A/N: Um, yeah, if anyone's wondering how I managed to write this and post this since my own computer crashed, the thing is I borrowed a computer to do this in desperation of Valentine's Day! (Always need the holiday fics, LOl). But sorry if it's really bad, and also sorry it's late. Since it's not my computer, I didn't really have time to go back and make sure everything was smooth . . . One day, I'll fix it all though. :-) By the way, this is for -Splasher- (who just barely finished watching Code Geass, by the way) because she was dismayed that her favorite couple didn't get a Valentines fic—so I pulled one out of nowhere. So . . . Yep, enjoy. :-D
-
-
-
Bluebells Are Blue
By SpacePirateGirl
-
-
-
Roses are red. Violets are blue. Sugar is sweet, and so are you.
That is what the card says. It's cliché and old, Kallen knows, but that's typical of him. The flowers were apparently pre-made, but he must have also bought roses and violets (even though they're anything but blue) and tried to stick them together in an odd way. Maybe he was just trying to be unique—but it would be nice if he asked a girl for help.
Besides.
She isn't really interested in love right now.
Her heart has already been broken plenty of times. She loved one man, and that man betrayed her dozens of times. Sometimes she thinks if he were alive, she could forgive him and he would forgive her. Sometimes she blames herself for all the times he insulted her. Sometimes she's glad he's dead.
Sometimes she just wants to forget.
But all the memories remain—whether that woman said so or not, Kallen knows C.C. loved him. And every once in a while, she would see Lelouch regard C.C. with the same eyes with which she regarded him.
The way C.C. would sacrifice herself to protect him, the way his face would melt when she did this. There were memories of jealousy, depression, and even a little hatred for the woman Lelouch loved so much.
So sometimes, she wishes she didn't have to remember. That's why the card irritates her—it reminds her of someone else.
A knock sounds at her door, and she moves to answer it. Her face clears, her hands stop trembling, and she tries to look pleasant. The door opens.
And it's Gino.
Immediately, her expression darkens. She doesn't want to see him because something about him can just peer into her soul and find out things supposed to be left untouched. So she slams the door shut at his stupidly grinning face, and tries to ignore his protests.
"Come on, Kallen! You've been in there for a week," his cheerful voice exclaims. "You gotta get groceries at some point or another!"
She stays silent and stares at the violets and roses on her table.
"Uh, listen, I sort of decided to go shopping for you, so if you answer the door, I can—"
Reluctantly, Kallen opens the door and lets him come in. It's only because she does need the groceries he's no doubt bought her, because she's running out of food—at least, that's what she tells herself.
The truth is she has plenty of food, just not enough appetite. It's only been a week since Lelouch's death, and she's just not ready to forget. Gino is telling her something, but she doesn't listen. She sits on the couch while he sorts things out in the kitchen.
And for some reason—whether he notices the surplus of food in the kitchen or not—he doesn't scold her for her lack of eating.
Kallen sighs. The flowers still sit on the table, and she doesn't know why she got them today instead of yesterday or tomorrow. What made today so special? Maybe it's some holiday. Maybe it's her birthday, she doesn't know. Then she remembers. It's Valentines Day, of course.
She doesn't want the flowers . . .
Just then Gino walks in. She's thankful, for he's been taking care of her for the last week, without complaining about how ungrateful she acts. It's just the roses and violets that are screwing with her head, and that's why she wants him to leave.
And yet he sits down next to her, and talks and talks and talks. Kallen doesn't hear any of it. Her eyes focus on the violets and the roses, and the regular lump forms in her throat. The red just doesn't go with the violet . . . It's impossible. It just doesn't fit!
"Kallen?"
The call of her name catches her attention. "Hmm?" Her voice cracks.
"What's wrong? You're crying." For once, his voice is serious.
Kallen instantly tries to wipe the tears away. "Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't realize—"
"Is it the flowers?" he asks.
Trying to be nice, she shakes her head. "No, they're lovely. I was just thinking about things."
Those eyes—as they always seem to—see right through her. "Oh, Kallen, jeez, I'm sorry. It's because . . . the violets are . . . violet." He trails off. Because something in Kallen's face must've told him he's spot-on. They're violet. She doesn't want violet. Only moments later, Gino stands and starts taking the violets away from the bouquet and tosses them in the trash. Then he makes his way toward the door.
Though earlier, she refused to have company, now she is afraid of letting him go. "Gino, where are you going? I thought you might stay."
He turns to her and grins—though sadly. He knows his mistake, and there's nothing he can do to fix the damage. "I'll be back soon," he promises. A strange look appears in his eyes, and the look is familiar. The same look she used to send Lelouch—the one that loves but will never interfere with the other's happiness.
Kallen blushes and looks down. When the sound of a door closing passes her, she begins to cry again—so uncharacteristically because she's supposed to be strong, not weak.
The truth remains.
She's not ready to move on.
-
-
-
He returns a few hours later, and she knows he saw her red, puffy eyes, her wet cheeks as signs of former tears. But he doesn't say anything. He just takes the bouquet of roses and does something with them.
She's not looking. "Gino. Why have you done all this for me? You don't have to make me eat or go shopping for me or sit with me through my nightmares. Why do you still come when . . . you know I'm just some depressed fool who still clings to the past?" The words have been waiting to be spoken—she's glad they're finally out, though they nearly force her to tears.
Gino's eyes find the ground, strangely nervous. And for the first time, Kallen sees how blue they are, how so different from violet they are, how they're so beautiful and deep.
"Because . . . everyone else is living a happy life except you. You're the only one who didn't get what you wanted," he says. The answer sounds rehearsed. As if he wants to believe it, but knows it isn't true.
Kallen doesn't delve further because she knows she feels the same about things and she wouldn't want to have to answer truthfully either. "I want to thank you," she says. "For everything. The flowers, too."
He grins. This time, it's a real grin. His grin. He's still playing with the roses, and making sure she can't see what he's doing. "You're welcome."
Her eyes trail downwards. The answer of her next question scares her. Not because she's worried of hurting his feelings after he says it, but because she doesn't know what her answer will be.
But it's time she finally starts to accept the world again. Seeing things the way Lelouch wanted them to be. "Gino." Her eyes rise to meet his face, and she doesn't look away. "Why did you buy me the roses?"
His whole figure turns to face her, and he hides the roses behind his back. He grins again—wider, though there's now a tint of uncertainty in it. He's scared of the answers, too. "Because . . ."
She waits patiently.
"Because I like you." Now that it's out, he relaxes. "How you're so stubborn, how you can't get over yourself crying, how you look at me like I'm an idiot—" at that, she's sure he's an idiot— "and especially your hair. Can't get over the red—oof!"
Kallen rolls her eyes and smiles at the same time. He stumbles backwards from her light punch in the ribs. "You like me because of my hair?" she says.
"Nah, that's just a bonus," he teases.
Though extremely irritated, Kallen can't help but smile. It's been a while since she could smile, let alone not be able to stop one.
"You look clueless. Can't decide whether I'm good-looking enough or not?"
Again, she rolls her eyes. But she's not sure of her answer. She still misses Lelouch with a passion she cannot control. And if she admits she loves Gino right here and now, who will she see him as? The one with raven hair and violet eyes, the gorgeous one?
Or the one he really is?
She's afraid to find out because she isn't ready to let go. She just can't let go.
Right then, he takes the roses from behind his back and places them in front of her. She gasps at what he did. The pattern is similar—the same "tried to do my best at making a bouquet, and failed horribly at it"—but the flowers are different. This time the roses are mixed with bluebells.
She recalls the meaning of a blue flower.
The central symbol of Romanticism.
Desire, love, and the metaphysical striving for the infinite and unreachable.
Her eyes meet his blue eyes again. "Gino, I love the flowers. Really, I do. But . . . I'm just not ready to do this yet. Maybe if you had asked me later or when I was finally over this, but . . . I can't say yes to you right—"
"Hey, whoa. Stop. I never said that I wasn't willing to wait."
The words take a moment to register.
But when they do, she's glad. She's glad he's patient, and knowing, and comforting, and that he's been taking care of her, and that he has blond hair and blue eyes (because she's never liked that in a man until now). She does love everything about him.
"I'm glad," she whispers, unable to sum up the tremendous euphoria rising in her. "I promise it won't be long."
-
-
-
The next day, the flowers, including the violets salvaged from the trash, are on the windowsill.
And she's outside.
In the sun.
With him.
The truth is that she'll never be able to let go. Lelouch, her first love, will always be on her mind. She can't forget him because she admired him so much, and he made her the person she is today. He created a huge impact on her life.
And though his impact was huge, she understands now that he wasn't right for her. He was a friend, and since she didn't know true love before then, she mistook her admiration of Zero for love.
It wasn't.
Now she knows she loves Gino because he makes her happy while Lelouch always makes her sad. It only took her a Valentine's day of thinking to figure out this truth.
And she thinks both of them are happy she did.
