Cheap Imitation Dressed In 10 Cent Smiles.
She pretended she didn't know, acted as if it wasn't blatantly obvious; it was easier that way. She smiled at everything she was supposed to, dressed in what she should, and knew that she was only there as a fill in. She was only allowed past the velvet ropes because of her resemblance to the fallen princess.
Blair had seemingly forgotten about all the past offences, smiling brightly and dropping the name 'Little J'. She passed on clothes and dragged 'Jennifer' for shopping sprees. She invited her to all the parties, to Saturday morning brunch and insisted they dye her hair back to the original blonde. Jenny just let them. She let Blair spend hundreds of dollars on getting her look just right – sexy, simple and not too over-the-top. She learnt to blend in, to look as if she belonged and when Blair came to her complaining about how much of a "MotherChucker" Chuck was, Jenny pretended that she didn't know otherwise. She was the new royalty of the UES and no one dared to comment that she was from Brooklyn. She let Blair dress her, style her hair and pad her bra's, because they needed the memory, and she needed the dream.
Chuck fucked her slowly, caressing her with a gentleness he had no right to possess. Jenny was so used to it now, but at first it had been the strangest thing in the world. Chuck Bass coming to her and making love to a ghost. He'd touch her so gently, kiss her like she was the only thing that mattered; she would have been at risk of falling in love with him, if he didn't call her Serena when they were in bed. He came in different stages of sobriety, sometimes giving it to her hard, other times with a torturous slowness but she could see it in his eyes before he buried his head in her golden locks, he'd loved the original blonde princess. When he came bearing the gift of perfume she knew straight away it was Serena's brand. She wore it in the right proportions and Chuck took to hiding his head beside the spot of her neck where she sprayed it when they made love. She wanted to tell him to stop, but he needed to prove his love for Serena, and she'd never felt as euphoric or full as when she was with him.
Nate never looked her in the eyes anymore. He'd smile and laugh, hold her hand, brush back her hair, but the eyes were off limit. Even when he'd show up and pull her to the bed, he never looked into her eyes. He once had. Once he'd even cared about her, now all he saw was the girl of whom she had replaced. And when he casually suggested she grow her hair, Jenny pretended she didn't know why. Nate bought her martini's at parties, although she hated the stupid things, because they were Serena's favorite drink, and he escorted her to any functions when she lacked a date. Gossip Girl began to talk about them as the 'Golden Couple', and Jenny pretended she'd never read that said about Serena and Nate. Jenny let Nate take care of her in a way Serena never had, and in turn she became more popular, more spoken of – she was Jennifer, unofficial girlfriend of the UES prince.
Dan refused to look at her. He tried to hide it, but Jenny always noticed anyway. The way he avoided her as much as possible and preferred to talk via phone. He couldn't look at her anymore, because she was just the reminder of a girl he could no longer have, a girl he loved. And it was just too weird to look at his sister and see the one person he loved, the first person he slept with. He timed everything so perfectly that it wasn't even an effort for him anymore to not see her in the mornings. He loved her, but he couldn't look at her; and it broke her heart to know that she was causing the one person who'd always been there for her, who loved her (not because of a resemblance but because of who she was) to ache.
Aaron quit working at her Dad's shop. Rumor was he gave up photography. Either way, he'd never even bothered to pick up his stuff from the loft. Blair said he was being insensitive and she'd always warned that he was bad news; although warned to who no one dared to mention. At least Nate had the heart to explain it was likely nothing personal, Aaron had just been too distraught. They'd bumped into each other once in the street, before he escaped the city. He'd stared, anguish all on his face, fingers uncurling towards her hair before turning away and fleeing. No one had seen him since.
Eric tried to treat her normally. Some days it was as if nothing had changed, as if she wasn't molded to look like his sister, like she didn't smell like the blonde who'd comforted his nightmares and taught him all she'd known. Other days he acted like Dan, refusing to meet her eye. Eric was the only one she could be herself with, the only one who didn't want/expect her to be Serena. She grew to love him like a brother, which just made it even more fucked up.
Carter was in town for the funeral; he stared at her like she was less than dirt, whispering to her when he passed, "You'll never be able to be Serena." Jenny was glad that he didn't stick around; he was the only one who didn't buy into the shared delusion of the other UES teens. That she didn't mind, but the look in his eyes, the hollowness, the pain; the hurt her replication of Serena's looks was only aggravating. She couldn't look at him; which worked because he couldn't look at her either.
Lily treated her like a daughter; yelling at her for acting out, buying her shoes, telling her when she was dressing inappropriately. It seemed to help somehow; Lily got to pretend that she hadn't lost half her world and Jenny finally got a mother who loved her Dad and who treated her like she'd always wanted. So what if the occasional exasperated "Serena!" slipped past Lily's lips.
It soon became natural, Jenny spoke like Serena, instinctively dressed like her, learnt to hold her liquor and judge her friends, and within time it was as if Little J had never existed, as if Serena Van Der Woodsen had never lived. It was just a mixture of the two, personified in Jennifer. She became accustomed to Blair's mood-swings, Chuck's loving caresses, Nate's longing kisses, Dan's avoidance, Aarons absence, and Lily's motherly mannerisms. But she never forgot that she was just a fill in for the real deal; just the cheap imitation for the 'too good to last' blonde who'd left too soon.
