Awake
By Dragon's Daughter 1980
Rating: T
Spoiler: Post-'Brutus'
Pairing: Larry/Megan
Disclaimer: Other than being a devoted fan, I have nothing to do with Numb3rs. I'm just borrowing a few characters and I'll put them back in mint condition. This time, at least. I am also borrowing the lyrics of "Awake" by Josh Groban from his newest album of the same name.
A beautiful and blinding morning
The world outside begins to breathe
See clouds arriving without warning
I need you here to shelter me
And I know that only time will tell us how
To carry on without each other
Larry Fleinhardt opened his eyes and blinked, disoriented by what he perceived was a sudden change in his surroundings. Neither the walls of steam tunnels nor those of the hotel room, as well as he could recall, were painted a soft rose. Furthermore, neither of those temporary residences had sounded so…domestic. The steam tunnels had let out sporadic bursts of warm vapor during the night while the hotel, decent as it was, was located next to a busy avenue that had continuous traffic. All he could hear now was a car door slamming shut before an engine started somewhere outside of the room he was in. He was used to sleeping in less-than-comfortable accommodations, so the fluffy pillows, firm mattress, warm comforter, and the woman curled up in his arms was quite a change from his rou — wait, woman? He blinked in the early morning sunshine and forced his mind to rewind through the events of last night.
He had invited Megan to a late-night picnic in the middle of a grassy expanse of land, one of CalSci's many secluded areas — the reasoning being that even the greatest minds needed to connect with Nature on a basic level at some point in time after spending hours indoors. They had chatted softly about his upcoming mission throughout dinner and then, afterwards, lay down together to stare up at the clear sky above them. The conversation had taken to a gentle turn into a discussion about their relationship and its future, her supportive and loving words not quite hiding the pain she felt at their looming separation. Somewhere in trying to comfort her, the relaxed mood had shifted into an unexpected, though not unwelcome, tension.
After she kissed him, the two of them managed to make their way to her car and to her apartment, smiling at and teasing each other like a pair of smitten teenagers as they made their way up the stairs. The teasing became passionate kisses once she unlocked her front door. Their laughter had stopped as soon as they crossed the threshold of 'her area' otherwise known as her bedroom, which had been strictly-off limits to him before, and their activities had rapidly become far less about who could drive who to distraction and more about the mutual sharing of unbridled passion and love.
She shifted slightly in his arms, sighing quietly before she settled back down. He tugged the white comforter back over her bare shoulder, watching her peaceful expression as she slept. Not for the first time, he wondered how he ever won the attentions and love of such a beautiful woman. Resisting the urge to run a finger across the smooth skin of her cheek, fearing that he would wake her, he contented himself with watching the sunlight touch her face in a light caress, highlighting her incredible strength and fragility. She needed him as much as he needed her.
He sighed heavily, lying back down besides her, a few strands of her honey-colored hair mere centimeters from his face. Larry gently tucked the strands behind her ear before he put an arm around her waist, pulling her closer to him. The faint scent of her lavender shampoo washed over him and he closed his eyes. How could he do this? How could he tell the woman he loved — yes, he could confess it now to himself — that he would be leaving her in pursuit of a childhood dream? Would she understand that he wanted to do this with every fiber of his being, but at the same time, he didn't want to cause her any pain?
He opened his eyes, trying to pull himself out of his brooding mood before she noticed. A part of him said yes, she would understand completely, but another part of him fretted that she wouldn't. This was just so new; he didn't know what he was supposed to do to say goodbye to her, if he even should. How was he supposed to act? How could he just leave her, when it was clear that she needed him? She had been running a difficult caseload for the past few months, what was to say that while he was gone that she wouldn't suffer burnout? She wasn't weak, but she had made it clear before that she needed his support to balance out her life just as he needed her to do the same for him. He was her refuge from her work, from the cruel world. How could he just leave her?
She stirred in his arms, a little yawn of contentment coming from her as she woke up. There was a moment of stillness when she realized the situation she was in, but then Megan turned in his embrace to face him, a shy smile lighting her face as sleep cleared from her soft gray eyes.
"Good morning," she said, her happiness evident even in her voice.
"Good morning," he replied quietly. Reading his troubled expression, her eyes darkened with concern, "What is it?"
"Nothing…" he told her, trying to keep his worries from her. With a gently skeptical look, she continued to stare at him, waiting patiently for an answer. His noble intentions caved under that look.
"I… I am ecstatic at the opportunity before me…" He failed to notice that he was gesturing to the air as he spoke, "I've dreamed of this since I was a child, of going into the outer cosmos. I told Charles once that if I ever had the chance, I would do it in a heartbeat. And I do want to go, with all my heart. I've followed through with all my plans, clearing my life of distractions. My house, my furniture, my belongings, my car…I should have no regrets or worries, binding me to—" His mind abruptly caught up with his mouth and he flushed with horror. He did not just imply that he thought of her as a burden, did he? Good Heavens, he had, didn't he? 'You've done it now, Fleinhardt; you've messed up your only chance at happiness by insulting the only woman, besides your mother, who loves you for who you are.'
Megan blinked at his sudden stop and tilted her head inquisitively. She prompted him gently, "Yes?"
"I — I didn't mean it that way."
"I know you didn't," she said, a soft smile on her lips. "It's okay," she told him, "I know." She leaned forward to kiss him gently on the cheek before drawing back. "You didn't want anyone to worry and you didn't want anyone or anything to distract you when you go. I understand."
"But you're not…you never will be a distraction for me," he searched her eyes desperately, trying to explain himself. "I never imagined this would happen, but I have no regrets. And I'm sorry if I ever gave the impression—" He stopped when her hand gently covered his mouth. She smiled broadly, and moved her hand to stroke his cheek, "I have no regrets either."
