Alternate Ending to Harry Potter

Alternate Ending to Harry Potter

The scar had not pained Harry for nineteen years. All was well. Until a giant snake came crashing through the walls of the station, Wackydoodle riding atop it! The one and only water pump entered on a deformed Hippogriff.

"Oh, my GAWD!" yelled Ginny.

"It'll be OK!" cried Harry.

"Get out your WAND, Ron!" Hermione commanded.

"I am the new queen of everything," shouted the Water Pump, a tad too loudly. "I shall rule you all with my…um…RULINGNESS!!"

Harry attempted a stupefy curse thingy, but the water pump merely pumped it aside.

"Oh, my god, Harry! Oh, my god, we're all gonna DIE!" yelled Ginny.

Wackydoodle sped towards the leaving train.

"The CHILDREN, Ron, the CHILDREN!" yelled Hermione.

"I'll save them!" shouted Ron, heroically. He ran forward towards Wackydoodle, but was killed by a large ice cream cone in the process.

"ROOOOOOOOOOONNNNN!" yelled Harry, Hermione and Ginny simultaneously.

Hermione ran forward to the dead body and started to make out with it.

"Hermione- that's gross," stated Ginny.

"You foolish fools of foolishness!" cried the Water Pump, triumphantly. "You will all perish under my pumping of water!"

His great stomach opened and a torrent of water gushed out, covering everyone on Platform 9.75.

Suddenly, Dumbledore appeared out of nowhere, miraculously brought back to life.

"Dumbledore!" cried Harry. "I thought you were dead!"

"Oh, no, old chap. I'd just dozed off for a while, don't you know?"

Hermione paused her make out session with Ron's dead body to give Dumbledore a look of turn-on-ment.

"Dumbledore, you arouse me," she purred.

"Hermione!" cried Ginny in shock. "What's the matter with you? Your husband just DIED!"

"I don't care. I'm a sex addict. Dumbledore, would you like to accompany me to the local strip club where I work part-time as a lap dancer?"

"Don't mind if I do!"

And so, Dumbledore left with Hermione, leaving Harry and Ginny alone to face the Water Pump (who seemed to have a weak spot for strip club lap dancers (especially male ones) and had let Hermione and Dumbledore go without a fight).

"Harry! What're we going to do?" asked Ginny.

"There's nothing we can do," replied Harry, "except have sex. Right here, right now."

Play song: Right here, Right now by Fatboy Slim

Ginny and Harry proceeded to perform the art of lovemaking in the middle of Platform 9.75 of King's Cross Station. The Water Pump stood by, getting aroused.

"I do say, old chaps, may I join you?"

"NO!" yelled Ginny, in a passable imitation of a horny cow, in between screams of ecstasy. "We don't DO threesomes."

"Well, FINE, then! BE like that!"

With that, the Water Pump burst into flames, and he was no more.

"Well, um…that was…fun," said Harry.

"Yes. Let's Do It again."

The End