Title: Memories
Author: BrokenPromises
Rating: PG13
Summary: "Mostly, Axel was jealous of the younger Nobody. Roxas was real, to some extent, which was painful for Axel to witness."
Disclaimer: Don't Know; Don't Own; Never Happened.

Roxas was everything Axel wished he could be - calm, collected, cool, rebellious, so attractive it drove him insane. Mostly, Axel was jealous of the younger Nobody. Roxas was real, to some extent, which was painful for Axel to witness.

The younger boy glowed with a nice, even tan, which illustrated his obvious life, while he himself was far too pale in his opinion, especially while being a wielder of flames. Axel had hoped that the fire he controlled might darken his skin - even a tad bit - from the deathly pallor it was. He found it to be a worthless cause when he realized that as a Nobody with a dead Other, he wasn't real, couldn't tan, couldn't be, however due to Roxas's living Other, he could.

On the rare occasions Roxas crawled into bed with him and just let himself be held, Axel was filled with a sense of self-doubt.

When Roxas ignored him, that self-doubt grew exponentially. It took over every action of his, every second of the day. Axel was constantly trying to find ways to be more attractive, open, friendly, caring, loving, believing himself to be none of the characteristics he sought.

However, when Roxas would saunter up to him, whisper promises and dirty thoughts into his ear, asking - begging - Axel to take him up to his room and telling him how sexy he was, what a beautiful body he had, how gentle, how perfect, Axel found himself exactly how Roxas described. He had no issues with himself, at least until Roxas would snub him, whether accidentally or purposefully.

When Roxas walked out of the Organization, away from him, Axel knew that if he had a heart, it would have broken as the door shut behind his young friend, lover.

When he met up with Roxas again in Twilight Town, he knew that the boy wouldn't remember him, and if he did the memories would be severely lacking. He didn't realize how painful it would be, how much he would loathe himself for his actions. He didn't - honestly didn't - realize how young Roxas was until he saw the innocent, untainted boy who didn't remember a thing about him.

That might have been why he had so readily sacrificed himself for Roxas's Other. He felt truly guilty - disgusting - for taking Roxas's innocence, for forcing the boy out of his dreamland. The boy - Sora, was it? - was so innocent, just as Roxas had been. The Roxas of Twilight Town that was, not his minx of a Roxas, however they were the same, in some way Axel just wasn't quite sure of, without the hazard of the Organization perhaps.

Death, Axel would have reflected if he had the consciousness or the memory to do so, wasn't so bad. It took away all the dirt, the pain, the horrors of life. It left him with him memories of Roxas, both versions of Roxas, which did cause some discomfort, but left him alone. Nothing hurt, there were no consequences, and he could spend eternity reflecting on his relationship with the younger boy.

If he ever took the time to consider it, Axel may have felt slightly cheated. An eternity of memories was nothing compared to the feel of his lover in his arms, under him, near him. Memories were nothing compared to the reality of Roxas.

His Roxas, who he wouldn't see again.

But Axel was too preoccupied with his memories to realize such. Something was better than nothing would be his excuse. And he wouldn't ruin Roxas any longer, the boy deserved his innocence.

Got it memorized?


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