MAKING THE WORLD TOLERATE MY WEIRD SHIP ONE SEX SCENE AT A TIME AMIRITE
I am blaming BringingYaoiBack for this. It is totally their fault and has nothing to do with the fact that I wanted to explore my Namekian sex headcanon more. Don't judge me.

THIS IS NSFW.

Thank you for reading; I hope you enjoy it! I'm always open to feedback if you have any.


Piccolo fumbled with his keys as he stormed down the hall. Stupid fucking Susan and goddamn Helen and not to mention fucking Irene. Intolerable, the lot of them. Why did he even bother continuing to work at that school, honestly.

He shoved a key in the lock for his apartment and turned. Wrong key. He tried again. Still wrong. He was about to try a third key, accompanied by a muttered expletive, when the door opened and Tien's confused face greeted him. "Oh, it is you," he said. His face went from confused to concerned in 0.3 seconds flat. "Are you okay?"

"Fine." Tien moved away to let Piccolo in and he stomped over to the apartment's one armchair and flopped into it.

"You don't look fine." Tien rubbed a hand across Piccolo's shoulders as he walked past him. "Want to talk about it?"

"No."

Tien returned and sat heavily on the couch, cradling a mug of soup in his hands. "You sure?"

"So fucking Susan, right?" Piccolo ignored how Tien was hiding his smile behind his mug. "She keeps going on about her kids—not her students, her actual offspring—and that's all she ever talks about and it's so annoying. She's got an opinion on fucking everything and she talks over everyone else's and somehow always makes it about her. You remember her; she was the one at the Christmas party who kept elbowing her way into conversations."

"Did she do something particularly horrible today?" Tien asked.

Piccolo scowled and folded his arms. "Not really; she's just annoying." Tien said nothing, just sipped at his soup. "And then there's Helen. I swear she's holding the talent show thing over my head."

Tien raised an eyebrow at that. "Talent show thing? You mean the time you got all emotional at the school talent show and she was the only one who noticed?"

"And she knows I want to keep it that way—I have a reputation to uphold and—"

"Piccolo." Tien smiled wryly at him. "You know the kids all think you're scary but nice, right? You show off your soft side more often than you'd like to think."

"I do not!" His shoulders hunched. "And you don't understand! Helen's holding it over me, I know she is!"

"When was the last time she brought up the talent show thing before you did?"

Piccolo hesitated. "I don't remember."

"Hm." Tien didn't say anything else, instead opting to blow on his soup.

"But then there's Irene." His hands tightened on his arms, nails digging into his biceps. "You know, the prep teacher, usually covers my art classes. She asked me today if I wanted her to cover my gym and health instead."

Tien blinked at him, setting his empty mug to the side. "What? Why? You love gym and health."

Piccolo grimaced. "The sex ed unit is coming up."

A look of understanding dawned on Tien's face. "Oh."

"And because I'm not human, Irene thought I wouldn't be able to teach about the right parts to the kids." He picked at the pilling fabric on the arm of the chair. "So I yelled at her and Carla got us both in trouble." He sighed and looked at Tien. "I thought after I started working at school rather than studying that the drama would all go away. Turns out the staff are worse than the kids half the time."

Tien slid off the couch and moved to give Piccolo a hug from behind, leaning around the armchair to do so. "Did you tell Irene that you have a human husband?"

"That might've come up while I was yelling, yeah."

"Any response?" Tien moved away and rested his hands on Piccolo's shoulders.

"Not that I nooooookay then." Tien's thumbs dug into Piccolo's shoulder blades. His head dropped to the side as Tien's hands worked their magic. "I didn't notice one but—oh, right there, yeah—she might've said something—oooh."

Tien chuckled in his ear. "Sorry, I didn't mean to distract you." He sounded totally insincere—he had absolutely meant to distract Piccolo from his shitty workday. Normally, Piccolo would call him out on it, but Tien's hands were warm and soothing on him and he let it go. Instead he mumbled his thanks and let his eyes slide closed.

One hand moved to the base of Piccolo's neck and the other up over Piccolo's right shoulder, sliding under his shirt and across his chest. Piccolo twisted in the chair so he was leaning more into Tien. His throat was dry. He swallowed, but it didn't help. "Tien, you—" The heel of the hand on Piccolo's chest rubbed hard circles into him. "You, you, youuuu—" He lost control of his speech for a moment and his head fell back. "You're getting kind of—really—you're—that's pretty friendly there—"

"That's the idea," Tien murmured, giving the tip of Piccolo's ear a kiss before pressing his face into the side of his neck.

"O-oh." Piccolo sucked a breath through clenched teeth when Tien started kissing and licking and sucking Piccolo's neck. "Alright then."

"Didn't think you'd have a problem with it." The hand kneading Piccolo's shoulder slid around and up Piccolo's face, teasing at Piccolo's lips. His mouth dropped open obediently, eagerly, throat going sore, and he gave a quiet, content sigh of approval when Tien's fingers started exploring the inside of his mouth. The hand on his chest continued rubbing and kneading and stroking, Tien's mouth was warm and wet on his neck, his fingers gently stroking Piccolo's tongue and the backs of his gums. Piccolo closed his lips around Tien's fingers and sucked, saliva gathering in his mouth when Tien kissed the back of his ear.

He was already close—it had been a while since they'd fooled around like this—and he moaned in disappointment when Tien pulled his fingers away. Being teased and denied like this wasn't Tien's usual thing, but while he was struggling to open his eyes to see what Tien was up to his husband's fingers caught his chin and turned it towards him. Tien's mouth sealed over his, tongue replacing fingers, and Piccolo ceased caring. The angle was awkward and Piccolo gripped the arms of the chair and Tien's tongue was hot and amazing and both hands were massaging his chest now and Piccolo's head jerked a little and that was all the warning he could give before he was coming. It mixed with his saliva and Tien's, running down his chin as Tien swallowed what he could.

Tien pulled back and Piccolo slowly worked his eyes open, panting and swallowing what was left. His husband looked very pleased with himself. One of his hands moved to wipe off Piccolo's face, the other sliding across his back. He pressed a kiss to Piccolo's forehead. "Feel better?" he murmured against his skin.

Piccolo's hands relaxed their death grip on the chair and he turned towards Tien. "Much." Then his hands were on Tien's waist, grabbing and lifting him and by the time Tien was finished yelling in surprise he was in Piccolo's lap, knees on either side of Piccolo's thighs. It was cramped—the armchair was plush, but not big—but he readily settled when Piccolo ran his hands down Tien's thighs. "You know, I was going to mark math tests tonight." Tien raised an eyebrow at him. "But I like this better."

Tien was smiling at him when he leaned in to capture his lips again.