NOAH'S (L)ARK

Olivia Benson was going to be working late tonight. Barba had finished work early to hurry home so that the nanny could leave for a 4PM appointment. He unlocked the condo door, stowed his hefty briefcase and keys on the console table, pulled down his tie, and called out "Lucy, it's Barba."

No reply. He set out to look for her, and of course, Noah.

He walked down the hall and saw her coming out of the master bedroom. She shut the door and looked up at him sheepishly.

'What the hell,' thought Barba. "Is everything alright, Lucy? Where's Noah?" he asked.

She nodded towards the bedroom.

"I'm so sorry, Mr. Barba. I just went in the bathroom for a couple of minutes and when I came out he.. he.." she had trouble continuing.

Rafael's mind turned over several terrifying possibilities as he turned the door knob. He opened the door, and stopped short, shocked at what he saw. Noah was wearing one of his designer suit jackets, the one that had been folded over a chair ready to go to the dry cleaners. But what caught Barba's attention was Noah's hair.

'Had he put gel in it?'

Then he saw the empty bottle in Noah's hand and the open drawer in his bedside table.

'Oh, shit,' he thought, 'it looks like the lube container.'

"Dios mio," he exclaimed when he also noticed an opened box of condoms and one of their sex toys on the bed.

Noah smiled and said proudly "Noah dress up like Papi!"

Lucy blushed when she realized what was on the bed. They both saw that the lube had dripped all over Barba's jacket. Barba glanced at his watch, then reluctantly told Lucy to go, he would try to clean Noah up.

Barba took a deep breath. He really wanted a double scotch, but first he had to take care of Noah. He took the empty bottle and threw it in the trash. He hung his jacket, vest, and tie in the closet.

"Noah, can I have my jacket?"

"Say 'please,' Papi."

Barba nodded. "Please."

He tossed the soiled jacket over the chair hoping that the dry cleaners wouldn't ask what the stain was. He rolled up his sleeves and took Noah's hand leading him into the kitchen. He found his barbecue apron and tied it on to protect his expensive clothes.

Kneeling down, trying not to appear annoyed, he asked Noah, "Why'd you put the stuff in your hair, Buddy?"

"Papi, you put goo in your hair."

"Yeah, well it's not the same goo. Little boys don't need goo. And mommy and I don't want you to play in our bedroom, OK?"

Noah frowned and looked down, but said "OK."

Rafael undressed Noah and carried him to the bathroom. He ran warm water in the tub, knelt down and shampooed Noah's hair twice hoping the lube would wash out.

Rafael was dreaming that he was brilliantly arguing a case in court against his nemesis, Counselor Buchanan. The judge had just overruled one of Buchanan's stupid objections when Barba awoke with a start.

He heard the condo door open and realized it was Liv. He glanced at his watch- 12:10 am. 'She's late,' he thought.

Liv got ready for bed and slipped in between the covers. She lay on her side, put her hands on Rafael's chest and twirled his chest hair with her fingers. When she started to move her hand further down his body. Barba frowned and gently grabbed her wrist.

She pulled away and turned on the light.

"Honey, what's wrong?"

"They'll be no sex tonight, mi amor," he said calmly. Then his face broke into a smile.

Puzzled she brushed her fingers through his tousled hair.

"Oh, do you have one of your headaches?" she asked with a smirk.

"No, querida, your son was trying to emulate me and used up all our lube."

Her jaw dropped.