Disclaimer: I do not own this show or any of it's characters. And according to the fine print, I don't even own my own interviewers!!! They own themselves! I. Hate. The. Damn. Fine. Print.
Total Drama Interviews
Chapter One: Episode One: Interviewers
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Chris is standing on the dock of shame in front of the sign reading 'Camp Wawanakwa.' "Hello and welcome back to Camp Wawanakwa! We have returned this time to... renew some of the drama. This season we will interview each former camper and at the end we will stick them all in a room together for them to battle it out." he snickers a little at the last line, then a frown appears on his face. "Unfortunately I got sued for being too "pushy" and too "cruel". So even though I am still host, I can not give the interviews. So, I found three chicks to take my place and interview the twerps. Here comes one now."
The yacht pulled up to the dock and sitting on top was a girl looking out into the ocean listening to her i-pod. She snapped out of her day dream when she noticed she had arrived. She quickly picked up her black and blue duffel bag and jumped off the boat. She had a black, boyish t-shirt on that had a dragon on it. She wore skinny blue jeans and black tennis shoes. Her hair was medium length and was a mixture of light and dark brown. Her hair was layered and her bangs were split to both sides, with most of it falling to the right side. Her bangs covered part of her right eye. Her face was free of any make up. "Sup dude?" the girl asked sticking out a fist.
"Nothing much, bra." he replied pounding her fist. "You must be Sarah, the Gothic tom boy."
"I am not Gothic! I just don't like bright colors." she replied crossing her arms.
"Alrighty then. Glad to have you aboard. Now that your here we are going to show the interview we gave you." Chris laughed crazily.
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The scene showed Sarah sitting in what looked like a old police interrogation room. There was only a table, two chairs, and a light bulb hanging from the ceiling. The walls and floor were concrete. Sarah is looking around the room nervously. Chris walks in and sits across from her.
Chris: Okay who do we have here? (Looks through a stack of papers)Oh Sarah! Okay first of all, why do you think you would be a good interviewer for Total Drama Interviews?
Sarah: Well, you want me to be honest?
Chris: It would help
Sarah: (puts feet on table and places hands behind her head) Well, since I am author of the story, I am technically in charge. So, since I want to be an interviewer, I'm going to be an interviewer. (grins widely)
Chris: Good enough for me. Okay next question. Who is your favorite camper?
Sarah: Duncan defiantly! He is just freaking awesome! But I have to say I really like Courtney, DJ, Owen, and Izzy too. Owen can fart like a god and Izzy is like my idol.
Chris: Oh Jesus, this is going to be interesting. I know I am going to regret asking this, but do you support any of the couples?
Sarah: Oh I am a die hard Courtney and Duncan supporter. Why wouldn't I be? They are both awesome! Geoff and Bridgette are okay too.
Chris: Wait, your not a crazy Trent and Gwen fanatic?!?!!?
Sarah: Nah, I'm sick of hearing about them. Plus Gwen started to be a real bitch and Trent is kinda wimpy, but he's alright. But I am not a screaming Gwen and Trent fan girl.
Chris: Wow, you are the only girl that doesn't like them. I like you already. Well that wraps up your interview. Have anything you want to add?
Sarah: (turns slowly and dramatically to the camera and gives a satisfying burp)
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Sarah stands there smiling. "Ah that was a good burp. Memories."
Chris looks at her with a curious eye-brow raised. "You really don't fit into just one stereotype do you?"
"Nope! I pretty much fit into them all. Except prep. I hate them."
"But you said Courtney was one of you favorites!" he exasperated.
Sarah smiled. "But she's a crazy prep, I can live with that."
"Okay then. Just make your way down to the mess hall."
"Will there be pasta?"
"Um, maybe?"
"Yay, Alfredo!" she dashed to the mess hall. Chris just looked at her in confusion. Then another yacht pulled up to the dock. This time there was a girl with long, dark, curly hair. She had short bangs across her forehead. She sat on the railing reading a hard back book in her hand. She quietly jumped off the dock when it came to a stop.
"Finally, one thats not crazy. So you must be Adrianna."
"Oh my god I can't believe I am here. This is awesome. Are there pandas here? I hope so. Pandas rock! Canadian cheese!!" the girl shouted franticly.
Silence fell upon the island. "Never mind then. Lets just get to the interview shall we?"
"We shall." Adrianna said in a deep voice.
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In the same room, you see Adrianna sitting in the chair looking around the room curiously, with Chris right across from her.
Chris: Lets get this over with. Why would you be a good interviewer?
Adrianna: Well, I'd be a good interviewer because I'd play the good cop bad cop and nail them til they gave me the dirt. Even if it meant making them cry!
Chris: Well, haven't heard that one before. Okay who is your favorite character?
Adrianna: I love Owen, Izzy, Duncan, Noah and Courtney. Maybe even Gwen, not sure yet. It depends.
Chris: Okay last question, what is your favorite couple?
Adrianna: Duncan and Courtney!!! They are so cute!!!
Chris: (sarcasm) Wow shocker. This interview is over.
Adrianna: Thank god. (jumps on table and then runs out door)
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Chris stares at footage in amazement. "Apparently the producers like the crazies. Go to the mess hall to hang with the other interviewer."
"Who is it?" she asked.
"This crazy bird named Sarah."
"Oh my god Sarah is here!?!?!?! TWINIE!!!!"
She runs off camera and there is the sound of screaming and breaking glass in the background. "Okay, really don't wanna know what just happened." His cell phone begins to ring a very catchy tune that is familiar to the show's theme song. "Talk to me.... uh huh.... uh huh.... alright then." He hung up the phone and smiled at the camera. "The third interviewer has had a slight obstacle getting here."
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The camera switches to a view of an airport through a security tape. "What do you mean my flight is full?" a girl screamed over the flight attendant behind the counter.
"All the seats are full ma'am." the woman answered politely.
"Well 'ma'am' that means that some homo took my seat." she said waving the ticket in the woman's face.
"I think you should take a seat and wait for the next flight." the woman said getting a little agitated now.
"I think I should get on this flight I booked!" her rant was interrupted but two pairs of big strong arms carrying her off the screen. Loud screams and curses could be heard for several more minutes.
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Chris giggles. "She will be a fun one! Now lets go to the mess hall so the girls can wrap this episode up." As they approached the mess hall, Chris heard loud banging and screaming. He opened the door and found that the girls had taken out all of Chef's pots and pans and had formed a drum set on each table. They were banging like maniacs and screaming inaudible lyrics. Chris found Chef in the kitchen under the table in a fetal position. Chris leaned down and Chef grabbed his collar and dragged him closer.
"Chris, man. They are psycho. Its like having two more Izzys! And believe me. I. Do. Not. Need. Another. Izzy!"
"Chillax bro, I got this." he grinned. He stood up and took out a blow horn that for some reason was in his back pocket and caused an annoying noise to fill the small room. The girls stopped banging and covered their ears until the noise stopped.
"Excuse me sir, may we help you?" Sarah asked innocently like there was nothing wrong. Adrianna was laying across a pot laughing like a maniac. The host lift his eyebrow in confusion and looked over to Sarah. "What? I forgot fun dip made her loopy. Oh wait no I didn't!" she laughed. Chris giggled slightly watching the girls carry on entertaining themselves with their own laughter.
"Alright girls, we need one of you to announce the rules of the interviews." Adrianna jumped up.
"I wanna do it! Hehe do. Like do do." she said between cackles.
"I think the less intoxicated chick shoulf do it."
Sarah shrugged and giggled at her friend's state. "Okay. Hiya there readers! This is called Total Drama Interviews, in case you all are blind. But then again, I guess blind people don't get much out of my fanfictions." she pondered out loud. The turned back towards the camera. "Okay, even though we will be doing the interviews, you all decide the questions. You submit the questions by reviewing. THE MORE QUESTIONS THE MORE FUN!" In the background Adrianna would occasionally scream in agreement to Sarah's statements. "Any who, you can make the questions as inappropriate as you want. What the hell do I care? You can submit however may questions you want. If I don't have a lot of questions then I probably won't update so tell your friends. We will go in order in who got voted off so submit questions for Ezekiel and ONLY Ezekiel. And again I am Sarah!"
"And I am Adrianna." she said appearing at her side.
"And this is Total. Drama. Interviews!" they said simultaneously as they lifted their arms in the air.
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This is my first TDI fic and my first funny fic. Please submit questions!!! And please review!!!!
*!!Sarah!!*
Special thanks to my buddy Adrianna for agreeing for me to exploit her ;P
