And would you look at that! Here's your surprise- it's NOT over yet! This is the epilogue to my fic 'Endings and Beginnings'. (By the way, THREE HUNDRED reviews on that one? I absolutely LOVE you guys!) I will also post missing scenes from that fic in this story as well, scenes that just didn't make the cut for one reason or another. You may request scenes, but please don't request something like, "Artemis and Butler going at it after he comes back to life in reunion sex". This is missing scenes for my fanfiction, which means they should be within the established facts in my fic. I will also not take smut requests, because I can not write smut to save my life. On a related (or unrelated) note, the links to the full images for the covers for both this and Endings and Beginnings are on my profile, as the site cropped them and ruined them. Onto the epilogue. I'm not Irish or old enough to drink in my country. So I don't have the slightest idea what you drink in Ireland or how being drunk/drinking whiskey feels. I'll do my best, people. Enjoy!
Contrary to what seemed to be popular belief, Artemis wasn't stupid.
He also wasn't deaf.
He heard Butler's whispered phone conversations with Holly, when he spoke of Atlantis Complex and his worry of it returning. He also heard him begin to speak deliberately in phrases of four or five and saw him trying to judge his reaction.
And Artemis let him, because he truly didn't care. Let them mutter of Atlantis behind his back, thinking he had no idea. Let them whisper that this is it; he's finally lost his mind. Let them talk about labels such as depression and PTSD, because he didn't care anymore.
He had been above ground for a little over three weeks, and his thoughts had been dominated by the innocent pixie whose life he had taken. His shoulder constantly hurt, his broken collarbone still not healed, and it seemed the pain only got worse the more he thought of Dale. Artemis had responded by locking the door to this study, dropping an ice pack on his shoulder, and suffering in silence.
And, as the time went by, Artemis yearned more and more to find some way for, just one night, to forget. To stop thinking about Dale. To stop pondering the realities of him being the killer of an innocent pixie. To just forget.
Unbidden memories of his mother, just after his father had disappeared, came up, enticing and lovely. Before she'd lost her mind, his mother had first turned to alcohol. Every single time Artemis had spoken with her she'd been drunk out of her mind… he'd be lucky if she even recognized him. She hadn't seemed to remember her husband was missing and hadn't seemed to be in any of the pain she endured while sober.
At the time, Artemis hadn't understood the appeal of alcohol. He hadn't understood how wonderful the possibility of ignoring ones' problems was, he had just been furious with her for being of no help whatsoever.
But now…
That was what he wanted. That was what he wanted. Not to deal with his problems, not to talk about them, not to do anything but forget about them.
And so, late one night, Artemis waited until he was certain no one else was awake, then left a note in his room and left the manor, a dark coat over his signature suit and a fake ID in his pocket. For once, he didn't want to be Artemis Fowl. He wanted to just be another nameless face, without a story to tell, without a worry to be concerned with.
He walked down the road to Dublin, not wanting to take the car and potentially wake someone up. It was only a mile, and even he was in good enough shape to make it. Overhead, clouds obscured the moon and there was a low boom of thunder. Rain. It seemed only fitting, he supposed. He would be the lonely drunk sitting in a bar, sheltered from the storm. Drowning his troubles in alcohol until morning.
By time he reached Dublin, it was raining, drops of water falling softly and slicking his hair down, causing him to shiver and hide his hands in his pockets. He headed for the first bar he saw and was relieved when he discovered to it be a more melancholy atmosphere than a club. Artemis wasn't in the mood to socialize tonight, and he doubted he would ever be in the mood to go to a club.
He sat down at the end of the bar and pulled his wallet out of his pocket, already yearning to forget. That's all he wanted- just to forget. "Get me a shot of whiskey," he said coldly, even as the bartender looked at him oddly.
"You don't look eighteen."
"Well, I have a driver's license that says I am and enough money to pay you to keep me drunk until dawn. Good enough?" Artemis snapped, flashing his fake ID as he did so. The date of birth on there was, in fact, correct- he didn't see the point in mentioning he had skipped three and half years of his life entirely and wasn't even sixteen.
Seeming convinced- or too glad to have discovered a seemingly young rich kid eager to get drunk- the bartender nodded. "Good enough for me."
And Artemis grinned and prepared to forget, too eager to finally, just for one night, not have to suffer in the hold of the guilt. The bartender brought him the whiskey and said, "That'll be five euros."
"Start me a bloody tab… I'm going to be here a while."
Artemis saw the bartender grin and nod happily before turning away. Artemis ignored him entirely and, with a practiced motion as if he had been doing it for years, took the tumbler of whiskey and downed it in one gulp.
He coughed, spitting half of it up onto the table, the rest of it burning as it slid down his throat. He coughed again and wiped his lip with his sleeve, swearing. What the bloody hell is the appeal of that? I came to forget my troubles, not pour liquid fire down my throat!
The bartender snickered, still watching him. "Let me guess. This is your first time?"
Artemis groaned. "What gave it away?"
"Here. Try something that's not as strong. You'll acquire your taste for my expensive whiskey soon enough."
Artemis glared at him before accepting the drink he handed to him and, this time not trying to swallow the whole thing at once. He smiled slightly. This was more like it.
It would be an hour before anyone realized he was missing, and another two after that before he was finally tracked down. Artemis didn't look up when the door to the bar opened to reveal a tiny, rain-soaked figure. He continued to stare into his glass, unmoving except for when he took another drink. The woman sighed at the sight and walked slowly forward, waiting for him to hear her approach, but he seemed to be entirely absorbed in his drink. She finally sat beside him and tapped him on the shoulder.
Artemis looked over at her, his eyes wide and unfocused, then gave a sour grin as he raised his drink up to her. "Holly, he greeted, his voice slurred. "You… you know what I… I like about you? How you always just appear whenever I ne- need you to. Like… magic." He giggled quietly before returning to his drink. "That's funny. See, cause you have magic. And I… haha."
"Hilarious, Artemis. And keep your voice down, will you?" she hissed, looking around to make sure no one had heard.
Artemis, of course, laughed loudly, waving his arm around and announcing, "Oh, of course- you're a fairy. People can't know that. Yeah, everybody, she's not a fairy! I repeat, not a fairy!"
Holly looked around in alarm, but most people barely even spared the boy a single glance. Those few who kept on watching him suspiciously were easily dispelled by her comment of, "This is his first time drinking…" They all nodded knowingly and returned to their drinks, leaving her to tend to Artemis.
"H-Holly. There's... There's something I've b-been wanting to say to you for a l-long... time."
"Yeah?"
Artemis laughed quietly, then raised his head to stare at her blearily. "If I... If I were a derivative, I would lie tangent to your curves."
Holly stared blankly at him for several seconds, waiting for him to clarify. Finally, she said, "Artemis, it's been over sixty years since I took calculus, you're going to have to explain."
Instead of doing so, he laughed gleefully before continuing with, "If I were a second derivative, I would be investigating your concavities now."
Holly narrowed her eyes while her human friend giggled again and indulged himself once more in his drink. "Artemis, I don't know what that means, either, but I can draw enough from it that I think you've had enough to drink."
"No... No, I've had just the right... right amount. Cause I'm happy, see. And I'm not happy much anymore."
"Artemis… what are you doing? Come on, this isn't you… you don't drink."
He shrugged listlessly, staring down into the amber liquid in the tumbler in his hands. "Mother did, when Father disappeared. Thought I'd see what all the fuss is about."
Holly sighed, unimpressed. "Really. So, how do you like it?" she asked, not sure if she would like his answer.
"It's fantaaaaaastic. I don't even remember why I was upset… his name, anyway. I know it rhymes with Dale. But I can't remember why I was upset about him, you know? I almost can, but then I can't. Kind of like deja'vu. C'est une expression française: ce qui n'est pas nouveau, ce qui est banal, sans originalité : Ce n'est que du déjà-vu."
"You're mixing your languages, Artemis, and I don't find French any more romantic than calculus." Holly waved the bartender over and asked him for a glass of water. When he handed it to her, she, promptly and without hesitation, threw it back on Artemis's face.
Artemis sputtered, stunned, and shook his head sharply before pushing his sopping wet black locks out of his eyes and turning to glare at her. "What… why… what was that for?!"
"You're drunk out of your mind. I'd have thought you'd at least prefer to appear lucid, monsieur, though perhaps I was wrong."
"No… no. Thank you." Artemis shook his head gain and made an attempt to stand, slapping a couple dozen euros onto the bar as he did so. "Need to get you out of here. I'll… I'll drive you to T-Tara."
"You're driving me nowhere. Come on, Artemis. You're coming with me." Holly pulled him up to his feet and led him to the door, doing her best to keep him from swaying. "You got Butler worried sick, you know that?"
Artemis shook his head blearily as he stepped out into the rain, the water and wind lifting his stupor a little more. "I… wasn't intending to… I just-"
"When he found your note, he wanted to go down into Dublin and find you himself. I barely managed to talk him out of it. What in Frond's name were you thinking?"
Artemis shook his head slowly, clearly still visibly shaken. "I… I wasn't. Thinking, I mean. Just Dale… and his family…"
Holly let out a small sigh. Every day, the same problem. A tiny part of her wanted to just ask him to talk about something else- just let it go.
But then she imagined herself in his position. Responsible for the death of an innocent.
"Artemis, his wife said she didn't blame you-"
"Oh, but she was lying. I know what it's like to lose a father… there were times I thought he was dead. I always just… hated the Russians responsible and swore to kill them with my own bare hands."
"It's not your fault! If you hadn't killed him, you would be dead!" When he made no reply, Holly turned him to face her and snapped, "Or, if your own life means so little to you, what about me? You know if you hadn't killed him, you would have been forced to kill me."
Artemis shook so violently his hand was ripped out of hers. He glared at her, blue eyes pools of anger and depression, and snapped harshly, "Don't say that. Don't say that, Holly."
"Why not? It's true."
He shook his head and turned away from her, seeming absolutely furious. "Because you're not dead. God, Holly… why are you even here, anyway? Shouldn't you be underground? Full moon isn't for another week."
"I didn't come up here to do the Ritual. I came up here to talk to you. I was already on my way when Butler called me and told me where you had gone."
"Why were you coming to talk to me? I already told you, I'm taking a break from consulting on your cases. And you could always just call-"
"Damn it, Artemis! Not everything is about work! I came up here to talk to you as a friend!"
Artemis sighed heavily and turned to glare at her. "You know, Holly, I'm not an idiot. I heard you and Butler talking three days ago about your usual topic, of my Atlantis Complex relapsing. And let me tell you something; even if it was relapsing, which it's not, one thing that wouldn't help is hearing people talking about it behind my back and not doing much else. I see Butler trying to set me off by speaking in phrases of four or five to try and make an amateur diagnosis, but that's not bloody helpful! I need you to stop treating me like I'm made of glass and go back to normal! I killed someone, Holly, I didn't turn into a porcelain doll!"
"Well, you know, you're not helping matters by locking doors and not speaking to anyone for days at a time. It's clear something's wrong, but you don't talk to anyone anymore; you ignore my calls and barely speak with Butler or your parents. Got an excuse for that?"
"Yes, as a matter of fact, I do. My shoulder hurts and I'm quite often not in the mood to talk."
"Oh, shut up, Artemis. I doubt a collapsed lung would stop you from talking if you wanted to. You and I both know you just go into your study to brood and think about your guilt and blame yourself without anyone to contradict you. If it was really your shoulder hurting I'm sure you would be in that lab of yours synthesizing pain medication or whatever it is you humans do, but you wouldn't be turning into this introverted, depressed kid who spends all his time locked in his room and won't speak with anyone."
"Well, can you blame me, Holly? All I want to do is forget what happened, but all you people want seem to want to do is remind me of it!"
"Artemis, you can't just forget about it. When I first had to kill someone, it took me weeks to get over it. I-"
"Oh, and let me guess, you shot at a goblin who was threatening to set you on fire? A pixie who had a gun to someone's head? Face it, Holly, I'm a bloody basket case. I killed an innocent. Someone who'd just been mesmerized and probably wouldn't have meant us any harm in his right mind. Someone with a family, someone who-"
"Artemis, we've been through this same discussion again and again. You didn't have a choice. If you hadn't killed him, we would both be dead. Is that what you want? Would you rather we be dead and him be alive? Because that's the only other option here! One way or the other, Artemis, which is it?!"
"I'm not saying that I wish you were dead! I'm saying I wish I had done things differently!"
"But don't you get it, Artemis?!" Holly yelled, getting frustrated now. "There was no other way!"
Artemis just shook his head, angry and miserable, and turned away from her, beginning to walk off in the rain down the street. "You're wasting your breath, Holly!" he shouted over his shoulder. "Just go home and leave me alone!"
Holly glared after the retreating figure, furious. "Fine! Fine, I'll leave! You just answer me one question, Artemis."
The human hesitated, then whirled back around to face, his eyes so dark they were almost black, his shaking hands clenched into fists. "What, Holly?!"
"Why won't you accept our help? Why do just yell at us and ignore us? That doesn't make you stronger, Artemis, it just makes you a coward!"
Artemis's glare darkened, and he shook his head, absolutely furious. He took a quick step forward, almost as if he wanted to lunge at her and hit her, then shook his head again and moved back. "Your question has two answers. The first- I don't need your help. The second- you give me one good reason, after what I did, that I'm even worth your while to help!"
Holly stared after him as he turned his back to her and headed off into the rain again, his head down, his pace quicker than before. She remained rooted to the spot for several moments before steadfastly walking after him and yelling his name again. This time, Artemis didn't turn around, stop, or even acknowledge her. When she moved to stand behind him and touched his shoulder, he shook her off and started to walk even faster.
"Hey!" she yelled. This time, she grabbed his shoulder of the arm that was still encased in a sling. He cried out and doubled over in pain, immediately stopping his hasty retreat as Holly swung around to face him and released his shoulder.
Breathing hard and grasping his probably burning shoulder, Artemis slowly straightened up to stare at her incredulously with more than a hint of fury in his eyes. "What was that for?!"
Ignoring the question, she snapped, "You think you're not worth our while to help? Is that it? After you were forced to kill Dale, you think that you don't deserve our help? That's why you're not listening to us?"
Artemis sighed, still holding his shoulder, and didn't answer her. The emotion drained from his face, to be replaced by a cold, hard stare. "Holly, get out of my way."
"Artemis, you're an idiot. A D'Arviting idiot. You-"
"Holly, get out of my way."
"-are so stupid, for a genius, I could just hit you. You-"
"Get out of my way."
"-don't get it, do you? You want me to prove that you're worth it-"
"Get out of my way."
"-is that what you want? Because I can. Artemis, I-"
"Holly, get-"
Artemis was interrupted by Holly grabbing him by the collar of his shirt and yanking him down to her level, meeting his mouth with hers. His words were swallowed by her and he gasped into her mouth in surprise. One of her hands dropped to her side while the other found its way to his cheek. Artemis, too stunned to move, stood rooted to the spot, Holly's lips soft against his own before she finally pulled slowly back, her mismatched eyes gazing steadily into his own.
"Because I love you. That's why you're worth it. Because I love you."
Artemis couldn't have looked more shocked if she'd hit him. Holly stepped back and he didn't move an inch, still leaning down to her height, his eyes still wide in surprise. He opened and closed his mouth several times, as if he wanted to speak but couldn't think of the words.
"But if you don't think you're worth my while, then I suppose I should just go, right? Because that's clearly what you want and believe. And I don't love the you who goes out and gets drunk in the middle of the night instead of dealing with his problems and asking for help, Artemis. You need to get your priorities straight and remember who your friends are."
Holly turned on her heel and walked away from him into the rain, intending to leave him alone to sort this out for himself. Because she knew he didn't know it, but he had hurt her by refusing to answer her calls or speak with her for almost three weeks. By wallowing in the dark and nursing his injuries in private, she didn't think Artemis had realized how much he'd hurt his friends. How much he'd hurt her.
"Holly!" he finally called out, his voice hoarse but strong nonetheless. "Holly, wait."
She sighed. She couldn't walk away from him now… he deserved more than that. So, as she turned around, she said, "Artemis, what-"
And, this time, it was she who was interrupted by lips meetings hers, and he who swallowed the rest of her sentence. She made a vague sound of surprise as Artemis's hand fell onto her shoulder, the other slowly, almost hesitantly, coming to gently rest on her side. He kissed her softly for a few moments before slowly moving back to gaze at her as she had, black hair slicked across his forehead from the rain, his blue eyes still wide in surprise.
When he didn't speak, Holly did. "So… are you returning the sentiment?"
Artemis still didn't speak. He just smiled.
Holly laughed. "I take that as a yes."
His smile twisted into a smirk, and Holly pushed him back, still laughing. "Good gods, Artemis. You could say it back, you know. Your signature smirk doesn't constitute a reply."
Artemis sighed, his smile fading away into a small frown. "I know, Holly, I know… you're right. And... not just about that. I know that staying in my study and ignoring your calls aren't helping matters. It's just…. Dale." Artemis looked away from her and sighed again. "And his family. God, Holly… I can't stop thinking about them. And-"
"Hey," she interrupted. "Artemis, what happened to that family is awful. But it's Opal's fault, not yours. She may as well have pulled the trigger herself. You had no choice in the matter. And I know my saying that doesn't fix everything- or anything. But… remember when you were in Atlantis Hospital? You didn't believe going to Argon's clinic would fix anything. But I can say four four four four now and it doesn't bother you in the slightest. "
"I can see where you're going with this."
"Yeah. I know it doesn't seem like it now… but it's really not your fault. And you'll understand that some day. …You know, Artemis… you still haven't said it back."
He smiled slightly and glanced down at her. "Yes, I know, Holly. I… ah… care deeply for you. With feelings that go beyond friendship."
"Oh my gods, you're evil."
"What?"
"Artemis!"
"All right, all right," he chuckled awkwardly. "I… love you."
Holly grinned. "See? That wasn't so hard to say, was it?" She slapped him on the shoulder, then winced when he gasped, pain flashing across his face as he stumbled and his hand moved up to hold the injury again. "Oh, gods, I'm sorry, I forgot entir-"
"Kiss me and make it better."
"What?"
Artemis grinned cockily. "Kiss me and make it better."
Holly slapped him on the shoulder again, this time purposefully hitting his broken collarbone. "You're insufferable, you know that?"
"Even a genius has to have some unfortunate qualities. I do hope you love my insufferable self, because I'm not changing for you."
Holly shook her head and rolled her eyes. "Add arrogant to the list. Actually, you know what? You being insufferable could actually be nice. You could convince the wedding planner to give us a deal just by never shutting up."
All the blood drained from Artemis's face in an instant, and he coughed, his eyes opening wide as he took a step back. "Uh, Holly," he stammered awkwardly, "I- I didn't mean that we- I don't think- we shouldn't-"
Holly doubled over laughing, snickering loudly into her hand. "You should have seen the look on your face!" she exclaimed, much to Artemis's annoyance. "Relax, Artemis. I was just kidding. You know, for a genius, I didn't realize you're so gullible."
"I am not," he grumbled.
Holly chuckled. "It's fine. I still love your insufferable, arrogant, very gullible self."
"Holly!"
"Yes, Mr. Very Gullible?"
Artemis rolled his eyes. "Oh, you have your faults too. And, if you don't watch out, I'll exploit them."
"No, no, I don't," she said cheerfully. "I have no flaws. I'm perfect."
"Oh, really, Ms. Crew Cut?"
"Wha- how is my hair cut a flaw?!"
Artemis shrugged. "Oh, I don't know. I seem to recall Caballine making a comment about it or too. And, since I don't know the slightest thing about fashion, I'll have to take her word for it."
Holly touched her hair uncertainly before just smirking up at him and saying, "Don't open the fashion door, Artemis. Not until you wear a color other than black and something other than a suit."
Artemis shrugged confidently, running a hand through his wet hair. "My mother has tried to talk me into jeans and a T-shirt enough. My suits have always been practical."
"Yeah, that and boring," Holly muttered under her breath, just loud enough for him to hear.
Artemis just shrugged again. "Well, I suppose boring is just going to be one of my faults. But I've found that, when you're a genius, everybody assumes that everything you say is going to be a boring lecture, and I still have friends. So I think I'll accept the fact that I'm boring."
Holly just smiled.
