A delusory silence surrounded her, soaked through the fresh air of the young night and woke her inner restlessness as she slowly made her way over the grounds of Hogwarts. Her fingers enclosed her wand a little bit harder as if she needed something to hold on to in these horrible times filled with death, pain, violence and terror, something that prevented her from getting lost in the reigning panic.
Rolanda let her sight travel over the dark grounds, watched a veil of fog coming up over the gras and took a deep breath. No sign of danger for now. But she knew the death eaters were somewhere out there just waiting for their chance to attack them.
Suddenly she saw the silvery tail of a patronus approaching her, circling around her and then building up its form of a kitten.
"Rolanda, we spotted the first death eaters near the gateway. I will send you support!", the patronus spoke with the voice of Minerva McGonagall. "Good luck."
The kitten faded away and Rolanda looked up to the castle and swallowed hard. Nothing was in sight and she could not hear any steps, but nevertheless she could not prevent the uncomfortable feeling in her stomach. She eavesdropped once again and started to walk towards the Forbidden Forest, but the only thing she noticed was the rustle of the grass and leaves under her feet.
Some time must have passed by as she felt the sudden impulse to look up in the night sky, just in time to see curses, looking like thousands of fiery shooting stars hitting the protection spells that surrounded Hogwarts and its grounds like a bell. She shrugged as the curses exploded with such loud noises her ears seemed to go deaf, letting golden splits grow in the wall of spells and ripping parts out. They slipped towards the soil, burning, but then a haunting silence came back. The only thing she could hear her own breath going fast, just like her pounding heartbeat.
The sound of a cracking bough let her spun in panic, rising her wand ready to defend a attack. She was sure that she would see a curse rushing towards her in the next few seconds and she looked around, strained to see something in the darkness.
Like out of nowhere she suddenly felt a hand on her shoulder. Rolanda wanted to scream out of shock, but then there was another hand placing over her mouth, silencing every sound. She tried to strike around her in panic, but the two arms slung tightly around her body not letting her any room to move. She started to kick, but her feet hit nothing but air and then she felt being pulled backwards, directly into the bushes, its branches hitting her face as they swung back. For a short moment nothing happened, then she heard a familiar voice whispering into her ear:"Calm down, ssht! Be silent and stop fighting, otherwise they are going to find us! Muffliato!"
The vise-like grip that had taken her hostage loosened and Rolanda immediately freed herself to turn around on her heel.
"You dare coming back to this place!", Rolanda screamed in inflaming anger he was just able to prevent her from cursing him badly or hitting his face by gripping her wrists. They were tussling a bit, but soon he was superior what of course wasn´t preventing Rolanda from screaming on him.
"You bloody traitor, snake, god damned murder! How can you dare, Severus Snape!?"
"Just listen, you won´t believe, but Albus..."
"YOU are taking his name into your mouth!? After you killed him without hesitating?!"
She missed his nose with her fist only by inches when she was able to break away another time.
"If you would listen to me for just a second I would be able to explain everything to you, for Merlins sake!", Severus shouted and gripped her hands another time, driving her against the next tree with his full body weight to get her under control.
"What do you need to explain?! He trusted you and you?! You ultimately turned to the dark side and stabbed him right into the back!"
"Not at all", Severus creaked. "You´re just not totally informed about the scope of what happened. But you´ll get to know everything soon."
Suddenly his grip loosened and his lineaments got... softer?
"It was awkward not to see you in Hogwarts this year."
His voice nearly sounded sad, but Rolanda tried to ignore it as she still was very angry.
"I decided I would never ever work for the death eaters and as Minerva was enough protection for the students my help was not needed. I joined the order and helped to evacuate people that were pursued by you bastards just because they had muggles in their families. And now I am here to kick your asses!"
Severus really confused her – how fast he had changed between the grumbly potions master and the unknown and a bit scary man who showed his feelings to her.
"I must say – that is a very ambitious goal!", he grinned and Rolanda felt goosebumps covering her body as their hands touched for a second, letting her heart beating a little bit faster.
"I...", Rolanda murmured, but the ever so tough flying instructor suddenly lost her words. She probably would never admit that, but after his escape she had tried to drown all of her feelings, the friendship with him, in hate, but... "I missed you."
Did she just said that loudly? She must have looked really shocked because the grin on Severus lips brightened. Her stomach twisted and she felt overwhelmed by the situation so she decided to come back to the more serious topics.
"I...I was shocked when that incident with Albus happened... I thought I knew you, but obviously I was wrong. You said there were things I don´t know about, but I have to admit that everything seems very clear."
But he reacted totally different from what she expected. Pain initialised on his face and he took her hand, his slender fingers entwining with hers and he whispered:"I wish I could have told you everything, but it would have endangered the plan. But today I can at least tell you it was necessary, that he gave me the order to kill him and I would have preferred to disobey him, because he... he partly was the father to me I never had. I was always one of you."
Rolanda swallowed and looked into his eyes. She had to be honest to herself that she had always hoped he would be fighting on Harrys side, but regarding the fact that he had been the one who killed Dumbledore she thought this option would have been unlikely. She felt a huge weight falling off her heart.
"And now? What happens now?", whispered Rolanda and held her breath as he was getting nearer and his own breath brushing against her face. Gold met black and their lips nearly touched as a defeaning bang shattered the air.
A "What the hell?" escaped Rolanda and she tried to see through the branches of the bush to locate the source of the noise that was gone so sudden as it had come. Severus pulled her back and was having a strangely rushed expression on his face.
"Ro, you have to listen to me now!"
"What... what is going on?", she asked wondering and clasped his hands like it was natural. Severus took a deep breath and answered:"I have to go now... promise me to be careful!"
She nodded sadly and suddenly felt horribly alone, as he let go of her hands and left, heading to the Great Lake. Rolanda turned without really knowing where she would be going now and what the abrupt emptiness in her heart meant.
Just the next moment she heard Severus voice calling "Wait!" and she turned again to see him rushing towards her with large steps and wafting robes. A indefinable expression sparked in his yes and only seconds later he was standing in front of her, cupping her face with his hands and pulling her towards him. Before she was able to react his lips touched hers and she was hit by the intensity of passion and intensity in this kiss, but it was over to soon to let her time to get over the shock and kiss back. She slowly opened her eyes as he released himself from her and her mouth fell overt without a sound escaping her.
"I... I just wanted you to know that... that I..."
He stopped as he saw her still doubting face and realised what he just had done, that it must have been really embarrassing to her. Who could he have been so foolish to think that she had wanted this, wanted him?!
"I... I am sorry... I better leave... farewell...", he stuttered and nearly fell over his own feet as he turned to go. Rolanda swallowed hard and tried to calm down her racing heart. Her head was full of thoughts and she was fully overwhelmed by herself. What... what did she want? This was the only thing coming through as she helplessly watched Severus go, and...
"No step further!", she yelled, without fully intending it. Severus stopped and tears swelled up in her eyes as he reversed. "Don´t you dare to leave without giving me the chance to react on what you did!"
She approached him with energetic steps, got on her toes and dragged him down to her, to plant a soft kiss on his lips.
"Sometimes you are acting like a idiot!", she whispered and saw him starting to smile.
"I know... I am sorry... I should have told you earlier, but... I love you, Rolanda! And I am sorry to finally tell you what I feel for you and needing to go..."
"What do you mean?!", Rolanda questioned without really wanting to hear the answer. It was clear that he had to go. Dumbledore seemed to have had, like always, pursued a bigger plan, which Severus was supposed to end now.
"There are still some things I have to do and... it´s... it´s not clear..." He gulped and put his arms around her in a tight embrace. "It´s not clear yet if I will come back..."
Rolanda clinched herself to him, shaking her head and sobbed:"That´s not fair..."
"War is never fair..."
Severus leaned his chin to her forehead, closed his eyes and inhaled her scent, trying to instill it in his head. The thought of never holding her again like this, of loosing what he just had won, made him sad and he wished there was another possibility, a path they could walk together.
The two lovers continued to stand there, closely entwined, in the attempt to to hold on to this moment as long as possible. And as they were finally parting Rolanda asked him not to use the words good bye. She wanted to give the hope, that they would see each other again, enough room, like she did not do before. And with a last kiss Severus disappeared into the night, a night of changes.
