried away, no?"
That's fine, keep going.
"Very well. Back zen, there vas zees bea-utiful kingdom of 'Ayrule! And all zee townspeople vere so happy!"
The old man put down the cutout, only to lift up another cutout strewn with sloppy drawings of young children - the man, of course, being a girl in the foreground.
"Hooray! We're so happy in this place!"
The old man returned to his original cutout. "Ah, yes. And in zis land vas eh magical golden power... zee Triforce!"
The old man held up a sheet of paper bearing the image of three messily-drawn yellow triangles that completely obscured his face. He held it up for a second or two, making weird humming noises to imitate a powerful force field before putting it down and bearing the children cutout once again, going "Ooooh!"
The Admiral cutout rose again, "Ah, yes. But zis power vas coveted by all, including an eevil sorcerer..."
The old man picked up a new cutout with the image of Ganon, shouting "RAAAAWR!"
The children screamed.
The Admiral continued, "But never fear! For a great 'ero rose up from out of nowhere, and defeated zee monster."
The children cheered, "Yayyy!"
"Zis hero, ze 'Ero of Time, traveled all over zee verld, doing many brave thiings!"
"Yayyy!"
"But zen... zee evil sorcerer returned!"
"Yay- I mean, oh no!"
The image of Ganon was back, "Mwahahahaha!"
Dovalski again, "But horror! Zee 'hero did not return! 'Ayrule vas doomed, and zee only thing people could do vas pray to de gods..."
The children, "Help me, you old farts! C'mon!"
"Vat ever 'appened to zee place? Nobody knows... yet zer still vas 'ope! In zee south, zer vas an island zat clad their lads in green like zee 'ero 'imself, and only hoped zat zey could grow up to kick butt like he did..."
The man set the cutout down, and grumbled, "Okay, I did it. So are you going to pay me or what?"
