My parents always told me I was an accident.
They were always hoping that one day I'd give up and run away.
Or that I'd cut so deep I would bleed out.
The only reason I haven't was to show them.
To show them that I could fucking do this
Despite what they said
Despite the circumstances.
One day my mother up and died
She left us
She left me.
So there was only me, my dad, and my older brother.
I was still holding on.
My dad wanted me to toughen up.
And be a man.
Like, my older brother, Cronus.
Thing is, he isn't much of a man at all.
The only thing he is
Is fucking psycho
He would put out his cigarettes on me
On my skin
He would say
"Howv do you like it?"
"Howv does it feel to be hurt by someone you hold close?"
I never held him close.
He was constantly changing relationships
And convinced that whoever he was with
Loved him
They didn't
They were in it for either the money
Or protection
My father…
Was also insane
He would tell me to be a man.
To be strong
So he often beat me
"Don't cry."
"Don't you dare fucking cry."
He would say
As his breath stank like alcohol
I don't think I can take much more.
"You don't fucking belong here."
"You're so gay."
"Kill yourself, faggot."
The only one there for me was Sollux
But he couldn't take much either
He left me
HE LEFT ME
I can't take much more
I can't take it
I'm done
