Discl.: Star Trek does not belong to me, I just torture it's characters a little.
Hello, dear reader!
Well, as I planned this, this will become a collection of loosely-to-not connected ficlets and oneshots…namely, small ideas that popped into my head and wouldn't go away – if there is any good reception, I might turn one of them into a small story.
I have to speak out a warning, though: My main focus currently lies on my longest piece 'Tangle', so it might just take me a while updating.
Still, I'll be glad for any form of reception, be it critical or not! Thank you and have fun!
Lots of Love, KandyKitten
The Most Important Job On Board
It is common sense that on a starship, the captain has the hardest job.
He – or she, those are modern times, after all – has to make every decision, including who lives and who doesn't, on occasion, and has to defend that decision. The captain has to know the ship, every kink and clue, has to know the crew, their abilities, their specialties, their fears, what they are capable of doing; and never is allowed to give in to personal feelings. The captain has to keep many secrets, orders and information alike. The captain has to keep the morale up even under hardest circumstances, and always has to be an example for the crew – as infallible as possible.
The captain's duties are the most time-taking and emotionally straining, everybody would tell you that without hesitation, and McCoy thinks he would agree – mostly. Mostly only because he knows something others seem to forget.
What everybody seems to forget is that the doctor's duty isn't much different.
A doctor, too, has to notice all the little things, has to know their background, their limits and he has to work for their morale – even if it is comforting people after a friend's death. The doctor has to decide whom to operate and he, too, has to consider only - and how he hates to say that – logical reasons instead of personal ones.
It might not be fair, but he knows, when he has to decide between a department leader and any maintenance guy, he knows whom he'll have to save.
And a doctor has to keep secrets.
Like the fact that the scratches on Lt. Leslie's shoulder are from none other than Ensign Tm'ryxa; the Draylaxian newcomer. Like the fact that Lt. Rollins has cancer – treatable, but very uncomfortable – and hasn't told Lt. Cho, because he didn't want to worry his boyfriend. The fact that Lt. Simmons sold his kidney because he got into serious debts with a Ferengi dealer. Or that Ensign Michaels was six weeks pregnant when she was half-disintegrated by Disruptors last week…that Ensign Meyer isn't on medical leave because of some sickness, but because she overdosed on sleeping meds…that Lt. Kelewsky needs psychological help because he still struggles with his former stimulant-abuse…that they saved Jim form the radiation with an augment's blood…
And so on and so on and so on. So many things he has to type into sealed medical records and can't ever tell to any of his friends. So many secrets he sometimes thinks he might just explode from them someday.
So when Chapel sticks her head into his office and pulls a face at the sight of the brandy bottle on his desk, he want to shake her until the admonishing look on her features vanishes; he wants to scream at her that she has the other nurses to talk about the heavy cases and that she doesn't know a good chunk of the shit he has to deal with every day and that it's not her who has to say who's saved and who isn't.
He wants to tell her that he needs it tonight, because their currently sleeping Commander, whom she adores so much, woke up two hours ago without recognizing where he was, that he was too far gone to speak Standard, that he just babbled on and on….
..that now, he can't look at the damned hobgoblin anymore without wondering what kind of tests the Vulcan scientists did on him when he was young, what that pet was he had before he left home, how bad he really was bullied as kid, who Sybok (he got too interested in the study of emotion. Especially in pain. He thought our pain forms us.) was to him and what did he do that he never talks about him when sober…
…and doesn't. He sends her out, re-fills his glass and stares into nothingness, wondering if he finally will break today and get really wasted, or just quit, leave those nightmares behind...and knows that he won't, even though he isn't sure why.
He is reminded of the answer the very next day.
When he sees how Jim and Uhura sit at the now-coherent hobgoblin's bedside, warmly admonishing him for being so stupid, without having to carry the burden of knowing how close it was, or of his horrible first awakening, he is glad to keep those secrets to himself.
If it helps keeping the last bits of his friends' innocence, it is worth some sleepless nights.
Because I thought they rarely ever truly appreciated the weight Bones shoulders every day. And because I have a feeling that they were very lax with the patient confidentiality in TOS. (And 'cause Chapel deserves more than a one-liner.)
Anyway, if anyone got this far, thank you for reading.
Lots of Love, KandyKitten
