7/31/16 Updated timeline from 2 to 4 years since Olivia and Alex kissed on the sidewalk. Pre Noah, pre William Lewis.

I guess when an idea strikes, you just have to write it. I have missed you all, - M

Ch. 1

Olivia fumbled with the card in her hands as she watched the numbers on the elevator rise.

She flipped the card between one finger to the next.

"I miss you."

That was all the card said in an unmistakable, elegant script.

Perfect cursive penmanship, written with no obvious hesitation.

"I miss you."

The flowers attached to the card were a well thought out variety and remained in her office.

Fin teased her about her secret admirer.

But her admirer was no secret.

Olivia shoved her key into her front door lock.

"Lucy I'm sorry I'm late!" She said dropping her bag and the contents in her arms to the floor. "I got caught on my way out of the off…"

She expected Lucy to be there with her baby boy, instead, it was her.

She was sitting there, Noah on her lap, leaning comfortably against her, listening to her read him a story.

Noah saw his mama and immediately hopped off of her lap to Olivia's now open arms.

"Happy birthday" was all she said as she stood from the couch.

Olivia held Noah tight as her eyes glared at the woman now standing only a few feet from her.

"Where's Lucy?" Olivia asked not responding.

"She just left a few minutes ago. I told her I would be fine with Noah." Olivia kissed her son's head still holding him in her arms from their hello ritual.

"Thanks for the flowers," Olivia said flatly.

"Olivia..." she said now standing straighter as if to test the strength of her proverbial backbone.

"Alex…"

"I've missed you," Alex said shoving her hands in her pockets.

"Have you?"

"Liv."

Olivia looked down at Noah. "Baby, why don't you go play a little bit before bedtime so I can talk to Alex ok?"

Noah shook his head in agreement as Olivia set his feet to the floor.

Noah quickly made his way to the opposite side of the room to his basket piled up with toys.

Olivia reached for the card she had put in her pocket.

Alex gave a slight smile that she had it with her.

"Don't be so satisfied with yourself for sending me flowers, saying you miss me, and then showing up my apartment and holding my son like you belong here."

"I know you're angry with me. I deserve it."

Olivia let out a breathy amused laugh as she dropped the card onto the kitchen counter.

"Alex, we haven't seen each other or even spoken to each other... You disappeared, you cut me out of your life."

"Olivia I didn't mean to!" Alex said raising her voice and then looking back at Noah.

"You didn't mean to? We kissed. We kissed and you freaked out and ran away."

"I didn't run away."

"Well, you sure as hell didn't answer my calls, much less even acknowledge what had happened between us."

Alex's eyes filled up with tears "I'm so sorry, Liv."

Olivia turned her eyes away trying to focus on anything but her.

"Alex what are you doing here?"

"I wanted to wish you a happy birthday."

"You could've written that on the card with the flowers. You didn't have to show up here to tell me in person?"

"Yes... yes I did. I had to see you."

"So you thought my birthday was the best day to just show up?"

"I wanted to say I was sorry, I wanted to wish you a happy birthday… I wanted to tell you how much I've missed you in person."

"I think it's a little too late."

"Liv, what was I supposed to do?"

Olivia again just looked at Alex in disbelief.

"After we kissed, It was too much."

"Alex, that's all you had to say to me was it was too much. At least I would have had something."

"My feelings were in disarray. I didn't know If I should confess what I was really feeling. So I shut my feelings out, I closed my heart and I refuse to ruin…"

"Ruin what? Our friendship? You did a pretty good job of that without telling about how you felt about anything."

Alex couldn't swallow the lump in her throat and Olivia wasn't giving in. If Alex had the audacity to show up here now, she wanted an explanation.

"Liv I was scared."

"Of what Alex? It was me."

"That's just it, it was you!"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean what was I supposed to do tell you that I was in love with you? God Olivia!"

"Right, yeah that you were love with me!"

"I am in love with you," Alex said, lowering her voice.

Olivia took a step back from her.

"I've been in love with you for a long time. Hell, maybe since I met you."

Olivia was biting her bottom lip taking in what Alex was saying.

Olivia suddenly began shaking her head no.

"So why now? Why are you so bold now? So honest? Because it doesn't change what you were afraid of before. Admitting this to me just tarnishes your perfect little lifestyle, the DA's office, your friends, the Cabot fairytale."

"I'm not sure if you would believe me if I told you none of that mattered to me if I could be with you."

Olivia swallowed hard.

"I have a life too, I have a career and Alex… my son."

"So you're the one that's afraid? Alex punched.

"Don't you dare turn this around on me."

"Then don't shut me out because I finally got the God-damned courage after four years to show up and tell you that I'm miserable without you."

"Mama!" Olivia turned her attention to the pajama-clad boy.

"Yes baby, come here."

Olivia swooped her son back up in her arms, comfortably on her hip.

Alex watched.

Despite the heat of their conversation, she couldn't help but be mesmerized by Olivia with Noah.

Alex knew Olivia was a natural, but seeing her with him… She could have cried.

Noah took the plastic train engine in his hand and held it out to Alex.

"Cho cho".

Alex grinned. "Yes, that's your choo choo!"

"He wants to give it to you," Olivia said quietly watching.

"Is this for me?" Alex asked taking the train from Noah "Thank you, sweet boy!"

Olivia took note of the change in the octave of Alex's voice.

Of course, she had seen Alex around children in the past, but in their line of work, there usually wasn't the happy singsong voice she was talking to Noah in.

"I should put him to bed."

"I'll wait if you'll let me."

"Yeah" was all Olivia agreed.

Alex didn't ask, but she waited then followed behind, stopping at the doorway watching Olivia and Noah go through their nighttime routine.

A diaper change and hugs and kisses and cuddles.

Olivia paced the floor her fingers circling his back as his eyelids fluttered.

Alex memorized the dimly lit scene before her noting the way Olivia and Noah's form made a shadow against the wall from the night light.

Olivia placed Noah in his crib, watching over him, studying him as if to take note how he had grown that day.

Alex stepped back into the living room walking around noting the photos of Noah as a baby and how he had grown and how Olivia had changed.

In every picture of Noah and Olivia the smile on her face was devastatingly beautiful.

She was happy.

That's what she looked like happy.

"How do you know I didn't have plans?" Olivia asked, her arms crossed.

Alex turned a bit startled.

She had shed her blazer and now just the tasteful silk tank below remained.

Alex almost hoped that the fact she removed her jacket maybe meant she was removing a layer of armor.

"It's your birthday, you hate making birthday plans. I'm sure there is a glass of red wine and as you would have it, a Netflix episode with your name on it."

It was true

And God at that moment Olivia hated how true it was.

"Alex, what's your endgame?"

Alex shook her head, "there's no end game. All I have is my pride and all the guts I could muster. That's it."

"So what? You're in love with me? You want to be with me? You were hoping I was just waiting for you, that I too was hoping one day you would show up and sweep me off my feet?

"I was certain it wouldn't go that well."

"I have a son, I made lieutenant, Alex…" Olivia sounded as if she was pleading. "My life, it's good… I'm ok."

"He's beautiful, he actually seems perfect, and I'm so proud that you made lieutenant. You deserve to have that perfect baby boy and you've worked so hard…. and I understand you're ok. I look around and see the pictures of the two of you and I see that you're happy."

"Then why are you here?"

Alex's eyes went dim.

She realized the pain her presence was causing Olivia.

"Because I've wasted too much time. And it may sound dramatic or like a part in some fairytale, but I had to take the chance because nothing or no one will satisfy the way I feel for you, and the way I want you."

"Alex I néed you to go."

"Liv please."

"Just let me …." Olivia covered her mouth as if to stop herself and think. "I'll get in touch just, go ok."

Alex shook her head agreeing and showed herself to the door.

Alex turned around giving Olivia once last glance.

"I hope I didn't ruin your birthday, but I won't regret coming here and telling you I'm in love with you. Happy birthday Olivia."