A/N: please let me know what you think of this. It might take me a while to finish the whole story.
Prologue
The Doctor watched Rose cautiously as she talked on the phone to Mickey. He'd never seen her like that. Of course she had been scared before, but this was more then fear. It was different. He watched her nervously chew her thumb nail. She sighed, then said,
"I'm fine." A few moments later, she looked angry "what are you talking about? I've got to go. I'll call you back okay?" She hung up before waiting for him to reply.
It was coming back. That feeling... She looked at the Doctor, hoping it would make her feel better. But the feeling wouldn't go away. She badly wanted to tell him, but she couldn't. She would sound crazy. Luckily, he broke the silence.
"What did he say?"
"He..." She paused. "He's worried about me."
"Rose... So am I." She looked away from him. The Doctor stood up and walked to her, then put his hand on her arm. "Your not yourself. You've tried to hide it from me but I know you too well." She refused to meet his gaze. "Please tell me what's going on, i'm worried." When Rose looked at him, a tear fell down her face.
"I don't know what's going on, I can't understand it" She said, quietly. "I'm scared. I don't like being on my own because..." More tears fell. Tears of relief, she was relieved that she could tell him. Even though it might sound stupid, at least it wasn't bottled up inside her anymore. She wiped the tears away, then spoke again. "I can't be alone 'cos it reminds me, then I get flashbacks." The Doctor had noticed that, too. How she was so much more reluctant to be by herself. He hugged her, then asked softly,
"What else happens?"
For a minute Rose didn't say anything. She could think what she was going to say, but saying it would hurt. Her heart rate increased slightly and her breathing quickened. "I've had dreams and panick attacks. And..." She shook her head.
"You'll feel better when it's out." The Doctor encouraged.
"The dreams are so realistic and the flashbacks are too vivid. And If I see someone who looks like him I like... I feel awful." The Doctor was right, she did feel better now that she had got it off her chest.
"Oh, Rose you should have told me! I feel really bad now, you've been dealing with this on your own."
"Don't feel bad! The only reason I didn't tell you was because I didn't want to worry you." The doctor took her hand. Rose carried on. "It pisses me off, though. 'Cos I know he's in jail and i'm safe but no matter how many times I tell myself that it doesn't change anything." Her breathing was getting faster still. Not now. Please not now. Rose thought when she realised she was going to have another panick attack. It was a good thing the Doctor knew what to do. He took her hands and they sat down. He kept hold of her hands and said,
"It's ok, Rose. Close your eyes." She obediantly closed them. "Picture the Earth at night. Each star is someone who cares about you. Picture those people now. They're not going to let you get hurt anymore. They're always here for you." When the meditation had finished, Rose opened her eyes and felt calmer. "Did it help?" Rose nodded. The Doctor embraced her in another hug.
"My hands are still shaking."
"Rose?"
"Yeah?" The Doctor was quiet for a minute, deciding how he was going to say it.
"I think you've got post traumatic stress." Rose sighed, but didn't say anything, so the Doctor carried on. "At torchwood they've got councillors, maybe you should talk to one of them." To The Doctors suprise, Rose agreed but said,
"Don't they deal with people who have had traumatic experience with ghosts and stuff? Not people who..." She didn't want to finish her sentence.
"I'm sure they'll help. They have probably seen loads of people with stress disorders for all kinds of reasons." They were both quiet for a while, thinking. "So, you'll get help?" He was looking right into her eyes. She looked back in his beautiful dark eyes and nodded. She put her arms around his neck and hugged him tightly.
