Put your lighter in the air and lead me back home
flailingsanity


The manor looks bright like this, as Levi stands on the streets, eyes watching the light spilling from the windows. Even from this distance, he can hear the chatter, a boisterous laughter and even a drunken tirade. He sees an elaborately dressed woman flock from window to window, laughing merrily as a man pretends to chase her.

He's not one of them. Levi's a street rat, he lives off the gutter. He's not one of 'em "fancy people" with their hats and their pearls and their rings that could feed the entire city for a fortnight.

The bastard son of a Frenchman and an English whore, Levi's had to make do with what the world had to offer for the likes of him—apathy and disgust. He's had to survive living off the scraps left by these cityfolk, his days a diary of travelling from bin to bin, alley to alley, trying to curb the cries of his aching belly. What meagre amount he'd get from slaving over welding metal, he didn't spend it on himself. It was spent on Eren.

Eren would like this, Levi thinks, as he spots one of them fancyfolk leave the manor. He sees the dark blue of his coat, the rich color striking even in the lamplight of the street posts. He sees the shine of the man's boots, the leather that could have cost more than entire year of Levi's pay from working at the factory.

Eren would have looked lovely in that. His green eyes would sparkle, his tan skin beautiful with the blue of the coat. He'd be a sight—his man, Levi's best guy.


Eren's always been too nice, too kind for his own good. A spitfire with a bottled sense of righteousness that Levi has never seen dampened. He never backs down when someone's hurt, disregards the odds to help anyone who needs a hand.

How many nights have Levi slogged back to their tiny one-room apartment, exhausted to the bone, and he'd catch sight of Eren, asleep on their rickety couch, bruises lining up his arms, dried blood across his cheek. A stubborn scowl fixed permanently across his brows, even in repose.

It'd always begin with a near heart-attack for Levi, concern overpowering the exhaustion pumping in his veins, and he'd drop to his knees, hands on his best guy's face, and Eren would wake.

He would always wake at Levi's touch, with those green eyes that captivated him from the first time he met the kid—huddled in an alley by the dump, no older than six summers, alone and forgotten. Years ago, all Eren had to do was look up from beneath his dirty brown hair, streaks of grime and dirt across his face, and locked eyes with Levi.

He'd do anything for Eren.

"You're home," Eren stutters out, sleep threading through his voice. Levi nods, unable to come up with the words. He's not that smart, he can't read for shit but he knows how to live, how to survive. And he knows how to keep Eren safe.

It's all that ever mattered to him.


Like every night since he's met Eren in that alley, they've shared the same bed. How could they not, when it's the only one they have? When it's the only time they both can feel like they belong in a world that didn't want them?

He feels Eren stir in his arms, feels the cadence of the boy's breathing as Levi stares, unseeing, into the darkness. From the tenseness of the boy's shoulders, Levi knows he's awake. He's always known the tell-tale gestures that Eren is filled to the brim with, the way his brows would furrow when he's a feather away from exploding, the way he bites his lips when he tries not to smile, the way his eyes would dim when he would catch sight of the pretty clothes that adorned the figures of them fancyfolk.

There's so much Levi knows about Eren. Eren's the only thing in the world that Levi knows, if he was honest with himself.

He feels Eren turn in his arms, feels the boy's breath on his neck, feels him carve himself deeper into Levi's side, into his soul.

It's the only thing that Eren knows to make Levi sleep.


Levi notices the stranger when he hauls the last of the steel away. His shoulders hurt and he feels half-dead when he throws his apron into the heap by the gate. The man is tall, imposing, with a face that reminded Levi of estate parties and his stance warns Levi that he isn't someone to be played with.

The man, his fair hair gleaming in the dying sunlight, stands by a car—the likes of which Levi has only seen parked by gigantic houses. Or by apartments that's too shady even for him.

Levi looks around, sees last of the workers disappear into the streets. The orange sky is slowly turning to purple. He slows down when he's about the man's distance.

"Got anywhere to be?" The man says, his baritone voice laced with a foreign accent. Grey eyes take him in, a sharpness in his gaze that rings bells of alarm in Levi's head.

He's heard of this before. Seen it in the streets, in fact. When the night's a little cold, and when whores can be a little mouthy, he'd see men like the stranger in their fancy cars and see boys ride in. He knows what happens, he knows how it ends.

He knows the stranger's dangerous. Sees it in the stance of his legs, in the set of his shoulders, in the sharpness of his gaze.

Levi knows better.

"Yeah, I do." Levi answers, and sees a smirk grace the blond man's lips.

An image of Eren asleep on the couch, waiting for him, crosses his mind. He feels his heart plummet, before he gets into the car.


The man's name is Erwin. He's some Englishman trying to make it big here, with a life painted across the underground world of the criminal domain. He's a hitman, and Levi sees the butt of his pistol by his belt.

He sees it when he feels the carpet of the car beneath his knees, feels it when his fingers touch it as he unbuckles Erwin's belt. He's heard that Englishmen were different down there.

He pulls down the silk cloth of Erwin's undergarments and he sees the stiff length.

He glances up, sees Erwin's half-lidded stormy grey eyes watch him, feels the man's large hand cradle the back of his head, slowly inching him forward.

Levi looks down, grips Erwin's length in his hand.

A gasp, a moan and Levi tastes Erwin. He wraps his lips around the head, and Erwin makes a sound, a guttural noise that pools in Levi's groin. There's a saltiness to the taste, not unlike milk that's gone a little stale, but he smells Erwin. Smells the spice of his soap on his skin, and it's intoxicating.

He feels Erwin's hand push his head down, feels the head of Erwin's cock hit the back of his throat. He closes his eyes as the sting threatens to bring tears to them.

For a moment, Eren's smile is all he could think about.


When Erwin finishes, Levi doesn't know what to do. The blond man tenses, feels the strength of his thighs under Levi's palm and his mouth is suddenly filled with Erwin's essence.

He glances at the pistol, feels a foreign heat spike inside him.

He swallows.

When he steps out of the car, Erwin hands him a bill.

Levi gapes.

It's more money he's ever made in all his life.


When he comes home, Eren's waiting with a bowl of soup, his frown lightening at the sight of Levi. His frown returns when he catches sight of the slapdash way his workclothes are pressed. Levi stills by the doorstep.

He feels his heart in his throat, watches the way those green eyes take in his appearance. Levi may be a streetrat, he may have been the bastard son of a whore, but if there was one thing Eren knows entirely, completely, that was Levi.

And Levi knows that Eren knows that Levi may be all those things, but he was as clean as a nun's face. He readies himself for the accusation, for the confusion and disgust to cover Eren's face. Suddenly, the bill in his pocket feels a thousand times heavier.

Eren turns his gaze away. "Clean up, you're a mess. I've got food here. Don't worry, there's no onion in it."

Levi feels air returning to his lungs. He ambles his way towards the dingy table at corner. He stands by the sink, feels the water scrape off the grime and he looks up at the mold-covered window pane that looks out towards the city. He sees his reflection on the clear portions of the glass.

He does look like a mess. His hair is mussy; strands sticking to his forehead and the collar of his grey shirt are askew. There's a tell-tale red to his cheeks, and he sees where the sweat have mixed with the dirt, sees the roughness of his lips.

He's a mess. A rough, dirty, disgusting mess.

"What happened to ya?" Eren asks as he lounges on the couch, eyes skimming a book. He's taken to working at the library, teaching himself to read, and the sight—the beautiful sight of Eren on the couch, a rip in his pajama pants, well-worn book by his lap—it screamed home.

"Got into a fight with one of the guys, 'was nothing." Levi answers as he sits down on the dining table, going down on the meal with fervour. Eren hummed as he continued to read, and Levi could almost believe it was like any other night.

"More like you ran into a dame, Lev." If the sound of Levi's heart crashing to the ground and breaking alerted Eren, he didn't show it. The boy continued to read, silently mumbling words over and over again.

"Nah, got no time for dames. You know you take up my night." Levi responds, settling on snark. It was easier, to pretend Erwin didn't happen. To pretend he hadn't had another man's cock in his mouth.

To pretend he hadn't enjoyed the feeling of that thick length in his mouth.

Levi turns, sees Eren scowl at him and he laughs. He laughs because what he said was the truth. He'd pass up any dame for his best guy, after all.

"Let's go to the fair tomorrow, kid." Eren pauses at this, looks to him, an uneasy smile on his lips. Levi hates it. Hates the sight of anything on that beautiful face but the brightness in Eren's eyes. He forgets about Erwin, as all Levi sees are those huge, green eyes looking at him with so much, so much…Eren. "What're you talking about, Lev? We don't got no money."

"That's my problem, kid. Come on, say yes." Levi pleads, and he sees the light return to those eyes, sees a genuine smile rest on those God-given lips, and "Okay. Yes, Levi."

Levi finally feels himself.


When Levi wakes, it's just after dawn, and he sees the light paint the sky from the window. Eren is warm against his chest, tan hands curled into fists as he continues to sleep. Levi looks down, sees the curl of Eren's lashes, sees the lips form into a pout, and God be damned, does it make Levi want to pull his head up and ravish him open.

But Levi's a coward, and he pulls away slowly, hears Eren make a disapproving sound and Levi's chest fills with so much of Eren that he's surprised he's still alive at this point.

He pulls on his shirt, checks his pocket for the bill Erwin had given him. He breathes a sigh of relief when his fingers curl around it. It almost seemed like a dream. Like a nightmare.

He leaves a note by the table, knowing Eren will see it when he wakes. Levi closes after himself, and runs to the bakery across the street. It's still early, and Mr. Bossard and his missus, a darling beauty with gold hair, are just about to open shop. He sees Mrs. Bossard ("It's Petra, Levi. No need to call me that!) open the door, and Levi smiles in greeting.

When he buys a full loaf of bread and a packet of butter, Levi feels like laughing at the expression on Mr. Bossard's face. He yells at him to stop stealing, and Levi just smirks as the old man drops the change into his hand. He grabs the paperbag and waves goodbye to Mrs. Bossard.

At the meatshop, Levi asks for an entire bag. He smiles at the thought of how the surprise would paint on Eren's face when he gets home. For all the time they've been together, they had never been able to afford meat. It was too expensive, and Levi would just bite his lips hard at the longing on Eren's face whenever they passed by.

Not today. Not on this good morning.

On his way home, arms full of food—more food that Levi had ever bought in his life—and feeling the weight of coins in his pocket, Levi finally knows what it's like to deserve Eren. To do right by his best guy.

Just as he is about to enter the building, he sees Ms. Zoë push her cart into the corner of the road. Levi spies the white flowers in one pot. He looks back to his building.

He runs toward the cart.


"Wow. Lev, what'd ya do? Rob a bank?" Was Eren's opening words when Levi steps into their apartment. Eren's on the couch, still in his pajamas, and his eyes are wide as saucers at the goods in Levi's arms.

He sees the disbelief and surprise, and Levi cringes inside. Eren didn't have to live like this, where the sight of food could leave him speechless. Levi was wrong. He didn't feel like he deserved Eren at all.

"Baby's breath? Really?" Eren exclaims, pulling the bunch and making his way to the sink to look for a vase.

"You don't like it? Heard it's really popular, now." Levi hits back, and Eren turns his head. "Where'd ya get them from, Lev?"

Eren says it in a singsong voice, but Levi hears the curiousity mingled with distrust. Ah, the righteousness never goes away. Too damn good for Levi.

But he's saved from his self-deprecating thoughts as Eren grabs the bag and looks inside. "Meat! Where the hell did this come from, Lev?"

He sees the gleam of suspicion strengthen in Eren's eyes, and Levi smiles. Eren's always his best guy, and he wouldn't be his best guy if he wasn't too good for his own good.

"Nothin' ya need to know, kid." Levi answers, making his way to the stove to start frying the meat. Eren makes his way to the table and starts setting up, starts slicing the bread, all the while muttering under his breath about secrets and rotten crooks.

Levi grins, and when Eren stuffs his face silly with meat and bread and Levi himself feels the fullness of the meal settle in his belly, he realizes something.

He'd kill for Eren.

He'd be the most rotten crook the world's ever seen, just to see that look of contentment on his best guy's face.


When Levi and Eren pay the month's rent—for the first time, it was neither late nor lacking—the landlord eyes them both warily, as if to see whether they were starving themselves. Levi just smirks at the man's suspicion, and he digs his shoulder into Eren's, feeling him push back.

They go to see the pictures that night, goes to the theatre and although they're dressed way too shabbier than the crowd, Levi could tell them to go fuck themselves when all he sees is the wonder in Eren's eyes, when all he feels is the press of Eren's shoulders as he turns to Levi, jabbers the night away with excitement as black and white pictures dance on the wall.

It's almost midnight when the pictures end, and Levi buys himself and Eren ice cream. The kid's got his nose pressed up against the shop's glass window as the man hands them cones filled with vanilla cream and he laughs at the mess Eren leaves on his own face after eating it.

On their way home, Eren turns and stares at Levi's cone, still unfinished and Levi smirks, before handing it to Eren. He makes a happy sound, almost like a pup yapping in excitement, and Levi wants to kiss him. Wants to marry him. Wants to show him he's worth it.

Because he's damn worth it.


He sees Erwin again. Levi's the last to leave, and as his boots crunch dirt under their heels, he sees Erwin leaning on his car again. He sees the grey eyes find him amidst the rubble.

Levi feels uncertainty tingle in him, but he slowly makes his way towards Erwin anyhow. The man walks to him, stands before him and Levi smells the man's cologne, and it makes his senses burn.

"Got anywhere to be?"

Eren's waiting back home, Levi tells himself. Eren's making meatballs.

"Nah, got nowhere to be, prettyboy."


Erwin fucks his mouth like he needs air, and Levi feels the burn of it from his throat down to his soul.

He moans like the wanton whore that he is when Erwin reaches a hand down his pants and feels the man grip him. His hips buck, and he takes more of Erwin into his mouth and the man is moaning like he's worshipping a god.

That night, after Erwin finishes and Levi licks his lips and swallows the taste of him, the blond manhandles Levi into his lap and Levi's eyes shut as he keens, feels Erwin take him into his mouth.


Erwin leaves Levi a street from his and Eren's apartment. He locks eyes with Levi, and he gives a small smile and Levi realizes that Erwin is beautiful—beautiful in the sinful, tempting, dangerous way that Levi knows he should avoid.

The man reaches into his pocket, pulls out two more bills and he leans over the space between their seats and gently place the bills in Levi's pockets.

Levi's lips tremble, and he doesn't understand how he feels. Erwin looks at him again, and with a giant hand, cradles Levi's cheek and softly pushes their lips together.


"Got into another fight, huh?" Eren sneers, a furious scowl on his face as Levi closes the door behind him. He's sitting by the table, arms folded across his chest and watches as Levi drops his bag by the door and he makes his way towards Eren.

There's a bowl of food on the table, and Levi's throat closes up when he sees that Eren had covered it with a saucer. He looks up at Eren, an apology on his lips.

"Save it. Food's cold, you deal with it." Eren bites out and he stands, makes his way to the bed and climbs atop it. He turns his back to Levi and faces the wall, but Levi knows he's not asleep.

Like he knows Eren's not angry. The boy is scared and worried. He's scared and worried for Levi, and he should feel rotten for doing that to Eren, for making Eren worry. But there was no higher price Levi was willing to pay, if it meant that Eren gets to eat ice cream, that when Eren feels hungry in the middle of the night, there's a loaf of bread waiting for him.

Levi takes out the saucer and stares into the bowl of meatballs. He doesn't reach into his pocket, but he feels the bills anyway. They suddenly feel like an executioner's blade than a bag of bread, but Levi's determined.

Because if there's anything life had taught him, it was that the easiest thing he can do for the man he loves was to throw himself away.


Erwin fucks him gently, tenderly, like Levi's made of glass. He patiently prepares Levi even though he could see the man was aroused, see the length throb with anticipation.

Levi shuts his eyes. He knows Erwin has a wife, has three children and a dog. He knows because Erwin likes to talk about them on the way home from their trysts, he likes to pop open his watch and press his thumb gently on the photo inside. He knows that they know nothing about this, about the way Erwin writhes when Levi licks his entrance, the sounds Erwin chokes out when he feels Levi's length rubbing against it, the breaths he take when Levi sheathes himself full.

And he knows they don't know of this, that when Levi nods, he feels Erwin split him open, feels fire lance through his being. Levi finds it ironic that he realizes that Englishmen are different down there. He feels Erwin, so thick, so full, so big. He both wants and hates more of it. He cries, and cries and cries as he screams at Erwin.

Harder!

Faster!

He cries and sobs but his wails sound depraved, wanton, as Erwin flips them and Levi is in the air and he feels himself rising and falling on Erwin, the stench of wrongness running in the air.

Erwin holds Levi's cheeks and he leaves bruising kiss after bruising kiss, and Levi bites and bites and he tastes blood on Erwin's lips and he keens and groans and Erwin's hair is in disarray and he sees stormy eyes look at him with so much want, so much need.

Levi finishes first, feels the length of Erwin inside him too much and he feels come apart, and Erwin follows, a guttural moan in his ear and warmth filling him inside.

It's in the aftermath, when Erwin wipes Levi's release off his stomach with his own kerchief—when Erwin wraps Levi in his arms and fondly peppers him in kisses—that Levi realizes he's lost all right to have Eren in his life.


It was his first time in a hotel. He didn't even get to appreciate it.

Levi realizes that it was the first time he lost his virginity.

It shouldn't have gone like that, Levi thinks, despairs.

It shouldn't have, it shouldn't have been Erwin.

It should have been…


Levi buys Eren a coat. It's a rich blue color, not unlike what he had seen once, a long time ago, and it's embroidered with gold thread and it's the fanciest thing Levi has ever bought.

He surprises Eren with it when he gets home, and he watches as Eren, eyes wide with surprise, turn furious and he sees the coat fly across the room, sees it hit the wall and settle on the floor, disgraced.

"Why? Why? Why are you doing this?" Eren manages to shout, and Levi sees the fear lurk beneath the rage and he keeps silent.

He keeps silent and he cuts the distance between them and he presses his lips against Eren's.

He presses and presses and he feels Eren's arms wrap around him and he feels Eren return the kiss and all he knows is the taste of Eren and everything he's ever wanted for so long.


"Why, though?" Eren asks, later, when they've exhausted themselves. Levi traces the bruises on Eren's lips, the bruises he spent the last hour gifting him as he wonders how best to say it to Eren, who deserves his explanation most of all.

Eren looks up at him, and his eyes are so green and so huge, like forests on a spring day. He traces the lobe of Eren's ear with his thumb.

"I just want to do right by you."

Eren closes his eyes, and he nuzzles his head deeper into Levi's shoulder. Eren smells like cinnamon, like the expensive soap he bought with Erwin's money and Levi is drunk with it.

Just when he's about to fall asleep with the warmth of Eren in his arms, Eren replies.

"You're right enough for me."


In the morning, they make love.

In the morning, Eren unbuttons Levi's shirt, pulls the cloth away and his hands are splayed across Levi's chest, feeling every nook, every cranny, every plane and Levi is played like a harp, each touch tugging a well-strung note. His breathing quickens when Eren's caresses grow bold and he feels fingers dip lower.

"You better finish what you started, kid." Levi grumbles, hands fisting the sheets as Eren straddle his hips and fiery, determined green eyes shine from beneath a mop of dark brown hair. God, he loves Eren so much. So damn much, it hurts something fierce.

"'Course. Gotta do my best for my best." Eren responds, and Levi's eyes widen slightly. Eren smiles, a gentle smile, open and vulnerable and all Levi wants to do is pick Eren up and keep him in his pocket.

"You're my guy, right? My best fella?" And if Levi's voice breaks, he couldn't be blamed. Not at the way Eren nods earnestly, the happiness breaking out and the only thing left inside of Levi is Eren.

Always been.

"My best fella, my best guy…" Levi drawls as he reaches up to cradle Eren's face in his hands. Worth every damn sacrifice, worth every damn thing Levi's done.

He sits up, feels Eren shift to accommodate the movement, and he kisses Eren, whispering every single goddamn thing he should have said from the start. "Darling…"

Eren shivers at the endearment, presses back against Levi's lips, and he pushes forward, and Levi chuckles at Eren's straightforwardness. What'd he expect? It was his spitfire, after all. Unable to help himself, Levi nudges Eren's lips open and—oh. Oh. Yes.

He could die on Eren's taste alone, and he would not regret it. He feels, rather than hear, Eren moan at the intrusion and it sends Levi into frenzy. So many feelings erupt inside him that he feels lost in the chaos. All he wants to do is hold Eren close forever; hold him close as Eren comes undone on his touch.

Show him he's worth everything; show him how important he is to Levi.

Clothes glide off their frames, and Levi tackles Eren's collarbones, traces the tan skin with his tongue and he himself still and tremble as Eren kisses him behind his ear.

There's so much skin, so much friction and Eren's fingers claw at his back and Levi takes on dark nipple into his mouth and Eren could draw blood off his back for all Levi cared, if it made Eren make that beautiful sound.

"Lev—Levi, please. Please. Lev." Eren whispers, prays, and Levi climbs over him and Eren angles his head, his eyes pleading to be kissed, to be reminded over and over, and what else could Levi do?

He feels Eren hard against him, and Levi's no better, and he bucks his hips, feels his own against Eren and their kiss break as they both breathe sharply, Eren's arms tight around him. Levi's hair fall into his eyes and he blinks at the prick, sees vulnerable green ones looking up at him. He dips his head down, addicted to Eren's taste, and he reaches back to grab Eren's hand, holds it tight in his fist.

When he places Eren's hand, tilts the boy's fingers across his entrance, Eren breaks the kiss to breathe one sentence. "Are you sure?"

Eren asks if he was sure. He asks if Levi was sure, sure enough to give the man he'd die for the most vulnerable part of him. He asks, as if Levi would say no.

As if Levi could say no.

He nods.

Then, Eren's nodding and he feels Eren's fingers swipe across his entrance and Levi presses back, pushes himself into Eren's grasp and before he knows it, there's one, and there's two and Eren's name is a litany on Levi's lips.

When he feels ready, when Eren asks if he's ready and Levi feels so full with how much he feels for this boy—no—for this man he once found in an alley, he finally explodes.

"I love you. I trust you, Eren."

And no one can fault either of them, when Eren's eyes water slightly, when Levi closes his eyes and calls out the only name he'll ever pray to.

Eren enters and Levi's world finally, finally rights itself.


Levi catches sight of Erwin at the gates, just when the bell overhead rings and the workers start clearing up. Erwin's in a dark blue suit, and the colour brings out his eyes and he looks beautiful—but Levi's seen beauty like that close, knows it's beautiful like fire and if you get too close, you burn.

He throws his apron into the heap but he doesn't leave the factory. He stays inside, in the shadows as he watches Erwin through the windowpanes.

Erwin waits.

He waits and waits, and his grey eyes take in every man and woman that leaves the factory, and there's worry in his eyes and Levi, for just a moment, turns away—unable to watch someone else break themselves for someone they've grown to love, to want, to need.

The afternoon sky glows from molten orange to inky black, and Levi watches as Erwin turns back to his car, a slight hunch to his imposing figure and the sound of the automobile echoes in the silence.

He watches as it drives away, taking with it all of Levi's mistakes and regrets.


It's a clear blue sky, the breeze warm and salty, as Levi and Eren stand on the stern and watch the effervescent waves that bubble in the ship's wake. Eren's standing on the lower rail, the lapels of his coat dancing in the wind, and Levi pauses to remember this moment, tucks it away in his mind, safe and guarded.

By his feet, their bags lay and it's all that is theirs, all that belongs to them, all that is their life packed in leather. Where they were going, Levi didn't know.

If he were honest with himself, he really didn't care, just as long as he had Eren by his side.

Just as long as he's got his best guy by his side.

Eren extends his arms and he closes his eyes as the wind picks up and he looks beautiful like this, Levi muses. He's always been beautiful.

Eren's always been too nice, too kind for his own good. A spitfire with a bottled sense of righteousness that Levi has never seen dampened. He never backs down when someone's hurt, disregards the odds to help anyone who needs a hand. He's worth more than all the men Levi's seen and met, worth more than everything Levi could give.

Levi just wants to do right by him.


A/N: I FINALLY WROTE ERERI WITH A HAPPY ENDING!1! ok bye xoxo
(Also if they sound like they came from 1940 Brooklyn, that's intended because I'm in love with the accent and ok bye for really reals xoxo)