Well, I was listening to the song "Goodbye My Lover". It put me in an angsty mood, I hadn't written in a while, and well- here it is.
Did
I disappoint you or let you down?
As I look down at you,
I'm blinking fast to hold back the tears. After all the times we've
come through for each other-
Should
I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
This is all
my fault. I know you wouldn't want me to blame myself, but come on-
I was standing right there!
'Cause
I saw the end before we'd begun,
I've known since the
first time I saw the pine-crested hill now so familiar- ours is
rarely a happy fate. But why was it your fate, not mine?
Yes
I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.
Over the
years I tried so hard- and finally I was in control. Is that what
held me back? Seeing you lose control, for once?
So I took what's mine by eternal right.
You were mine after all. Always, from the day I first glimpsed your hair- or was it your eyes, like mist?
Took
your soul out into the night.
How many nights have we
passed together? Never voicing our feelings, but the tension was
there all the same. Your very presence is- was- electrifying.
It
may be over but it won't stop there,
It doesn't matter
you're gone now. I'm not moving on. Not ever. You're the only
one for me.
I
am here for you if you'd only care.
Wake up! Please! I
can't do this! I can't lose you. Please! Say something!
You
touched my heart you touched my soul.
My life was changed.
If I had never met you- the very thought sends shudders down your
spine.
You
changed my life and all my goals.
Focused, organized,
motivated, mature, you were everything I'm not. It sounds cheesy,
but you really were my better have.
And
love is blind and that I knew when,
I didn't notice
that you were infinitely smarter than me, bossy and overbearing- all
right, so maybe I did notice. But it didn't matter. It also didn't
matter I was a child of the Big Three, technically your superior, but
never really.
My
heart was blinded by you.
I saw you- beautiful, tanned,
the long curling hair- and it was over for me.
I've
kissed your lips and held your head.
Once- just once- we
kissed, and then we both dismissed it, silly teenage hormones. I
never had a happier moment. I can't count the times I've held
you- so many over the years-
Shared
your dreams and shared your bed.
Too many quests to count-
sharing goals and aspirations and of course the same thirst for
adventure.
I
know you well, I know your smell.
Like the olive smell of
old books. When I bury my head in your hair, the scent is still
there, though fading fast. I can't think of anyone I know better.
I've
been addicted to you.
Ever since the summer after sixth
grade- I've longed for you, admiring your pictures and wishing you
were with me.
Goodbye
my lover.
That's what you were, though I never really
told you. Seems like forever, yet it ended too quickly.
Goodbye
my friend.
You were my best friend. There for me always
and helping me even when I didn't know how much I needed it.
You
have been the one.
There will never be another girl for
me.
You have been the one for me.
I
am a dreamer but when I wake,
So many dreams. I see you
every time I close my eyes.
You
can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.
I've
had to go on- a child of the Big Three can't break down in the
midst of a war against the most powerful titan. But I can't sleep
without you haunting me.
And
as you move on, remember me,
I know where you are- you
died a heroine's death. Elysium. Perhaps someday I'll join you.
Remember
us and all we used to be
Don't ever forget. Don't
forget the way we fought and made up, the way we worked together.
I've
seen you cry, I've seen you smile.
I've seen you at your
best and worst- and you've seen me at mine.
I've
watched you sleeping for a while.
How many times have I
watched your beautiful grey eyes close, your chest rise and fall
softly?
I'd be the father of your child.
I'd
spend a lifetime with you.
You don't know how many times
I dreamed of you and me, married with little gray eyed children
running about.
I
know your fears and you know mine.
Spiders. Not a one had
better come near your grave- I'll smash it. How is it down there? I
never could stand closed spaces.
We've
had our doubts but now we're fine,
We were fine. We were
friends. Forever. I never knew how short forever was.
And
I love you, I swear that's true.
I never told you. But I
love you. More than anything- more than skateboarding, more than the
beach at Montauk, more even than Grover or even my Mom.
I
cannot live without you.
How Am I supposed to go on? If
you were here, you'd have a plan. But you're not. And I don't.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You
have been the one for me.
And I still hold your hand in mine.
I've
memorized the way it felt- every time you were scared, the soft
pressure of our hands together.
In
mine when I'm asleep.
Now it comes to me in dreams, while
your hand is wasting away below the ground.
And
I will bear my soul in time;
I'll get through it
somehow.
When
I'm kneeling at your feet.
I kneel before your grave and
cry. You've seen me cry before- I'm not ashamed. Only guilty and
empty and broken.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You
have been the one for me.
There will never be another
friend- another wise girl- for me.
I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.
I don't know how to handle this- I've never been good with grief. There is a great void inside of me, greater than all the oceans that are my inheritance. I love you, Annabeth Chase.
Goodbye.
Oh yeah, in case you didn't get that, Percy POV. :) Review! I could write a spinoff if you want. I'm workin on the long title one. This took me like 15 minutes though, so thought I'd just get it over with while I was in the mood.
