Talk Soup
A Pokemon Ranger J Story


"And this is Pokemon Ranger J!" Tracey said, the spotlight shining in my face. I stumbled onto stage. Now I knew whay his guests were always dazed looking. I thought it was because they didn't get out of their trailers much. I collapsed into a chair. Tracey introduced me again.
"Thanks Tracey," I said. I was on his show, for an interview concerning my work with the League.
"Yes, as I understand that you saved the world from Team Rocket, yet again."
"Well, I had a lot of help from my friends, the Mercs."
"Mercs?"
"Yes, Tracey. They are pokemon Mercenaries. They lend their services to the highest bidder, or lent."
"What do you mean?"
"Well, they work for the League now."
"Hmmm," Tracey said, "how about some audience questions?"
"Hey!" yelled a girl in the back, "are you umm... 'available?'"
"You wish," Sabrina appeared beside me on the arm of my chair. Her arm snaked around my neck, and she kissed me.
"Man, he sucks, let's leave!" someone yelled.
"Hey, how about we run a short special on nude midget porn stars?"
"How about I offer to have a pokemon battle with anyone in the crowd?"
"Sounds interesting," he said.
"Any volunteers?"
"Sure, I beat the elite 4, I'll beat you too." A boy, maybe twelve, stepped up.
"Go, Charizard!" He grinned evilly, "eat that, bitch!" 'Bitch' was badly bleeped out, and you could still hear it, but couldn't hear 'that.'
"Lugia, destroy it." I said, yawning. Lugia flicked it, and it fell over. The kid rushed me.
"Look, brawl!" someone yelled. The kid rammed into me, and we fell to the ground. Sabrina and Lugia were consumed in brawling people.
"Well, my goat doesn't love you!" Someone else yelled. Tracey jumped toward the door, straightening his weird looking hairdo. He pulled out a cattle prod, and tossed two to Sabrina and I. Sabrina's was intercepted in the air by a girl, who grabbed it with her teeth. She started shocking people.
"Eat that, y'all!"
"Oh, my Goddish, we landed in Hickville!" I yelled. The girl shocked a guy. He started spouting random things.
"Pull my finger! Bob Dole! So the guy says 'Yeah, but it's my spam!'"
"And that's all the time we have today!" yelled Tracey, running to the camera and dropping a smoking cylinder to the ground. I teleported, after recalling Lugia. Sabrina followed. We turned on the TV at our mansion, and watched as tracey pulled out and put on his trusty gas mask. The people started passing out. Tracey was known for keeping track of his guests and keeping them in line. The showed continued. We turned it off at the nude, transvestite, cab-driving, postal worker, unfriendly, sadistic, janitor part.
"I hate daytime television!" we said, in unison.