Fletcher Renn's Guide for What To Do When Faced With a Crying Girl
This will all happen to us someday, men.
We just need to know what to do when a girl begins to cry. No matter their age or their life profession, they will always cry at some point. For example, my girlfriend could probably kill me in three seconds. However, she is still a girl.
Not all girls are going to turn on the waterworks all the time, though. My girlfriend has only cried in front of me three times in the five years we've been together. One of those times, she had just broken her tooth, and we weren't even together yet!
So gentlemen, I ask why we men freeze up at the sight of tears. The answer is simple: We're afraid of the girl.
They are unpredictable beasts! Their mind is a labyrinth of conundrums inside a far more complicated puzzle that requires a password from a dead language from a different dimension! I kid you not!
There are just some guidelines and rules a man must follow in order to calm the crying girl and not get beaten up by her mentor.
Step 1: NEVER under ANY circumstances ask if it's that time of the month.
Really men, you may think you're being sensitive. YOU ARE NOT. The girl may take offense to this question for whatever reason and begin to slap you repeatedly. (Also, do you ever really want to know if it's that time?)
Step 2: Ask the perfect amount of questions.
This may seem impossible. It is. If you ask too many questions, the girl will begin telling you everything. I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, "But Fletcher, that means you care!"
Of course it does.
But, she may begin spewing information only meant for female ears.
If you ask too little questions…well, you can figure out what will ensue…
Step 3: Offer your sweatshirt.
This is adorable to the girl. Somehow, a simple article of clothing of yours makes them happy. Make sure it smells like you. If it smells like your lunch, she is disgusted.
Step 4: Give hugs!
This is very easy: See tears, give hugs.
Step 5: Don't try to solve the problem
If, say, her creepy mentor (not the good, skeletal one) somehow tells her that she is not good enough to accomplish a certain task, you MUST NOT go after him. Facing her problems yourself is a simply terrible idea. Solving the problem by confronting it yourself will make her think she is incapable of doing that herself, and she will be offended.
This list could go on forever, I believe. But really, if the girl hasn't stopped crying then…you've done something horribly wrong, and I shall now pray for you life.
Good luck, my fellow gentlemen. I hope this guide has opened your eyes and now helps you understand just a small fraction of the female mind.
NerdySkeleton: This was written because of an idea I had where Fletcher would write a guide on what to do when faced with a crying girl. Also, all the things he writes about he has experienced. Just you waaaait!
CheekyBrunette: However, I loved it, and it became a partnership, where I do most of the work. Just Kidding, don't give me that look, Bones.
NerdySkeleton: I need to think of a name for you now. Jerkface :D
We hope you liked it and sorry for any typos! :DD If you like it, and by CheekyBrunette's request, for goodness sakes respond! (PS we take criticism, but don't slap me in the face with your words.)
