I haven't really let myself feel since I was maybe 9. I hid myself within broken fantasies of a twisted misconception.
Him. Orochi Tohomiko.
It began when I was 5, but I didn't under stand until I was 9. I was raped and molested, bled and gagged. I was the toy of a sadist.
Well, I was his favorite. He had several others.
His wife, Umeko.
His daughter, Ami.
Several different cousins, ranging in sex and age.
Raimundo.
He had changed everything. He held my world in his hands, like Orochi or even my adoptive father,Toshiro.
But he was gone.
And unlike Orochi, Raimundo loved me, treasured me. I was not a toy. I was a human being.
But then I ruined it all.
We went back home to finish our studies, and Orochi's was the only place I had to go as my father was ill.
And that was the most miserable year of my life.
When I came back, I wasn't the same. I am not the same, even now.
Raimundo was my safety when I came back. The old male monks surrounding me truly didn't put me at ease.
We were alone by the pond and he leaned int to kiss me. His hands were gentle around my waist. I wanted them there. For that instant I could feel again. We had been together a year before we all left and we were the first ones back. He told me he wanted to try something. I knew what it was, and I thought I trusted him.
That's why I normally hate being left with myself.
We kissed and,slowly,his tongue caresses my bottom lip,causing me to shiver.
But I was okay.
Okay..
okay..
o-...
Stop! Make it stop!
Needless to say, I broke up with him. I thought he'd hate me. I was wrong. Rai is still my safety. He always will be.
I think.
Jinx.
That's why I hate to be alone. Thoughts ruin me. The horror of the love story of Orochi Tohomiko still lives on.
Just like he wanted.
But then something new came into my life.
Chase Young.
Monk gone Heylin lord gone monk again.
And I know I love him. There is no thinking. I would die for him, just as he would for me.
I originally thought it would never work.
When I stayed with him,many a time I would be left alone for many hours, to think.
Somehow, though, I got past it.
He found me numb, lifeless. He gave something more.
He and my father, Kai Tomoro now celebrate a year's anniversary away from the Heylin. Truly free.
Its 3:30 and we can't sleep.
I look into his eyes and feel.
I can feel again.
Maybe for the first time.
A/N: So this is a vague tale of the Tohomiko drama. Kimiko still vividly recalls the twisted love of a sadist. Chase will slowly cause it to fade.
