High school is a place of boredom and annoyance for some. A place of torture and harassment for others. For me, high school is a once in a lifetime chance to have fun with friends. To socialize with unknown people and learn about them.
I had always seen school that way. I'd get up early to get ready and go to school every day with no complaints.
I was never bullied at school at any time. I'm a social chameleon. I can change my personality to anyone or any situation. The shrinks say that it's because of my borderline personality disorder but I say I'm just cool.
That has its down sides though. I never really know who I really am. So when the depression creeps in I have no anchor. No solace. I only have my daydreams and dissociation techniques.
I spent a lot of time at school trying not to let it show. If anyone ever found out I would have been devasted. Being seen as less than was my worst nightmare.
Anyway, like I said, I've always loved school. Even more so when I finally came out to Glee club in sophomore year. My friend Rachel already knew of course and so did Kurt, but the others were surprised. They took it well despite that.
The Unholy Trinity joined the club and everybody was bummed except me. I had been friends with them since childhood. Especially me and Quinn. Our parents were quite close after her father got his racist views proven incorrect.
One night at our sleepover, I decided that if the Glee club took it well then my bffs should too. I mean San and Britt were fuck buddies so how could they say anything. We had a threesome a couple times as well. I was mostly afraid about Quinn. I had a little- okay a big crush on her.
"So guys, I have to tell y'all something," I began. They looked toward me expectantly. Santana looked intrigued.
"You finally lost your v card," she snarked. We laughed and I shook my head.
"I'm far from a virgin and you know this," I said, flicking my tongue at her. She glared at me while Brittany laughed.
"Go ahead," Quinn said. She continued painting her nails. I looked at her for a moment just admiring her. She was so fine.
"I don't want to draw this out more than it has to be," I sighed. It was so hard to say it. They looked at me confused. "I'm like 100% lesbian. I've already told Glee."
Everything was quiet for a moment. I looked down at my crossed legs as the awkward silence went on. Suddenly, a squeal made me look up.
"Oh my gosh. Your just like San," Brittany yelled, doing a little dance. I laughed at her antics.
Santana and Quinn looked at me with odd expressions. Santana's was more like envious. I knew she wished she could do the same thing. She struggled with accepting her orientation.
Quinn had an unreadable expression. I couldn't tell what she was thinking. It was always like that. I could read everyone else. Even Brittany, but not Quinn. She was something else entirely.
"I'm happy for you, Ash" Santana finally said. She grabbed my hand and squeezed it. I couldn't help but raise a perfect brow. This wasn't like her at all. She rolled her brown eyes. "I can't be happy for my bestie?"
"You're going soft San. Want a hug," I taunted. She growled at me and went back to painting her nails.
"I'm happy for you too, Ashton," Quinn said quietly. I looked at her with wide eyes. I didn't expect that at all from her. Her parents were very homophobic. "I don't personally approve of it but I'm happy that you accepted yourself."
Anddd there it is. I figured that's how it would be.
"Does this mean that we can have another three-" Santana covered Brittanys mouth before she could finish. I couldn't help but laugh my ass off.
I caught Quinn's eye as I continued to laugh. She was staring at me with an intense expression. I still couldn't decipher it. It was almost possessive. Almost mad in nature. It scared me but intrigued me all the same.
I would find out the reason behind it soon enough.
I sat laughing with my friends in Glee after I had performed. It was almost time to go home so I decided to socialize.
"Ashton," Quinn said from behind me. I turned around quickly with my brows raised. She stood regally with her arms behind her back. "I need to talk to you at my house after school."
Shock coursed through my veins. This wasn't unnormal but I hadn't been alone at her house for a while. Since I first developed my crush. I had avoided that ever since.
"Of course. 'Round what time," I asked. Quinn's lip twitched ever so slightly. I wondered why.
"At 4, my parents will be gone so you don't have to knock," she said. The bell rang suddenly and she disappeared out the door. I sat staring at the door until Rachel shook me from my daze.
"It's time to go, silly. I know you love school but you can't stay here," she chuckled. I shook my head and followed her out the door.
Quinn's house had always aroused jealous inside me. It was about ten times the size of mine but I was thankful for my house. At least I had one. Unlike Jonny Odell from middle school.
I'd let him stay with me for a while before he got taken into state custody. My momma and father were kind enough to let him stay with me in my room. He was one of my best friends. The first to know of my gayness. I'd bought him clothes and a phone with my allowance.
He loved me like a sister but he was gone now. Just like my daddy. My daddy died when I was 13. Another thing that made my envy of Quinn stronger. She had everything that I wanted. Even my own sorry heart.
I walked in like I owned the place. I had been here many times over the years. It was like a second home to me. The grand foyer, the spiraling staircase, Quinn's big bedroom door, it was all imprinted in my mind.
I went to knock on Quinn's door but it opened before I could.
"You're on time," she said, impressed. I was going to retort but my eyes wandered over her body.
She wore a crop top with some booty shorts. I couldn't help the rush of arousal that spread through me like wildfire.
"Are you just going to stand there," she chuckled. I shook myself out of my daze and walked into the room. "Close the door..and lock it."
I looked at her in confusion but did what she said. I couldn't understand what she would want me to do that for.
"What did you want to talk about," I asked. Quinn stood beside her bed just looking at me. I felt like a grand statue made of marble. She looked at me like a prize.
"You had a threesome with Santana and Brittany," she stated. I looked at her oddly and nodded. She shook her head in dissapointment. "Why?"
I couldn't understand the reason behind me coming here just to explain my sexlife.
"Because their both hot and it was great," I laughed. Quinn's face contorted with anger and my laughter stopped immediately. She had always made me cautious.
She walked toward me slowly. Her lip was curled in disgust.
"I know something else, Ashton," she growled. I backed into the door with a thud as she came to press up against my front. "I know that you're in love with me. I can practically feel it when you're next to me. You tremble when I touch you."
My heart shattered in my chest. She knew. She knew how I felt. It felt like the end of the world. I never planned to let her know about my feelings. I wanted to get over it on my own.
"I've known for a while now. I'm not stupid, Ash. No matter how much it disgusts me it has one perk," she rasped. I could feel her nipples poking my ribs through her thin shirt. I cursed my height advantage. "I have a proposition for you."
Pain coursed through my veins. I knew she would be repulsed by me. No matter how long we had been friends she was raised a certain way. I couldn't do anything about it.
"What is it," I whispered. Quinn grinned at me evilly. Those hazel eyes stared into my own intensely.
"You will do everything I want you to do or I will spread around at school that you have BPD," she said softly. Like she was telling me a secret. Whatever was left of my heart eroded. "You don't want anyone knowing how crazy you really are do you?"
I had thought Quinn was my best friend. I had thought she was everything I wanted. Everything good in the world. I had been there through her pregnancy. I'd held her hand in the delivery room. Held her baby in my arms when she didn't have the will.
This is how she repays me.
By playing on my biggest fear to manipulate me.
"Quinn, how could you do this," I croaked. Her hand rose to my face as a tear rolled down. Even though I hated her in this moment, I still trembled. "You were my best friend."
Quinn's expression became severe then. The madness coming back into her eyes like a virus. This wasn't the Quinn I loved.
"There is no such thing as friends," she whispered furiously. Those soft hands moved to my neck and she squeezed slightly. "You're mine now. Mine to do with as I please. Get on your knees."
I looked at her in confusion. I didn't understand what was going on at all.
A sharp pain erupted on the left side of my face. I grunted at the force of her slap. She was quite strong. Another emotional pain blossomed alongside the other one. The woman I love just hit me, I mused.
"Get on your fucking knees." Her eyes were dangerous but there was something else in there. Something like sorrow but also lust.
I dropped to my knees without any further coaxing. I kept my eyes on the ground as Quinn ran her fingers through my short curly hair. I closed my eyes as she let go and heard rustling in front of me.
"What do you want," I whispered. She chuckled darkly above me.
"I've heard Brittany talking about your tongue. Even Santana when she thinks I'm not around. A couple softball girls and cheerios too. You're such a whore," she said. I let her words hit me in the chest without even opening my eyes.
I felt her move closer to my face. The smell of her womanhood was fresh and musky. I could tell that she was wet. Under any other circumstances I would be wetter than a fountain. I was still aroused but sickened by it.
She grabbed my hair roughly and pulled my face to her sopping wet center. As she humped my face I opened my eyes. All I could see was her shaved mound.
"Lick me. Lick me like you did all those other whores," she snarled. I couldn't deny that I wanted it. I wanted to taste her so bad. It made me hate myself more.
My long tongue snuck out greedily and slipped through her folds. The strength of her moan startled me but I kept going. I could tell she had never done this despite the fact that she had told me as much before.
"Yes! Ohmygod," she grunted.
I lifted one of her legs and hoisted it over my shoulder. I dove in like a dehydrated man. She tasted so good. Nothing like I had imagined. So much better.
"Mm," I hummed. She screamed as I plunged two of my fingers into her wet entrance. It was so hot but soothing. I never imagined ever being able to do this.
"God yes. You fucking slut," she moaned. Her hands gripped my hair tightly. Pulling me deeper into her. "You eat it so good. Fuck me."
I moved faster and faster until her legs shook hard. I could tell she wouldn't be able stand much longer. I picked her up to her surprise and laid her down on the bed.
Her hands gripped the bed covers with white knuckles. I watched her eyes roll into the back of her head as she came harder than she ever had. If she ever had.
I stood up as she came back to reality with some effort. Her juices still glistened on my lips and fingers. She looked up at me with hooded eyes and smiled lazily. It was disturbing.
She stood up and put her panties back on. I just stood there watching, feeling wet and violated. Once she finished she looked at me with disgust again.
"You will not tell anyone of our agreement or what we do. You will do whatever I tell you to, when I tell you to do it. And you will not fuck or date any other girls. Understood?"
I looked at her with rage building inside me. I wanted to slap the shit out of her but the love inside me wiped the thought from my head.
"I understand," I said quietly. She smirked at my resignation.
"Oh and you will not be in control of anything we do again. Consider this the first and only time," she said, eyes narrowed. I nodded numbly. "I bought some toys for you that I will expect you to keep in your car."
Quinn moved to her closet and pulled out a Calvin Klein man purse. She handed it to me absentmindedly, making me almost drop it.
"You'll wear this choker as well. A sign of your submission." I watched as she moved to her dresser and pulled out the choker.
It was black and had an all seeing eye on it. As she put it around my neck, I felt like a slave. Just like my ancestors had been. I wondered how I had dropped so low.
How had I let love turn me into the one thing that I hated?
I lie there staring up at Quinn as she rode the strap on attached to me. Her hands gripped my breasts harshly as she rose up and dropped down. I looked in between us to watch the thick, black silicon disappear into her wet center.
It had taken her a while to get it inside when we first tried it. I finally broke down and told her to get the lube. She had glared at me hatefully but did what I suggested nonetheless.
Now she took it greedily, riding me like a pornstar. Her head is thrown back exposing her long, elegant neck. The urge to bite and lick it didn't surface though.
I had long lost my attraction to this shell of the woman I loved. My body reacted, of course, but I couldn't bring myself to want to touch her. The act of being forced repulsed me. The way she called me names and sometimes caused me pain made me hate and fear her. This was not my Quinn.
"Fuck, it's so deep," she groaned, dropping down to hide her face in my neck.
I nearly flinched at how close she was. She usually didn't do this without biting the fuck out of me and leaving angry marks. She loved knowing that I had her mark. I had come to the conclusion that she wanted me more than she let on.
She wanted me to be hers. What had caused her to even begin this was possessiveness. She had secretly wanted me all to herself and I had never noticed. All because of my own feelings. I could feel the need to own when she fucked me. The way she grasped my neck or hair when she took me from behind.
But the feelings I once had were numb now. I didn't even tremble when she touched me anymore. I can't feel anything these days other than self hatred and pain. We've been doing this for two months and it feels like years. People at school even noticed my change. Especially San and Britt.
"Ashton," she moaned. Her lips moved across my neck softly and I flinched. She never moaned my name during sex or kissed me. There was usually nothing soft about us fucking. "Please touch me."
My heart stuttered in my chest. Hell must be freezing over. Pigs must be flying because she never let me touch her unless I was giving her head or fingering her. And she most definitely never begs. I felt like it was a test to see if I would obey her and get hurt or disobey and still get hurt.
I slid my hand up her back and she gasped into my ear. I liked that sound a lot. I dug my nails into her back and scratched all the way down. She arched into me and groaned brokenly against my neck.
"Yes," she hissed. I grabbed her hips and moved her harshly down onto the dildo. I could feel it dragging through her walls as I lifted her up and down. "Fuck me, please."
My breathing became heavy as that estranged arousal hit me full force. This was the Quinn I loved. The soft Quinn. The girl that had been my best friend. I wanted to make love to this Quinn. To fuck her.
I shifted my legs so I could thrust up into her. I wrapped my arms around her and she stared me in the eye.
I could see sorrow and pain mixed with the lust and love. It drove me on as my thrusts grew in vigor. I decided to take advantage of her sudden change of heart in the only way I knew how.
As she moaned and opened herself up to let me get deeper, I held her close. I watched her face contort when I hit a particular spot deep inside her.
"Do you like that, Quinn," I grunted. She nodded frantically, sweat pooling on her forehead. "You like it when I fuck you like a slut?"
Her pussy clenched around the strap on and she gasped for breath.
"Yes! Oh fuck," she whimpered. Courage built inside me at her vulnerability.
I bit into her neck harshly. My hips moved frantically as I thrust the dildo deep inside her. I knew it was hitting her cervix but not painfully so. She liked it deep.
"You're mine," I growled into her ear. Her nails dug into my neck. Those hazel eyes rolled into the back of her head as she came for me. Making it hard for me to keep thrusting but I stuffed it all the way inside her anyway.
"I'm yours," she mumbled, sleepily. Her eyes were glazed over with satisfaction. "I love you. I'm sorry."
My heart skipped a beat as she lie her head down on my chest. I couldn't believe what she'd said. I expected to feel happy but all I felt was numb. Everything she did couldn't be taken back. So I kept silent.
She sat up and moved down my body, removing the strap on and tossing it aside. She ran her hands over my body more slowly than she had before. It made fire course through my being.
"Can I show you how much," she asked. Her lips moved along my jawline like a feather. Her hands spread a trail of heat across my abs.
My heart pounded in my ears and my hips strained to move against the pale thigh between my legs. I was so wet that just a light touch could get me off. I trembled against her for the first time in weeks.
"Yes," I whispered. I wanted to feel regret but I couldn't. All I could feel was her lips and hands. Her love surrounding me like a coccoon.
As her head descended down to my most sensitive place, I held my breath. She had done this more times than I could count but this time would be different. This time held feeling.
I let go of that breath harshly as she dove into me with vigor. Quinn's tongue was the most gifted I'd experienced. Despite the fact that I had taught her most of it, she adapted well over time. Every move she made brought me closer and closer to falling over that cliff.
"Quinn," I choked. I could feel tears welling in my eyes. Everything I could see was so bright. I couldn't feel my toes or anything other than Quinn at all. "Yes, fuck me!"
Her fingers slid inside me without warning and my back arched like a bow. My breath caught deep in my throat as she worked my body closer and closer to the precipice.
Something inside me was breaking though. My mind was crumbling because when my eyes caught hers I could see the love. She wasn't lying to me. This was the only way she knew to show it because she was never shown.
"Quinn," I screamed as I came harder than I ever had before. My nails dug into the covers and I bit my lip hard.
Heaven's waters were drifting over me in waves. That's the only way I could describe it. White light burst behind my eyelids like a supernova.
When it finally subsided I had to push Quinn's mouth away from me. She was so insatiable. My sensitive parts were aching and zinging with residual aftershocks as she lapped at my entrance.
"I'm sorry, Ashtan. I've been horrible to you," she said softly. I breathed deep and collapsed back onto her pillow. "I wish I could make it up to you in some way."
I grabbed her with my legs and pulled her on top of me. She laughed and struggled until I just trapped her in my arms. I kissed her soundly for the first time.
I never thought our first kiss would be after we had done almost every sexual thing to each other possible. It still felt mind-shatteringly amazing.
"I forgive you, Quinn," I whispered against her lips. As she smiled I kept my face serious. "But I will never forget. That is what you need to work towards. Helping me forget."
A tear rolled down her cheek slowly as she thought over my words. I could tell that the weight of her actions were crashing down on her. Her hands encased my face and she kissed me tearfully.
I kissed her back with everything I had, trying to feel something, anything. I felt the love but I did not feel the forgiveness.
Eventually I felt it. When she walked the halls holding my hand. When she kissed me possessively in front of the cheerios and pulled me into the janitor's closet just to make out.
In those moments, I forgot. In those moments, I forgave. Quinn Fabray put her popularity in jeopardy to be with me. She went out of her way just to be with me. Just to make up for her wrong doing.
I couldn't hold it against her any longer. I knew she loved me. I could feel it in the way she kissed me. The way she touched my body every single night. She worshiped it.
The way she trembled when I just slightly touched her skin.
We had switched places somewhere along the path of coming together. I had wrapped her around my finger but I wouldn't have her any other way.
