Twilight and all its characters belong to Stephanie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended through this story.

FIRST LIGHT

"Living is a sickness to which sleep provides relief every sixteen hours. It's a palliative. The remedy is death."

Sebastien Roch Nicholas-De Chamfort

Chapter 1 – The end, again

Bella sat there, numb. It had happened to her before, a time which she always wanted to forget but still it came back to her again and again like a haunting nightmare.

It was not like before. He had not left her, yet. He is still standing here; her heart reassured her on its own accord. But his words, however different, still had the same effect, still had the same intensity, to knock her breath out, to make her body go numb and her mind go blank. Her knees would have given out, if she had been standing.

"Bella", he called, voice pleading. Her name was always like a prayer to him. He let the words form on his lips, like the gentlest of caresses, like the softest of whispers. It would always like this, but his voice was pleading today. Edward knew that today everything could change. His life was centered on Bella. She was his life, or existence, as he didn't truly think he had a life; his reason for existence. He could not imagine his existence without her; still his mind went to the long six months he spent without her. He had not fared well, almost ended his existence. But to imagine an eternity without her, it was unbearable. His long dead heart clenched in agony, and he let out a muffled cry of despair, too low for Bella to hear.

Hesitantly, Edward placed his hand on top of Bella's hand. Almost instantly, something snapped inside her. She withdrew her hand and held it against her chest. "Don't touch me", she muttered.

It was like a fire had burned Edward's hand. He could not control his pent up emotions anymore. He backed away from her and crossed to the other side of the meadow in half a second. He started breaking rocks, uprooting trees. His strong muscles flexed with every movement and he destroyed them like playthings. His pent up emotions always gave way to fury; uncontrollable, unrestrainable fury. Anger. Not on Bella, never on Bella. On himself, always on himself.

Bella was seeing all this with unseeing eyes. She was a witness to his fury before. She had seen it a couple of times, but did not fear him. It was like an inborn instinct of her to never fear him, the most dangerous of creatures. Then she saw a flash of his face, and her heart cried out. Even with a mask of fury and determination, she could see a myriad of emotions, sheer agony, guilt, hopelessness, hatred and most dominant of all, pain. Edward was in pain. As soon as she realized this, her heart cracked open. She could not bear Edward's pain.

"Edward", a soft voice reached Edward's ears. It was strong enough to break his state of frenzy. He looked across the field, into the bottomless, chocolate brown orbs and lost himself in the depths. So slowly, even for a human, he came and sat beside her. When so near to her, he could not look straight in her eyes. He was ashamed of himself, guilt ridden.

Bella did not know what to do. Her heart screamed at her to help and comfort him. He would always remain before her in her list of priorities, no matter how much he hurt her. But her mind still was blank, still lost somewhere and her body still numb. They sat there for what seemed like an eternity. She; sitting on a log, shoulders slumped, hands still folded tightly against her midsection, her body hunched so much that she was on the verge of falling. He, on the other side; was beside her on his knees, hands clenched in tight fists, knuckles white with restraint; hands that wanted to hold her, comfort her. Head bowed, shoulders bending, it seemed like he was praying. What both of them didn't seem to notice was that, they were both angling towards each other. Heads separated only by a mere inches; always gravitating towards each other.

After what seemed like a very long time, Edward raised his head, still not looking straight in her eyes.

"I'm sorry Bella. You don't know how sorry I am. I have hurt you so many times… I'm the most miserable excuse for a creature. How undeserving I am of your love and affection. I'm a monster who has tainted you again and again with his monstrosities, blasphemies, lies. It shames me so much… I can't even ask for your forgiveness. I'll beg and grovel on my knees for the rest of eternity for your acceptance, as I know you can't forgive me this time. I'm a monster, truly a monster…"

"Edward"

A soft, almost broken whisper interrupted his almost incomprehensible fast paced speech. He slowly raised his eyes and looked in those chocolate brown orbs, and lost his train of thought. His head reeled with the sudden emotion. Sudden, because it was against his inborn instinct to fear anything. Fear, undiluted and pure fear gripped him. Her eyes were dead. They did not shine with love and affection for him, which he was so used to seeing and which every time astounded him with wonder. How such a lovely creature could love a soulless demon, he always wondered. But it was not like this now. These eyes did not pour love, care and affection to him. They did not shine with amusement, as they did before, when he fell knowingly into her pranks; when she saw him and Emmett fighting; when Alice danced around the house. They did not even shimmer with jewel like tears, sadness and desolation, which he hated to see, but saw quite often, when she thought of her long lost best friend Jacob; when she was met with heated glares of Rosalie; when her father pulled her into a hug; whenever she wrote e-mails to her mother. They were not unfocussed, as he saw almost every day, whenever he pulled her into a hug; when he kissed her senseless; when she concentrated very hard on something; when he 'dazzled' her.

They were dead. Those endearing chocolate brown orbs that glimmered with an ocean of emotions were dead, he realized with painful certainty and his long dead heart finally broke and shattered.

"Don't leave me Bella. I can't live without you. Please Bella, don't leave Me.", his voice broke on the last words. He started to shake with uncontrollable and inaudible sobs.

Bella gasped when she saw Edward… weeping. She had never witnessed this sight before. She had never seen him so… broken. The Edward she knew was a pillar of strength. She could always lean upon him. He was the one who always comforted her, consoled her. She was always the one, who needed his comfort, his solace. Edward, her pillar of strength, was kneeling before her, shaking with inaudible, painful sobs. Finally, the numbness that enveloped her dissipated, her mind was no longer blank, it pulsated with an ocean of emotions, ranging from anger, frustration, sadness to care, affection and most powerful of all, love. The unchanging, unconditional, irrevocable love she only felt towards this broken angel kneeling in front of her. She could no longer control herself and threw her arms around him.

Edward's body stiffened and his sobs abruptly stopped, but the tremors continued. Almost as an instinct, his strong, muscular, granite arms enveloped her small, frail body protectively. He clanged to her for dear life. Bella was always his greatest strength as well as his greatest weakness. He crushed her to his chest with the gentlest of pressure. His hard, granite body molded itself into its most gentlest of form, for her, even that on instinct. He was always aware of her fragility and frailness. But what astounded him now was Bella's reaction. She clanged to him even tighter as if his yearning for her was reciprocated. The lost, dead look in her eyes; he shuddered involuntarily; contrasted sharply with her reaction to him now.

But he didn't want to dwell on this fact now. He did not want to lose this piece of heaven in the midst of the hellish time in which they were captured.

Author's note – Chapter 2 coming up. My first shot at writing fiction. Tell me how it is. Please review.