This idea came to me suddenly and I just had to write it. Pure, unadulterated crack. What everyone loves.
Disclaimer: I want french toast... I mean, I don't own Naruto, but I do have a piece of cold french toast! Oh, wait, I ate already. Damn, it was really good... I want more...
Warning: Orochimaru is a serious fag in here. You have been warned...
"Over here, Kabuto! Put it down over here!" Orochimaru called to Kabuto, who was carrying a large, thin, heavy looking cardboard box. Kabuto heaved and set the box down, taking a deep breath and leaning against the wall. The things I do for this man...
"Ooh!" Orochimaru squealed, "I am so glad my mail-order magic mirror finally arrived! Open the box, Kabuto!" Kabuto sighed and cut the box open using his chakra scalpel. He lay the box on the floor and pulled the mirror out then set it up against the wall. It was a very nice mirror. Made from a dark, mahogany wood with intricate designs all over is oval frame, the actual mirror had some more of the frosted glass designs on it's outer edge. But what stood out the most was the very top was a spider carved out of a bone white wood, it's abdomen made up of an emerald. The overall affect was somewhat haunting.
"Yay!" Orochimaru squealed again, pushing Kabuto aside and sent him sprawling to the floor.
"Mirror mirror on the wall. Who's the fairest of them all?" He said to the mirror. A second later a head appeared. It was one of a teenage girl with long, wavy, brown hair and brown eyes. It was a moment before she replied.
"Well, it sure as hell ain't you."
Orochimaru was taken aback, this was not the way it was supposed to be. "What do you mean?" He demanded.
"If you're going for looks, that Hinata chicks got you way beat. Now in a contest for pale-ness you could win, I dunno. That Sai kid may give you a run for your money. And that Hidan guy is way smexier than you'll ever be!"
"Excuse me!" Orochimaru said, visibly taken aback.
"There's no use denying the truth, you incompetent fag! You can't do anything for yourself! Kabuto does everything! I bet he even changes your underwear every morning for Pete's sake!" The mirror ranted.
"Maybe he does." Orochimaru replied with a smirk.
"...You fag!" The mirror responded, visibly disgusted.
"I am tired of your insults! Kabuto, remove this mirror!" Orochimaru ordered, turning his back on the looking glass.
"Like I said! You can't do a single thing for yourself!" The mirror yelled as it was dragged out of the room by Kabuto. It continued to yell out profanities as it was taken down the hall. Kabuto returned soon after.
"Where did you put it?" Orochimaru asked him.
"In Tayuya's room. They seem to get along." Kabuto replied.
"Okay. Well, now that that is taken care of, can you go down to the post office and pick up my mail-order magic lamp?"
Sequel? No? What did you all think about it? I hope you liked it! And thanks for reading!
The mirror was my friend Skye Charcol Marie, in case any of you were wondering.
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