September 10th, 2009
"Are you sober yet?"
Everything felt so... heavy. Caroline's woozy head drooped in the cradle of her hands, causing the blonde wisps of her hair to break free of whatever hold the night's hairspray continued to have so that it dipped into her line of sight and blurred the vision of her already ponderous eyes. Her chest rose and fell in slow, steady breaths as she sat in the dimly lit booth of the Grill, Bonnie seated across from her with a lukewarm cup of coffee placed on the table between them as they waited for the buzz of the alcohol to pass, and the young blonde remained uncharacteristically silent. As the hour continued to drag on, the substantial weight of unspoken words was slowly settling atop Caroline's already sagging shoulders. Even her friend's words weren't enough to coax her from the quicksand of her thoughts, a lazy "nope" just barely making its way from her lips in response.
"Keep drinking," Bonnie said, pushing the cup of coffee closer to Caroline, and effectively pulling the girl's attention from the design in the grain of the table. "I've gotta sober you up and get you home. I've gotta get me home."
"Why didn't he go for me?" She asked, effectively cutting her friend off. Her blue eyes were surprisingly clear, given her current hazy state, as they turned to look at her friend with the most subtle hint of a watery sheen having been building at her lash line throughout the latter part of the night. Even those tiny, unshed dewdrops behind her eyes held an unimaginable weight within her - each easily possessing the pressure of the ocean and crashing against her self-esteem with their unforgiving burden. "You know, how come the guys that I want never want me?"
"I'm not touching that," Bonnie unhelpfully added with the shake of her head.
"I'm inappropriate," Caroline continued, paying no mind to her friend's words, or lack thereof, while her fingertips pressed lightly to her temples and her eyes drifted off - once again lost in her thoughts, "I always say the wrong thing, and…" She sighed as her hands curled up under her chin, helping to steady her tipsy sway, "Elena always says the right thing. God, she doesn't even try and he just picks her." Her voice pitched as she spoke, revealing the anxiety that had built up within her more and more over the past hour that they'd sat in that booth, every moment spent under the poor lighting of the Grill with the warm, well-worn vinyl of the seat creating subtle indentions in the skin of her bare thighs. Bonnie being with her was more of a duty than a choice, 'keep an eye on Caroline' being an unsaid rule between their little group of friends, and the other girl's presence was just acting as yet another reminder of the misadventure that had been her night. What had begun as a fun tradition - a party that was practically considered a birthright of the returning students of Mystic Falls High School - and pristine opportunity to make an impression on the new guy in town had quickly proven to be just another of the cloudy, shallow, and forgotten nights of Caroline's life, constantly in the shadow of Elena Gilbert's eternal and brilliant sunny days. "And she's always the one that everyone picks, for everything, and I try so hard and… I am never the one."
"It's not a competition, Caroline."
As if finally catching on to Bonnie's additions to the conversation, Caroline's light eyes drew upwards to meet the Bennet girl's own dark hues. She searched them for even the slightest hint of understanding, reaching out with desperate pleas for Bonnie to just hear her for once; for her to listen to the meaning that bled from her heart and stained her clothing like a bullet wound every time that it went unrecognized, begging to be acknowledged and understood rather than to simply be taken at face value and pushed aside. Everything felt so heavy: her thoughts, her heart, her eyes, her words. Every little piece inside of her struggled with the weight, the tiny strings inside of her quivering from the unyielding strain of the emotions that those in her life continued to deem inconsequential. Everything about her felt loaded down and excessive and oppressed and just ... heavy.
"Yeah," she finally spoke, her eyes finding no solace of comfort in the dark pools of Bonnie's iris'. She didn't understand, she had no reason to. Elena and Bonnie had always basked in the light together, neither feeling the need to prove themselves in order to stand out amongst their peers or to alter themselves in any way in hopes of gaining approval and affection. Caroline gave her head a small, incredulous shake, "it is."
