Summary: Neal learns that there are consequences for his actions, which turns out to be a new experience for him.
"El! How could you do this?"
"Peter, please I was trying to help!" El said nervously! She had never seen Peter this angry with her before.
"You weren't helping, it was aiding and abetting. You do know what I do for a living? You need to understand that I am happy that I got to speak to him, but you can't do things like that. It scares me that you were able to get away with it."
Now her defenses were up, "What do you mean get away with it? I didn't do anything except help my friend. I didn't lie to anyone and I resent you saying that I did something wrong. I knew he didn't do this! Now you know it too and if it wasn't for me you still would think he had a part in it. You should be the one who is sorry!" El shouted as she stood on her toes to look her husband face to face.
"What if you got caught? You could have been arrested," Peter said as he ran his fingers through his hair and sighed. "I could lose my job. I know he is our friend, but right now he is a criminal on the run." Now Peter was shouting again. "I don't understand why neither of you can trust me to get things done within the limits of the law. It seems that neither of you have a sense of consequence. You can't go around breaking the law and not having any consequences for your actions." Peter was at a loss as to where to go with this. " Since I can't arrest you, we need to come up with a reasonable solution. I'm sorry but I can't just let this go."
Elizabeth was stunned. She was trying hard to defend her actions. "Let it go? What are you going to do Peter? Punish me! I am not a child and I am still not seeing how I am at fault here. I helped you find out information that will help clear Neal. If I didn't help him he could be back in prison right now."
Peter was noticing how much El was sounding like Neal. She was rationalizing criminal activity because it was helping someone. He wanted to be reasonable but as a federal agent he knew that he didn't want his wife wandering into the grey areas of the law. "I know it turned out ok this time but it is still not OK. I cannot allow this to happen. If I choose to go into grey areas to help him out that would be my decision but I will not have my wife sent to prison. We are going to take care of this!"
Elizabeth was starting to really worry! The more she thought about it the more she was realizing that maybe she could have gone about it in a different way. She should have trusted Peter enough to let him know what was going on. As she sat nibbling at her cuticles, she began to think about what Peter thought he was going to do about this problem.
"Elizabeth, I have a hard enough time keeping one wayward criminal on the straight and narrow and I will not have two! Please go and stand in the corner while I think about this."
Peter was at such a funny place because he truly did not know what to do. He knew what he was thinking he was going to do but they didn't have that kind of marriage. What was this, the 1800's? He could hardly believe Elizabeth was standing in the corner. This was the only solution he could come up with short of arresting his wife. He took a beer from the refrigerator and drank it down in two big gulps and headed back to the living room and the task at hand.
Meanwhile in the corner Elizabeth Burke had many of the same thoughts. Just who did he think he was; putting me in the corner like a child? Could this really be happening? Yet there she was and somehow she was not moving. In her mind she must know that this has to happen for everything to be alright. She went about this in a childish manner in which she could have been arrested and sacrificed her husband's job. Even Neal would not have benefited if they got caught. That was when she heard Peter coming back from the kitchen and she began fidgeting and biting her nails again.
Peter took a seat on the couch and called her over to him. She sat next to him. "How are we going to fix this Peter? Whatever you decide I just want you to know that I trust you and trust our marriage. I know you will do the right thing."
Peter was so relieved to hear those words from her that while steeling himself he pulled her over his lap! As he began to rain down swats onto his wife's behind her tears began to fall. He knew that he had to make a lasting impression but he had never administered a spanking before and was unsure of how far to take this. He spoke to her in kind but firm tones asking why she was in this position to begin with.
"I should have trusted in you and your ability to handle things with Neal and not gone behind your back and against the law." Elizabeth spoke in short sobs.
"Please, Peter it hurts!"
"I think that is the point."
"I am so sorry Peter."
As he landed five final swats to each of her sit spots he lifted her onto his lap and began to kiss away her tears. "Please don't ever make me have to do that to you again."
Later That Night
As Elizabeth and Peter went to bed that night both were reviewing the day's events and they both saw the injustice of it. As much as El was not angry with Peter for the course of action he took, she was beginning to feel that she was treated unfairly because this whole escapade was not entirely her fault. Neal had called her and asked for her help. How is it that she was going to bed with a sore behind and Neal got off scot free? He had absolutely no repercussions for all of the things he did wrong and the list was long.
Peter was on his side of the bed running his fingers through Elizabeth's hair but his mind was on his young partner as well. He was beginning to feel bad that he had actually punished his wife and Neal was home in the lap of luxury probably drinking champagne with Mozzie or having a romp in the sheets with some beautiful woman. Just as he was about to say something, Elizabeth spoke up.
"Peter, I am a bit angry with you right now! I understand why you did what you did but the more I think about it the more I feel that I took all of the blame for something that was not completely my fault."
"This is why we are a perfect couple because I was just having those very same thoughts. But what am I supposed to do about it. I guess I can put him on desk duty for the next few weeks. Maybe shorten his radius for a while?"
El now turned over and got right into Peter's face. "Are you kidding me, I get my ass beat like a ten year old child and you are going to confine Neal to June's so he can drink wine and enjoy the company of his friends. It's a good thing that we don't have children because the favoritism and unfairness is out of this world."
Peter was now smirking. "Oh hon, you know you are my favorite, but what are you suggesting? I go drag him away from June's and bring him here and put him across my lap." I don't think he fits there like you do!" That statement was answered by a slap on the shoulder.
"I don't think it is funny Peter. We need to discuss this. He has never had any real guidance and he is putting himself and his freedom on line very casually. He is not just your partner and you know as well as I do that he looks up to you and cares about letting you down. I think he might respond well to an actual punishment from you."
"Of course there have been many times when I would have loved to swat him right out in the field. I certainly don't think it's within the FBI protocol. But you do have a point and our relationship has moved past CI and handler. Maybe we will have him over tomorrow and have a bit of a discussion."
Peter's mind was reeling once again at the way things were changing. Wishing he was sure about the decisions he was making. If he decided to take this route with Neal also, he had to know that Neal would accept this and then the choice would be taken away. Elizabeth felt her husband's frustrations and began to rub his back and arms in an attempt to relax him. They both began to drift off to sleep but the morning came much too quickly.
The Next Morning
As the Burkes woke up from a restless night of sleep, Peter flipped open his phone and called to invite Neal to brunch.
Neal had a sneaking suspicion that Peter would be angry with him and wasn't really in the mood to hear his lecturing all day so he declined but now it was Peter's turn to let him know this was not a request.
"Neal George Caffrey, I am trying to be nice about this but this is not a request. I am telling you to come over today so I will expect you here at noon. Please do not make me have to come and get you!"
Neal knew that tone of voice and whined out, "OK, I will be there. Please thank Elizabeth for the invitation and ask her what I should bring." He was taken aback by the use of his full name.
"You don't have to bring anything but please leave the whining at home." Peter was certainly more anxious than Neal because Neal had no idea what he was walking into.
Peter and Elizabeth did not know how they were going to approach this but as El cooked in the kitchen and Peter sat drinking coffee they both seemed to have no words.
Before the knock on the door, Satch began to bark because he could smell his favorite con man on the other side. Peter went quickly to let Neal in. "So glad you could make it."
Neal couldn't help the snide sounding, "You didn't give me any choice!"
As soon as those words left his lips El rounded the corner and put on a hurt face. "I thought you would be happy to come and spend the day with us dear."
Neal was very quick with his wit and charm. "I always want to spend the day here but I thought that after the trying week we all had, you guys would need some time to relax without having to deal with me and all of my SHENNANAGINS." With that word he winked at El and nodded toward Peter.
"I think Dear old Dad here needs a break from me. You know what the Doc says about is blood pressure!" Peter and El were so happy to hear the Dad reference from Neal that they were practically beaming with smiles. Neal thought they were so taken in by his charm that he relaxed immensely. "Can we go have some of your delicious smelling food now Elizabeth? I brought the perfect champagne for some mimosas; you know I can never come empty handed."
Peter was thrilled at the prospect of some liquor. Why hadn't he thought of that? They sat down to eat and Peter was getting such a homey family feeling and beginning to think this wasn't such a bad idea. As the meal came to an end Neal got up to assist El with the cleanup and she was happy to accept. They stood by the kitchen sink and Neal's curiosity got the better of him. "Brunch was lovely as usual Elizabeth, but I have a feeling by the way I was summoned here that there is more to it than a delicious meal."
El giggled, "You are so smart, Dear. Did you think that there would be no discussion about your so called shenanigans?"
Neal knew it was too good to be true and began to think about having to listen to Peter lecture him for hours. It all worked out and he couldn't understand why everything was always such a big deal.
As they finished up they went to join Peter in the living room. Neal decided it was now or never to make his getaway. "Thank you both so much for this lovely brunch. Maybe next week I will reciprocate and have you guys over. It's been fun and I will see you in the morning, Peter."
Now it was Peters turn to smirk. "I don't think so Neal; we have some things we would like to discuss with you."
So Neal slumped down on his place on the sofa and awaited the onslaught of torture. Elizabeth took a seat next to him and placed a hand on his knee while Peter started the discussion.
"Neal, we seem to be at a crossroad in our relationship. I know that Elizabeth and I consider you much more than just a CI of mine. I am interested to know how you think of us."
That was such a loaded question. How did they want him to answer? They were just about everything to him now. They were his friends. They were his family. They were his new life and he was happy. "You guys are like family to me; the only real family that I have had in a long time."
Peter let out a sigh. "I'm so glad that you feel that way Neal because as your family we can't keep allowing you to put your life and future on the line. If we lost you we would be devastated."
"What do you mean allowing me? I am not a child!"
El put her hand on his chin. "That's just what I said when Peter and I had this conversation, Neal." Peter was slightly stunned that his wife had brought that up.
"El, it's not necessary."
She looked Neal square in the eye. "But it is, because in a family we are always honest with each other."
Peter now stood up from his spot and went right over to Neal. "What we mean is that in a family there are consequences for your actions that don't involve handcuffs."
Now Neal's knee was beginning to tremble but his face still held his cool, confident air. "What are you talking about; do you want to punish me?" His voice cracked a bit on the last part. Elizabeth, can't you talk some sense into him?"
"Sorry Honey but it was kind of my idea!"
"I don't know where you guys are going with this but I would like you to just spit it out already." Neal was becoming visibly nervous at this point.
"Well, if we were a real family, what would our roles be?" Peter asked.
"I guess you guys are more like parents to me, because you take care of me and help me, even though Elizabeth is far too young to actually be my mother." Neal thought that would earn him some points.
She giggled at his comment and kissed his head.
"So Neal, as the person old enough to be your dad, what do you think I would have done if my wayward son ran from the law, pulled a dangerous stunt and then had his mother cover up for him?"
That didn't go according to Neal's plan. "I guess you would ground him?" he squeaked out.
"WOW, you must have had a very laid back childhood because I once when I stole a nickel off of my aunt's kitchen table I was paddled so I couldn't sit for a week and I admitted it." Peter winced at the memory.
Neal's face went white as a sheet. "Did you just say paddle, as in beat?"
"No, I said paddle as in spank."
They didn't think it possible for Neal's eyes to open any wider. "Isn't it illegal to spank children?"
"First of all you have no right to discuss what is legal or not, secondly it is not illegal and lastly, you are not a child."
"I don't understand, you want to spank me?"
"Yes Neal that is what we had in mind. I can't protect you from the law and know that there are no consequences for your actions. That is not the kind of man I am. I have kept you out of prison one too many times. I am no longer willing to lose you. You are too important to us."
Neal looked to be thinking intently and there was a very tense silence in the room but then he spoke up. "Will it hurt?"
Elizabeth piped in very quickly while unknowingly rubbing her behind. "Yes it will!"
"Oh my Lord, are you speaking from experience? He hit you?" Neal was now standing face to face with Peter.
Peter spoke in a low growl, "Once again, not hit, spank!"
Elizabeth came between them, "Neal, we agreed that there had to be repercussions and I accepted the punishment. I did the wrong thing by lying to the FBI. I should have gone right to Peter and trusted him to help you. Instead I risked going to prison and having him loose his job. I would have not been able to live with the guilt."
As Elizabeth was explaining, Peter was thinking of a better way he could go about this.
"Let's think about it like this Neal, let's say some day down the line, you have a son, he's a good kid but he has no impulse control," Neal rolled his eyes. "He likes test boundaries and at times he's petering on the edge of the law. You witnessed him jumping from a train to avoid been arrested for stealing a pack of gum from a vendor at Grand Central Station, so you've dragged his butt back here. What are you going to do?"
Neal slumped in his seat and pouted, "I never stole any gum."
Peter rolled his eyes, "Where not talking about you Neal, we're talking about what you would do if this happened to your son."
Neal sighed, " Lecture him for hours on end until he was so sorry he had to sit there listening to my voice drone on and on that he promised himself he'd never do anything like that again."
"Tried that last time when you caught him forging driver's licenses for the kids in his class."
"Ground him?" Neal was getting a little more desperate after connecting the dots and seeing no happy ending for his butt in all of this.
"His mother grounded him last month but it didn't stop him from scaling down the outside of a three story building after he'd stolen a painting from one of the professor's homes as a dare from his peers."
"Damn, this kid of mine's hopeless, he gets caught every time? Crap that's embarrassing! Someone should teach him about self preservation!"
"Neal..." El spoke up, "You're not helping yourself."
"You have any ideas, Elizabeth, cause I'm coming up empty here!"
"Neal," Peter sat down on the coffee table and put a reassuring hand on his son's knee, "If I was Neal Junior's dad, what do you think I'd do with my wayward son after watching him jump from the train?"
The younger man shrugged, "Maybe...I don't know but I guess if it was you, and not me, maybe swat him once or twice on his behind."
"One or two swats Neal? You think that would do it?"
"Maybe," Neal looked down and started picking at his finger nails, Maybe three or four. How would I know Peter; I've never been swatted before!"
"What a shock!" Peter and El smiled at each other. "Okay Neal, you said if it were me, I'd give my son a swat or two, what about you Neal, what would you do Neal?"
The young man considered, seriously thought about it, "I honestly don't know Peter, but I'm hoping that I could come to you, that you'd be around to guide me, advise me, help me out, because obviously I'm kinda lacking in this whole... 'responsibility' department."
"No you're not Neal, you do just need setting back on the correct path from time to time," Peter ran his hand over the top of Neal's head. "But I want you to know kiddo, El and I, we're always going to be here for you, for whatever you need."
"Which I guess comes with a downside," Neal looked up and grinned at the older man, "If I need, pulling into line, you're going to be here to do just that."
"Correct."
"Perhaps we could try the grounding first?"
"No Neal, you are essentially grounded with the tracking anklet of yours. I believe this time you have more than earned yourself a session with the paddle."
"Didn't we agree it would just be a swat or two?"
"Well we can start with a swat or two if you like before your paddling."
"No," Neal shook his head franticly, "It's okay, let's just skip the swatting."
"And go straight to the paddling?" Peter could tell he was scared as he was still hesitant. "Neal, you have to understand that if you agree to this, this will be the last decision I will let you make about it. If you don't agree then we will begin handling all of your indiscretions according to the law. I won't protect you from Hughes or NYPD or anyone else and we all know that it would only take a small infraction to break your deal with me. I would also like to say that you going back to prison would break our hearts."
"I trust you Peter!" Neal accepted with a whisper. "Would you like me to write it down?"
"No buddy," Peter chuckled, "This is not a contract it's a family. Now up you get and let's take care of this." Peter gave the younger man a tap on his knee as he pushed himself up from the coffee table and disappeared into the kitchen.
Neal looked to El, possibly hoping she'd slap him across the cheek and say, "Get out now, while you still can!" but she simply smiled reassuringly and actually nudged him off the couch. By the time Neal was on his feet, unsteady, shaky feet at that, Peter had returned holding an old-fashioned style cutting board. It had a small handle and was about an inch thick and it looked a lot like a paddle.
"Uh, I changed my mind!"
"Sorry bud," Peter shook his head sympathetically as he tapped the back of the arm chair, "Come on, over you go."
Elizabeth quietly took Satchmo and walked out into the back yard to give the men some privacy.
Neal had to cover his face with his hands because the tears were threatening and Peter had not even lifted him arm yet.
As Peter sensed his fear he put a hand on Neal back and began to rub his shoulders in an attempt to calm him. It seemed to have the desired affect and Neal's shoulders began to relax a bit. That only lasted seconds and as the first whack with the paddle landed on his behind; he let out an almighty yell.
"Holy Shit Peter, You did this to Elizabeth?"
"Not relevant Neal, get back down and please do not make me hold you or it will be worse." Not being able to imagine worse, Neal quickly obeyed but after a few whacks and a lot of yelling, he couldn't stay put anymore.
Peter put an arm on his back and increased the intensity of the blows until Neal was no longer fighting and only soft sobbing could be heard. Peter laid the paddle down and lifted Neal up and allowed him to cry into his shirt. As much as Neal liked physical contact, this was definitely undignified, since he was getting tears and snot all over Peter's shirt, but he didn't care. He was taking advantage of the fact that someone cared about him. He had not felt like this in a really long time. Now he knew for sure that he was part of a real family!
The End
