Here We Go Again
The beginning of the Jack and Remy Series
Prologue: I've Got Sunshine
"The weather today, cold with a good chance of sno-," the middle aged man's voice coming from the old-fashioned black and white TV set was cut of as I restlessly flipped off the TV and rose to my feet from the old brown floral couch in the living room.
As usual I was completely utterly bored. Sweet sixteen my ass, I couldn't go anywhere because I didn't have a car and the fact that I lived with my Grandparents didn't help. Don't get me wrong I love my Grandma and Grandpa to death but they were strong believers in not spoiling a child. Resulting in everything I wanted I had to earn on my own. It was frustrating at times like these when I had nothing to do and no money to blow. I guess I had no other choice but to go crash my best friends lovely Saturday morning. Giving the small white Maltese curled up at the end of the couch a pat on the head I took the stairs up to the bathroom. I straightened my shoulder length brunette hair like I did every morning. Everyday I had a routine. Not because I needed one but because I had to hide my piercings and tattoos so my Grandparents didn't see them. I wore long sleeves and sweatbands with anarchy symbols on my wrists to cover the solid black band tattoos I had around each wrist. See when Jack and I turned thirteen we decided we were old enough for tattoos. Jack got an itty bitty tattoo on his chest of some Chinese symbol. Bobby gave him shit for a month about how much of wuss he was compared to me who had to ice both her wrist by dunking them in a sink full of ice water every night for a week and a half.
I never really wore much make up maybe some eyeliner and mascara here and there but Jack always swore I looked better with out it. Didn't change the fact he found all the scene girls with heavy metallic make up hot. I used to get really jealous but I guess I realized how stupid it was of me to envy someone who never even had a chance with Jack, while I was his best friend. I had these black thick rimmed glasses that I wore whenever my vision was a little off. Today was one of those days. My piercings were simple really my ears pierced a couple times, a Monroe and a lip ring. My wardrobe about the same. All I wore was solid long sleeve tops with band tee's over them, jeans and converse high tops. Good bands though never any of those crap new age bands. I liked what I liked and I didn't care about much else. My favorite band of all time though had to be Queen. Freddy Mercury was a God in his time. Shit he could replace God in heaven and I'd still be happier than a clam. David Bowie was a close second.
It wasn't long till I was heading toward the kitchen and tumbling down the stairs. See my balance on stairs was never good. When I was four fell down them and cracked my head open, seven broke my ankle and twelve dislocated my shoulder. The lucky part for me was that my Grandpa was a paramedic meaning anytime I got hurt it didn't have to be a big fiasco even though Grandma worried but she just worried about life in general. Grandma or Grams as I usually called her works with Evelyn Mercer as a social worker. They used to be partners but now Grams has started doing less fieldwork and more paperwork. When I was younger foster kids used to cycle in and out of the house some staying for a couple days others a couple months but eventually Grams wore down and it became too much for her to handle. Even though Grams and Evie had been friends for more than thirty years Grams was significantly older than Evelyn and lost a lot of her determination with age. That's how I met the Mercer's actually.
See Grams loved to host a good dinner party. Hated cooking but loved throwing a party. I was six, barely capable of speaking a full sentence and completely incapable of understanding why I was sent to live with my Grandparents. See my mom loved to be the life of the party drank a little too much one night when she was designated driver for my drunk cocaine addict lawyer father. My only child mother decided she was a born-to-be-actress when she was fifteen and ran away from home who in any case didn't make it far and either had to go home at sixteen and go back to school or she could be the independent woman she was and find another form of income. So she started stripping. That's how she met dad. Romantic right and together they fell in love, eloped and had me. I have to hand it to my old man though he gave mom a roof over her head, food, endless income all for the low price of being his housewife. Mom didn't really take much liking to that though, she still wanted to be a star. So on that faithful day unknowingly pregnant with my sibling my mom got behind the wheel while my sixteen herself nanny tucked me in. Mom ran a red light and collided head first into a speeding semi that couldn't slow down in time. The semi driver was the only survivor and when Grams and Granps showed up at the door the next morning to take me away for a while I didn't even hesitate. Sure I noticed the pained looks on everyones faces when they looked at me but I just didn't understand why everyone was so sad.
So after my first week of staying with my Grandparents Grams decided to host a party. It was a Friday and Evelyn came over early in the day to help prepare dinner. They had both taken the day off work to set up for the party. When I first moved in there was a little boy living with them at the time. His name was Riley. He gave me a flower when I showed up at the house and told me "Your the prettiest girl I ever saws." He had these big dark brown eyes, black hair and freckles that splattered across his nose. Riley one of those kids you see and just go gaga over but the little devil was a spineless shit. That I found out on my second day with my Grandparents when Riley was supposed to help me get settled into school but failed miserably.
Everything was going well Riley even held my hand on the walk to school until we got close enough to see the large structure where we would be attending first grade. Several other kids began to circle us and I frightened squeezed Riley's hand for support but instead he just pushed me to the ground right into a patch of mud that soaked quick and deep into my favorite dress I'd worn to impress.
"You," He yelled pointing down at me and then grabbing a handful of my hair and yanking on it. "Are my pet."
My eyes filled with tears and I cried out in pain. "No, stop. I am not!"
With a chuckle he roughly pulled my head back and then slammed my forehead straight into the ground. "Say a word to Mary or Tom and I'll kill you." With that he walked away laughing with his crowd of relentless goonies who preceded in each kicking me as they passed.
Slowly I sat up and cried for a good long while scared, hurt and confused but then a small pale hand appeared before my face. Sniffling I looked up and a equally small and pale boy was offering me his hand. He had these sad blue eyes that seemed like these endless blue whirlpools you could just fall into and never find a way out. Shaken I reached up and took his hand and he helped me to my feet then he ran off. Frustrated I stomped my way to class and threw the door open dramatically. The teacher took one look at me and nearly screamed. I saw the blue eyed boy sitting in the far most corner as far away from everyone else as possible and just stared at him for a moment before I was dragged out of the class room and up to the office where Grams was called to pick me up for fear of serious injury. I had a good gash on my forehead and scrapes on my knees and palms but other wise I was in good condition. One thing I did for sure though was say something. I told Grams straight out. "That Riley he's a bad egg, Grams. He threw me in the mud and beat me up."
That night Riley was taken away from the home and sent to a group home. My Grandparents replaced him with a Maltese puppy for me named Fluff because he reminded me of the fluff that came out of stuffed animals when Fluff tore them to shreds. Riley on the other hand was adopted a few months afterward but at age eleven was committed to a psychiatric hospital and has yet to be released.
The rest of the week went smoothly for what smoothly meant in the terms of a first grader. Then on that Friday when I returned home I was greeted with a wave of delicious smelling food and a big "Welcome Home" cheer from my Grandparents, Evelyn who I had met earlier in the week and three older boys I had seen playing hockey down the street. Grams and Granps gave me a large hug then Evelyn did when over her shoulder I caught sight of the blue eyed boy sitting curled up tight in one of the living room chairs silent and his face blank. Each of the older boys introduced themselves with an offer of their hand which I each time accepted. Then the shortest of the all the boys leaned down beside me and whispered "That over there is Jack. He is trying to settle in himself so your not alone." I turned and looked up at Bobby with a serious face and stated, "He doesn't talk."
Bobby chuckled loudly then patted me on the shoulder. "Don't worry, kiddo he does. He's just shy."
"Alright," Grams spoke cheerfully. "Time to get ready for dinner."
We usually had dinner at seven pm but I wasn't in the mood to protest. I had been hungry for a good hour prior. I watched everyone exit the living room except Jack. So I took the opportunity to walk right up to him and open my mouth. "Why'd you do that?"
In response he just stared at me.
"Jack... That's your name right?"
He nodded slowly.
"Why did you run away Jack?"
He blushed and looked down at his socks. "I wanted to help you but I thought you'd be scared."
"Scared?"
"Yeah," he croaked. "Of me. I just wanted to be your friend."
I smiled brightly and then threw my arms around him which made him jump in surprise.
"Jack you are my friend," I replied after taking a step back.
He smiled at me looking me in the eye something he had yet to actually do.
"Welcome home," he finished before getting to his feet and walking to the dining room.
Jack as weird as he was stuck with me and I stuck with him ever sense I followed him into the dining room.
I wrote a quick note for Grams telling her I was out so she didn't worry and left it on the fridge with my favorite magnet of a snowman whose thin real stick arms had long broken off. Then I threw on my long black pea coat and grabbed my newest pair of fake retro sunglasses before tossing a scarf around my neck then walking out the front door onto the salt covered porch. It had snowed last night and after Granps had shoveled before work at four am he discovered a layer of ice that had frozen under the snow from the previous day being warm enough for everything to start to melt and then that night being below zero. So he'd gone to the closest gas station for salt so no one would fall and get hurt, namely me.
After locking the door I started my short trek to my destination but just to kill some time I kicked some snow around as I walked admiring the effects my converse made at the hard clumps on the sidewalk from earlier shoveling. As I got closer the soft rumble of a familiar engine caught my attention and I immediately lifted my arm and stuck out my thumb. The car slowed to a stop beside me and I couldn't help but grin madly. "Can I give you a lift?" asked the man in the car in the most ridiculous voice I had heard in a long time. He leaned out the window raising an eyebrow. I placed my palm on his forehead and pushed him back inside the car before I ran around the front and hoped in the passengers seat.
"How you doing, kiddo?" Bobby greeted with a smile.
"Oh you know," I shrugged. "Same old. Yourself?"
"Happy to be home," He replied before pulling me into one of his massive hugs.
I laughed until he let me go then punched him in the shoulder. "Dick."
He just gave me a look and then went back to driving the short distance to the house. "At least I don't go down on fairies."
"Fucker."
He chuckled, "Thought I taught you better." Bobby pulled up to the house then looked at me. "Now time for the real fun."
I just rolled my eyes and follow him into the house.
"It's quiet," Bobby whispered to me as he crept in the front door.
"Way to go, Sherlock," I tossed back.
He just looked and me and put a finger to his lips as I shook my head. Bobby proceeded to take off a shoe and throw it up the stairs causing a loud bang which was followed by Jack yelling a loud, "Shit!" Bobby then waited and listened to Jack's footsteps as he cautiously made his way toward the front door until Bobby tackled him to the ground. Jack instantly realized who it is and got irritated.
"The fuck, Bobby?" He asked pushing his manically laughing older brother off of him and getting to his feet which at that time he noticed me standing there snickering into my gloved hand. He just rolled his eyes at me and walked back into the living room.
I followed and found VH1 on the TV and a plate of eggs, bacon and toast set aside on the couch next to where Jack was back to sitting in his boxers and a gray sweater. I sat down beside him as I picked the plate up off the the couch and helped myself to the eggs and bacon. Jack just watched me until I looked up at him and then he nudged me affectionately with his shoulder.
"Same old fairy," Bobby said as he passed the living room making his way upstairs.
Jack rolled his eyes again and placed an arm around my shoulder. I finished the plate and set it back aside after handing Jack a half eaten piece of toast that he quickly devoured. I took off my coat as Jack sipped on some orange juice. Once my coat was off he offered me a drink which I accept then handed the glass back to let him finish it off. I then laid my head on his chest as he moved his arm down around my waist. I closed my eyes for a while until I felt Jack take off my sunglasses. I looked up only to see him throw them to the other side of the room. I had to protest, "Hey!"
"Hay is for horses," He replied mockingly as I slapped him.
"I'm tired and just want to rest a bit. Please stop messing with me," I asked simply.
He pulled me closer and whispered in my ear, "Yeah and I want you but you can't always get what you want can you."
Immediately I stood up. "Here we go again, Jack. Honestly, I've explained my reasons a million times."
He stood up now and took my arm. "Remy, Please at least consider it."
"I have considered it, Jack."
"You could at least give it a try Remy."
"I can't lose you, Jack."
"You won't."
"Yes, I will you're all that I've got, Jack your breaking my heart already. I can't live without you, I need you but I'd hurt you if I were yours. I know it doesn't make sense right now but it will later."
"But Remy I..."
"NO JACK!" With that I grabbed my coat and shoes and ran out the door. I ran and ran until I got to a small park.
This was my park well that's the name Jack had given it. Whenever I was stressed, scared, angry or just needed to get away for a while I'd go to this park. I'd sit there on the merry-go-round and spin round and round staring up at the sky until I felt sick or I'd sit on the swing and push myself up and down until I felt like I was flying. Really as long as I was there I felt calm. That park held so many memories including Jack's and mines first kiss yet still it was my sanctuary my place of safety and yet for pondering life.
I sat on one of the swings and buried my face in my hands as tears started to fall down my cheeks. He'd never understand, never ever. I just sat there swinging back and forth barely rising an inch above the ground. A tear slipped down my cheek every so often. I was alone, all one. I had always been alone and always would be. No one could help me. No one could change the fact that I had to hurt my best friend. The only boy I really loved because I had to keep myself safe. It wouldn't be long anyway. I just continued swinging and remembering. All the times before I would swing my sorrows away, all I've ever had were sorrows and that's all I'd ever have. I looked up at the sky through tear filled eyes and let the light snowflakes caress my skin then one landed upon my cheek and a bright smile spread across my lips.
