Just a something that came out without meaning to write it. Hope you like it.
It was a sunny day, ironically, when everything started going down the drain. I never expected something that felt so good in the beginning, could turn out like this. How could I have let this happen? Why didn't I stop it?
The day started out normal enough. I woke up, made some breakfast for the both of us and said goodbye when we left separately for work. Something big was going to happen today, I could feel it tingling in my whole body. I should have known that the 'something big' wasn't a good thing.
I was in the middle of a meeting when the door to the office suddenly opened. My secretary stood in the doorway, an unreadable look on her face. If she could lend me for a quick moment. My boss certainly didn't look to happy after hearing this. I'll be quick, I said. This was before I knew what was awaiting me on the other end of the line.
I don't even remember that much of what happened after the call. I remember running, gasping for air with tears streaming down my face. Thinking why? Why me? Why not some other unfortunate soul? I know I was being selfish, but it's all could do in this moment to keep myself from falling apart right then and there. I run and everyone was looking at me, though I didn't register this properly at the time.
Even after all this time I still get nightmares when I think too much about what happened or when something randomly triggers me into thinking about that day.
When I reached the place they told me to go to, I was in shock. I couldn't breath, think, blink or even look away from the horrifying site in front of me. I remember something hitting my knees, I only later found out it was the street on which I collapsed in grief.
I suddenly felt strong hands around my arms, lifting me up. After that. Just blackness.
Right now I'm sitting here beside you. Beside what is left of you. A cold stone in the ground and some death flowers beside it.
I can't believe I've let it come to this. If only I had watched you closer. If only I saw the signs earlier. Why did you suddenly stop smiling? Why wouldn't you eat? Insisting you already had something. Why did I let you get away with it when I knew it was a lie?
I should've been there for you, but I wasn't. So now. This it the end. I can't live with this horrible guilt anymore. Why couldn't I say something to help you? I should've, would've if I wasn't so busy with work.
Why?
Why did you leave me?
Why are you making me leave everything behind to come accompany you? Wherever you are. Are you still somewhere? Will I even find you when I join you over there? Will you want me to join you?
There's nothing else I can do. You've made me like this. This guilt I can't stand, I have to stop this feeling. Right now.
Please wait for me. I'm sorry I've left you alone. I promise, this second time, I won't ever let you out of my side. I just hope the rest of the world will understand. I'm not doing this for me, I'm doing this for you.
Because I love you.
I'm terribly sorry for everyone who is reading Neal Caffrey, who? But I won't be uploading it anytime soon, apart from the chapters I just posted. I just don't feel like writing it and it won't be all it can be if I write it now. So I'm not gonna write anything cause I'm too much of a perfectionist.
