Writer's note: I have never seen this done before in Newsies fandom, so thought I'd try it out. I think I'm gonna make a series with it since I already started some more. Hopes it's amusing!
***
Spot Conlon: The Owner's Guide and Maintenance Manual
*** CONGRATULATIONS! ***
You are now the proud owner of your very own SPOT CONLON! Read the manual to find out how to use your fearless Leader of Brooklyn to his full potential.
TECHNICAL SPECIFICATIONS
Name: Spot Conlon
Type: Human (male)
Manufacturer: Conlons Over Brooklyn Company
Height: 5' 8
Weight: 90 lbs
INSTALLATION
When you receive your SPOT model, don't be alarmed if inside the shipping crate there is a loud voice yelling, "BROOKLYN!" Just wait until the yelling stops before opening the crate. You will know by then that your SPOT model has calm down.
ACCESSORIES
Your SPOT comes with an array of items:
(a) gold tipped cane
(b) key
(c) slingshot with marble ammunition
***NOTE*** If your SPOT model is shooting marbles at people who he 'claims' to be scabs, make sure to buy some old bottles for him to aim at instead before you get sued by someone.
OPERATING PROCEDURE
Your SPOT model is accomplished in many aspects.
Leader
It is true that your SPOT is a born leader. He can wrangle the local street gang and turn them into an effective rescue team for other street gangs who are being attacked by the authority.
Slingshot User
As you may have already found out, your SPOT is a pro at using a slingshot. You may enter him in slingshot contest. He'd most likely win first place every time.
Insulter
Though this accomplishment could be taken offensively, you can easily use your SPOT to insult anyone you please especially authority figures (e.g. judges, wardens, newspaper owners) or people who have betrayed you.
CLEANING
The SPOT model is very peculiar about how he is to be cleaned. Go out immediately to buy a porcelain tub and make sure it has boiling water in it when your SPOT decides to clean.
FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS
Q: What exactly does+ SPOT's key go to?
A: No one is positive of that fact. Some say it unlocks a secret family heirloom or a joke made by the Newsies production staff to drive fangirls crazy over what the key might be for.
***CAUTION*** If you ask your SPOT if his key is a "key to your heart", he will proceed to beat the tar out of you with his cane. PLEASE restrain from asking!
Q: Every time I read the newspaper in the morning, my SPOT pushes me to the side and screams, "Where's me pitcha?!" How do I get him to stop?
A: Easily solved. Just tell him to stop thinking about himself and he'll move on. If he does not stop this behavior, take drastic measures of putting an article on the front page with his picture in it.
Q: I'm worried about my SPOT. He keeps saying he hears 'little boids' chirping in his ear. What do I do?
A: This is normal for the programming of a SPOT model. If you do not wish for this occurrence, rent a JACK KELLY model to come talk to him.
TROUBLE SHOOTING
Problem: Words gotten out that you own a SPOT model. Hundreds of teenage fangirls sporting "I'm a Gabey-babe" pins and chanting "Ladaei!" are camping out on your lawn.
Solution: Thanks to the popularity of the SPOT model, this is a frequent occurrence among SPOT owners. Take heed the following steps:
(1) It essential that you hide your SPOT. Do not hide him in the bedroom - it is the first place they will look.
(2) Inform them that "Bayou Ghost" can be found at your local video store.
(3) If there are still a few stragglers who actually have a brain to not believe that load-a-crock, then say your SPOT is an Original Script SPOT model. You're lawn will quickly be emptied.
***NOTE*** Follow the security procedures for the safekeeping of your Brooklynite.
* Do not leave your SPOT unattended in public.
* Do not lend your SPOT to anyone (especially members of the NML).
*Do not let your SPOT ride in the front seat of your car.
Problem: Random girls show up on your doorstep claiming to be your SPOT's long lost sisters and are looking for a place to stay.
Solution: This is a major problem for many SPOT owners. Inform them that they are the sisters of the JACK KELLY model who lives with your archenemy down the street, and they'll proceed to invade that house.
Problem: Every time the paperboy rides by on his bike, my SPOT knocks him off and yells something about "getting his hands dirty".
Solution: Your SPOT is in the Strike mode. To rid him of that mode, inform him that the paperboy is not a dirty rotten scabbard.
FINAL NOTE
Your SPOT is under guarantee until August 2, 1899. After that, Teddy Roosevelt will stop by and pick him up in his carriage and ride off into the sunlight.
***
Spot Conlon: The Owner's Guide and Maintenance Manual
*** CONGRATULATIONS! ***
You are now the proud owner of your very own SPOT CONLON! Read the manual to find out how to use your fearless Leader of Brooklyn to his full potential.
TECHNICAL SPECIFICATIONS
Name: Spot Conlon
Type: Human (male)
Manufacturer: Conlons Over Brooklyn Company
Height: 5' 8
Weight: 90 lbs
INSTALLATION
When you receive your SPOT model, don't be alarmed if inside the shipping crate there is a loud voice yelling, "BROOKLYN!" Just wait until the yelling stops before opening the crate. You will know by then that your SPOT model has calm down.
ACCESSORIES
Your SPOT comes with an array of items:
(a) gold tipped cane
(b) key
(c) slingshot with marble ammunition
***NOTE*** If your SPOT model is shooting marbles at people who he 'claims' to be scabs, make sure to buy some old bottles for him to aim at instead before you get sued by someone.
OPERATING PROCEDURE
Your SPOT model is accomplished in many aspects.
Leader
It is true that your SPOT is a born leader. He can wrangle the local street gang and turn them into an effective rescue team for other street gangs who are being attacked by the authority.
Slingshot User
As you may have already found out, your SPOT is a pro at using a slingshot. You may enter him in slingshot contest. He'd most likely win first place every time.
Insulter
Though this accomplishment could be taken offensively, you can easily use your SPOT to insult anyone you please especially authority figures (e.g. judges, wardens, newspaper owners) or people who have betrayed you.
CLEANING
The SPOT model is very peculiar about how he is to be cleaned. Go out immediately to buy a porcelain tub and make sure it has boiling water in it when your SPOT decides to clean.
FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS
Q: What exactly does+ SPOT's key go to?
A: No one is positive of that fact. Some say it unlocks a secret family heirloom or a joke made by the Newsies production staff to drive fangirls crazy over what the key might be for.
***CAUTION*** If you ask your SPOT if his key is a "key to your heart", he will proceed to beat the tar out of you with his cane. PLEASE restrain from asking!
Q: Every time I read the newspaper in the morning, my SPOT pushes me to the side and screams, "Where's me pitcha?!" How do I get him to stop?
A: Easily solved. Just tell him to stop thinking about himself and he'll move on. If he does not stop this behavior, take drastic measures of putting an article on the front page with his picture in it.
Q: I'm worried about my SPOT. He keeps saying he hears 'little boids' chirping in his ear. What do I do?
A: This is normal for the programming of a SPOT model. If you do not wish for this occurrence, rent a JACK KELLY model to come talk to him.
TROUBLE SHOOTING
Problem: Words gotten out that you own a SPOT model. Hundreds of teenage fangirls sporting "I'm a Gabey-babe" pins and chanting "Ladaei!" are camping out on your lawn.
Solution: Thanks to the popularity of the SPOT model, this is a frequent occurrence among SPOT owners. Take heed the following steps:
(1) It essential that you hide your SPOT. Do not hide him in the bedroom - it is the first place they will look.
(2) Inform them that "Bayou Ghost" can be found at your local video store.
(3) If there are still a few stragglers who actually have a brain to not believe that load-a-crock, then say your SPOT is an Original Script SPOT model. You're lawn will quickly be emptied.
***NOTE*** Follow the security procedures for the safekeeping of your Brooklynite.
* Do not leave your SPOT unattended in public.
* Do not lend your SPOT to anyone (especially members of the NML).
*Do not let your SPOT ride in the front seat of your car.
Problem: Random girls show up on your doorstep claiming to be your SPOT's long lost sisters and are looking for a place to stay.
Solution: This is a major problem for many SPOT owners. Inform them that they are the sisters of the JACK KELLY model who lives with your archenemy down the street, and they'll proceed to invade that house.
Problem: Every time the paperboy rides by on his bike, my SPOT knocks him off and yells something about "getting his hands dirty".
Solution: Your SPOT is in the Strike mode. To rid him of that mode, inform him that the paperboy is not a dirty rotten scabbard.
FINAL NOTE
Your SPOT is under guarantee until August 2, 1899. After that, Teddy Roosevelt will stop by and pick him up in his carriage and ride off into the sunlight.
