Sometimes I think back...

Back to a time before rings, before night, before I knew humans.

Before I knew pain.

That pain is an old companion. I've feared it. Denied it. Bowed my head against it. Pushed it away. Stared it in the eyes.

Even embraced it.

I'm still not sure whether I regret those times.

The one thing I've never been able to do with my pain, though, is let go of it. I can only imagine wistfully that things had turned out different...but this is reality. My reality.

It began the night my childhood ended. I guess I should explain. I was an eevee, living in a wild place humans rarely go. I was the eldest of three kits, and the only daughter of a leafeon and a jolteon. As eevee, it wasn't safe for us to be outside on our own since predators like scyther, haunter, and pupitar are common there, but I was getting old enough to evolve. I was tired of hiding, of being scared and small. And so I crept out, determined to do it on my own, only to find myself at the mercy of a hungry haunter. My evolution was the only reason I survived the night, and when I made it home, I had to face that reality.


"I'm sorry." I sat in front of my mother and father, shoulders hunched and looking up. The posture felt different now that I sat as tall as they did.

I was sorry, too. I'd calmed down by now. Running off on my own had been a mistake, and it had almost gotten me killed. I knew that.

"Why did you do it?" Mother asked.

I opened my mouth, then closed it again. Back in the den where I'd been born, I didn't feel like anything more than a child. "I…" I sighed and looked down, letting my ears fall. "I wanted to hunt. With you. I'm old enough," I added. "Really. It's just that…I didn't know if you were ever going to…you know. Take me."

Father looked at me, and I tried to meet his eyes. "You wanted to be a—"

"—a glaceon," I finished, looking away again. "I know." That path was forever lost to me now. My fault, I repeated to myself again. I dropped my gaze to my black paws. "I'm sorry."

A sigh got my attention. Mother and Father shared a look before turning back to me. "Well," Father said slowly, "the important thing is…you're all right."

"Can I…start coming with you?" I asked, barely daring the question.

Another look. "Not today." I accepted that with a nod. I was tired anyway. I hadn't slept all night, and the burst of energy from my evolution could only keep me going for so long. Just thinking about it sent me into a yawn.

"Anyway…" Mother sighed and shook her head. "We need to be going."

I watched through the hanging moss that covered the mouth of our den until they disappeared into the morning. We were pretty safe in here—the moss was Father's idea, a way to keep our den hidden. Once they were gone, I finally lay down, forcing myself to relax. Roca and Ash were both watching me. My brothers hadn't said anything since I'd come home. I was the one who got in arguments; my brothers were quieter, and, well, better behaved than that. I watched them out of one eye. I half expected them to start asking me questions, but they both stayed silent. What do you say to your sister when she runs away and then comes back an umbreon? Finally I closed my eyes, trying to put it all out of my head and rest.

A few minutes later, Ash spoke up. "Zahna?" I twitched an ear to show I was listening, even though I just wanted to sleep. "Your rings match your breathing."

I twitched my ear again without opening my eyes, then realized that might be rude, so I shifted enough to nod. "Good night."


For the last few days, I'd finally been allowed to roam around on my own, though I was supposed to stay near the den. No hunting for me yet, but I was happy to take the time to adjust to being an umbreon. It was a big change. Not only did I stand taller, but I weighed several times more now. Apart from being black my fur hadn't changed much, except there was no mane around my neck or much fluff on my tail. It felt liberating in some ways, though I definitely missed it when I was trying to get comfortable at night.

Speaking of night, it felt different now. Some of me definitely wanted to be nocturnal. I could only get to sleep if I stayed out of the moonlight–it kept me up even more than daylight did. Roca had complained a few times about my glow keeping him awake, but he seemed to be getting used to it now. It's not like there was anything I could do, at least not that I knew.

Apart from that, I was trying to figure out what umbreon powers were for. Glaceon had been pretty obvious to me—I would have been able to freeze things, make ice, withstand cold, and track things through snow. Umbreon…well, apart from the moon thing I didn't know if there was anything else I could do. I wouldn't even be much good for hunting at night if I couldn't get my rings to stop glowing all the time.

One thing it did seem like I'd be able to do now was be quiet. I could will my heart to beat slower and calm myself down when I needed to. That was new for me; I'd never been any good at staying out of arguments. And it would help with hunting…at least, if I could figure out how to make my rings stop glowing too.

Today, though, I finally got to go out with Mother and Father to hunt. I was outside already, impatient even though I knew they'd be here too in a few seconds. I pricked up my ears as Mother's yellow head emerged from the curtain of moss. She nodded to me as she came out and stepped aside, letting Father come through.

"All right. Zahna, you follow us and just watch for now. Stay downwind, be quiet." I nodded, willing myself to calm down and let the emotions slide off me. It wouldn't do to make noise—I'd probably do this on every hunt. We moved out, my parents in front and me in the back. We weren't near hunting grounds, but I tried to practice silent movement anyway, keeping my focus outward but testing each step before putting my weight on the paw. It slowed me down, and Mother looked back and tossed her head, so I gave up and accelerated to a trot. After traveling for a few minutes, we passed a rock and my parents slowed down, stepping more lightly. I tried to match them, but it was hard to control my breathing this time—physical exertion wasn't like controlling my emotions, I needed air. Mother and Father waited until I got it under control, then Father nodded and moved forward again, keeping to cover. Mother glanced at me again and flicked her ears, shooing me back. I understood; I was supposed to keep out of the way and watch. I retreated back to where the earth mounded up next to the rock and cautiously peered up and tried to make sense of the scents in the air.

Out ahead of us was a numel herd grazing on wild grass. There was a definite scent of smoke in the air; every so often one of them would send up a cloud of it through the hole in their backs. Numel were our size, though a fair bit heavier. The large squat pokémon were supposed to be pretty dull from what I'd heard. I didn't know much else about them, but I was pretty sure from the smoke that they could use fire too. There's so many of them. How do we even hunt something like this?

Mother and Father started around the edge, taking the long way. We spent most of the time out of sight, which made me a little worried we'd come around a rock and run into one. We didn't, though. I guess they stick to the grass. That made sense. They were eating.

We wove around the edge of the herd for longer than I'd expected; Father would creep up a hill to see, wait a moment, then come back down and shake his head. We weren't really in a hurry either; Mother and Father were keeping quiet and I did my best to too.

After a while of creeping around, I started to wonder if we were going to hunt anything. What was Father looking for? I opened my mouth to ask, but Mother caught my eye and shook her head.

After creeping another quarter circle through the rocks and stunted bushes that fringed the area, Father finally came back with a nod. He'd found something this time. They crept out; I followed hesitantly, but Mother shooed me back with a meaningful look and another flick of her ears. I settled for poking my head only far enough up to see what was happening.

There it was—an isolated numel. From my slightly higher view I could see Mother and Father moving in. Father circled around behind it, vanishing into the grass, which surprised me—he'd moved upwind. Mother took up a position directly ahead of the numel, sinking into the grass downwind. Father stole closer and closer behind it. It still hadn't noticed him. Numel weren't that dull, were they? There was a moment of stillness, then my ears caught a whirring noise and the numel cried out, spraying embers from a hole on its back and lurching into a run. Father leaped back into view, away from the falling embers; Mother didn't move. The numel charged closer to her; then suddenly it noticed and brayed again. Before it could make another move Mother had her teeth in its thick throat. The numel instantly went rigid, a few embers spilling from its back but nothing more. Mother relaxed for two heartbeats, then there was an electric snap and the numel collapsed onto its side, cutting off mid-bellow. A thick plume of smoke started leaking from its back. Father and Mother moved forward, staring warningly at the other numel nearby. For a moment nothing happened, then an answering bellow came and a massive camerupt came charging out of the herd trailing smoke, followed by a few numel.

"Zahna, with us!" Father snapped, raising bladed edges across his leaves. On the left, Mother's coat raised into a mass of humming yellow spikes.

I hurried over as they moved close to the weakly stirring numel. "Should I…"

Mother cut me off. "Not unless they make a move," she said, eyes fixed on the herd, which had pulled up short a dozen lengths away. They knew we were dangerous. Or at least my parents were.

I nodded slightly behind her. Know when to not pick a fight. We all had that drilled into us. Father sent razor leaves hissing into the grass around us, not hitting anyone. Trying to intimidate them away, without provoking a charge. Mother's fur was crackling. I didn't feel very intimidating standing behind them. The numel herd hesitated. They didn't want to have to fight us, but herds didn't just leave injured members. And there were a lot more of them than there were of us.

Mother and Father shared a look. "Zahna, up here," Mother ordered.

I came, hesitant. "What do I do?"

"Look dangerous."

"I don't know—"

Mother cut me off again. "You have power, Zahna. You don't need to know how to fight with it. Just use it."

I nodded. I don't know if I'm ready for this, I thought for the first time. Life as an eevee had been easier. Too late to go back now, though. I swallowed my fear—Come on, Zahna, you can do this—and tried to come up with something. No moon…Don't know any umbreon powers yet…Maybe some kind of darkness. Maybe I could use my shadow blast, but just the shadow part. I started, and dark mist streamed from my rings. Instead of concentrating it into an attack, I just focused on making more. I braced myself and glared, trying to look aggressive like my parents.

Mother glanced over. "That's my girl," she said approvingly. I wanted to smile back, but it was taking everything I had to look tough and stand my ground against the herd. If they charged us, we'd be lucky just to get away unhurt. Arceus, Mother and Father do this every day.

Behind us, there was a cut-off grunt. Father had gone back to finish off the numel. He joined us again, taking up a position on my right. "Hold steady. They should leave us alone now." I gritted my teeth and did as he said. After an uncomfortably long minute the herd started to disperse away from us, though they stayed in one mass.

I slumped back, letting the shadow mist puff away. Keeping it coming had drained a lot of energy; I wouldn't have much left if anything else happened. If Mother and Father really needed me, I thought. All I'd done was follow them and then stand here.

But Mother had complimented me. That didn't happen much anymore, at least not since I'd gotten old enough to want to evolve. Maybe things would change now that I had.

Although I hadn't really done anything to help with hunting.