DISCLAIMER: we do not own Axis Powers Hetalia or any of the characters.

Australia studied the bottom of his mug. Turning his attention to the CoffeeMate, he glared at the little blinking light, willing it to make his coffee faster. He watched as his life source dripped into the pot, ever so slowly. He narrowed his eyes, something was off. He shifted his piercing glare to the toaster, which had just started to smoke profusely. A small dinging noise emitted from the cursed chrome machine and two pieces of charcoal popped through the slots. He looked forlornly at his empty plate.

"F*ck."

***

Blink. Blink………………Blink.

This was starting to irritate Australia.

Blink.

Currently, there were eighty six messages on his answering machine, all from England.

"Hello this is England calling for the British Commonwealth of Australia. Once again, I would like to inquire about the whereabouts of my trainers. I seem to have misplaced them. They are blue, and they have my name on the inside."

"Hello this is England calling for the British Commonwealth of Australia…again. I forgot the mention that the name was written in black marker in cursive if that helps. Call me immediately if you have any information."

"Hello this is England calling for the British Commonwealth of Australia…again. It has been brought to my attention that other countries seem to find it amusing to pilfer my personal belongings. This is childish and immature *sniff* If you tell me where my shoes are, I promise not to punish you…or France."

"Seriously Australia, this is not amusing! I am very disappointed in you."

Blink

Australia sniggered as he looked over at his cat's new bed. England always had big feet.

***

She was outside again. Outside, in her garden, picking flowers, and singing softly to herself. Her long lustrous hair floated gently around her. She was simply radiant. Feeling distinctly like a stalker, Australia peered at her through his curtains, noting in passing that he needed to replace them. …The curtains, not her. Nothing could replace her, not even new curtains.

Ever since she moved in to the house next door, Australia had made an unhealthy habit of watching her. How could he not? She was so beautiful, and he was so in love.

New Zealand

Australia stared at her dreamily, a love struck expression spreading across his face. He was still working up the courage to go talk to her. Until that day, watching satisfied him. Unfortunately, she closed her blinds at night before changing.

Damnit.

***

Lather, Rinse, Repeat.

Australia was in the shower, rinsing away the grime he accumulated throughout the day. As most, he used this serene shower time to reminisce about his past…okay maybe only he did that.

When he was younger, he used to live in England's house. Australia had struggled endlessly to earn his eldest brother's love and attention. His efforts, however, were in vain. England was always preoccupied with America, who had been going through a rebellious stage.

It started with little things. Australia would steal bags of tea, put Nair in England's shampoo bottle, or eat all of Ireland's potato salad. When this failed to elicit a response from his eldest brother, Australia turned to more drastic measures. He got into fistfights, he defaced England's property, he killed the neighbor's cat. Soon, it became about more than winning England's attention, it became a way of life.

Australia wondered vaguely what he had done with his old leather jacket.

***

"You know Australia," Taz said looking up from his mango smoothie, "that New Zealand is fine."

Australia felt unnecessary anger flare up inside of him. He could handle Taz randomly appearing on his front lawn. He could handle Taz helping himself to whatever happened to be in his fridge. He could even handle how Taz constantly squeaked his chair, although frankly that was getting on his nerves. Squeak Squeak He could not, however, handle any remarks from Taz about his beloved, perhaps because Taz had yet to hit puberty.

"Australia," said Taz, interrupting his angry train of thought, "Why are you turning so red?" Australia glanced at his reflection in the giant stainless steel decorative boomerang hanging above his mantle.

"Taz," said Australia, hoping to draw conversation away from New Zealand, "it's because I have tape worms"

"Oh," muttered Taz, not entirely sure what a tape worm was.

They went back to drinking their smoothies in an awkward silence.

Squeak

***

Australia opened the door. Two brown eyes stared back at him. The mail had arrived. Australia caught the thick wad of papers thrown at him and watched as the courier hopped purposefully into the distance. Damn Kangaroos had no respect.

"Bill, bill, court summons for Grandpa, bill, junk mail…"

Australia gaped at the pink envelope in his hand. His name was neatly written on the front in cursive. The word "frilly" came to mind. Dropping the rest of the mail at the foot of the stairs, he raced up to his room, dearly hoping that the letter was from his beloved.

Australia opened the envelope with what could be described as a religious reverence. The paper inside smelled faintly of coconut. His heart fell instantly, New Zealand always smelled like kiwis. He knew, he had been in her house when she wasn't there….not that he was being creepy or anything.

Dear Australia,

I have admired you from afar for quite some time (about two weeks), and I found that I can no longer hide my feelings….

He skimmed to the bottom of the letter, his eyes picking out phrases such as obsession, love, forever, future children's names.

Love,

Madagascar

Australia was suddenly overcome by an emotion he could not describe. Love? Hate? No, paranoia. He slowly turned to peer out of his window. There in the distance, a girl waved enthusiastically at him. Australia sunk back into the shadows of his room and resolved to inventory his undergarments from then on.

***

"G'day New Zealand" Australia said to his smiling reflection in his grandfather's giant stainless steel decorative boomerang. He frowned, he sounded too stereotypical.

"Top of the morning to ya New Zealand" Too Irish

"Sup New Zealand" Too 'Gangstah' American….damn posers.

"Hi" Good.

"I love you!" Creepy.

"I've always loved you." Creepier. Try and compliment her.

"Nice boobs you have today." What the hell is wrong with me?

"I love your shoes." Gay.

"Nice dress." Good. Plain, simple, not stalker-esque. Okay now try and act cool.

Australia brushed back his hair in an attempt to be suave. He failed horribly.

Australia stuck his hands in his pockets to see if that would also appear cool and collected. It didn't.

Australia turned sideways and nonchalantly glanced over his shoulder. Bad.

And then Australia saw a reflection of something so disturbing that he could not properly express it in words. He snapped his eyes shut.

"Grandpa," he said through clenched teeth, "Go put on clothes."

***

There was no television in Australia's house. There was a spot for the television, even a gadget, and if one looked closely enough, one would see that the wall was discolored where the television would be. Australia was not really sure why, but sometimes he would sit on the ancient floral couch and stare vacantly at the discolored spot on the wall.

This was one of those times. Australia was sitting, wondering about the nutritional value of crocodile jerky, when a strange sense of foreboding came over him. Out of the five most poisonous snakes in existence, Australia's house was home to three. He was not exactly sure if his grandpa kept them in their cages. Australia muttered a curse as he looked down at his feet.

He decided now would be a lovely time for a walk.