The True Wish
Shirō could only remain still as Saber's back was turned to him. He could see her blond hair shine against the sun that was almost blinding his eyes, her determined emerald globes burning in determination. Similar to the pain drowning and burning in his heart. Saber… He watched Saber prepared to destroy the Grail with Ilya in his arms. The young man almost squeezed the unconscious child against the blanket that she wore as the pain coursed through his veins and his mind became too much for him. He felt as if he was physically dying, seeing what was before him. As Saber's sword shone its rays of gold and blue against the sun, Shirō watched as the point of the sword was aimed in the direction of the Grail, Saber facing the one object that would grant her only wish.
His amber eyes observed of the chaos around them. The Ryūdō Temple was practically destroyed. The trees above them still had their pinkish hue, and the dark liquid of the Grail still oozed. I want to keep being with her. But…if I truly loved her, that would be wrong. His breath inwardly hitched as he had made the decision to let Saber, his love, go to fulfill her duty. Shirō understood her dream that had haunted her, the wish dearest to her heart. Of course he understood her wish. Ever since he had known she had been king, Shirō could feel the guilt and despair that she carried on her shoulders. It was similar to the guilt that he held as his own, since the fire of ten years ago.
But…the way she carries the guilt… Shirō had thought he felt his heart stop when Saber had told him that not even he could compare to the Grail. That day, he had forced himself not to look at her, acknowledging now that fear had controlled him, not anger. What if he saw nothing on her face? What if…she truly cared about her people more than himself?
Shirō understood why Saber why she was determined to save her people. By the tone of her voice when she talked about her past, Shirō could tell by her very being that she loved her people. She loved them as if they were there beside her still, despite many centuries past. Even though she know simply remained a legend. Even though her people betrayed her and caused her death, she wanted to save them from the ruin and destruction that she believed herself had brought. You defy me to the very end… Shirō had thought as he stared at the woman that had captured his heart. Saber herself had thought that he would understand her. "I thought you would understand me, Shirō."
I understand you know, my dear…forever Saber, Shirō thought as he stared at her back. She completes me, he thought as the wind stroked his face. She completes me more than anything could. I…love Saber. And now Saber was about to leave him to complete her fate, to die sacrificing what was truly in her heart for her people. She lived and died for them. Her pride is the one thing I mustn't injure. That was one of the many things Shirō loved about Saber.
"Some things are beautiful because they are unattainable." That bastard Gilgamesh was right about one thing, Shirō thought as Saber yelled a battle cry as her sword point aimed at the Grail. Some things are unattainable… His heart clenched in agony as he watched Saber, watching her for the probably the last time.
Suddenly, Shirō heard a voice in his head. Emiya Shirō…this wish it not true to what truly lies in you I can see your very heart in me…every person that has won the Grail, I see their soul and their dreams. Shirō gulped, feeling the liquid seep down in his throat. His mouth became dry, and his breath was starting to catch in his throat. I see a woman in your dreams, the same woman standing in front of you now. …How naïve to fall in love with your own Servant. I show you what you truly want, Emiya Shirō. Shirō shakily took a step back, trembling as his thoughts became erratic as memories that he thought were peaceful in his heart came to him again in such a longing pain it was all he could do but not scream.
No, Shirō thought furiously. No! I want Saber to win the Grail! I…simply want her to be happy! The words became hollow in his mind as he thought of them. How long had he stayed in bed at night, thinking about Saber disappearing, forever? Why had it feel as if…everything was gone, simply without her?
His thoughts completely disappeared when he realized that the background of the Ryūdō Temple had vanished. Shirō's vision came to focus, seeing the familiar brown floors and the shoji screens. I'm…here? Shirō thought numbly as he stared in his house in shock. Why I am here? His hesitant steps echoed along the floor, realizing that there were some subtle differences in the hallways. There were more pictures along the walls, surprisingly of Shirō and Saber. The young mage was too confused to notice the delicate detail that in most of the pictures the two were holding hands or in a chaste kiss. Shirō continued to walk, his apprehension intensifying as he looked into each room and found no one. Why is the Grail showing this to me? The rooms were no different than from the time he had left with Saber to fight the last battle for the Holy Grail.
Shirō found himself in the dojo again, seeing the familiar kendo swords stacked neatly against the floor and the names of former students against the wall. Shirō softly smiled, remembering the many hours he had spent sparring and training with Saber. His curiosity peaked when he could see a name written in katakana above where a blank space used to be. Arturia…Pendragon…? Shirō thought in confusion. However, before he could think more on the discovery, a sudden sound echoed in his ears. Shirō recognized it, even though he had never heard her laugh before. Saber? Shirō had seen Saber with fury, defiance, and had even seen a small smile grace her face when he had improved at swordsmanship, but the happiness that seemed to come from the laugh almost stunned him as he stood before her. Her hair was shorter than before, reaching only to her neck, and she appeared older. Shirō noted that she was wearing a traditional kimono, the dark blue and gold trim enhancing her beauty as she lied her head against a man's shoulder.
"It's a beautiful day, isn't it, Shirō?" The young mage was surprised by the seeping gentleness from her voice. Normally Saber would hold her emotions close to her, and would appear aloof to other people that did not know her. Now as he stared into Saber's bright green eyes, Shirō wondered what had caused her to be happy. Wait…why do she say my name?
"It is, Arturia." Arturia…? Shirō was not prepared to see himself have Saber's head on his shoulders. He looked older, his auburn hair reaching past his neck, his golden eyes missing the trauma that had been within during the long years since the Fourth Holy Grail War. He appeared to be wearing a similar kimono that his father used to wear, only it was white and not black. A small loving smile graced his older self as he stared at Saber. Wait…is the master of the dojo Arturia? …Saber? Shirō could only focus on the loving looks his older self and Saber gave each other, his mind almost collapsing. Saber was still here. She was here, with him. Not becoming a memory of the past that he would forget. Why was longing coursing through him when he could see his older self kissing Saber? Why was his hand shaking and…was that tears in his eyes? A strangled sound suddenly came from him, as he watched the happiness that he could never have. Saber…why must you pain me so? I…love you… Shirō thought as hot tears trailed down his pale cheeks. And yet I cannot have you…
Do you see what your heart truly wants now, Emiya Shirō? At the sound of the voice, Shirō found himself where Saber was about to destroy the Grail. Ilya was in his arms, the soft blanket that she wore against his skin. You don't want to even be a hero anymore….you only want one thing. Although it felt as if tears were streaking down his face, Shirō felt his eyes were dry. And that is Saber.
"Saber!" Shirō screamed. Saber turned towards him and he hoped she could hear the desperation in his voice. "Destroy the Grail! Now!" Again, the voice was tempting him of something that wasn't right. My happiness shouldn't be sacrificed for hers! It…can't. He could see her eyes now, concerned now as the determination she once had now fading as she looked at his desperate face. A loving look appeared in her eyes… Shirō violently shook his head. That is not to be!
"Saber, please!"
As the beam from Excalibur started to embed itself into the Grail, Shirō felt tears, hot and thick, leaking from his eyes as he tried to close his eyes. I will see her again…as long as we stare at the same sky, we'll never be apart… The words only made him cry harder though, realizing of the foolishness of his words. Never be apart…as the pain tears me into living, walking corpse.
I will grant your wish, Emiya Shirō, the Grail whispered.
Shirō opened his eyes, a scream almost clogging his throat as tears continued to fall from his eyes. His feverish eyes could only focus on the brightening Grail before them.
"No!" he screamed. "Stop!"
